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a submissives need for physical contact - 12/17/2006 10:23:27 AM

dawntreader

Posts: 3045
Joined: 11/23/2006
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I would like to post a genuine question here and if it has been posted before, please forgive me - i have searched old topics and can't find a similar question but i could have missed it.

To all Dominants....How do You manage a situation in which Your submissive/slave "needs" more physical contact (in whatever form) than You do? (this of course being communicated to You from them)

Post #: 1

RE: a submissives need for physical contact - 12/17/2006 10:36:19 AM

TexasMaam

Posts: 1467
Joined: 6/22/2005
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...I can't speak for the Masters around here, but as a Domina I try to accommodate the submissive's needs to the level that meets their cravings.

When that is not possible I do my best to remain in close contact with them via phone and over lunch engagements or meet for a drink after work.

Sometimes merely the act of bringing Me nothing more than a coke from a soda fountain can at least tide over a sub's innate need to serve for another day or two.

There's a fine line between meeting the submissive's cravings and allowing the sub to dictate or manipulate contact and set quotas to suit their whims. I'll grant you that it takes creativity and dedication to the submissive, but a truly exemplary sub is more than worth the effort.

TexasMaam

_____________________________

~ My opinions are not necessarily those of the management... ~

(in reply to dawntreader)

Post #: 2

RE: a submissives need for physical contact - 12/17/2006 11:42:16 AM

dawntreader

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Joined: 11/23/2006
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Thankyou for your response :-)

(in reply to TexasMaam)

Post #: 3

RE: a submissives need for physical contact - 12/17/2006 12:00:15 PM

crouchingtigress

Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline

well as with all things i would be willing to communicate and find solutions.

for example rituals can be a good substitute for contact...things like mediation, cleansing, shaving ect...

also maybe you could sleep in his shirts that still smell of him?

perhaps you could buy one of those voice recording teddy bears and have his voice saying good night to you recorded on it.

or maybe you might ask for some deep bruising if that is a part of your dynamic.

you dont write a lot in your OP which leaves me to have to fill in a lot of the blanks as to what sort of need you are trying to adress....which causes me to wonder.....are you doing a good job communicating to him what you need from him?

_____________________________

Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."

(in reply to dawntreader)

Post #: 4

RE: a submissives need for physical contact - 12/17/2006 12:04:38 PM

crouchingtigress

Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline

can you give more details...

are you in a LDR?

does he feel you are to needy and would like you to be more independent?

has he given a parameter of physical contact he is willing to give?

has he discussed any of the reasons?

is he in another relationship?

is he a closed off person?

thats the sort of info i would need to answer your question better.

_____________________________

Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."

(in reply to crouchingtigress)

Post #: 5

RE: a submissives need for physical contact - 12/17/2006 1:35:09 PM

dawntreader

Posts: 3045
Joined: 11/23/2006
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Thankyou for your response as well - several good suggestions. i am just trying to get a feel of what the general consensus is although i realize each relationship is unique - i just do not want to appear too needy before i readdress this issue with Him. Maybe this is nothing more than me desiring His company this weekend and His choosing of vanilla pursuits and His choice not to include me in them (which is a slightly different course than our initial discussions were about).Maybe there is a lesson of sorts in this...

We only have 2 weekends a month free to get together which is why His choice is causing me to feel a little devalued at the moment. i will speak with Him, of course but i am still in my first year as a submissive and am still trying to figure out all the dynamics.

i hope it does not appear as if i am whining, i truly am trying to be well-informed in my position....

(in reply to crouchingtigress)

Post #: 6

RE: a submissives need for physical contact - 12/17/2006 1:42:04 PM

dawntreader

Posts: 3045
Joined: 11/23/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress

can you give more details...

are you in a LDR?

2 hours apart

does he feel you are to needy and would like you to be more independent?

Actually, i am very independent and we are working on breaking down some of those walls which is possibly why i am feeling a little vulnerable

has he given a parameter of physical contact he is willing to give?

