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anonymity - 12/26/2006 12:32:05 PM   
nytesub


Posts: 5
Joined: 12/19/2006
Status: offline 		hello,  recently, i sent a photo to a Domme on collarme upon her request. i was not sure if i should send a photo revealing my face because i did not know this person, and i was being cautious about my anonymity because of questionable people out there. so, i was a evasive, and i sent a nice pic of my whole body with my face partially covered by feathers. she replied back saying that i was rude and disobedient for covering my face.

was i rude and disobedient? 
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: anonymity - 12/26/2006 12:46:56 PM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: nytesub

hello, recently, i sent a photo to a Domme on collarme upon her request. i was not sure if i should send a photo revealing my face because i did not know this person, and i was being cautious about my anonymity because of questionable people out there. so, i was a evasive, and i sent a nice pic of my whole body with my face partially covered by feathers. she replied back saying that i was rude and disobedient for covering my face.

was i rude and disobedient?


First, unless you are in a relationship where you have given someone else your obedience, how could be you be disobedient? You didn't do what she asked in her interpretation but that isn't disobedient in my opinion.

Second, because some women receive unwanted and unasked for cock shots or body part shots they can be very upset when they get nudity instead of a face.

Yes, you do need to be careful. In the future I'd suggest asking what exactly a person requests and if you aren't comfortable yet sending that, say so. They don't like it, too bad, you do need to take care of yourself first.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to nytesub)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: anonymity - 12/26/2006 1:55:15 PM   
blmtrsne


Posts: 201
Joined: 6/29/2004
Status: offline 		I'm a Belgian Mistress having the same attitude: unless you want to play imediately, there's no reason to expose your identity. Someone who wants a picture right away and is not interested in getting to know you may be asking to much or is a fake.
There are a lot of collectors and bashing people out there.

_____________________________

-- Owner of slrn733561 --

(in reply to nytesub)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: anonymity - 12/26/2006 3:25:44 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		It depends on if she asked for a face shot. I like to have face shots simply because I like a face to go with the name and words. As far as privacy, I'm out and I expect my household to be comfortable (and proud) of their relationship with me. It doesn't have to be shouted or even shown to everyone, but if someone called "Master Fire!" on the street, I'd automatically acknowledge. So, it could be a good weeding tool for you if you need a level of privacy that exceeds that; if she's uncomfortable with you revealing slowly, she might not be a match for you.

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to nytesub)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: anonymity - 12/26/2006 3:29:10 PM   
Samwhiplash


Posts: 191
Joined: 10/5/2005
Status: offline 		I regularly ask for face pix from new people I have exchanged a mail or two with. I like to know initially if I find them at all attractive - particularly as they get to see my pic without asking.

If you sent a naked shot... then I would be pretty f**ked off too !

< Message edited by Samwhiplash -- 12/26/2006 3:31:01 PM >

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: anonymity - 12/26/2006 4:02:33 PM   
rick19


Posts: 98
Status: offline 		If a Domme has a picture of her face, then it is only fair that you show her what you look like as well. However is she is pushy or has no pictures up, then you shouldn't do it, in my opinion.

(in reply to nytesub)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: anonymity - 12/26/2006 4:06:13 PM   
twistedwillow


Posts: 546
Joined: 11/23/2006
Status: offline 		You don't say in your op weather the pic was a nude or not, only that it was a nice pic of your body, that in my opinion would be a clothed pic,  but our definitions may differ.

However if im talking to someone and i ask for a  (generic) pic, i generally  mean a face pic, as its nice to be able to put a face to the person im talking too. So if you sent me a pic shielding your face, i would ask specifically for a face pic, and if you couldnt\wouldnt comply, with out a very good reason.  I would probably just say good luck in your search your not what im looking for.  But i wouldnt call you disobedient or naughty, because you dont owe me any loyalty or obedience.

Just to add, if you sent a nude pic, id probably not bother talking to you again anyway, as dicks are a dime a dozen and generally  indicative of someone out for cheap thrills.
good luck in your search.

twistedwillow

_____________________________

Jesus died to forgive our sins. Dare we make his martyrdom meaningless by not committing them? —Jules Feiffer
Don't be fooled by the pretty words and sweet face.. sarcasm is the norm not the exception.



