RE: What do you think the TOUGH STUFF is? (Full Version)

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juliaoceania -> RE: What do you think the TOUGH STUFF is? (12/20/2006 9:10:04 AM)

the tough stuff for me is....

1) Following through on what he says he will do

2) Defining expectations and being consistent within the relationship

3) Helping with the things that enable me to spend my time following his lead instead of trying to juggle too much that makes me unable to accomplish any one thing

4) Communicating even when it is uncomfortable at times.



meatcleaver -> RE: What do you think the TOUGH STUFF is? (12/20/2006 9:10:42 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: gypsygrl

I don't really expect or need a lot from a guy and try to be more or less self-sufficient. 

Mostly, I like having someone around to talk to who seems interested in what I have to say and can comprehend some of my more twisted trains of thought/urges or at least tolerate them.  I like it when they know their boundaries and can maintain them without letting me run roughshod over them.  If they can do this gracefully and without a lot of yelling, all the better.

I like it when they can handle themselves so I don't have to worry about babysitting them.

But, I suppose if someone were holding a gun to my head, and told me I had to sum it all up in one word, that word would be "clarity".



This is the sort of woman I like.



MmakeMme -> RE: What do you think the TOUGH STUFF is? (12/20/2006 9:11:39 AM)

The tough stuff is occurences in which it would be far easier to throw up one's hands and scream "I'M DONE!!"

A Man, to me, is Someone who knows He could ... but does not.



toservez -> RE: What do you think the TOUGH STUFF is? (12/20/2006 9:23:55 AM)

I am sorry if this is inflammatory and I am not saying I think we should all live our lives drastically differently but just see it from my point of view and nothing more.

I see Western society has screwed up the dynamics of relationships by preaching false expectations and assigning right and wrong to everything instead of what works for the people involved. To me the biggest problem is not that men are not stepping up to the plate but that the women are driving them off the plate.

Look at of all personal ads that we women right not just on here but on the regular sites as well. At least 90% of those ads will strongly list they want outgoing, confident and leader type qualities in the person they are looking for. People like this tend to be the ones who set the agenda, get what they want in life and do not follow or cater to others. Now what has society been preaching for many years now, that women are always right and men are always wrong. That women can have it all but men cannot. That it is OK and important for a woman to be sexually fulfilled but if a man is horny more then the woman he is with he is a pig or shallow. Just look at every sitcom, lifetime movie or really anything else to reinforce these views. What expectations women have are almost always consider correct and justified and whenever a man does or wants something different they are viewed as being idiots.

I see the word responsibility a lot in this thread, but the truth is being responsible takes effort and sacrifice and human beings being human beings for a person to be responsible there should be some strong rewards. In my culture responsibility and respect are pounded into your head from the day you are born. For men it is a great burden but does have nice perks. In America I am at a lost many times when seeing how men are treated by their significant other that these perks are always up to debate or the mood of their other. I think many men do not step up because they have given up. No reward or at best a reprieve from being told they are terrible.

Just this morning I was listening to a radio show where they were debating what husbands should get their wives for Christmas. All the women calling basically saying it better not only be jewelry but it must be this certain level of carrot or be different from what they have but not so different that they would not want to wear it and almost all of them said if they got a bad gift they would take it out on their husband one way or the other. Wow, what healthy relationships those must be where a gift is that important to the state of the relationship.

I am not saying men do not screw up or have major flaws, but in regular society wanting men to step up we women need to give them a fair and equal chance and let them have rewards that are not just based on our desires and expectations. Men and women are different in many ways. Instead of assigning blame, understand and work with those differences.



Emperor1956 -> RE: What do you think the TOUGH STUFF is? (12/20/2006 9:24:19 AM)

quote:

Quivver:  I sum up what I want in my signature line. 

_____________________________

~ Q ~

I want the kind of Man a Woman can trust
when she can no longer trust herself.


Which, by the way, I don't think I've ever told you, is wonderful.

E.



pahunkboy -> RE: What do you think the TOUGH STUFF is? (12/20/2006 11:06:33 AM)

this is rather a tuff one. I used to think it was about the muscles and posture....but after spending time with a great guy- I measure it like this.

