Where does money come into it ? (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion



Message

Redb -> Where does money come into it ? (2/20/2005 4:25:36 AM)

I've read on a few threads comments along the lines of "you have more to lose than money", and "s/he is just out to get your money" etc.

Now naive i'm not, but where the hell does MONEY come into BDSM ?? Is it the big thing in the US to give money in D/S relationships ?? Or is it worldwide ??? I've really never heard of this til i came on here.

Do people scam eachother... if so how ? I've never been asked for money, nor would i give it, who would and why ??
This is an honest query, i'm really confused.
thanks



onceburned -> RE: Where does money come into it ? (2/20/2005 6:07:41 AM)

quote:

Is it the big thing in the US to give money in D/S relationships ??


Judging from the online ads/personals you might think so - at least in the U.S. But Doms don't seem to do it.... just female dominants.

If a sub is sending money to someone they will never meet, I would tend to call it a scam. But many non-pro dommes say that there is a legitimite fetish involving men giving up control of their money (ie one of the traditional male power bases).

Edit:
Then there is the matter of tribute. I think Doms traditionally take it in the form of sex, but some Dommes require small gifts as tokens of sincerity. Or in my case, I will be providing a service (housecleaning) rather than giving money or purchased gifts.



RiotGirl -> RE: Where does money come into it ? (2/20/2005 6:52:40 AM)

Access Denied



subfeelings -> RE: Where does money come into it ? (2/20/2005 7:42:55 AM)

Redb,

I think you've been living on another planet ;), I think the submissive male is one of the most sort after resources (for money) on the web, you only need to look at a few profiles on here, I've never thought about it before, but your question "is it a big thing in the US" I'm not sure if this was based on an observation, but I took a quick look at some profiles and it does look like as a ratio there are more UK and American commercial Domina's, but this may be just numbers, because this is an English based site and therefore only attracts English speaking people. Looking at the Dutch sites there's also a large proportion of commercial Domina's.

For me money doesn't belong in a BDSM relationship either and I don't think "scam each other" (if I understand the meaning correctly) belongs in BDSM at all! This is one of the negative aspects (not just related to BDSM) the internet has made easier for the parasites out there. I don't put all commercial Dom's in this category, for the honest Domina that's clear about Her services then I see nothing wrong. I've deliberately only referred to female Dominatrix, because I've never seen a commercial Male equivalent. I'd be interested if there is any commercial male Dom's out there. Some time ago I saw a documentary about a male (straight) prostitute, I think it was in Australia, they interviewed a few of his female clients and their reasons for paying for sex, which I must say in many cases made a lot of sense. There were many reasons given from all types of ladies, but the underlying theme was that they didn't want the ties or hassle that goes along with the traditional relationship. I'd be interested if this is true from a submissive girl's point of view, would she be willing to pay?

After all woman are now (in some cases) earning more than man so I can't help wondering if society is also changing in its attitude towards sex or has biology dealt the male the weakest hand when it comes to sex. Desmond Morris makes an argument in his book the "Human Zoo" that society forces behaviour on us that's not natural, in other words society has evolved but biologically we haven't or not much anyway. I've never subscribed to the statement it's a man's world. I don't know who first said it but the world doesn't go round on money but on sex and man's drive to get it! I think is been proved that woman are attracted to power, if the woman has the power does she start behaving like the male? (or has She always had the power) Sorry, I guess I've gotten a little off topic, I've often been told my brain starts going in all directions.

As for answering your question about why would someone pay, I think the same reasons could apply as above, I've also read that for some men that they don't get what they need from their wife/girlfriend (I understand this maybe somewhat of a cliché), but since in many cases sex isn't involved more humiliation, don't wish to sound like Bill Clinton, so please bare with me. For many people it isn't a lifestyle and maybe just a need that needs fulfilling occasionally. Since i don't wish to be involved in this type of relationship I guess I'm not the person to ask, for me it cheapens the relationship as I'm looking for loving female authority in many ways what might be concerned a normal relationship.

I personally think it would be a good idea if profiles could be mark as commercial, this would make the site much easier to search from both perspectives. I haven't had much success in finding or meeting a lifestyle Mistress.
















EmeraldSlave2 -> RE: Where does money come into it ? (2/20/2005 8:43:03 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Redb

I've read on a few threads comments along the lines of "you have more to lose than money", and "s/he is just out to get your money" etc.

Now naive i'm not, but where the hell does MONEY come into BDSM ?? Is it the big thing in the US to give money in D/S relationships ?? Or is it worldwide ??? I've really never heard of this til i came on here.

