What Did You Expect?!

What Did You Expect?! (Full Version)

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LotusSong -> What Did You Expect?! (12/19/2006 11:00:27 AM)
When I read the cheating and the shocked at a behavior threads.. I just have to shake my head and ask.. "what do people expect here?!" You have come into a situation.. aka 'lifestyle'.. where men expect women to obey unquestioningly, accept EVERYTHING because "it's ALL good", be expected to have multiple partners even if it's not your sexual preference, be accepted warts and all unless you are just going to be totally uncool and <gasp> judgmental! And not to mention.. it's based on KINK or novels! What do people expect??!! The dominants probably, for the first time in their lives..have SOME kind of power and control over another person and that person is to be obedient and loving and accepting. Somebody.. SOMEWHERE, somehow, SOME TIME is going to be weird. No wait..you CAN'T be considered weird in this lifestyle..but you can be considered wrong, bigoted, judgmental and a fake if you don't buy into all of it. What brought YOU into this lifestyle?

LaTigresse -> RE: What Did You Expect?! (12/19/2006 11:18:36 AM)
A damned woman![:D]

MasterFireMaam -> RE: What Did You Expect?! (12/19/2006 11:19:46 AM)
Hmmm...lots of widesweeping generalizations...the one I find the funniest is that you imply that all the Doms are men, given that you're a Dominant Female. I think that we just hear about what's going on a lot because we all happen to be on a forum that can have a lot of relationship discussions. I'm betting we'd hear the exact same thing on a vanilla board. The mistake a lot make, as I did, is to assume that since we're supposed to be such an accepting and supporting community, things are better on this side of the fence. In reality, our grass is just different, not better, and we still have to do all those things that need to be done for proper maintanence on the other side of the fence. It ain't magic. In answer to your question: What brought me was SM. Everything else developed from there. Master Fire

thetammyjo -> RE: What Did You Expect?! (12/19/2006 11:25:15 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LotusSong When I read the cheating and the shocked at a behavior threads.. I just have to shake my head and ask.. "what do people expect here?!" You have come into a situation.. aka 'lifestyle'.. where men expect women to obey unquestioningly, accept EVERYTHING because "it's ALL good", be expected to have multiple partners even if it's not your sexual preference, be accepted warts and all unless you are just going to be totally uncool and <gasp> judgmental! And not to mention.. it's based on KINK or novels! What do people expect??!! The dominants probably, for the first time in their lives..have SOME kind of power and control over another person and that person is to be obedient and loving and accepting. Somebody.. SOMEWHERE, somehow, SOME TIME is going to be weird. No wait..you CAN'T be considered weird in this lifestyle..but you can be considered wrong, bigoted, judgmental and a fake if you don't buy into all of it. What brought YOU into this lifestyle? I'm in a world where men expect women to obey -- not in my vanilla circle and certainly not in my kink circles. That anyone would expect someone to obey based on sex, gender, race, religion or anything like that is stupid to me and I try not to surround myself with someone I think is stupid. I don't think there is a single BDSM community at all -- think it is several groups of similar minded individuals or individual who while they may not agree on things agree on certain basic idea of consensual authority dynamics and want to learn from others. You can chose which of these groups you wish to associate with -- ignore the others I say.

catfood -> RE: What Did You Expect?! (12/19/2006 11:33:40 AM)
i came to to this lifestyle because s&m (used to call it that, remember when?) struck a deep chord in me. as for the posts about behaviors/ etc, the point you are making is somwhat...(well, i'll play nice and assume you said it with tongue firmly planted in cheek) pedantic. yes, we are a microcosm (as MasterFireMaam eloquently stated ;) of the wide world out there. but be that as it may, i didn't check my brain or my values at the door when i walked in. thus i bring to the table more than just my kink, i also bring a measure of common sense. seeing as it is called "common," i try to spread it around.

onestandingstill -> RE: What Did You Expect?! (12/19/2006 11:41:01 AM)
Hi lotus, For me what happened to bring me into this lifestyle was a vanilla man's desire to try it and my willingness to help him with his fantasy. The funny thing is from the first time we played in B&D ways I was hooked and moved into S&M types of interests in less than a month. He decided all BDSM was only sexy in his mind and not for him in reality. I was hooked after never once in 40 years considering it & he'd considered it 38 years and passed once he tried it. suzanne

xonemasterx -> RE: What Did You Expect?! (12/19/2006 11:42:46 AM)
Because I really enjoy the feeling of control. It is doubly so know that the one being controled really enjoys it to. Weirdness happens when kinky and creative get funky.

