Padriag
Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
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quote:
ORIGINAL: LotusSong
It would seem to me that the Master should do the hunting and then the first submissive would have the determining vote.. OR she would just have to accept your choice.
What works for you?
What works for me is doing what works for me and not worrying much about what others do.
For some, or in some cases, letting the slave do the initial search might work quite well, but for others it wouldn't. I don't see that any valid universal generalization can be made here. What I do see is a certain risk in making such generalizations. When people start making the assertion that one way is best, two things happen... first it starts sounding like "the one twue way" and second anything that isn't that starts seeming "morally wrong, etc." And then people start getting labelled on the basis of opinions and not facts.
In some cases having the submissive do an initial search to present "candidates" could work quite well, particularly if the submissive has been educated on the dominants likes and dislikes (to which she would naturally be inclined to add her own, even if unconsciously, and thus would be more like to select candidates both would be happy with... in theory). But then again it could be the act of a dominant who has dreams of having a harem, but not the motivation or ambition to actually make it happen and so employs the submissive to do what he can't be bothered to do himself (or herself). If the submissive doesn't have a clear idea what to look for, it could be quite confusing and produce very random and unproductive results. On the other hand a submissive who had clear guidelines to follow could help in sorting through various possibilities, and thus be providing a genuine service to the dominant.
It also occurs to me that an unspoken assumption is being made here. That if the submissive is looking for another submissive, that the dominant is then not doing so. But that's a specious supposition, since there is not evidence to assume so (and no logical reason to assume so). Perhaps they are both actively looking.
In the original post, there was reference to how this might affect the submissive emotionally. An interesting allusion to perhaps another unspoken assumption, that this would be undesirable and unwanted by the submissive. But can we say so? If, and it seem certain we are discussing a poly relationship, if this is indeed the case then is it not more likely the submissive would be looking forward to the addition? And could it not also be comforting to be part of that process? There seems an underlaying suspicion of dominants here, a cynical tendancy to assign and attribute dishonest motives to their actions. I find that disturbing when spoken of in such broad generalities... much in the same way I find that many women seem to broadly and generaly distrust men to be a disturbing trend.
All I can say, factually, about this, is that I can see some advantages to having a submissive do the initial search. I can also see some disadvantages to it. I can see some ways in which it might be the result of a lazy or "bad" dominant. But I can also see where it might be the actions of a thoughtful and careful dominant. So it really all just depends on the individuals doesn't it.
But most of all, what I see is something that cannot be judged at the surface.
So what do I think of it?
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Padriag
A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer
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