How long should a slave wait for a Mistress to decide if She wants him? (Full Version)

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ovencleaneruk -> How long should a slave wait for a Mistress to decide if She wants him? (12/24/2006 2:19:11 AM)

Is there a set time scale? The problem is the Mistress is in control and it would go against a slave to demand She answers as this shows he is not submissive. Many Mistresses don't bother to reply to those She's not interested in, but just to say, "sorry you're not what I require" would at least allow the slave to try someone else instead of waiting indefinately for an answer that never comes. I may be about to be given a trial but just wondering about how long a slave could reasonably be expected to wait for a decision....any guidelines on this issue?



MsSonnetMarwood -> RE: How long should a slave wait for a Mistress to decide if She wants him? (12/24/2006 4:49:27 AM)

Hopefully as a "slave", you've been around the lifestyle long enough to know that there's no set rules for much of anything.

It sounds like you're saying that if you've made initial contact email with a potential Domme, you as a slave somehow owe her fidelity and loyalty until she says go away - and have to wait to see if she even bothers to reply.

Clearly, this is ridiculous, so could you clarify?



MaamJay -> RE: How long should a slave wait for a Mistress to decide if She wants him? (12/24/2006 4:55:59 AM)

You raise a good point in terms of being patient ONCE you and the owner are in a committed relationship. However, in the early negotiation phase, you should be expecting to be dealt with on a person to person basis as in any other aspect of life, so it is reasonable to expect that communication is timely. Now, it's important to remember that people's lives can have varying degrees of busyness at times, so people can not be expected to always answer in a flash, but I would say that most people should be checking here weekly if they are at all serious about finding someone. Alternatively, they should be updating their journal if they expect to be absent for a prolonged period.

So, if you are waiting and waiting ... don't! Move on. And besides, in the early searching, there is no law against talking to more than one Mistress at a time as long as you are open and honest about that. Just don't spam everyone here LOL!

Good luck!
Maam Jay aka violet[A]



JohnWarren -> RE: How long should a slave wait for a Mistress to decide if She wants him? (12/24/2006 5:01:49 AM)

As with much in the scene, there are no guidelines.

However, there is one consistent red flag.  If a dominant claims that a person isn't submissive for having reasonable limits or questions, that's a pretty good indication of potential trouble ahead.  Until there is a mutual acceptance of a relationship, dominants and submissives are equals.  There is nothing in being a dominant that gives one authority over anyone who has not surrendered willingly.



Voltare -> RE: How long should a slave wait for a Mistress to decide if She wants him? (12/24/2006 5:37:21 AM)

Nineteen lunar cycles plus two solstices for each summer you haven't atoned for.

Seriously, if someone is genuinely interested in a relationship, they usually make it known pretty early on.  In real life dating, I usually took a more or less three call approach - if I called a girl three times on the phone without us agreeing to meet, I would assume she wasn't really interested and I'd stop calling her.  It wasn't a rule, but a guideline.

As mentioned before, the Dominant doesn't actually have the 'control' until the relationship has been negotiated (and submission has already been 'given' and accepted.)  If she hasn't decided she wants you, she hasn't accepted it. 

To the "moving on" issue, until you both have agreed on a certain dynamic I can't imagine what is keeping you from "trying someone else." 

As a side note (and it's an honest curiosity of mine) what is it about Female Dominant/male submissive relationships that prompts such drastic removal from normal meeting/dating etiquette?  I've never (personally) met a Female Dominant who expected men to wait unusually long for answers, who would string men out in relationships, and if anything the Female Dominants I've known were always more interested in who the man was; not how submissive he proved he could be.

Stephan



thetammyjo -> RE: How long should a slave wait for a Mistress to decide if She wants him? (12/24/2006 7:57:33 AM)

I'm an organization freak but I do actually walk my talk.

I have a formal training program that lasts a minimum of 14 sessions (weeks usually) an by the end of that I (and the trainee) make a decision of if we want to continue onto the owner-slave or some other Ds arrangment. I have found that in 14 sessions and the communication in-between I have been able to figure out and the other members of my household can figure out is someone will work and how.

Now, I don't just train anyone. I take a few weeks to talk to them, there is a formal application, then a face-to-face meeting, and a test session before I make a decision to offer training.

The sub is always able to say "no" and walk away -- I don't live in a world with legal slavery so pretending otherwise is, in my opinion, a set-up for disappointment and failure. I think it works out much better when we go purposely and realistically.



