A Quick Question ... (Full Version)

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littlesubjess -> A Quick Question ... (12/20/2006 1:52:47 AM)

Hi A/all ...just a quick question ...

I have a friend who is interested in getting to know more about the scene, as a Dominant male. He did ask me to help him, but I didnt feel I could give a good description of the lifestyle from a Dom/me's eyes.

So, all I'm after (lol) is if anybody knows any good links or websites or even books that give a good general understanding of the lifestyle and teach newcomers about the various aspects, please may you post them here for me to pass on ?

Thank you in advance,
Submissively,
Jess xxx 



timeoutgurlie -> RE: A Quick Question ... (12/20/2006 2:32:00 AM)

Why not have him join the site?  Then he can read, there's a never ending wealth of info here, and he can post any questions he has?

Or, failing that, he could always just come and read the boards without posting if he didn't want to actually register for an account.

That's the best I've got [8D]



littlesubjess -> RE: A Quick Question ... (12/20/2006 2:35:02 AM)

Thank you .. I did suggest that to him, but i wanted to be a bit more helpful and provide a few links and things

Jess xxx



catfood -> RE: A Quick Question ... (12/20/2006 3:46:54 AM)

google "greenery press"



littlesubjess -> RE: A Quick Question ... (12/20/2006 4:45:12 AM)

oh okay .. thank you x



fldrkhorse -> RE: A Quick Question ... (12/20/2006 5:38:54 AM)

I have my thoughts on paper if that would help. Email me

[Mod Note:  email address removed]



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: A Quick Question ... (12/20/2006 7:02:22 AM)

Jess- everything that's been helpful to you should be helpful to him.  We're all just people trying to enjoy who we are.  He's going to need to know how to view things from the "sub perspective" too.



littlesubjess -> RE: A Quick Question ... (12/20/2006 7:04:21 AM)

Thats true ... but then I know there are people on here who know waaay more than i do about these things. Ive told him to register himself on here anyway.

Submissively
Jess xxx



MasterFireMaam -> RE: A Quick Question ... (12/20/2006 7:41:12 AM)

Text removed since I can't delete...hit OK too soon!



MasterFireMaam -> RE: A Quick Question ... (12/20/2006 7:43:51 AM)

I've found or heard that these books are helpful:

Ties that Bind
SM 101
Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns
To Love, To Obey, To Serve
Slavecraft
The Path of Service: Guideposts for Excellence
Loving Dominant
Different Loving

I also recommend going to larger community events such as Southwest Leather Conference, Master/slave Conference, Black Rose as well as getting involved in the local community. There are training academies as well. Master Taino's Master's Training is excellent (alumni!...and he has a cooresponding slave training program). Butchmanns is excellent, too, and has a much more spiritual mindset.

Master Fire



littlesubjess -> RE: A Quick Question ... (12/20/2006 8:17:09 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam

I've found or heard that these books are helpful:

Ties that Bind
SM 101
Screw the Roses, Send Me the Thorns
To Love, To Obey, To Serve
Slavecraft
The Path of Service: Guideposts for Excellence
Loving Dominant
Different Loving

I also recommend going to larger community events such as Southwest Leather Conference, Master/slave Conference, Black Rose as well as getting involved in the local community. There are training academies as well. Master Taino's Master's Training is excellent (alumni!...and he has a cooresponding slave training program). Butchmanns is excellent, too, and has a much more spiritual mindset.

Master Fire


ok thank you for the list of books ... with regard to community events, unfortunately, we are in England and the "events" are probably not up to America's standards (disapppointingly).

And re training, he wont got to trainings, i know him too well - he wouldnt have the confidence to go. he just wants to sit at home and research it thoroughly before venturing out onto bdsm/lifestyle dating sites etc.

But thank you - it all helps lol ... when he gets himself registered on here, i will tell him about this thread.

Submissively,
Jess xxx 



domiguy -> RE: A Quick Question ... (12/20/2006 11:30:18 AM)

I can be a rather opinionated fuck at times. But I do try to keep an open mind and will listen to reason and have the ability to change an opinion that I have found to be wrong or unfounded.

Here it goes. My perspective,and only mine. For me, this is always who I have been. It did not come about through literature, or pornography or manifested through some form of abuse or brought on by any percievable external forces.. From my first partner on I knew what I wanted and I also soon learned it was not always easily obtained in the 'nilla world. Says potential partner... "You want to do what to me?"...lol. Some were great, others a little bland and boring.

I do understand there is a lid for every pot. and what I seek is not for everyone else. For me this is primarilty a sexual thing so I wouldn't constitute it as being my "lifestyle."  When in public I want my partner beside me not behind me...And I can't help but question the insecurities that lay within someone who does...whether in the lead or trailing. There I go again.(broad sweeping generalizations... my specialty) Sorry....Judgemental prick!

.I did not seek out this site to learn from others about bdsm. Do we not have enough imagination or to know ourselves well enough to understand what exactly we seek and desire? Does someone need to read a book on being gay if they are gay? I have known guys who have "come out" and have suddenly acquired a "gay" lisp or other mannerisms. .  When do we simply start following the herd and betray ourselves? When do we simply become followers..ie..Puppy play...horsey paly...Gor? What the fuck!

I have spoke with others and we have all had philosophical wonderings about what is the "lifestyle.  For some ..." Is it brought about by abuse? Or is it a way for folks who couldn't find romantic/sexual success in the "real world" an efficient if not deceptive practice to simply get laid? Or is it just another device to escape reality?

I understand now this is an "open-air forum" and all get to participate...no matter from what end of the spectrum.
...Sorry...Back to o.p.