MaryT -> RE: What Did You Expect?! (12/19/2006 11:43:25 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LotusSong What brought YOU into this lifestyle? Starting when I was quite young, maybe 5, I remember having dreams wherein a spanking was something I craved, not something I feared. I wasn't brought here; I was driven. My opinions came along for the ride. [:D] MaryT

starshineowned -> RE: What Did You Expect?! (12/19/2006 11:44:51 AM)
quote: "what do people expect here?!" The freedom to speak about..agree with..disagree with..learn and teach. quote: What brought YOU into this lifestyle? Depends on your definition of "Lifestyle" as one term does not fit all. As mentioned I think already..lot of different groups here..some solo..some tend to bleed into several groups. Think history books and movies gave me insight into what I was because I identified and became very stirred, and connected whenever I read about slaves or seen them portrayed in movies. Well Wishes starshine Happy slave of Master Delvin

SusanofO -> RE: What Did You Expect?! (12/19/2006 11:45:33 AM)
Great thread, Lotus. I've always had "bdsm bent" - since I was about ten years old I've been fantasizing of these things. I just never knew until a few years ago, where to go to possibly get these "needs" met or to find out more about them. To me, bdsm just promotes much deeper intimacy than I'd ever been used to dreaming about in a "vanilla" relationship. Thank goodness for websites like CM! To think I stumbled on it by accident is almost amazing to me now...anyway - I am forty-six years old, and have been around the block emotionally, and really have no expectations of what other people should act like. I do know the kind of person I want to be with and that's the only one who concerns me. What other people do rarely surprises me. Really (who has time?). And I don't really care what they do, either, (unless they want to do it to me. If they do, they will find out all about my personal "taste", and me about theirs, etc.) Other people can do what they want, I just don't care. Besides, it's not like the rest of the world would ever change because I was "shocked" (or whatever) by some behavior or other. But, for someone be on a bdsm website and not realize the rest of the world may not always operate within their own particular "value system" is almost laughable (to me anyway). I mean, open your eyes, people! Read some threads. Not everybody is going to act like a "real Daddy" or be a "good person" Be careful out there. - Susan

LotusSong -> RE: What Did You Expect?! (12/19/2006 11:48:30 AM)
I put it to the male doms as it seems the angst on here is directed at them.. "oh my..he wants to go poly! Oh my.. he expects me to do WHAT?!" That sort of thing. Yup.. it happens on both sides.. but it seems to me the male subs just move on.

DeepWaters -> RE: What Did You Expect?! (12/19/2006 11:57:54 AM)
I'd expect that authority and responsibility go hand in hand...and that asking someone to trust you requires you not to lie to them...look at the poly community for a defination of cheating...f*cking or loving other people is fine, going behind their back about it is not.

LotusSong -> RE: What Did You Expect?! (12/19/2006 12:16:50 PM)
quote: We are sort of missing my intent here.. I probably didn't state it clearly enough. We claim communication, honesty, consentuality and obedience. It seems one side of the equation always considers it a bit more than the other.

