RE: Spanking helping objectives

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agirl -> RE: Spanking helping objectives (12/21/2006 7:07:32 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SlaveAkasha I told him that maybe if I had a "punishment" for it, it would help. I don't mean by making me stop doing it..but more of a reminder at the end of the day about the bad thing I did. The belt would give me a chance to think about it, and remind me what I am doing to myself each time I binge/purge. I don't think it's the act itself, I mean.. if someone wants to do something bad enough, they will. It's more the fact of having to answer for that thing and having a chance to reflect on the "bad behavior" that I know would help for me. The true part of being able to stop though, to lose weight, to do something about an act, has to be something they person wants, or I don't think any amount of beating, spanking, etc..will do much good. Kasha I would differ greatly from you in this. I don't feel BADLY when I do things that aren't good for me. I see them as a problem or something that needs sorting out. I don't need to reflect on them and I don't want to answer for them........I either want them fixed or I don't...........that's the bottom line. agirl

SlaveAkasha -> RE: Spanking helping objectives (12/21/2006 9:01:32 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: agirl quote: ORIGINAL: SlaveAkasha I told him that maybe if I had a "punishment" for it, it would help. I don't mean by making me stop doing it..but more of a reminder at the end of the day about the bad thing I did. The belt would give me a chance to think about it, and remind me what I am doing to myself each time I binge/purge. I don't think it's the act itself, I mean.. if someone wants to do something bad enough, they will. It's more the fact of having to answer for that thing and having a chance to reflect on the "bad behavior" that I know would help for me. The true part of being able to stop though, to lose weight, to do something about an act, has to be something they person wants, or I don't think any amount of beating, spanking, etc..will do much good. Kasha I would differ greatly from you in this. I don't feel BADLY when I do things that aren't good for me. I see them as a problem or something that needs sorting out. I don't need to reflect on them and I don't want to answer for them........I either want them fixed or I don't...........that's the bottom line. agirl I guess we all face and deal with things in a different way. Yes, I would love my bulimia fixed, but I know it's not easy and it doesn't happen over night. What I wanted and needed is maybe some way to deter me from doing it, though I am not sure what it will be. I have read things, I know the dangers, I have had the bleeding and other health related problems associated with it. I know that punishment will not "cure" the problem, only I can do that with time and more..but what I hope is that it will cause me to stop the act, until the sickness can be cured..not sure if that makes sense to others, but it does to me. To each their own, I have dealt with many addictions and such in the past few years and I usually beat them..this is the only one out of my grasp thus far. The toll it's taking on me in so many ways, is just something I am trying to quick fix until the bigger picture is taken care of. That's sort of what I was saying to the OP, about the weight loss thing. He can do what he wants, or what she wants, but she will still have that food to face the rest of her life and he isn't going to be there to spank her everytime she reaches for a ding dong. Kasha

behindmirrors -> RE: Spanking helping objectives (12/21/2006 11:30:29 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SlaveAkasha quote: ORIGINAL: agirl quote: ORIGINAL: SlaveAkasha I told him that maybe if I had a "punishment" for it, it would help. I don't mean by making me stop doing it..but more of a reminder at the end of the day about the bad thing I did. The belt would give me a chance to think about it, and remind me what I am doing to myself each time I binge/purge. I don't think it's the act itself, I mean.. if someone wants to do something bad enough, they will. It's more the fact of having to answer for that thing and having a chance to reflect on the "bad behavior" that I know would help for me. The true part of being able to stop though, to lose weight, to do something about an act, has to be something they person wants, or I don't think any amount of beating, spanking, etc..will do much good. Kasha I would differ greatly from you in this. I don't feel BADLY when I do things that aren't good for me. I see them as a problem or something that needs sorting out. I don't need to reflect on them and I don't want to answer for them........I either want them fixed or I don't...........that's the bottom line. agirl I guess we all face and deal with things in a different way. Yes, I would love my bulimia fixed, but I know it's not easy and it doesn't happen over night. What I wanted and needed is maybe some way to deter me from doing it, though I am not sure what it will be. I have read things, I know the dangers, I have had the bleeding and other health related problems associated with it. I know that punishment will not "cure" the problem, only I can do that with time and more..but what I hope is that it will cause me to stop the act, until the sickness can be cured..not sure if that makes sense to others, but it does to me. To each their own, I have dealt with many addictions and such in the past few years and I usually beat them..this is the only one out of my grasp thus far. The toll it's taking on me in so many ways, is just something I am trying to quick fix until the bigger picture is taken care of. That's sort of what I was saying to the OP, about the weight loss thing. He can do what he wants, or what she wants, but she will still have that food to face the rest of her life and he isn't going to be there to spank her everytime she reaches for a ding dong. Kasha Kasha: I completely understand your struggle- I've been there too. I had to devise my own system for getting past it- and the whole "punishment for doing" thing just made me tailspin. I ended up devising a plan that would make me feel better about myself as a person- and eliminate all the time I would be using to binge/purge on better things. I also struggled with anorexia, so depending on where I was at with what symptoms, it did make things a little more difficult. Take care of yourself, and good luck. Let me know if you ever need someone to talk to about all this, or a cheerleading squad for the tough stuff. I wish you the best. To the OP: My opinion is this: if you hate to be punished, maybe avoiding it by doing what you are required to do works for you. But, behavioral psychology tells me that the best thing is to be rewarded for doing what you need to do- i.e. do the paperwork, get a special treat of some kind (whatever it is that makes one happy). In cases like Kasha's (sorry hon, you're a handy example- hope you don't mind too much), this could be something special that she really enjoys after each day she makes it through without an episode of bulimia. In time, she learns to get rid of the negative behavior, and has less risk of developing a pathological loop in her head, and these things can be moved back to a reward for each week, month, etc. My theory is this: in a condition like an eating disorder, you already generally have a large amount of shame/unhappiness over the activity. Punishment for it just reinforces that you are doing something bad, and you can develop some serious issues with that. With other things, like needing to get a specific, mundane task done, I still think it better to work towards something (a reward) than to work under the threat of being punished if you don't do something, but with nothing to necessarily look forward to upon completion except not getting punished. To conclude my theory: it is my belief that either rewarding for a certain behavior or activity, or offering both a punishment and a reward for the behavior or activity depending on the outcome is more successful than just informing someone that they will be punished if they do a certain action or do not do a certain action. This must be followed with consistency for adequate change to be made, as well as proceeded by a commitment of both individuals to both desire this change and work towards it. Just my $5.00- behindmirrors.

