|
Mercnbeth -> RE: Channeling Hostility (2/21/2005 8:41:45 AM)
|
quote:
abusive husband channel that hostility into a more positive experience
mystnangel,
In a word - NO.
The main and most obvious reason is that there is no abuse in a BDSM relationship. At least there shouldn't be any. Being a Dominant is all about control. Not exclusively control of the submissive, but control of self.
Look at it this way...
...Saturday there was a boxing match at Staples Center here in LA. Two men were in the ring trying to knock each other out within a 21 foot square ring. Around them 20,000 people watched and paid for the privilege. If you've ever seen a boxing match in person, you know that even those 'jabs', which appear on TV to be taps, are violent, and damaging. But among all the violence there is at it's core control. At the bell, the action stops. If one fighter is hurt beyond the ability to self protect, he or a 'second' can 'throw in the towel' (safeword) and stop the fight. Without control, you have a street fight, and instead of being paid, the same activity has jail as a reward.
In all my years in the community, an abusive partner was very rare. Abuse is abuse. It's easy to tell the difference between play, a session, and abuse. It lacks a key aspects critical to a lifestyle relationship - CONCENT and TRUST. I'd would have been able to point to fear being absent in a lifestyle session, but because of a recent thread here extolling the virtues of "mind fucking" I'll concede that for some people fear is a desired goal. But even if you go back and read that thread, you'll not see abuse. The debate was focused on trust, and some, including myself thought it too much to risk, but control was still essential to any of the scenes.
An abusive spouse, is comparable to a rapist. A rapist has little or no sexual focus, it's violence. Abuse has none of the erotic or sensual aspects of this lifestyle.
I appreciate those that will tell you that with counseling and therapy an abusive person can change. Your profile indicates that you've lived with this a long time. You don't specify if the abuse is physical or mental, but the reality is there is no difference. Throughout both you and your spouse may have rationalized through many a bruise or trip to the hospital. There was always a catalyst, a bad day at the office, a problem with the car, the kids got on his nerves, etc. Like most negative behavior, society enables by giving plenty of excuses and 'treatment' so it's not his fault.
I don't agree. Some people are evil, some people are abusive. People are what they are. There is an old parable about a scorpion who wanted to cross a stream and asked a frog to take him across on his back. The frog didn't want to. He said to the scorpion that he feared he would sting him. The scorpion replied that if he stung the frog, they both would drown. The frog couldn't argue with that logic and allowed the scorpion to get on his back. Half way across the stream, the scorpion stung the frog. As it was dying the frog asked; "Why did you sting me? Now we both will die!" The scorpion replied; "Because I am a scorpion. That's what I do."
PS - This quote in your profile indicates you already know the answer; "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results." Einstein~
|
|
|
|