BlkTallFullfig -> RE: How long should a slave wait for a Mistress to decide if She wants him? (12/24/2006 10:31:53 AM)

I would say that you ought not consider yourself anyone's slave until such time as you two have met, had sufficient interaction for you to decide to give up your ability to say what happens within your relationship, and you two have established an M/s relationship consentually.
Until than, if you write, and she comes online a few times over a few days and doesn't reply, I (if I were you) would assume she isn't interested and write someone else.  
Good luck,   M



DiurnalVampire -> RE: How long should a slave wait for a Mistress to decide if She wants him? (12/24/2006 10:43:40 AM)

Realistically, you shouldnt even concern yourself with how long you will wait for a decision until after you've gotten a trial.  Obviously, if you havent been actually asked to be hers ona trial or any other basis, there is no time constraint on how long you could be waiting for that offer. It migt come the next time she is online, or she might not actually be interested in having you for herself.  After the trail is offered, you might want to ask her what sort of timeframe she expects for it.  I know I have a good idea on the timeframes for how long I am going to get to know someone before I make my decision on them. While making a demand right off about how long you are willing to wait might come off badly, requesting to know what SHE beieves is an appropriate timeframe shouldnt be a problem.  If it is, and she doesnt think its your place to know, thats definately a red flag.
My opinion, of course
DV



Najakcharmer -> RE: How long should a slave wait for a Mistress to decide if She wants him? (12/24/2006 3:47:15 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: JohnWarren
However, there is one consistent red flag.  If a dominant claims that a person isn't submissive for having reasonable limits or questions, that's a pretty good indication of potential trouble ahead.  Until there is a mutual acceptance of a relationship, dominants and submissives are equals.  There is nothing in being a dominant that gives one authority over anyone who has not surrendered willingly.


What, you mean it's unreasonable for me to demand that all submissives who email me sign over all of their bank accounts and property immediately and have themselves branded on the forehead with my initials, whether or not we ever meet?  Nonsense. What's the BDSM world coming to these days?  Why I remember back in the good old days when I was riding a tarn from the planet Gor to my ancient secret Victorian House of Real True Slavery, no REAL slave would have dreamed to question my Supreme Dominant Authoritay.  Hmmmf. 



LadyHugs -> RE: How long should a slave wait for a Mistress to decide if She wants him? (12/24/2006 4:14:46 PM)

Dear ovencleaneruk, Ladies and Gentlemen;
 
In my mind's eyes I see--until you met the lady who identfies as a dominant real time, face to face; negotiated fully with that lady--you're not in her 'control' and or 'under her direction and or command.'
 
In my mind's eyes I see her giving you a definate 'Maybe."  In other words, stringing you along. 
 
Only you lad, can determine how long you are willing to wait and have patience to be dangling on an end of a puppet string.  When you have had enough--you will know it is time to look elsewhere.
 
Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs



JohnWarren -> RE: How long should a slave wait for a Mistress to decide if She wants him? (12/25/2006 12:11:44 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Najakcharmer

What, you mean it's unreasonable for me to demand that all submissives who email me sign over all of their bank accounts and property immediately and have themselves branded on the forehead with my initials, whether or not we ever meet?  Nonsense. What's the BDSM world coming to these days?  Why I remember back in the good old days when I was riding a tarn from the planet Gor to my ancient secret Victorian House of Real True Slavery, no REAL slave would have dreamed to question my Supreme Dominant Authoritay.  Hmmmf. 



You're forgetting the time you spent in the Secret Japanese Society of Masters!



Najakcharmer -> RE: How long should a slave wait for a Mistress to decide if She wants him? (12/25/2006 9:05:58 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: JohnWarren

You're forgetting the time you spent in the Secret Japanese Society of Masters!


Hey!  That's so secret that nobody was supposed to know about it!  Now MASTER LORD NINJA WARRIOR ASSASSIN OF GOR, BLACKTHORN BLOODDRAGON TEH MIGHTY must hunt you down and cyber-slay you!

