Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

RE: Saying how you feel


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> RE: Saying how you feel Page: <<   < prev  1 [2] 3   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
RE: Saying how you feel - 12/26/2006 4:31:15 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Bosn

Okay, now I know my lifestyle is different than ya'll. Since when did a Master have a "relationship" with his slaves? I realize in the Dom/sub world this may be okay since they both actually can switch it on and off (scening).
Oh well, I guess we all define our lives and how we live it in our own way.
Bosn


Being that "relationship" means the state of relating to another, a Master does indeed have a relationship with his slaves.  The degree to which he chooses to relate is entirely up to him.

Some Masters enjoy a romantic type relationship with their slaves.  Mine, however, does not. Love does not equal romance, and I don't confuse the two.  Have you never felt affection for a pet?

(in reply to Bosn)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Saying how you feel - 12/26/2006 6:11:08 PM   
Bosn


Posts: 54
Joined: 9/19/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

Being that "relationship" means the state of relating to another, a Master does indeed have a relationship with his slaves.  The degree to which he chooses to relate is entirely up to him.

Some Masters enjoy a romantic type relationship with their slaves.  Mine, however, does not. Love does not equal romance, and I don't confuse the two.  Have you never felt affection for a pet?


Semantics again. But since you show that you do know what I'm talking about...
Yes. Of course I develop some affection for my slaves. And they are rewarded for doing well. I am, however, very careful that it does not grow into anything else because it is my experience that once the "romantic" relationship starts, so do the expectations... the special perks...
Bosn

(in reply to ownedgirlie)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Saying how you feel - 12/26/2006 6:33:13 PM   
dawntreader


Posts: 3045
Joined: 11/23/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

He told me he loved me four months later.  Shocked the hell out of me.  He doesn't say it often - that's just now how he is.  But he shows it all the time, which fulfills me greatly.  When I tell him I love him, he will often reply with a very tender voice, saying, "I know you do, dear." and that alone makes me swoon.  There has never been anything lonely for me about loving him.  All I wanted was for him to know and believe that I do, and to accept it.  Remember, my history does not have a lot of people in it who accepted my love.  He gave me a place to love safely and completely, which meant far more to me than hearing the gushy words back.  That he does love me is just absolutely delicious icing on a very sweet cake


Edited to add the clarification that my fear of telling him in the first place was not that he wouldn't love me back; it was that he would not accept my love for him, which would have been incredibly painful.


i can totally relate to this... a place to love safely, to be allowed to love, regardless...

(in reply to ownedgirlie)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Saying how you feel - 12/26/2006 7:24:04 PM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Bosn

quote:

ORIGINAL: ownedgirlie

Being that "relationship" means the state of relating to another, a Master does indeed have a relationship with his slaves.  The degree to which he chooses to relate is entirely up to him.

Some Masters enjoy a romantic type relationship with their slaves.  Mine, however, does not. Love does not equal romance, and I don't confuse the two.  Have you never felt affection for a pet?


Semantics again. But since you show that you do know what I'm talking about...
Yes. Of course I develop some affection for my slaves. And they are rewarded for doing well. I am, however, very careful that it does not grow into anything else because it is my experience that once the "romantic" relationship starts, so do the expectations... the special perks...
Bosn

Only if the Master allows it.  My Master loves me, but he does not romance me, and my expectations are very few, having only to do with that which he said I should and could expect from the outset. I believe it really just depends on how the Master manages himself and the situation.

(in reply to Bosn)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Saying how you feel - 12/26/2006 7:33:16 PM   
slavemaia


Posts: 395
Joined: 8/26/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: wingedangel

I've been in an introspective mood today, indulging in an exploration of all the what-ifs.  One relationship in particular has me thinking.  It is far too late for that relationship, but as I am contemplating a new relationship at this time, I find I don't want to repeat the same mistakes I have in the past.  I am sure this has been covered at some point in the forums, but I haven't been able to find anything, so please pardon me if this is a repeat.