No

has he discussed any of the reasons?

n/a

is he in another relationship?

No

is he a closed off person?

No, but independent

thats the sort of info i would need to answer your question better.

(in reply to crouchingtigress)

Post #: 7

RE: a submissives need for physical contact - 12/17/2006 1:55:00 PM

LordIncantatore

Posts: 22
Joined: 12/12/2006
Status: offline

It can be quite difficult as far as a "realtionship" goes. One of my current submissives lives 900+ miles away so obviously physical contact is rare. The training that she is enduring now is from of a more mental aspect and can be quite sucessful. We have talked about it repeatedly and are both quite happy. I do understand the physical needs of any woman much more so with a submissive woman and I do on occassion provide for them as well as leave an opening for her to do so as well within very strict guidelines.

I have found others for her to be physical with, after they undergoe a very extensive "application" (for lack of a better term) process, after which I will introduce them and set the guidelines that they must follow. The guidelines are varied and sometimes seem meaningless to others, such as sex only on tuesdays. It is just the matter that she knows even if she may physically be with someone she is still following my rules. The second way for her to do this, if she finds someone that she is physically attracted to (and she is very picky), she can request permission to proceed. The other person must be aware of her lifestyle and discuss it openly with myself beforehand.

I have always believed that Master/Slave, Dominant/Submissive relationships are mainly mental in focus anyway. My submissives obey me because they desire to make me happy, and it is my desire to fufill their needs no matter what they may be. If I ever feel that I can no longer meet their needs then I will ASSIST them in finding the right person that can.

Alot of what you ask depends on WHY you crave the PHYSICAL attention. If it is just a matter of being horny, well then the solution is simple. You should remain horny until your Master deems it appropriate to satisy that need. It will make the times you spend together a lot more intense and meaningful.

However, if your desire stems from a more emotional standpoint then you need to discuss it with your Master, and in my honest opinion ANY Master worthy of having a submissive/slave will understand the needs of those under him and should do their best to provide for those needs.

(in reply to dawntreader)

Post #: 8

RE: a submissives need for physical contact - 12/17/2006 1:59:30 PM

dawntreader

Posts: 3045
Joined: 11/23/2006
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Thankyou for Your insight.

(in reply to LordIncantatore)

Post #: 9

RE: a submissives need for physical contact - 12/17/2006 2:02:29 PM

LordIncantatore

Posts: 22
Joined: 12/12/2006
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You are most welcome my dear. Nice outfit btw.

(in reply to dawntreader)

Post #: 10

RE: a submissives need for physical contact - 12/17/2006 2:09:32 PM

dawntreader

Posts: 3045
Joined: 11/23/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LordIncantatore

You are most welcome my dear. Nice outfit btw.

Thankyou, but maybe you are seeing another profile? i am not permitted a viewable profile at this time ...although i am allowed to be active in the message boards.

(in reply to LordIncantatore)

Post #: 11

RE: a submissives need for physical contact - 12/17/2006 2:25:47 PM

LordIncantatore

Posts: 22
Joined: 12/12/2006
Status: offline

hmmmm well my appologies for the mistake I didnt see the great big, bright red "profile not found" at the top of the page. lol

(in reply to dawntreader)

Post #: 12

RE: a submissives need for physical contact - 12/17/2006 4:41:31 PM

crouchingtigress

Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline

a couple of things came to mind when i read your latter posts...

one is that you explain that you are still getting your bearings as a submissive.

it caused me to wonder, do you know how normal your feelings are..?

not only are they normal, they are expected, and a good dominant will utilize yours feelings of neediness, and sexual ache, and desire for intimacy as a tool to craft your submission.

the idea is, that every action has an equal reaction, and in D/s boy do we like to play with that concept!

some of us enjoy applying science and spirituality to our sexual relationships.

many of the more effective techniques of training actually have roots on NLP neural linguistic programming, POW breaking techniques, Parenting,
Sociology, Animal husbandry and Psychiatry.

