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Asking for Orgasm - 12/19/2006 10:56:20 PM   
StacyCat


Posts: 112
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline 		I was playing with my current partner, who is not my Top, but has the aggressive and dominating tendencies that I like in a sexual partner.

And, the kinkier and sluttier I feel, the harder it is for me to orgasm.

I reached a point in our play session where I felt the need to start begging for my orgasm.  I didnt, mainly because I was unsure how he would react to it (He has a history of reacting strangely to a few things).

But, I also would have felt weird about begging, and then not being able to orgasm.

Anyone else that begs for their orgasm have this issue?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Asking for Orgasm - 12/20/2006 8:41:19 AM   
briska


Posts: 126
Joined: 7/12/2006
Status: offline 		i'm required to ask for my orgasms... i hate it when i'm denied, since i tend to orgasm very easily.  Have you talked to your partner outside the bedroom about asking him?


_____________________________

Mmm... briska!

(in reply to StacyCat)
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RE: Asking for Orgasm - 12/20/2006 8:57:12 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		My partner does.  It's hilarious watching him waiver back and forth.  It would be different if he had difficulty orgasming, but since I can control his orgasm pretty well, I can play with his reactions and processing a heck of a lot.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to briska)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Asking for Orgasm - 12/20/2006 10:06:40 AM   
crouchingtigress


Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: StacyCat(He has a history of reacting strangely to a few things).



to me you problem stems from the fact that communication is stagnating, because you fear his reaction.
 
this is a slippery slope, Stacy Cat....relationships, D/s  or not, need open honest communication especially when it come to sexual satiation.
 
i like briskas idea, i think a conversation out side the bedroom and beyond the heat of passion is in order, and if he reacts in any way that is not a mature adult, then bring this to his attention, and refuse to communicate until he can come to the table as a mature responsible adult.
 
 

_____________________________


Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."




(in reply to StacyCat)
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RE: Asking for Orgasm - 12/20/2006 10:54:49 AM   
mymasterssub69


Posts: 566
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Chicago, IL
Status: offline 		was denied at one time up to 72hrs - toughest prison sentence ever!



_____________________________

there is something infinitely magical
about a Daddy Dom
...something only a little girl
can understand.

collared on 16th Jan 2007 by bigsambaman, my Daddy

(in reply to crouchingtigress)
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RE: Asking for Orgasm - 12/20/2006 11:20:51 AM   
RedSavageSlave


Posts: 733
Joined: 9/12/2006
Status: offline 		you mean you didnt get to be somebody's bitch??

poor baby!

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So many thoughts, so few of them rational

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Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Asking for Orgasm - 12/20/2006 8:25:49 PM   
Mavis


Posts: 828
Joined: 2/8/2004
Status: offline 		ok, i might be bringing too much nilla in here..  but..  you say he wasn't your top, but a sexual partner.  Outside of males in submission, since when do men ever ask for orgasm?  It is understood and expected that they will have it, with or without our permission.

if i'm having sex and close to that point and need something to get over, hell -- i'll reach down and help out.  If we don't take some responsibility for our own orgasms, sex becomes a tally sheet with us ALWAYs on the recieving end racking up the orgasms our partners "give us".  (or racking up the countsheet of misses)

and WHY do we consider it something they give?  It's actually something we have.. or experience.  (outside of power exchange where permission is often integral part of the synergy of the event)  Not to mention, it's fairly selfish to foist reposnsibility for all our orgasms on partner, every guy has to worry if he got her there, no wonder they love oral.  Unless it's a 69 thing, it's the only time they can enjoy their own sensations without the background hum of "dont forget her needs".

(ok, i'll admit, it's easier to think this way if clitoral stim works for you.  i have no idea how i'd "help" a partner if my only route to orgasm was via penetration/ g-spot)

(in reply to RedSavageSlave)
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RE: Asking for Orgasm - 12/20/2006 8:50:49 PM   
TemptingNviceSub


Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline 		Personally in my case...you leave me hanging too long and it is for certain I will NOT orgasm......This is where knowledge of how your body works is important to the person who is working it....Tempting

(in reply to Mavis)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Asking for Orgasm - 12/21/2006 5:40:59 AM   
SlaveAkasha


Posts: 726
Joined: 9/30/2006
From: Indiana
Status: offline 		The times that I am allowed to orgasm, I always have to ask and sometimes beg.  It doesn't mean I will be allowed to, but Master enjoys the begging.

