Why I'm Better Than Your Boyfriend(s) (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Casual Banter] >> Polls and Other Random Stupidity



Message

TreSwank -> Why I'm Better Than Your Boyfriend(s) (12/25/2006 7:43:31 PM)

(To the Collarme ladies out there.)     
 
   I'm better than your boyfriend, and you damn well know it.  You know why you should know it?  You should know it because I know it, and I don't ever know your boyfriend.       
 
    I smell better than your boyfriend, speak the English language more fluently than your boyfriend, and can even do more jumping jacks than your boyfriend.  If your boyfriend isn't TreSwank, than you'd better rest assured that you settled for second-best, baby.  I know you've got that emotional attachment to him, but TRUST ME...........your judgment is a little off-base if you've decided to not to shower TreSwank with your adoration.  IT's A FACT!!!!!!

He may have taken those tentative baby steps with you.......opened up to you........kept you warm those nights when the last thing on earth that you wanted was to confront that vast, existential lonliness that you've been avoiding since you were a teenager.  Well.......TreSwank is all of those things WITH AN EXPONENT.  Hell- I can eat seven hot-dogs in one sitting.  I just want you girls out there to fess up.   It's alright - I've got the patience of a saint.

Remember Ladies:  The truth will set you free.  My "ego" could punk your boyfriend's "ego" out in federal prison.  Drop the pretense, and get with the program.   If your significant other is in the room right now, take a long, hard glance at him.  How much do you really love that man?  Well, guess what?  Even if it's "alot", you still got screwed over because it ain't TreSwank.

Most folks walk into a room thinkin' they're smarter than everybody else within eyesight.  Well..........I don't just think that.........I KNOW IT with a primal conviction that could make you orgasm just by sitting back near it's presence and thumpin' your snatch with an egg-turner.   OH YEAH. 



cuddleheart50 -> RE: Why I'm Better Than Your Boyfriend(s) (12/25/2006 7:51:20 PM)

Tre, you need to go on the road with this....you are one funny guy!!!



AquaticSub -> RE: Why I'm Better Than Your Boyfriend(s) (12/25/2006 8:01:55 PM)

What is your geek status and geek expertise? That's how I judge a man. [:D]



caitlyn -> RE: Why I'm Better Than Your Boyfriend(s) (12/25/2006 8:20:22 PM)

This requires a questioneer ...
 
1. What kind of car do you drive?
 
2. Are you able to bribe someone under 21, into a bar?
 
3. Will you be upset if I flip songs on XM, roughly every twenty seconds?
 
4. Do you have better clothes than that g.h.a.y. army shirt?



Emperor1956 -> RE: Why I'm Better Than Your Boyfriend(s) (12/25/2006 9:01:27 PM)

TreSwank, I took a poll of a few women I know on CollarMe and they said, unanimously, that you are in fact better than their respective boyfriends in almost all regards.

The only place you came up short was the really tiny penis issue.

Sorry, dude.

E.



mymasterssub69 -> RE: Why I'm Better Than Your Boyfriend(s) (12/25/2006 9:04:39 PM)

*adds name to bottom of list*

will get back to you on that one...



TreSwank -> RE: Why I'm Better Than Your Boyfriend(s) (12/25/2006 10:07:48 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Emperor1956

TreSwank, I took a poll of a few women I know on CollarMe and they said, unanimously, that you are in fact better than their respective boyfriends in almost all regards.

The only place you came up short was the really tiny penis issue.

Sorry, dude.

E.



WHATEVA...........
       Tiny penises are in awesome demand right now.  Right, guys?  (Silence, and  crickets churping in the backgroud)

By the way, Caitlyn......................I do dress really well. (I'm talking about better than most women)  That picture was after a double shift at my shitty, demanding job, and I still manage to look kinda-sorta handsome.  My hair is different nowadays..............but I'm a sexy beast, no matter what the naysayers try to sling at the Swanksta..  (I'm SOOOOOOO drunk right now, Caitlyn.  I won't even remember this post in the morning.)



Lordandmaster -> RE: Why I'm Better Than Your Boyfriend(s) (12/25/2006 10:15:04 PM)

Laugh!

quote:

ORIGINAL: Emperor1956

The only place you came up short was the really tiny penis issue.



TreSwank -> RE: Why I'm Better Than Your Boyfriend(s) (12/25/2006 10:16:57 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

Laugh!

quote:

ORIGINAL: Emperor1956

The only place you came up short was the really tiny penis issue.



Like I said, guy.  Tiny penises are the foie gras of the erotic realm.

    What am I talkin' about?  I've had way too many Jack and Cokes to be functional.  I just want to hug everyone before I turn into a tired curmudgeon in the morning. 

      I'm gonna call it a night.  I hope that all of you have a wonderful holiday season, and don't have to feel half as shitty as I do in the morning!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



LadyFrancesca -> RE: Why I'm Better Than Your Boyfriend(s) (12/26/2006 12:16:56 AM)

::doing my best Lewis Black impression::

Where does one find a drug that makes one so delusional?  [sm=confused.gif]




DiurnalVampire -> RE: Why I'm Better Than Your Boyfriend(s) (12/26/2006 12:57:41 AM)

Tre, i think I love you in that purely platonic not better than my boyfriend kinda way.
That made me laugh so hard, i tipped my poor laptop over.