If I had friend/acquaintance who was interested in persuing a dom--domme/sub relationship I would simply tell them to first do some self searching as to their own wants,needs and  desires...and then check them against reality and the potential out comes...Use caution,curiousity and take care and enjoy! And stick to their own path. Heart and soul.

out.

D.G.

p.s. Jesus please protect me from your followers.




Alastair -> RE: A Quick Question ... (12/20/2006 6:50:53 PM)

Jess you are in manchester you have one of the best munches in the country right on your doorstep.



CaziPS -> RE: A Quick Question ... (12/20/2006 7:14:24 PM)

jess,
 
Not only do you have one of the biggest and best run munches right on your doorstep in Manchester, but have you sent your friend to informed consent....?
 
www.informedconsent.co.uk
 
It is probably the biggest BDSM forum in the UK, and also has a wealth of knowledge, as well as those who are extremely experienced.
 
As to your comment about things organised within the UK, have you actually been to any event in the UK ..... there are several that happen throughout the year, as well as several Fetish markets, the Birmingham Bizaar Bizaar probably being the biggest, followed closely by LAM in London, all of which can be found on Informed Consent...
 
Also, Manchester has two of the most established Fet clubs running in the country, with NemesisII in Huddersfield being probably the most prolific clubs, outside of London, in the UK open at the moment.
 
Hope this is of some help.
 
Cazi



littlesubjess -> RE: A Quick Question ... (12/24/2006 11:14:08 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: CaziPS

jess,
 
Not only do you have one of the biggest and best run munches right on your doorstep in Manchester, but have you sent your friend to informed consent....?
 
www.informedconsent.co.uk
 
It is probably the biggest BDSM forum in the UK, and also has a wealth of knowledge, as well as those who are extremely experienced.
 
As to your comment about things organised within the UK, have you actually been to any event in the UK ..... there are several that happen throughout the year, as well as several Fetish markets, the Birmingham Bizaar Bizaar probably being the biggest, followed closely by LAM in London, all of which can be found on Informed Consent...
 
Also, Manchester has two of the most established Fet clubs running in the country, with NemesisII in Huddersfield being probably the most prolific clubs, outside of London, in the UK open at the moment.
 
Hope this is of some help.
 
Cazi


Hi A/all,

Cazi, thanks for your post ... do you know, I have never been to any of the manchester munches. I didnt realise it was one of the biggest in the country, but i feel delighted at finding that out !!

And yes I have sent my friend to Informed consent .... he hs told me he is going to put a profile on there and "see what happens" bless him.

Oh, and also, yes I have been to BBB (birmingham bizarre bazaar) ... my previous Owners lived in Birmingham so we went every month without fail, and also to Club Severine pretty often (also in Birmingham). I havent been to Nemesis though, although I have heard of it. I went to Erotica in London in November ... does that count ? lol

Jess xxx




theRose4U -> RE: A Quick Question ... (12/24/2006 12:18:41 PM)

quote:

with regard to community events, unfortunately, we are in England and the "events" are probably not up to America's standards (disapppointingly).

And re training, he wont got to trainings, i know him too well - he wouldnt have the confidence to go. he just wants to sit at home and research it thoroughly before venturing out onto bdsm/lifestyle dating sites etc.


As you're finding out Europe has a more developed (though most underground) scene than america.

The second papragraph raised a red flag with me. If he doesn't have confidence in himself or the confidence to admit what he doesn't know and ask the help of others it seems he's already having issues with mastering himself. Those that can't master themselves are going to have more problems mastering others. All of us were new at one time or another.



littlesubjess -> RE: A Quick Question ... (1/17/2007 5:24:21 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: theRose4U

quote:

with regard to community events, unfortunately, we are in England and the "events" are probably not up to America's standards (disapppointingly).

And re training, he wont got to trainings, i know him too well - he wouldnt have the confidence to go. he just wants to sit at home and research it thoroughly before venturing out onto bdsm/lifestyle dating sites etc.


As you're finding out Europe has a more developed (though most underground) scene than america.

The second papragraph raised a red flag with me. If he doesn't have confidence in himself or the confidence to admit what he doesn't know and ask the help of others it seems he's already having issues with mastering himself. Those that can't master themselves are going to have more problems mastering others. All of us were new at one time or another.


Yes i do appreciate that ... but I thought that might be something he needed to work on himself. i would be worried about knocking his confidence further by suggesting he isnt so confident .... if you know what i mean lol

Jess xxx



onestandingstill -> RE: A Quick Question ... (1/17/2007 6:43:34 AM)

Hello,
I don't think you can knock this man for wanting to have some idea of what he's feeling and doing  before he goes out in public too much.
As a Dominant he indeed is wise to think of his path before he goes out and professes one he fabricated out of his butt.
How can he lead someone any where if he's not found the path in the park yet???
There's caslterealm.com, and the frugaldomme.com sites to start with and maybe by the time he's through with them some of the books will be in his possession.

For the guy who does not get BDSM like puppy play and thinks the bottom has some defect that makes them crave abuse- I too thought that till all my puzzle pieces fit and I became a bottom.
I now see it as an alternative lifestyle where I find joy and peace. I love impact play for example and was not hit in my vanilla relations or by my parents before I found BDSM. No physical abuse, yet I love spankings.
It's not an all or nothing deal here.
It's finding what works from your perspective, and respecting others may not follow your path, but that does not make them wrong. They are just wrong FOR YOU.
suzanne



Kondolinni -> RE: A Quick Question ... (1/17/2007 7:44:52 AM)

http://www.domsub.info/main.html

Excellent source of basic, descriptive, general information of D/s M/s, and BDSM.



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