RedSavageSlave -> RE: Spanking helping objectives (12/21/2006 12:22:51 PM)
quote: Just my $5.00- behindmirrors. Has inflation really gone up that much?? I remember when an opinion was only going for .02 [8D]

adaddysgirl -> RE: Spanking helping objectives (12/21/2006 1:03:02 PM)
i for one do not respond to positive reinforcement (or reward...whichever you want to call it). Not even at work. If my boss came to me and said (for example) that i could leave work early if i finished all my paperwork by a certain time but it would mean i would have to work my ass off to get it done, i probably would not do it. But if he told me i had to get it done by the same time or spend the next couple of days in the office, i absolutely would get it done. As a matter of fact, something similar did happen with my former boss and he was shocked that it took him 6 years to realize all he had to do was 'punish' me...lol. Even though i was never physically disciplined as a child (only grounded [:'(]), it was the same for me then. i guess i'm just one of those that doesn't respond well to the 'reward system'. i have a son who is the same way (wonder where he got that from [8\|]). If he started acting up in the grocery store, no promise of any treat could get him to stop....but the threat of a smack on the butt worked every time. Guess some of us are just 'wired' that way. Finding what works for each of us is most important. DG

agirl -> RE: Spanking helping objectives (12/21/2006 1:04:53 PM)
As you say, Akasha, different things work for different folk. I know that short term rewards don't motivate me because when I don't want to do something, NO reward is a great enough incentive. I can easily forgo a reward when I'm in the moment but I find it VERY difficult to brush off the thought of a beating. The reward is there for me......it's in the achieving.......having that initial prod kickstarts that process. It's not for everyone but it's worked with drinking, drugs and a host of other nasties, for me. I hope you find a helpful course of action for your bulimia. Regards, agirl

SlaveAkasha -> RE: Spanking helping objectives (12/21/2006 2:08:34 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: agirl As you say, Akasha, different things work for different folk. I know that short term rewards don't motivate me because when I don't want to do something, NO reward is a great enough incentive. I can easily forgo a reward when I'm in the moment but I find it VERY difficult to brush off the thought of a beating. The reward is there for me......it's in the achieving.......having that initial prod kickstarts that process. It's not for everyone but it's worked with drinking, drugs and a host of other nasties, for me. I hope you find a helpful course of action for your bulimia. Regards, agirl I am just clarifying, not attacking..so forgive me. Do you say you had this type of thing done (punishment for behavior) and it worked? If so, what was it and how did your Master handle it with you? Kasha

behindmirrors -> RE: Spanking helping objectives (12/21/2006 7:23:31 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RedSavageSlave quote: Just my $5.00- behindmirrors. Has inflation really gone up that much?? I remember when an opinion was only going for .02 [8D] Well, if I get paid for the word, that was a pretty long post. I'm still a cheap date, though! behindmirrors.