But yeah, of course if you identify as a submissive in the scene, you don't have rights or anything silly like that.  You just have to do what all the dominants say.  Immediately.  Ridiculous, unimportant little things like ordinary common sense while pursuing human relationships don't apply.  Everybody who is a REAL SLAVE or a REAL DOMINANT knows that.  Now come over here and paint my house.



letmecollaryou -> RE: How long should a slave wait for a Mistress to decide if She wants him? (12/25/2006 9:19:42 PM)

Waiting for unknown is as good as waiting for godot.It is utter foolishness to wait for unknown that too here on net.There are thousands pulls and pressures.Sometimes people are not able to log in for days together because of their personal problems and people like you think that they are being ignored.Morever it is right of everyone to respond or not.The person who intiates has no right of complaint.Building up a relation is not easy.It can take days, monthes and sometimes years..



unsung -> RE: How long should a slave wait for a Mistress to decide if She wants him? (12/25/2006 9:35:17 PM)

yet we complain when someone does not show for a date, or shows up late.  I think common courtesy should surmount regardless what the situation is, whether it it is expection of some sort of response, a simple thanks but no thanks, i am thinking about it and will take some time to decide but feel free to explore other venues.  What the heck is happening to people these days, simple manners and considerations for others doesn't hurt the world yanno, it actually makes it a better place to live.



DiurnalVampire -> RE: How long should a slave wait for a Mistress to decide if She wants him? (12/25/2006 9:41:44 PM)

**blink blink** Waiting for Godot
wow
Its up to you to choose ultimately how long you are wiling to wait while the person is simply an email, online or phone contact.  Once you are face to face realtime and you are claimed or tested or whatnot, thats when she takes the responsability for making timeframes.
How long should you wait, well that depends on how patient you are, how little else you have going on anyway, and whether you think there really might be something worth waiting for or not. Ive kept someone waiting 3 months to meet face to face and another 3 for a collar.. others I have met right off but not even bothered seeing a second time.

DV



unsung -> RE: How long should a slave wait for a Mistress to decide if She wants him? (12/25/2006 10:02:01 PM)

DiurnalVampire, thank you for the response posed at me.  Wether the intent or not, I personally have not had such a situation of waiting in the whims of a Dominant nor have I taken the luxury of sitting idling by waiting for their decision.  I am very patient but have tolerances of what is and what is not acceptable, I further do not feel threatened to ask questions that will determine my fate if I feel they need to asked.  I however, feel honesty and open communication is paramount and hence my response to letmecollaryou in stating

"Sometimes people are not able to log in for days together because of their personal problems and people like you think that they are being ignored.Morever it is right of everyone to respond or not.The person who intiates has no right of complaint."

I think everyone has a right to some degree of expectation after a contact is delivered, whether it is yes this will continue, there are some further questions and inquiries we need to discuss, no this will not continue, etc.  It is a rather simple concept to express courtesy to others, its not rocket science.  I find it disturbing that it falls by the wayside so readily these days, not something I was taught to disregard.

Anyhow, I don't mean to slam anyone, and hopefully it is not coming across as such.  Just feeding off an impression that stirred an human contradiction to life as I would like to see it.  Happy New Year!



BlkTallFullfig -> RE: How long should a slave wait for a Mistress to decide if She wants him? (12/25/2006 10:08:25 PM)

quote:

I think everyone has a right to some degree of expectation after a contact is delivered, whether it is yes this will continue, there are some further questions and inquiries we need to discuss, no this will not continue, etc.  It is a rather simple concept to express courtesy to others, its not rocket science.  I find it disturbing that it falls by the wayside so readily these days, not something I was taught to disregard. !
I agree with you unsung...  It's almost like common courtesy has become a bad thing, and folks who expect it are rude/ignorant as opposed to the other way around. 

P.S.  I think DV was responding to the OP not you (except for fast reply happening at the end of page).  M



cybergoddess -> RE: How long should a slave wait for a Mistress to decide if She wants him? (12/25/2006 10:33:07 PM)

     With   no  disrespect.   I think  you   should  contact  the  Mistress    a couple  times . Her computer might of been broke, or she could of  had a close famly member passaway out of town  like  I  did  in  Nov. Or  she could  of  been  sick or  somthing.  Contact her  again.
cybergoddess



ovencleaneruk -> RE: How long should a slave wait for a Mistress to decide if She wants him? (1/1/2007 2:13:04 AM)

Thanks for all your replies and views. It is now 2 weeks since I posted, and a month since the initial approach was made. We are still corresponding, and I am being teased with her suggestions of what I would be required to do as her maid. I think with the start of a new year i will get the news i crave from her very soon.  Ovencleaneruk



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