I think my greatest regret is that I was too afraid to tell the Dominant in my life at that time how much I loved him.  There were many occasions when he would gently ask what I was feeling, knowing full well I was very emotionally connected to him and likely was simply trying to draw out what he already knew I was thinking, but I just couldn't bring myself to verbalize it.  I wish I hadn't been so timid.  I'm not even sure what I was afraid of... it wasn't simply a fear of rejection, but more than likely past conditioning coming back to plague me.  Still, if I could do it again, I think I would rather have taken the risk and told him I loved him and hoped for a deeper relationship. 

So, my question to the Masters (and any subs/slaves who would be willing to share their experiences)... When is it appropriate for a sub to express her (or his, I am just writing from my own orientation here, not intending to leave anyone out) love for her Dominant?  And, as a Dom/Master, how would you prefer such an expression to be presented?  And I am sure this is unique to each relationship, but is there a point where 'just a sub' (nothing derogatory there, just differentiating it from more committed relationships) can become a potential life partner and how does that change evolve?


i read an excerpt from a book called "Slavecraft". i haven't had the opportunity to read the whole book, but the excerpt itself was extremely thought provoking. It was described that a slave, in order to be truly owned by her Master, needs to be as transparent as possible or else she is withholding what rightfully belongs to her Master. What is real vulnerability and real nakedness other than allowing another to see deeply into my heart and soul? It's my opinion that all thoughts and emotions should be revealed to Master so that He receives full value from His property. It deepens the relationship tremendously and increases the energy of the power exchange. This has been my experience. And i continue to risk revealing more completely who i am and what i feel to my Master. For me M/s is nothing without nakedness - and it has nothing to do with clothing.
 
The fact that you regret not having stated your feelings says enough dontcha think? 

_____________________________


She reaches up, not for the apple, but for what causes it to be there.
slave to love - - Chairman's maia

(in reply to wingedangel)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Saying how you feel - 12/26/2006 8:37:58 PM   
akisha


Posts: 2071
Joined: 6/25/2005
Status: offline 		~FR~

I can understand the holding back... I did it and I still do it. I knew i loved Sir probably a month of so before I ever said anything. I found myself catching myself and stopping myself from saying the words " I love You"

Then I realized something.
- Yes I could be rejected, but why would he reject me for that if He has not rejected me before?
- Just because I say I love Him does not automatically require that he has to say it back. People do not always fall in love at the same time. Because I came to love him before he does me is not a bad thing. His loving me has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that I love him.
- One of my stupider ideas was that if I said it first it would be a sign of weakness. LOL sometimes I wonder about my brain and thought patterns at times.

I finally decided that by fighting against saying it, i was only stressing myself. Him saying it back was not a requirement, i just wanted to let him know how I felt. He could do with it what he wanted and that was fine.

I have a problem with admitting emotional attatchment, and not just with a partner but with everyone. It takes me a long time to admit it. I don't think that is a healthy or a good thing to be that tightly self controlled. Telling someone how you feel is a good thing, it can get you hurt, but usually it doesn't. Plus then you never have the regret of thinking, "oh my god, I wish I had had the time to say I love you just once"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Hope everyone had a wonderful Christmas and if you don't celebrate then a wonderful weekend *S*

_____________________________

I'm confused.... No wait!!! Maybe I'm not

It's not a blonde moment! It's momentary peroxide posioning. ;)

Your pain makes me smile ~ Happy Bunny

532-095-649

(in reply to wingedangel)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Saying how you feel - 12/26/2006 11:00:30 PM   
sleazy


Posts: 781
Joined: 11/23/2006
From: UK
Status: offline 		For me feelings are always open to discussion, both ways. That could be something as simple as "I dont feel to good today I have a headache", right upto expressions of love. That does not mean that if the dynamics of the relationship are set so that I will act on any expressed feeling, but I will always listen to them and they will be in the back of my mind

_____________________________

Opinion is packaged by weight not volume, contents may settle during transit. Consult you medical practitioner. Do not attempt to stop moving parts by hand. Ensure all safety shields in place. Open this way up. Do not expose to temperatures exceeding 50C

(in reply to akisha)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Saying how you feel - 12/27/2006 3:31:07 AM   
eyesopened


Posts: 2798
Joined: 6/12/2006
From: Tampa, FL
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: akisha

~FR~

Then I realized something.
- Yes I could be rejected, but why would he reject me for that if He has not rejected me before?