Trustworthy and capable. If a huge storm was coming - are you better off alone- or with the guy.  In most cases I am better offf alone in the storm. SO I size up the guys that way.  anyone can do the talk. but lets see the walk.  after all- life is a series of storms.....



Arpig -> RE: What do you think the TOUGH STUFF is? (12/20/2006 6:08:47 PM)

The TOUGH STUFF??? reading her mind!



LTRsubNW -> RE: What do you think the TOUGH STUFF is? (12/20/2006 9:00:28 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

"....They'll hold you to what you say, but more importantly they'll only trust it if it is also what you do. 

The attitude is really not gender specific. It's just that woman are more likely to whine about it." 



I wish I could say "I said that!"...but I didn't.

(But the guy who did....is on the money!)



meatcleaver -> RE: What do you think the TOUGH STUFF is? (12/21/2006 1:22:05 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LTRsubNW

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mercnbeth

"....They'll hold you to what you say, but more importantly they'll only trust it if it is also what you do. 

The attitude is really not gender specific. It's just that woman are more likely to whine about it." 



I wish I could say "I said that!"...but I didn't.

(But the guy who did....is on the money!)


I used to keep my mouth firmly shut but she was convinced I said things I hadn't and insisted on holding me to it. When I asked her what I was supposed to have said she would say, you said it you should know! Which would have saying to her, OK I've got alzheimers, help me out please! Then she would tell me what I was supposed to have said and I would say, I don't remember saying that. Then she'd say, no you wouldn't, you've got alzheimers remember! The next day, sick of the arguing I'd do what she asked, only to be asked, what did you do that for? Because its what you wanted! That was yesterday!

No wonder I get nervous when I have a date that stays an extra night.



SusanofO -> RE: What do you think the TOUGH STUFF is? (12/21/2006 5:03:42 AM)

I want to be protected and cared for. I want somebody to make me feel safe. I want to know they really care what happens to me. I need them to be able to express this, either verbally or physically. If this involves heavy discipline, or making me do things I may not necessarily like all the time, well...that might be "tough" I suppose.

I need to know what is expected of me. I need to know what they consider the "rules." I need consistency, and stability.

I really, really need to feel loved and accepted, too. I like it when someone encourages me to be my best, and tells me I can do it (whatever). Who notices my good qualities and lets me know (I'd tell them them I know about theirs, too. I can appreciate a lot. I am not "high maintenence," I don't think). I like to be giving, and am not a selfish person. I would rather die than hurt most people's feelings. 

But I guess I would need someone with extra good judgment, because I can mentally screw with my own head, sometimes, and over-think (or under-think) things. I can also get really down on myself, and feel not good enough for whatever (I am a perfectionist, no doubt about it). That might be "hard stuff" (but I am not sure).

Sometimes, I can take on too many other people's problems (sometimes my volunteer work gets to me, too), and I need someone to say "take a day off", or "let it go, you can't do anything about it", or say "it's their probem, not yours, ulitmately, don't worry so much".

I need a mature, strong, steady individual who knows themselves fairly well, and can handle their own emotions most of the time - this kind of person makes me want to trust (but this doesn't ever mean I can't be their "sounding board". If they have things they need someone to listen to, I'd love to be that for them). I need someone with an open mind and a big heart, who can really be a "port in a storm" for me and in whose caring ways I can retreat from the world at times, if I need to do that. 

I also need someone who can make me laugh, is willing to "get deep" with me,(wants to know me - I'd want to know them), can hold an intelligent conversation, has a high-quality brain and a decent value system. Maybe someone who knows more than me, about bdsm and other things, and can teach me new things. Someone who really does realize I am fairly bright, and does not treat me like I have borderline intelligence.

Maybe someone who has a few hobbies I might not,so I could learn about them (new and interesting stuff!). And yes - somebody responsible who does things like have a real job, pay bills, and do what they say they are going to do.

Someone who can appreciate what the word "romance" means.

Someone who is not going to become bored with me if I make them the center of my world. Or if I want to be "just" a stay-at-home submissive (if things come to that. I'm really good at it, if I do say so). I've got my own income, I'd not be "leeching" (economically) off anyone else. But, I did have a career (once upon a time) - maybe I should go get one again, I don't know...but that kind of decision would be way down the road anyway. 