Do people scam eachother... if so how ? I've never been asked for money, nor would i give it, who would and why ??
This is an honest query, i'm really confused.
thanks


Yes, people scam eachother.

These relationships are about giving someone authority over your life, which normally you would have sole ownership of. This can and often does include finances and that's a serious long term thing to consider.



MistressFire70 -> RE: Where does money come into it ? (2/20/2005 3:20:38 PM)

Everyone agrees that scammers exists...but we must remember that scammers exists in EVERY walk of life, from car sales to business opportunities. So, I will skip talking about these scams and stick to the legit area where finances enter the picture in BDSM.

Money can enter into a Fem Dom/male sub relationship it three main ways:

1) As a pure fetish in and of itself. In vanilla society, money is seen as power. Thus, giving up your money can be a form of power exchange. This fetish is VERY abused and most of what you see on the net (Be my human ATM, you pig) is females not even in the lifestyle taking advantage of those men who have this fetish. This fetish CAN be done in such a way to make is SSC for all involved, but I won't go into that here. And, it doesn’t have to be the male giving to the female either!

2) As a business. Professional Dominants exchange their ability to create a tailored fantasy for money and gifts. It is an exchange of talent...and heck, they get to have FUN at their jobs! For many reasons, those who see pros (mostly men) cannot participate in or just aren't aware of the leather community at large. Or perhaps, they prefer the business-based exchange of goods for services rather than establishing and maintain relationships. For whatever reasons, the exchange can be mutually beneficial for all and everyone enjoys it!

3) As part of the Ms or Ds dynamic. For those in long-term Dominant/submissive or Master/slave relationships, financial control by the Dominant partner isn’t uncommon. In some households, this means that the submissive has NO control and is given an allowance. In others, it actually means that the slave takes care of all the day-to-day finances while big or extraneous purchases are given over the Dominant. Some relationships maintain separate back account while others have everything deposited into the Dominant’s account. It can vary.

The one thing that in common in all of these situations? They’re consensual.

Fire



FangsNfeet -> RE: Where does money come into it ? (2/20/2005 6:31:19 PM)

Money is involved in just about any and every relationship. Somebody always has to pay for something. Gas, telephone bill, food, presents, internet fees, clothes, hygene, whatever. Like it or not money will be used in one way or another in your relatinship.




domtimothy46176 -> RE: Where does money come into it ? (2/20/2005 8:38:00 PM)

In the interest of sexual equality I've decided to begin allowing submissives of all genders to send me money. This is a sacrifice I have decided to make after much soul-searching but I believe it has to be done in order to even things out. Now there is an alternative available for those who wish financial domination but are more drawn to male dominants than female dominants. For those who might be concerned that I may over-extend myself through this act of altruism, let me assure you that I will take a portion of what I collect and devote it to my personal pleasure and relaxation.
Timothy



Sissyslave71 -> RE: Where does money come into it ? (2/20/2005 10:22:58 PM)

quote:


I think you've been living on another planet ;), I think the submissive male is one of the most sort after resources (for money) on the web, you only need to look at a few profiles on here


WELL stated.

Tributes are a total fraud unless you are paying for pro-domination. (a service rendered)

PT Barnum once said: "A sucker is born every minute"




1RottenJohnny -> RE: Where does money come into it ? (2/20/2005 10:57:14 PM)

Not that long ago there was a thread started by a guy about this very subject. He paid for a pro-Domme (or so he thought) and as soon as she had him tied up nice and tight she grabbed his wallet and ran. I can't imagine that was much of a thrill for him.

This is off the main subject but I don't feel like I'm fulfilling my obligations as a Dominant unless I'm able to provide a fair income to the home. As the one who is looked to for direction and stability it only seems a natural part of the relationship. I despise being dependant on anyone else for my financial obligations. It's embarrassing.



Redb -> RE: Where does money come into it ? (2/21/2005 7:50:38 AM)

I'm not talking about pro-dommes at all... that concept i get and understand. I'm talking about this kind of thing :

quote:

ORIGINAL: domtimothy46176

In the interest of sexual equality I've decided to begin allowing submissives of all genders to send me money. This is a sacrifice I have decided to make after much soul-searching but I believe it has to be done in order to even things out. Now there is an alternative available for those who wish financial domination but are more drawn to male dominants than female dominants. For those who might be concerned that I may over-extend myself through this act of altruism, let me assure you that I will take a portion of what I collect and devote it to my personal pleasure and relaxation.
Timothy


Why are they sending you money... are you selling them something... have you led them to believe that you are going to be-friend them ?? Trying to even out what ??? I just dont get it. Or are you taking the piss ?