As Bosn said He is very careful not to let His slaves have a romantic connection with Him, i can honestly say i have been rejected for using the "L" word and even for it becoming apparant that i have fallen in love.  Having experienced that rejection several times i keep my sillyness to myself and have gone as far as to leave a relationship because i have fallen in love and know it will hurt less to leave than to be asked to leave the dynamic. 


_____________________________

Proudly owned by InkedMaster. He is the one i obey, serve, honor and love.

No one is honored for what they've received. Honor is the reward for what has been given.

(in reply to akisha)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Saying how you feel - 12/27/2006 7:56:35 AM   
akisha


Posts: 2071
Joined: 6/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: eyesopened
As Bosn said He is very careful not to let His slaves have a romantic connection with Him, i can honestly say i have been rejected for using the "L" word and even for it becoming apparant that i have fallen in love.  Having experienced that rejection several times i keep my sillyness to myself and have gone as far as to leave a relationship because i have fallen in love and know it will hurt less to leave than to be asked to leave the dynamic. 




Oh I realize the possibility is there and if He is going to reject me for loving Him then it's not a relationship I want to be in anyway.

I've never had the desire to be nothing more then someones property. Not saying it's wrong for others, it's just wrong for me. If I want nothing more then to be used well that's pretty easy to find. I want more then that and I freely admit it. I know what I need to be successful in a relationship of this nature, and being cared for is the major one.

If I loved someone and was informed or discouvered that they never would or never could love me in return, then I'd accept that and move on. For me, I feel I deserve to be in a loving relationship. Plus I would work harder to please someone I cared for or loved then someone that just wanted to use me. I'm kind of stubborn that way.

The few times I've been involved with someone that had no emotional connection I found my desire to strive to please was seriously lacking. It never lasted long as I had a tendancy to drift away because I really didn't give a damn.

< Message edited by akisha -- 12/27/2006 7:59:48 AM >

_____________________________

I'm confused.... No wait!!! Maybe I'm not

It's not a blonde moment! It's momentary peroxide posioning. ;)

Your pain makes me smile ~ Happy Bunny

532-095-649

(in reply to eyesopened)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Saying how you feel - 12/27/2006 1:23:03 PM   
cinnfulhussy


Posts: 135
Joined: 1/30/2005
Status: offline 		I have never had a problem really expressing emotions like love.  What I have problems with is expressing what I see as negative emotions.  Somewhere in my deep sub<haha>conscious, I must feel its wrong of me to not be in complete agreement with Master at all times. Maybe I feel it makes me less submissive.  When he makes me angry, or sad, or frustrated I really have a hard time telling him. I tend to hold things in, and then explode at inopportune moments, much confusing, and often overwhelming the both of us.
When I bottle things up, I often act in passive aggressive ways.  Over the last 9 years we have been working on my communication skills, and teaching me respectful ways to express negative emotions so that they get dealt with when they need to be, not after they have escalated to a dangerous point.  I'm better than I used to be, but I still have a long way to go with truly being comfortable or even consistent in expressing negative emotions.  I guess also part of my subconscious reasoning is that perhaps he will reject me for being difficult or for not agreeing etc.

_____________________________

Contrary to popular belief, slavery is not the path of least resistance.

(in reply to akisha)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Saying how you feel - 12/29/2006 7:00:20 PM   
acctonthelook


Posts: 245
Joined: 3/28/2006
Status: offline 		Wingedangel,

you touch my heart because the same thing happened to me but a bit different.  he wanted my love, he stated it was happening....i pulled back.

see i am a realist and i know that there's more to "love" than just how i feel in the infatuation stage.  he expected too much too soon and i could not give that too him at that point in time. 

being submissive doesn't mean for me, that i am required to fall head over heels, deeply in infatuation where i'm confusing that for long term everlasting love.  he thought otherwise.  he then hurt me terribly by ignoring me, not taking phone calls all the while emailing me that it was my fault, in the end. 

as a realist, i'm not stupid enough to think, infatuation is love. infatuation doesn't bond two people. for me common interests in D/s and everyday life interest and goals and preferences do. 

he lost a very adoring sub, to his pride.

