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Emotional attachment and D/s - 12/24/2006 7:03:23 PM

cadence

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I have been with a Dom I have strong feelings for almost a year now. At first we seemed to be looking for different things and I didn't think it was going to last three months. I wanted a relationship and he wanted someone to play with and both of us knew where the other was coming from. There was no deception. Now he has grown emotionally close to me in spite of his original desire not to. The problem is that he says that as he feels more "protective" of me, he also feels less dominant. He is also concerned about running out of ideas for bdsm play. He says that I am not the problem and that the issues are his alone. He has assured me that he wants to keep seeing me and I believe him. Have any of you dealt with these issues and is there a way to approach preserving the D/s aspects of our relationship? Thanks.

cadence

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RE: Emotional attachment and D/s - 12/24/2006 7:20:43 PM

diamonddreamlove

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Originally i did not think my Master and i would do anything besides play. He encouraged me to play with others because while He has been in the life for several years i have not. As it turns our He recently offered me His collar which i proudly accepted. Never would i have guessed that would ever occur since initially we were both looking for something different. As for becoming less dominant i have found that He is becoming more so since i now belong to Him. I do know others that have experienced what you are tho and they say it is because of the more loving relationship. The Dom told me that he has difficulty hurting her now that he loves her. They are working on the issue with my Master as a consultant i guess you would say. Maybe that would help.

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RE: Emotional attachment and D/s - 12/24/2006 9:18:15 PM

MasterFireMaam

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The only thing that you can do, really, is keep serving. It's up to him to work out "his stuff"; no one can do it for him.

Master Fire

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RE: Emotional attachment and D/s - 12/25/2006 7:59:05 AM

cadence

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Thank you both for your views, both the hope from Diamond and the advice from MasterFire. I guess I can only wait and see if it works out. I hope you have wonderful holidays. cadence

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RE: Emotional attachment and D/s - 12/25/2006 2:26:19 PM

outlier

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Cadence,

I had this sort of "protective/Ds" relationship with a woman
for a long time until I lost her to cancer.

In our case the details had to be worked out, built between us.

I sent you an email on the other side if you and or your dom
want to talk in more detail. All the best to you two.

Outlier

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Worth the time, the thought - or rather, the thoughtfulness - and, often,
the waiting." Pete Seeger

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RE: Emotional attachment and D/s - 12/25/2006 3:14:21 PM

Samwhiplash

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Can completely understand this. Im sure it will work out for you both soon as he gets to understand his feelings a little more :)

Happy Christmas to all.

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RE: Emotional attachment and D/s - 12/25/2006 3:26:07 PM

outlier

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Cadence,

Another thought,

There is a highly recommended book called The Loving Dominant

The author John Warren posts to these boards and is about to come
out with a third edition. A gift for your dom perhaps?

You are not alone, caring is an integral part of the Ds experience
for many people.

Outlier

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"A happy sex life may take years to achieve, but it’s worth it in the long run.
Worth the time, the thought - or rather, the thoughtfulness - and, often,
the waiting." Pete Seeger

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RE: Emotional attachment and D/s - 12/25/2006 3:30:00 PM

bandit25

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MasterFireMaam usually is spot on. I find her wise beyond her years...lol, but I mean it.

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RE: Emotional attachment and D/s - 12/25/2006 5:42:41 PM

Wanderlusty

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Personally, I would never be a slave to anyone who didn't love me. But that's just me.

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RE: Emotional attachment and D/s - 12/26/2006 7:41:58 AM

MmakeMme

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I don't see any reason why His feeling of protection would interfere with His Domination. In fact, if it is still an interest for both of you, it will enhance the D/s bond. It might have to change slightly, say if His thing was sadistic and He no longer feels the urge to be that way with you. It can be mental Domination and that of emotion and feeling instead. I wish you much luck and love.

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RE: Emotional attachment and D/s - 12/26/2006 10:32:20 AM

classykindasassy

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My Dom and i have similar circumstances.

The only thing I can say is that you both have to be ruthlessly honest with yourselves about what you want, so you can decide if you are up for making this go.

I constantly have to get into my rational mind, and out of the side of my mind where my ego is, and obedience to the staus quo is, to stay in the relationship i am in, because there is no map for what we are doing. He is married to a vanilla lady, and i have to deal with some facts:

1. I say to self i want to live with the one i'm with, and yet that is no guarantee of happiness - as i see the staleness of marriages around me, and have my own experience to draw from. It all has to do with the story i tell myself.
2. I say to self i deserve to be "the only" or "the alpha". But then i wonder if i am just being a brat.
3. If He were not such a fine person, rare to find, i would have given up long ago.
4. still it is hard, considering that he does not want to spend his life living with me...that i will be alone while he grows old with someone else...
Ultimately it's a choice i have to make daily to change a story i'm telling myself - and a wonder that follows me - if what i'm doing is right...then, what is right? People can go moral, they can lie to themselves, live in the past, or take what is right in front of them and seize the day...

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RE: Emotional attachment and D/s - 12/29/2006 8:01:01 PM

acctonthelook

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imho, if he's losing ideas for bdsm maybe he's not looking at you as a sub in the D/s dynamic.

maybe there's no challenge coming from you? for him to Master.

i often set a challenge on purpose, but then again i can be down right bratty and playful and manipulative for many reasons, not just because. though sometimes i am, just to spur him in interest. it challenges my Dom. it kicks his natural tendacy to be Dominent and adds the spice again

part of D/s is for a Master to learn, mold, guide you...are you sharing enough, so he may do these things?
if not, why is he not asking, discovering, and deliberating the things that will make you better for him and your growth?

note: his protective demeanor and knock it senseless with challenging him in whatever capacity you find works for you. what gets him going? do it? challenge him...he may actually like it.

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