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Leonidas -> RE: Give or Take? (2/20/2005 9:01:54 PM)
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Hello Angelika,
I was just involved in another thread that touched on a similar theme. Maybe I can get through this one without some of the tortured logic and comical end-zone dancing (no pun intended) and chest thumping that ended up blowing that one out.
quote:
When I look back at a lot of the dynamics that I’ve had in the past, I realise that for a great deal of them, it was easy to get them to submit to activities they liked but where it got tough was when it was something that they didn’t like?
That got me to thinking are we role-playing D/s or are we D/s?
If you are doing scene-play, or limited duration sessioning, I don't see how it can be anything other than role-play, or scene-play, or power-play, or whatever you might call it. Everything that I know about those kinds of activities suggests that parties to them usually go in expecting mutual gratification. The "dom" (or probably more properly the top) wants to do what the sub (or probably more properly the bottom) wants to have done. It's not so much dominance and submission as it is a serendipitous alignment of desires. Too, I think that any expectation beyond mutual gratification within the bounds of a scene or session that lasts from a few hours to a week or two is probably unrealistic, and I'll tell you why.
First of all, one doesn't get the complete submission of another human being at the wave of a hand. Generally, it doesn't end with a collaring. That's where it begins. Giving over your life to someone else isn't easy. A new slave will test the strength of the chains that hold them, so to speak, for a good while before they feel securely in bondage. There is a process involved of them coming to accept that the power differential is real, and isn't going to vanish when the "game faces" come off.
Secondly, it takes some time to socialize a slave. Most new slaves come to their collar in a position of need, in one way or another. Until they get stronger, and are no longer operating out of their own need, but out of devotion and a deep desire to be of service, they aren't really worth a whole lot to their owner. The owner of a slave sometimes has to take a rather long view of things to keep from deciding that a slave is more trouble than they are worth long before they reach whatever potential they have. I have been training a slave for nearly half a year now, and while she is far stronger, and more devoted than she was in the beginning, she is still operating out of her own need a good deal of the time. I am confident that she will be an exceptionally valuable slave to me in time, but it does take patience, work, and persistance. It's not something that one can remotely hope to accomplish in a few hours, days, or even weeks.
To my way of thinking, genuine D/s, or M/s if you prefer are life choices, and as with any life choice, a commitment to sustained engagement over a length of time is required to reap any real benefit. Nothing that I'm saying here should be construed as a slight to scene or session players. I used to know a man that I respected a great deal who was my polar opposite. He would proudly say that while he was a "heavy session player" he would never want to own a slave, whereas I don't do session play at all, but I do own slaves. While I had little in common with him, I respected him because he was comfortable with his own way, and didn't feel the need to call it something that it wasn't. There really aren't any better/worse value judgements to be made here. The important thing is to be clear, both to yourself and to those with whom you interact, about what you find fulfilling.
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