DV



RedSavageSlave -> RE: Why I'm Better Than Your Boyfriend(s) (12/26/2006 4:34:14 AM)

Ok..

Did anyone see the Disney cartoon version of Beauty and the Beast??

If so...I just want to say that the OP just got that song from the movie going in my head where the town bully who wants Belle starts singing his own praises..


Gaston:
Who does she think she is?
That girl has tangled with the wrong man!
LeFou:
Darn right.
Gaston:
No one says "no" to Gaston!
Dismissed! Rejected!
Publicly humiliated! Why, it's more than I can bear.
LeFou:
More beer?
Gaston:
What for? Nothing helps. I'm disgraced.
LeFou:
Who, you? Never! Gaston, you've got to pull yourself together.
Lefou:
Gosh it disturbs me to see you, Gaston
Looking so down in the dumps
Ev'ry guy here'd love to be you, Gaston
Even when taking your lumps
There's no man in town as admired as you
You're ev'ryone's favorite guy
Ev'ryone's awed and inspired by you
And it's not very hard to see why
No one's slick as Gaston
No one's quick as Gaston
No one's neck's as incredibly thick as Gaston's
For there's no man in town half as manly
Perfect, a pure paragon!
You can ask any Tom, Dick or Stanley
And they'll tell you whose team they prefer to be on
Lefou and Chorus:
No one's been like Gaston
A king pin like Gaston
LeFou:
No one's got a swell cleft in his chin like Gaston
Gaston:
As a specimen, yes, I'm intimidating!
Lefou and Chorus:
My what a guy, that Gaston!
Give five "hurrahs!"
Give twelve "hip-hips!"
LeFou:
Gaston is the best
And the rest is all drips
Chorus:
No one fights like Gaston
Douses lights like Gaston
LeFou:
In a wrestling match nobody bites like Gaston!
Bimbettes:
For there's no one as burly and brawny
Gaston:
As you see I've got biceps to spare
LeFou:
Not a bit of him's scraggly or scrawny
Gaston:
That's right!
And ev'ry last inch of me's covered with hair
Chorus:
No one hits like Gaston
Matches wits like Gaston
LeFou:
In a spitting match nobody spits like Gaston
Gaston:
I'm espcially good at expectorating!
Ptoooie!
Chorus:
Ten points for Gaston!
Gaston:
When I was a lad I ate four dozen eggs
Ev'ry morning to help me get large
And now that I'm grown I eat five dozen eggs
So I'm roughly the size of a barge!
Chorus:
Oh, ahhh, wow!
My what a guy, that Gaston!
No one shoots like Gaston
Makes those beauts like Gaston
LeFou:
Then goes tromping around wearing boots like Gaston
Gaston:
I use antlers in all of my decorating!
Chorus:
My what a guy,
Gaston!



RazorJAK -> RE: Why I'm Better Than Your Boyfriend(s) (12/26/2006 4:41:25 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyFrancesca

::doing my best Lewis Black impression::

Where does one find a drug that makes one so delusional?  [sm=confused.gif]




Republican conventions :-)




mugwump -> RE: Why I'm Better Than Your Boyfriend(s) (12/26/2006 4:42:26 AM)

hey, Treswank.....wanna know why i'm better than your boyfriend ....?   [;)]
 
hope neither of your heads are throbbing toooo badly after last night's little indulgence.
 



RazorJAK -> RE: Why I'm Better Than Your Boyfriend(s) (12/26/2006 4:58:37 AM)


For some odd reason I am having an odd craving to reread "The Naked Lunch".  I wonder why.



mymasterssub69 -> RE: Why I'm Better Than Your Boyfriend(s) (12/26/2006 6:06:44 AM)

ROFL!

had to stop reading or i would spit my coffee all over the screen



LaTigresse -> RE: Why I'm Better Than Your Boyfriend(s) (12/26/2006 7:35:20 AM)

Priceless..........



smilezz -> RE: Why I'm Better Than Your Boyfriend(s) (12/26/2006 7:57:12 AM)

Faxes everyone paper towels...........just in case your coffee came out your nose.

*grinz*



Aileen68 -> RE: Why I'm Better Than Your Boyfriend(s) (12/26/2006 8:01:37 AM)

Now Tre... if I remember correctly, you don't like eating pussy.
All good boyfriends that I've had have enjoyed  good pussy eating.
The more they've enjoyed it, the more I've enjoyed it. 
It's a vital part of any relationship in my book.
Soooo....how would you get around this little roadblock?



FullCircle -> RE: Why I'm Better Than Your Boyfriend(s) (12/26/2006 8:55:23 AM)

It’s nice to be confident I feel. They say that pride comes before a fall but it’s not known why this is. I’ve never felt pride just before falling over so it’s debateable as to if the pride and fall are linked in anyway. Or is it pride comes before a fool? Nah that can’t be the right saying.

In summary: Nice to be confident, no proven link between pride and falls.



Page: [1] 2   next >   >>

Valid CSS!




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy
0.046875