< Message edited by acctonthelook -- 12/29/2006 7:02:45 PM >

(in reply to wingedangel)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Saying how you feel - 12/29/2006 7:15:53 PM   
DiurnalVampire


Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: wingedangel
So, my question to the Masters (and any subs/slaves who would be willing to share their experiences)... When is it appropriate for a sub to express her (or his, I am just writing from my own orientation here, not intending to leave anyone out) love for her Dominant?  And, as a Dom/Master, how would you prefer such an expression to be presented?  And I am sure this is unique to each relationship, but is there a point where 'just a sub' (nothing derogatory there, just differentiating it from more committed relationships) can become a potential life partner and how does that change evolve?

When I heard it for the first time, I was rather shocked, actually. I knew how I had felt about him, but I was fairly sure he was still keeping his distance because of past history.  And, the frst tim he said it... it just sort of slipped into the conversation.  Thats the best way, in my opinion.  Dont plan it, dont even think too much about it.  Just say it when it occurs to you. I dont onestly know anyone who cant appreciate feelings like those even if they arent necessarily mutual. Id prefer to let someone know how I feel about them and risk their not sharing the feeling than look back later and regret I ddnt say anything.
Personlly, and this is just me, I only take on a slave with the intention of making him or her a life partner. 

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to wingedangel)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Saying how you feel - 12/29/2006 7:51:07 PM   
KnightofMists


Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: wingedangel
... When is it appropriate for a sub to express her...... love for her Dominant? 



when the sub feels confident enought accept the ripples that this stone shall cause as it drops into the pool of water.


quote:


And, as a Dom/Master, how would you prefer such an expression to be presented? 


expressed with sincerity

quote:


, but is there a point where 'just a sub' (nothing derogatory there, just differentiating it from more committed relationships) can become a potential life partner and how does that change evolve?


when both make that life commitment... how it evolves will be subjective and dependent on the individuals envolved.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to wingedangel)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Saying how you feel - 12/29/2006 8:53:00 PM   
Sanity


Posts: 22039
Joined: 6/14/2006
From: Nampa, Idaho USA
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: wingedangel

When is it appropriate for a sub to express her love for her Dominant?  And, as a Dom/Master, how would you prefer such an expression to be presented?  And I am sure this is unique to each relationship, but is there a point where 'just a sub' can become a potential life partner and how does that change evolve?



Long version? I think that to all of mankinds' detriment, women have usurped the power that Men have held since ancient times through the telling and re-telling of Fairy Tales to their charges in the cradle, and that the relatively new concept of Romantic Love is how women have learned to craftily bring Men to their knees.

Short version - If you want a Prince on bended knee, kiss a Prince on bended knee. If you want a Dom, or a Master, keep your eyes lowered, and your mind on what you can do to please your owner.

(in reply to wingedangel)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Saying how you feel - 12/30/2006 12:59:07 AM   
ownedgirlie


Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KnightofMists

when the sub feels confident enought accept the ripples that this stone shall cause as it drops into the pool of water.



What a beautiful answer.  Then again, I have a thing about ripples.  Long story.  But a very lovely answer.

(in reply to KnightofMists)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Saying how you feel - 12/30/2006 7:14:43 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

I can understand the holding back... I did it and I still do it.


This is interesting.  I think I have the opposite problem.  I give too much and expect too much.  When it would (probably) be better to hold back and not be so eager, not be so free with what I give up.  I've always felt that it is preferable to lay it all out and that is the best way to find the right person.  I'm not convinced it is the right way to go.


_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to akisha)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Saying how you feel - 12/30/2006 9:04:58 AM   
MasterBreaker


Posts: 1
Joined: 12/29/2006
Status: offline 		i think in order to fully submit and put yrself thru a strong relationship ,love develops ojn its own. this is something that i have gone thru as well.

with my sub ,i always want whatever her true feelings r at that time to be told to me .....so i guess i feel subs shud not wait for a moment to say it .

(in reply to Bosn)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Saying how you feel - 12/30/2006 9:29:10 AM   
Mercnbeth


Posts: 11766
Status: offline
quote:

When it would (probably) be better to hold back and not be so eager, not be so free with what I give up.  I've always felt that it is preferable to lay it all out and that is the best way to find the right person.  I'm not convinced it is the right way to go.