Alexander -> RE: Where does money come into it ? (2/22/2005 9:16:44 AM)

Money comes into it because any man who is worth his salt as a Master understands that the words protector and provider go hand in hand. The only thing I worry about when it comes to money is making sure the girl knows hers is safe. If she makes more then me the extra goes into her investments I don’t want anything to do with it. As part of my own personal self-mastery I don't want to rely on a woman for money I take the idea of caretaker very seriously. We pool the rest and work together dominant and subordinate to outline detail and execute a financial plan that moves us forward professionally and personally. I believe that the D/s dynamic works best when both partners are working toward a comfortable life that affords travel and lots and lots of free time. When your professional and financial needs are secure the focus on the relationship becomes the primary.

Alex.



EmeraldSlave2 -> RE: Where does money come into it ? (2/22/2005 9:30:43 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Alexander

Money comes into it because any man who is worth his salt as a Master understands that the words protector and provider go hand in hand.


I disagree. Of course, protector and provider CAN go hand in hand with being a master, but neither of them are necessary to be a very good and effective owner.

For example, I provide services to the Owner, including financial resources. It's my job as his property to PROVIDE him with time/energy/pleasure in all ways possible, and there's no reason finances can't be included in that as well. If the Owner wants me to live as an independent adult, I need to provide the resources for that as he expects.

And of course, slaves can be protectors too. Not only in the physical sense of being a bodyguard, but protect the owner from being late, forgetting things, being an extra pair of hands, whatever the situation calls for. If the slave is a better driver, then it makes sense for them to provide that service for safety reasons.

Mastery and submission aren't about ACTs. Any act can be submissive or dominant. So while you may feel that, for you, being a good owner means you provide and you protect, that's not integral to what it is to be "a good master." There's lots of ways to get to the same place.



Alexander -> RE: Where does money come into it ? (2/22/2005 10:19:16 AM)

Maybe.

Specifically I am talking about money. And I don't think a man should rely on his submissives money for anything. 'Rely on' meaning he uses her for her money because he doesn’t have any. He owns her and everything she is, they eventually end up so intertwined that its not relevant but owning a girl is costly as it should be. Ownership is such a position of responsibility I worry when men don't have the means to provide for the entire lifestyle. You’re right of course that it can work out well in many different ways and so I am voicing a personal preference. And I am not rich being an academic so I am well aware of the constraints. I basically believe a man who chooses not to be fully self-reliant isn't living up to his potential so yes it is a personal opinion on my part. Their money gets pooled and the decisions are always out in the open about how it’s spent anyway. I have placed the paper work and bill paying in the hands of the submissive before. I've never needed a bodyguard though :) I think that’s a good analogy you made actually, I'll let the girl plan the safe route and execute it but if I need her to protect me from a beat down along the way it's time to get back on the bench press.

Alex.
Currently accepting applications.



LadySonelle -> RE: Where does money come into it ? (2/22/2005 10:34:09 PM)

Well, after 23 years as a 'straight' BDSM practitioner, I have branched into Financial Domination.
I have done this for several reasons: 1. I want to learn new things and this (with three other 'new' fetishes) is something I intendd to learn. 2. I am very intrigued by this form of Dominance. 3. Several slaves have offered this to Me.

Interestingly enough, My first financial slave was/is an impoverished student! He lives on a frail pittance (less than $500/month!) but he begged Me to financially use him.

I did.

No, I did not take his money from him, nor did I use him and discard him! I find that type of play repugnant, violating My every tenet and vow! What *did* I do? I took over his life, put him on a budget and what tiny amount he could squeeze out, he was to place in a bank account, under *his* name but "dedicated" to Me. He was to keep the account growing, making a deposit with every masturbation he was permitted, and making monthly deposits.

as the account grew, he asked to give Me a gift. I told he he was to practise "financial chastity" and give no more than $20.00. What he does not know is this: I have no intention of touching that money he has so carefully saved! Not a bit! Should he have an emergency, he has been ordered to use the money in that account if needed. I have done him no harm, but I *have* controlled him the way he desired.

That, to Me is financial slavery in its best aspect! If I find a wealthy slave, no I will *not* "ruin" him as many of the Financial Dommes out there claqim they wish to do. My first responsibility is Primum non nocere "First, do no harm!" and the Hippocratic Oath. I will exercise control, as financial slaves desire to be controlled, but I stop short of the ruination many claim they want.