- Susan 



popeye1250 -> RE: What do you think the TOUGH STUFF is? (12/21/2006 8:11:20 AM)

Well, I live alone so the "toughstuff" is "normal" stuff to me.
I cook, clean, shop, pay bills, do laundry, and all the other stuff that needs to be done around the house.
And I'm always sober. That seems to be a recurring theme.



SusanofO -> RE: What do you think the TOUGH STUFF is? (12/21/2006 8:34:35 AM)

Yes, staying sober might be tough for some. I know any alcohol is a big, fat NO for me. I can be around it, and wouldn't mind if someone had an occasional beer, but I would not, could not, deal with someonewho is a bar-hopper or party animal or had to have a six pack every single night (if they did, maybe they could do it elsewhere - like a bar. But I'd be elsewhere then too - like at home). I might start drinking then, too. And I've been sober for over 18 years now. And I just can't risk it.  Besides, I am on medication where I can't mix it with alcohol at all. 

- Susan



LaTigresse -> RE: What do you think the TOUGH STUFF is? (12/21/2006 8:41:45 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: popeye1250

Well, I live alone so the "toughstuff" is "normal" stuff to me.
I cook, clean, shop, pay bills, do laundry, and all the other stuff that needs to be done around the house.
And I'm always sober. That seems to be a recurring theme.


This made me smile. I had no idea housework and home accounting were all that tough.



popeye1250 -> RE: What do you think the TOUGH STUFF is? (12/21/2006 8:49:36 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LaTigresse

quote:

ORIGINAL: popeye1250

Well, I live alone so the "toughstuff" is "normal" stuff to me.
I cook, clean, shop, pay bills, do laundry, and all the other stuff that needs to be done around the house.
And I'm always sober. That seems to be a recurring theme.


This made me smile. I had no idea housework and home accounting were all that tough.



Susan, yeah, I'd prefer to be around someone who didn't drink or of course, do any type of illegal drugs.
Tigresse, yeah, funny eh? That's just everyday stuff cleaning up, doing laundry, cooking, shopping etc.
I do bills on the 30th of each month and it only takes about an hour.
And I have enough clothes so that I only have to do laundry once a month.
I don't know why people make a big deal about things.
I'm happy as a pig in shit when I get new underware and socks!
Yippee!!!



LTRsubNW -> RE: What do you think the TOUGH STUFF is? (12/21/2006 4:37:32 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: popeye1250

Well, I live alone so the "toughstuff" is "normal" stuff to me.
I cook, clean, shop, pay bills, do laundry, and all the other stuff that needs to be done around the house.
And I'm always sober. That seems to be a recurring theme.


Yeah, me too...I leave my shit lying around in (organized) piles, someone picks it up, I come home, it's all hung up nicely, my socks (which I very carefully placed in various locations only to add confusion), have now ended up surreptisciously in my sock drawers, chocolate chip cookies wait for me on my night stand, and my dry cleaning hangs comfortably in my closet, color coordinated.

It's kinda the same.



caitlyn -> RE: What do you think the TOUGH STUFF is? (12/21/2006 5:09:13 PM)

I've developed a theory ...
 
1. Young boy tells girl whatever she wants to hear, to get in her pants. (take note, there is nothing wrong with wanting to get into her pants in the first place)
 
2. Modern young girl has active bullshit-o-meter, and see's this for what it is.
 
3. Young girl decided to wait to have serious relationships with men ... for example, when men can just say, "I want to sleep with you.", instead of saying, "I love you.", to get the same thing.
 
4. Young girl decided to go to college, because she doesn't have a high school sweetheart, and doesn't want to end up flipping burgers (no offence to burger flippers intended.)
 
5. College girl gets education, and feel pressure to use it.
 
6. College graduate girl has her own job and can provide for herself ... which changes the potential relationship dynamic to that of a partnership.
 
7. Men blame feminism.[;)][;)]



kisshou -> RE: What do you think the TOUGH STUFF is? (12/21/2006 5:25:00 PM)

I think the tough stuff is not being afraid of the dark. He will be wary and on guard but he won't be too scared to go outside and take a walk in the dark.



Voltare -> RE: What do you think the TOUGH STUFF is? (12/21/2006 9:50:53 PM)

Exactly how does 'Drunk Girls Gone Wild' fit into that picture?



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