You should be convinced its the right way to go. Anything else is delaying the experience you'll have to go through anyway. To avoid disclosing any clues or hints to the feelings you are holding back you'll end up holding back feelings that thoughts that don't even relate to the "held back" issues. You'll start hearing; "what's wrong?" and before answering having to censor yourself. Ultimately you'll avoid the issue, avoid the potential for slipping some aspect of the undisclosed feeling, you'll avoid the person. You're not ensuring success by keeping those thoughts a secret, you're just delaying failure.

Disclose early, disclose often, be "naked" with your soul and sentiments and be comfortable in that nakedness. Your "laying it all out" is the way to find the right person. It's so much easier than worrying about what topics or thoughts that are taboo. There is sentiment that a relationship and in particular communication within a relationship is "work". No it isn't "work". The work is getting to the point where it isn't "work" to be in the relationship, to express feelings, or to be in the company of your partner. If you have to always be running a background program of excluded subjects for discussion or have a question you are prohibited to answer because the answer creates conflict; that's "work". 

We hope you never feel that taking the easy route of expecting and giving less of yourself is "better". It's a shortcut that leads to a longer path to your goal.

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Saying how you feel - 12/30/2006 3:21:04 PM   
xBullx


Posts: 4206
Joined: 10/8/2005
Status: offline 		Hello Wingedangel,

I’m most likely going to, as I normally do answer this a bit differently. This doesn’t apply to everyone, but within my life a slave’s devotion is not dependent on love or reward. Her service is a requirement not a gift. She fully understands her service to her owner and do to her internal desire to submit she executes this faithfully. Blah, blah, blah.

Of course I understand the consequences of becoming emotionally attached to my embonded slutlings. And yes it is an absolute challenge for a man to find he loves something that he is to maintain absolute control over. His unbending discipline may produce cracks. His firm resolve may become at tad mushy. His very ability to maintain command could become compromised. But isn’t that why we are supposed to “master” ourselves in order to reign over another. Should a slave be deprived one her most remarkable and precious traits of all? I am of the mind that if you rob a woman of the gift she is most revered for; you have denied yourself the true essence of the woman.

In her very service a woman in love displays her true feelings; a wiggle of happiness in her gate; a smile as she cleans the restroom and straightens the stack of his favorite literature. The passion in her love making; the selfless service that only a woman in love is actually capable of.

When should she express it, this love; she should always express it. In the simplest of her tasks to those wonderful words that even the gruffest old man longs to hear. Don’t let these wall building men terrified to show their mortal weaknesses tell you that they don’t need love.

 Love is not very often an immediate effect. And the fire that flashes fast and bright normally burns out quite quickly. Love grows daily, it is always sipping from the pool of a relationship. Don’t hide from it girl, giggle at its wonderment, embrace it and give it like there is no tomorrow. I hope I am answering the question as you intended.

Serve well,

Bull

(in reply to wingedangel)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Saying how you feel - 12/30/2006 3:29:57 PM   
akisha


Posts: 2071
Joined: 6/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: xBullx

<snip>
In her very service a woman in love displays her true feelings; a wiggle of happiness in her gate; a smile as she cleans the restroom and straightens the stack of his favorite literature. The passion in her love making; the selfless service that only a woman in love is actually capable of.

When should she express it, this love; she should always express it. In the simplest of her tasks to those wonderful words that even the gruffest old man longs to hear. Don’t let these wall building men terrified to show their mortal weaknesses tell you that they don’t need love.

Love is not very often an immediate effect. And the fire that flashes fast and bright normally burns out quite quickly. Love grows daily, it is always sipping from the pool of a relationship. <snip>



I completely and totally agree with You xBullx *S*

_____________________________

I'm confused.... No wait!!! Maybe I'm not

It's not a blonde moment! It's momentary peroxide posioning. ;)

Your pain makes me smile ~ Happy Bunny

532-095-649

(in reply to xBullx)
Profile   Post #: 40
Page:   <<   < prev  1 [2] 3   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> RE: Saying how you feel Page: <<   < prev  1 [2] 3   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.094