agirl -> RE: Spanking helping objectives (12/22/2006 6:57:48 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SlaveAkasha quote: ORIGINAL: agirl As you say, Akasha, different things work for different folk. I know that short term rewards don't motivate me because when I don't want to do something, NO reward is a great enough incentive. I can easily forgo a reward when I'm in the moment but I find it VERY difficult to brush off the thought of a beating. The reward is there for me......it's in the achieving.......having that initial prod kickstarts that process. It's not for everyone but it's worked with drinking, drugs and a host of other nasties, for me. I hope you find a helpful course of action for your bulimia. Regards, agirl I am just clarifying, not attacking..so forgive me. Do you say you had this type of thing done (punishment for behavior) and it worked? If so, what was it and how did your Master handle it with you? Kasha I wouldn't really describe it as a punishment.......it's more along the lines of having a STRONG deterrent, strong enough and horrific enough that the act isn't worth the penalty. Of course it is only workable if I KNOW without a single doubt that the penalty will be applied in all cases, with no lee-way and that no mitigating circumstances will be allowed. The penalty is agreed beforehand.....it's not forced on me but once it's in place and agreed then it stays that way until further notice. There's also no emotional content to it. He isn't disappointed in me if I slip up... he's not cross or fed up about it....he just applies the penalty, as agreed, quietly and calmly. It's just an approach that works because of the person I am and because of the person he is. I would definately NOT ask for this unless I was serious about achieving something because it would be far too tough an approach if I was only half-hearted about it. I also wouldn't ask for it if he was someone that grumbled when I slipped up, or attempted to make me feel badly..........his approach is more of * Oh dear, that's a pity*. It would not work if there was the slightest chance that he'd baulk at applying the penalty, if it came to it. There has to be certainty and inevitibility about it. The whole point is that the penalty is deterrent enough until I begin to enjoy the benfit of getting where I wanted to be. Regards, agirl

SlaveAkasha -> RE: Spanking helping objectives (12/22/2006 7:37:58 AM)
agirl:Thank you very much for your answer, it's appreciated. I will show it to Master this evening and get his take on it. I explained that follow-thru would be very important and things like that, but I would like him to read what you wrote. I do think this would help me and I have thought about it a while now. behindmirrors: Thank you also...it is hard, but I will find a way to beat it. I appreciate the offer of talking and I just may take you up on that sometime. Thanks again, Kasha

Mistressmenwomen -> RE: Spanking helping objectives (1/5/2007 8:58:49 AM)
For me to spank my sub is enjoyable!!! My sub is believing that I do not understand that for him as well it is enjoyable !!!!!!! [:)] I know very well that sometimes he is having a bad behavior to give me a reason to spank him......[:'(] I let him to his world !!!!! and I enjoy spanking him.

wildangel -> RE: Spanking helping objectives (1/5/2007 10:04:54 AM)
Master does not use spankings to motivate, He uses a flogger that is very stingy... for punishment, it is the only implement that is used for punishment. He knows how much i hate it, and how much it hurts.. therefore i do all i can to stay away from it. As His slave, i have a desire to please, therefore to be defiant and not do as He would want would hurt me deeply... If His desire was for me to clean up paper work it would get done quickly for i know He would be happy and pleased with my efforts. It is my only desire to see Him happy, therefore i would do all possible to see the approval in His eyes, and the soft whisper in my ear... "good girl".

Lorgrom -> RE: Spanking helping objectives (1/5/2007 10:12:50 AM)
Never gave a spanking as a punishemnt, but always as a reward. You would be suprised how quickly someone who enjoys being spaked will do thier work, if a good spanking is given right after it is done.

pinkkeith -> RE: Spanking helping objectives (1/5/2007 11:04:16 AM)
I have to agree with everyone here that a spanking isn't exactly punishment to me. I have had male dominants that have corrected me by doing this. It was harsher and more aggressive then the pleasure spanking, and not something I enjoyed. Yet, it really didn't help correct my behavior. I think the best way to get me to do what you want would be to promise a reward at the end of the task.

manwithdog -> RE: Spanking helping objectives (1/7/2007 8:40:47 PM)
I belive a Cane is to be used for Displine and the Hand and Leather for Pleasure.

sweetnurseBBW -> RE: Spanking helping objectives (1/7/2007 8:43:51 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: manwithdog I belive a Cane is to be used for Displine and the Hand and Leather for Pleasure. Not if you enjoy the cane it wouldn't be. Pain used as punishment doesn't work for some of us. Pain is pleasure to some of us.

gooddogbenji -> RE: Spanking helping objectives (1/7/2007 8:49:32 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: manwithdog I belive a Cane is to be used for Displine and the Hand and Leather for Pleasure. Ummmm.... You cane me for discipline, and you'll make sure I keep fucking up. It's quite fine if it works for you and yours, but "is to be used" implies it should be a general rule. Yours, benji

slavemaia -> RE: Spanking helping objectives (1/7/2007 10:07:43 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: RedSavageSlave <fast reply> One of the things I do not understand is the rational that a punishment spanking could be enjoyable and a way to encourage bad behavior. I enjoy a spanking as much as the next masochist..but I definitely can tell the difference between a spanking for enjoyment and one for punishment or discipline. And trust me.. I would never want the latter. yup - i feel this way too.

slavegirl1969 -> RE: Spanking helping objectives (1/9/2007 10:01:23 PM)
If Master promised me I'd never hear the words "bend over" if I forgot to do stuff I said I would, that would work, I'd all of a sudden have the memory of an elephant. The other way round wouldn't work for me, I'd acquire the memory of a goldfish instantly....mmmm dreamy thoughts of painful pleasure now

subsnow -> RE: Spanking helping objectives (1/10/2007 3:17:02 PM)
i think that something like spanking would work for those who aren't masochist. i personally enjoy spanking too much. If someone used a cane on me instead...and used it hard...it would be a different story. i would learn quickly. i would smarten up.

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