but basically you are being trained...training is in essence the same weather the being is a dog, a horse or a human....establish trust, set boundaries rules and limitations, be the only access they being has to a favored reward, and then you have the full attention of your subject and can more easily mold them to your will..

be consistent, use repetition and keep some secrets as to the game plan....keeping you off balance is a very effective tool.

after a while you are trained. you know what he expects and you no longer mess up...this brings you great joy, your natural submissiveness has been effectively harnessed and utilized in a way that nourishes you both...

this will come after a time, and in that time there will be tears and fears, trials and tribulations, ...and then one day....seeemingly out of the blue....peace...

sure the relationship will grow and evolve...but you no longer can be thrown off center...you have no fear of this man no matter what he does....this is a great mile stone...

but also a sort of sad one..because the butterflies in your belly at all times is a great feeling too....and as i always recommend to n00bs to savor it as long as you can

_____________________________

Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."

(in reply to LordIncantatore)

Post #: 13

RE: a submissives need for physical contact - 12/17/2006 5:55:15 PM

BRNaughtyAngel

Posts: 1821
Status: offline

A-HA! I just knew there was a super secret Dom/me handbook out there somewhere and it feels like you just read a page from the chapter I'm living in at the moment crouchingtigress. You're not gonna lose your super secret Dom/me decoder ring for sharing that are ya?

(in reply to crouchingtigress)

Post #: 14

RE: a submissives need for physical contact - 12/17/2006 6:03:34 PM

LordIncantatore

Posts: 22
Joined: 12/12/2006
Status: offline

LMAO BRNaughtyAngel

(in reply to BRNaughtyAngel)

Post #: 15

RE: a submissives need for physical contact - 12/17/2006 6:36:18 PM

slavejali

Posts: 2918
Status: offline

quote:

....How do You manage a situation in which Your submissive/slave "needs" more physical contact (in whatever form) than You do?

Master handles it by saying "Leave me alone jali"

_____________________________

Freedom in Bondage

Different Strokes for Different Folks

"I'll always have a *soft spot* for Sadists"

(in reply to LordIncantatore)

Post #: 16

RE: a submissives need for physical contact - 12/17/2006 7:31:54 PM

crouchingtigress

Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline

eeep...shhhh dont tell anyone maybe they will let me keep my ring a little longer!

i like to go around to other doms and touch rings and say "form of an ice monkey!!!!"....sure they look at me all strange....until they realise their bannanas are missing, and there is a small puddle on the floor....

* big wicked evil grin*

quote:

ORIGINAL: BRNaughtyAngel

A-HA! I just knew there was a super secret Dom/me handbook out there somewhere and it feels like you just read a page from the chapter I'm living in at the moment crouchingtigress. You're not gonna lose your super secret Dom/me decoder ring for sharing that are ya?

_____________________________

Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."

(in reply to BRNaughtyAngel)

Post #: 17

RE: a submissives need for physical contact - 12/17/2006 7:56:28 PM

LordIncantatore

Posts: 22
Joined: 12/12/2006
Status: offline

"Form of an ice monkey?" lmao you play with straight jackets dont you....TFF

(in reply to crouchingtigress)

Post #: 18

RE: a submissives need for physical contact - 12/17/2006 8:19:41 PM

crouchingtigress

Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline

LOL yep if i could get my hands on one i would very much enjoy the possibilitys! *evil grin*

quote:

ORIGINAL: LordIncantatore

"Form of an ice monkey?" lmao you play with straight jackets dont you....TFF

_____________________________

Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."

(in reply to LordIncantatore)

Post #: 19

RE: a submissives need for physical contact - 12/17/2006 8:22:22 PM

LordIncantatore

Posts: 22
Joined: 12/12/2006
Status: offline

Unfortunately I do not have one anymore, but they are rather.......interesting.

(in reply to crouchingtigress)

Post #: 20

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