I think there are different issues here if you feel like you can't bring it up because of his reaction to it.  I would be a bit uncomfortable playing with someone if they weren't stable enough I could talk to them about anything without worrying what they would do.
 
I would talk to him, and if gauge my decision on the keeping the relationship on how he acts toward you after you open up to him like that.  I can't imagine anyone objecting to a sub/slave coming to them respectfully with questions and concerns.
 
Kasha

< Message edited by SlaveAkasha -- 12/21/2006 5:42:50 AM >

_____________________________

Look, if you want to torture me, spank me, lick me, do it. But if this poetry shit continues just shoot me now please.
~ Tank Girl

www.peta.org
www.goveg.com

(in reply to StacyCat)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Asking for Orgasm - 12/21/2006 10:30:21 PM   
acctonthelook


Posts: 245
Joined: 3/28/2006
Status: offline 		if i beg or ask, i find it extremely erotic and i come anyway. (hee hee - i know i'm to ask, but when i do i'm a gonna) i'm a catch 22 w/ no net. lol

i have a hard time controlling it when i'm super turned on and especially if in subspace.  once i'm there, that's it. 

i have even tried stopping and physically changing my position.  it still will happen.  poor me...lol

quote:

ORIGINAL: SlaveAkasha
The times that I am allowed to orgasm, I always have to ask and sometimes beg.  It doesn't mean I will be allowed to, but Master enjoys the begging.

(in reply to SlaveAkasha)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Asking for Orgasm - 12/21/2006 10:35:50 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline 		Angel has always had to ask for permission for his, whether we are separated or not.  Being male, it isnt hard for him to reach orgasm, howeer I do know that for a long while, he was humiliated as all hell to even have to ask. I have never turned him down when he has finally worked up the nerve to ask, however I will not offer permission.  He has been denied orgasm several times after pretty intense phone conversations simply becasue he couldnt bring himself to ask me.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to acctonthelook)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Asking for Orgasm - 12/22/2006 3:43:05 AM   
LovingKitten


Posts: 29
Joined: 2/7/2006
Status: offline 		Asking for orgasm is actually quite common. My Master is quite fond of orgasm control, even when we hadn't seen each other for over three months. For a lot of submissives (speaking from the female point of view), orgasm control is all the more erotic than just orgasming whenever they please. Many doms enjoy it when their submissives beg, because it empowers them, gives them more of a feel of just how much power they have. Even though we know that the power is equally divided. (just playing people, don't slaughter me). 

_____________________________

The art of submission lies not only in serving, but serving with grace.

Collared to LigatioAmor

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Asking for Orgasm - 12/22/2006 2:38:48 PM   
AquaticSub


Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: StacyCat

I was playing with my current partner, who is not my Top, but has the aggressive and dominating tendencies that I like in a sexual partner.

And, the kinkier and sluttier I feel, the harder it is for me to orgasm.

I reached a point in our play session where I felt the need to start begging for my orgasm.  I didnt, mainly because I was unsure how he would react to it (He has a history of reacting strangely to a few things).

But, I also would have felt weird about begging, and then not being able to orgasm.

Anyone else that begs for their orgasm have this issue?



During some scenes my dominant makes me beg for my orgasms (punishment or humilation). It is very degrading and somehow liberating at the same time. Perhaps begging will turn you on more so that you will be able to orgasm? Or perhaps you can beg for an orgasm and then once he is done with you, he could reward you with fingering or playtime with a toy to let you reach orgasm?

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to StacyCat)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Asking for Orgasm - 12/22/2006 2:43:04 PM   
whisperedsighs


Posts: 349
Joined: 11/12/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: StacyCat



But, I also would have felt weird about begging, and then not being able to orgasm.

Anyone else that begs for their orgasm have this issue?



I have had this happen more times then I can count.  I don't know what it is, but after begging for an orgasm, just being right on the brink of it, and then given permission, not being able to, and having it disappear like a puff of smoke.  It is so frustrating!

_____________________________

oh my god that was so wrong! .... again please!