What does the submissive get from giving tributes? Probably the same thing he gets form serving. The satisfaction of pleasing a Mistress. If/when I receive gifts from slaves, I have photographs taken showing My enjoyment of the gift! The slave will receive a gift in return! he will have an extra day of masturbation, possibly a picture of Me, an article of My clothing, shoes, a personally written fantasy about what I will do to him in person, etc. For his tribute, the slave gets My time, attention, care and value in teturn.

So far, I have two slaves and I love them both as they love Me. In the Contract of Slavery I gave to them, there is a clause promising that I will never harm them permanently, nor ruin, nor abuse them beyond the agreed upon limits, mentally, emotionally, physically OR financially. I know My methods are far different than most Financial Dommes out there, but I suspect that it comes from My decades' experience in BDSM rather than being a "newbie" to the scene.

Lady Sonelle



NATI -> RE: Where does money come into it ? (2/22/2005 10:55:31 PM)

quote:

Interestingly enough, My first financial slave was/is an impoverished student! He lives on a frail pittance (less than $500/month!) but he begged Me to financially use him.

I did.

No, I did not take his money from him, nor did I use him and discard him! I find that type of play repugnant, violating My every tenet and vow! What *did* I do? I took over his life, put him on a budget and what tiny amount he could squeeze out, he was to place in a bank account, under *his* name but "dedicated" to Me. He was to keep the account growing, making a deposit with every masturbation he was permitted, and making monthly deposits.

as the account grew, he asked to give Me a gift. I told he he was to practise "financial chastity" and give no more than $20.00. What he does not know is this: I have no intention of touching that money he has so carefully saved! Not a bit! Should he have an emergency, he has been ordered to use the money in that account if needed. I have done him no harm, but I *have* controlled him the way he desired.

That, to Me is financial slavery in its best aspect! If I find a wealthy slave, no I will *not* "ruin" him as many of the Financial Dommes out there claqim they wish to do. My first responsibility is Primum non nocere "First, do no harm!" and the Hippocratic Oath. I will exercise control, as financial slaves desire to be controlled, but I stop short of the ruination many claim they want.


Wow! This is such a GOOD example of financial domination, and using this fetish to not only satisfy this young man's need to be controlled this way, but to provide him with something as well. Awesome post!




Darthbetta -> RE: Where does money come into it ? (2/23/2005 6:38:30 AM)

Somnovi and I simply "help each other out".... just as in any good partnership, people should be able to atleast share some of the burden to be semi self sufficent.

If you are a live in situation, then it is easier to make a clear cut situation if you are steady partners. If you are just casual "play partners" or in a distanced D/s... well then that may be a tad differnt.



topcat -> RE: Where does money come into it ? (2/23/2005 6:45:35 AM)

quote:

I took over his life, put him on a budget and what tiny amount he could squeeze out, he was to place in a bank account, under *his* name but "dedicated" to Me. He was to keep the account growing, making a deposit with every masturbation he was permitted, and making monthly deposits.


Milady Sonelle-

Your post very clearly dispeled that connetations that cause us to often hear 'abuse' when 'domination' is spoken, and serves as a brillant example of the sort of stewardship I aspire to.

However, I couldn't help think 'sperm bank?', which made the above so funny that I have just thoughly flushed my sinuses with coffee (which was oddly refreshing, actually).

Thank you for my first laugh of the day.

Stay Warm,
Lawrence



domtimothy46176 -> RE: Where does money come into it ? (2/23/2005 8:56:51 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Redb

I'm not talking about pro-dommes at all... that concept i get and understand. I'm talking about this kind of thing :

quote:

ORIGINAL: domtimothy46176

In the interest of sexual equality I've decided to begin allowing submissives of all genders to send me money. This is a sacrifice I have decided to make after much soul-searching but I believe it has to be done in order to even things out. Now there is an alternative available for those who wish financial domination but are more drawn to male dominants than female dominants. For those who might be concerned that I may over-extend myself through this act of altruism, let me assure you that I will take a portion of what I collect and devote it to my personal pleasure and relaxation.
Timothy


Why are they sending you money... are you selling them something... have you led them to believe that you are going to be-friend them ?? Trying to even out what ??? I just dont get it. Or are you taking the piss ?


It was humor.



Alexander -> RE: Where does money come into it ? (2/23/2005 9:30:04 AM)

nice.

reminding every one that even in financial domination a gentle stroke can sometimes yield a big result.

Alex.



Page: [1] 2 3 4 5   next >   >>

Valid CSS!




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy
3.222656E-02