CreativeDominant -> RE: What Did You Expect?! (12/19/2006 12:21:14 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LotusSong I put it to the male doms as it seems the angst on here is directed at them.. "oh my..he wants to go poly! Oh my.. he expects me to do WHAT?!" That sort of thing. Yup.. it happens on both sides.. but it seems to me the male subs just move on. ~putting on my F. R. suit~ Yep, the angst is directed at them. Sometimes rightly, sometimes wrongly. Male dominants are people...just like everone else. Sometimes they behave stupidly, boorishly, pigheadedly, and sometimes they act this way while dealing from a place they have had right from the start and sometimes, they act this way from a new place that they have come to. But I would be willing to be that there might be a few who approach what they want, whether it be from a new place or from one they've had all along, with consideration and respect and kindness and caring (we're not alllllll assholes allllllll the time) and yet, because it is something that doesn't "fit" with our partner, we are seen as being unconsiderate, uncaring, uncouth louts. How many female submissives have written brokenheartedly about what their big, bad male dominant wanted to do with them for 5 or 6 paragraphs and then mentioned in a 2-line blip that they knew the offending "thing" was there and an interest of his that going in but thought he would change his mind when he saw how 'perfect' they were all by themselves? How many self-declared slaves have written profusely about something their big, bad, male master introduced that just made them declare "whoa", even though they have gone on and on in previous threads about how they are said "male" master's property...his chattel...his to-do-with-as-he-pleased? Male subs / slaves move on...partially because, even for a submissive male (and despite all protests to the contrary)...it would still seen by some as somewhat weak and repulsive behavior for a male to vent about these issues were he to have them. And before anyone says no...stop and think; how many times have you seen a male submissive bring what he thought was a serious issue to the boards and got told to "suck it up" or "quit your bitching"? For the most part, the female submissives and dominants know that they are going to have a more sympathetic ear.

Serenityy -> RE: What Did You Expect?! (12/19/2006 12:23:19 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LotusSong When I read the cheating and the shocked at a behavior threads.. I just have to shake my head and ask.. "what do people expect here?!" You have come into a situation.. aka 'lifestyle'.. where men expect women to obey unquestioningly, accept EVERYTHING because "it's ALL good", be expected to have multiple partners even if it's not your sexual preference, be accepted warts and all unless you are just going to be totally uncool and <gasp> judgmental! And not to mention.. it's based on KINK or novels! What do people expect??!! The dominants probably, for the first time in their lives..have SOME kind of power and control over another person and that person is to be obedient and loving and accepting. Somebody.. SOMEWHERE, somehow, SOME TIME is going to be weird. No wait..you CAN'T be considered weird in this lifestyle..but you can be considered wrong, bigoted, judgmental and a fake if you don't buy into all of it. What brought YOU into this lifestyle? A desire to understand a friend; a search for acceptance in my own mind of what she was so drawn to. In the process, I found a place for myself; something that was finally able to touch me in my soul. Eight years later and I am still finding that there are new aspects yet undiscovered.

mnottertail -> RE: What Did You Expect?! (12/19/2006 12:24:10 PM)
I never expected the Spanish Inquistion!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

LotusSong -> RE: What Did You Expect?! (12/19/2006 12:26:42 PM)
You got it, CD :) That's what I was meaning,. The reason I directed it at the male side of the equation is from the fem subs post about that those very issues. I feel for the male subs also. But if they portray themselves ans unworthy worm boys.. they get what they are asking for.. I guess.

LordODiscipline -> RE: What Did You Expect?! (12/19/2006 1:09:34 PM)
*Freaking excellent response.* *Not only could I not do it 'better' - I am not sure that I would have done it as well.* *Lotus - people complaining about "those people" for their "behavior" is as old as the hills and will continue to be done long after we are gone...* *Besides - you are complaining about "those people".* *Would you expect from them better behavior? ;)* ~J quote: ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam Hmmm...lots of widesweeping generalizations...the one I find the funniest is that you imply that all the Doms are men, given that you're a Dominant Female. I think that we just hear about what's going on a lot because we all happen to be on a forum that can have a lot of relationship discussions. I'm betting we'd hear the exact same thing on a vanilla board. The mistake a lot make, as I did, is to assume that since we're supposed to be such an accepting and supporting community, things are better on this side of the fence. In reality, our grass is just different, not better, and we still have to do all those things that need to be done for proper maintanence on the other side of the fence. It ain't magic. In answer to your question: What brought me was SM. Everything else developed from there. Master Fire

LordODiscipline -> RE: What Did You Expect?! (12/19/2006 1:11:28 PM)
LOL... Excellent ~J quote: ORIGINAL: mnottertail I never expected the Spanish Inquistion!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

justheather -> RE: What Did You Expect?! (12/19/2006 1:34:25 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mnottertail I never expected the Spanish Inquistion!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! No one does, Ron! No one does.

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