(in reply to StacyCat)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Asking for Orgasm - 12/22/2006 4:36:58 PM   
nikaa


Posts: 357
Joined: 10/13/2004
Status: offline 		Anyone else that begs for their orgasm have this issue?

My relaitonship dynamics are obviously different than the one you described, however; I do have to beg to orgasm every time. If I fail to beg and I orgasm without permission the "play" stops and I am often denied "play" or sexual contact for a period of time.

When we first got together he made it very clear that this was expected of me and in truth I hated the idea of having to beg and wait to be granted permission, however; I have come to LOVE it. I don't expect to be granted permission to orgasm every time I beg it, in fact that is part of the rush for me (frustrating as it can be at times).

Communication was the key for me, still is. If I don't know his expectations how can I fulfill them? If he doesn't know my needs how can he meet them? I honestly beleive this is true regardless of the labels those involved in the relationship wear.




_____________________________

Blessed Be,

Phoenix's Nika


The Cherokee legacy is that we are a people who face adversity, survive, adapt, prosper and excel.


Wakan Tankan Nici Un




(in reply to StacyCat)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Asking for Orgasm - 12/25/2006 10:26:14 PM   
StacyCat


Posts: 112
Joined: 1/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: whisperedsighs

quote:

ORIGINAL: StacyCat
But, I also would have felt weird about begging, and then not being able to orgasm.
Anyone else that begs for their orgasm have this issue?



I have had this happen more times then I can count.  I don't know what it is, but after begging for an orgasm, just being right on the brink of it, and then given permission, not being able to, and having it disappear like a puff of smoke.  It is so frustrating!


What do you do in these situations?  And, how does your Dom react to the non orgasm after the permission?  I think that was the gist of my question, I think I would enjoy begging, and I think my partner would, but I wouldnt want to dissapoint him by begging and then not being able to do it.

(in reply to whisperedsighs)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Asking for Orgasm - 12/26/2006 7:49:06 AM   
agirl


Posts: 4530
Joined: 6/14/2004
Status: offline 		Why would HE be disappointed?..........It's you that didn't get to orgasm.

What is there to be disappointed about? I'm definitely missing something here.

agirl

(in reply to StacyCat)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Asking for Orgasm - 1/12/2007 6:57:12 PM   
blinkingababy


Posts: 34
Joined: 1/8/2007
Status: offline 		After u beg for orgasm it doesnt mean you will get it, u just asked ... over and over.. why would he be disappointed??

(in reply to agirl)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Asking for Orgasm - 1/12/2007 7:08:37 PM   
comesoncommand


Posts: 78
Joined: 5/19/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: StacyCat

quote:

ORIGINAL: whisperedsighs

quote:

ORIGINAL: StacyCat
But, I also would have felt weird about begging, and then not being able to orgasm.
Anyone else that begs for their orgasm have this issue?



I have had this happen more times then I can count.  I don't know what it is, but after begging for an orgasm, just being right on the brink of it, and then given permission, not being able to, and having it disappear like a puff of smoke.  It is so frustrating!


What do you do in these situations?  And, how does your Dom react to the non orgasm after the permission?  I think that was the gist of my question, I think I would enjoy begging, and I think my partner would, but I wouldnt want to dissapoint him by begging and then not being able to do it.


Disappointing your Dom (or Master) is always an ugly feeling.  i echo the advice given by others here, and think communication is key....on BOTH topics.  One, communicate your desire to beg for orgasm and discuss that with him...two, communicate your fear of disappointing him were you to beg for an orgasm, but then be unable to orgasm after permission was granted.  Orgasm control was (and continues to be) an intense part of my training, and though it was awakward at first like others i've come to LOVE it.

(in reply to StacyCat)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Asking for Orgasm - 1/12/2007 7:41:32 PM   
BalletBob


Posts: 1645
Joined: 7/14/2005
Status: offline 		I use to ask, but never had to beg. Sometimes, MADAM would say yes, and time no. Now I can do it anytime I WANT, since I don't have a Mistress. Now is is good, and bad at the same time.

Wandering Hands, BalletBob

_____________________________

"I get my kicks above the Waistline, Sunshine"

(in reply to StacyCat)
Profile   Post #: 20
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