(in reply to nytesub)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: anonymity - 12/27/2006 11:28:29 AM   
nytesub


Posts: 5
Joined: 12/19/2006
Status: offline 		thanks everyone for Your reply. it was not a nude shot, but it did show some skin. there was no picture of her. She was still able to see some of my face.

(in reply to twistedwillow)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: anonymity - 12/27/2006 2:23:06 PM   
openmindedslave


Posts: 470
Joined: 2/27/2005
Status: offline 		The fear of "discovery " for many  really keeps so many  ideas and questions about this lifestyle behind closed doors. Not to mention that there is the fear of who is going to get your picture and where it may end up. We have all read stories of people who have used  pictures of strangers on their profiles. Either to hide their identity or to run a scam..

However, a proper  respectful head shot to someone who wants to know who you are  is not unreasonable. Infact from a Mistress stand point, it may be the only way she can rememeber a otenial sub or slave , since she maybe  getting hundreds of emails from all sorts of people. 

Maybe a request for a picture tells a submissive something else. If they ask for a facial picture in the first couple of  emails , then it may show some honest interest. If they ask for a nude or humilating picture of yourself  from the begining, then by all means, explain to them that you don't feel comfortable doing so. And see what happens ? If they don't understand , well then it might mean it is the right for you..

(in reply to nytesub)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: anonymity - 12/28/2006 12:23:39 PM   
LadyMorgynn


Posts: 800
Joined: 11/25/2005
From: N. Carolina
Status: offline 		I have my picture up, and have more to send on request, and I expect to see a picture of someone who is interested in serving me, within a reasonable period of time.  First off, it's only fair, and second off, if the individual is serious about wanting to be owned by me, how can they not be willing to show me a picture?  Of course, I'm looking for 24/7, not a cyber partner or play date, so I expect a certain level of cooperation and frankness in the getting to know you stages.

quote:

ORIGINAL: nytesub

hello,  recently, i sent a photo to a Domme on collarme upon her request. i was not sure if i should send a photo revealing my face because i did not know this person, and i was being cautious about my anonymity because of questionable people out there. so, i was a evasive, and i sent a nice pic of my whole body with my face partially covered by feathers. she replied back saying that i was rude and disobedient for covering my face.

was i rude and disobedient? 


_____________________________

---
Lady Morgynn
www.farhorizons.net/LadyMorgynn

(in reply to nytesub)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: anonymity - 12/29/2006 11:36:27 AM   
YveGee


Posts: 39
Joined: 10/5/2004
From: Dallas - Fort Worth Metroplex
Status: offline
You have the right to work within your comfort zone, especially in the introductory phases of the relationship. There are many reasons for needing anonymity. Reveal as much about yourself as you feel comfortable. As you become more comfortable, you will reveal more, I'm sure.

She has the right to make her demands, too. If she's satisfied with your responses, then she will want to continue. If she's not, then she won't.

You have to decide how you want to balance your needs and her demands. If the two are too different, then the relationship probably wouldn't have worked out anyway.

Good luck in your search!


_____________________________




If you think education is expensive, try ignorance. --author unknown



(in reply to nytesub)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: anonymity - 12/29/2006 7:32:30 PM   
BeautifulRacket


Posts: 70
Joined: 9/28/2006
From: Seattle Area
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: blmtrsne
I'm a Belgian Mistress having the same attitude: unless you want to play imediately, there's no reason to expose your identity. Someone who wants a picture right away and is not interested in getting to know you may be asking to much or is a fake.
There are a lot of collectors and bashing people out there.

I don't want to play immediately, am not a collector or fake, but I do like to have a face to connect to the words of the person I'm speaking with. I'm a visual person and it helps me distinguish, plus, it gives the person a little bit of credibility and shows some openness in my mind.
quote:

ORIGINAL: openmindedslave
Maybe a request for a picture tells a submissive something else. If they ask for a facial picture in the first couple of  emails , then it may show some honest interest. If they ask for a nude or humilating picture of yourself  from the begining, then by all means, explain to them that you don't feel comfortable doing so. And see what happens ? If they don't understand , well then it might mean it is the right for you..
What a great insight! I've never thought of it this way, but you're absolutely right in my case: I won't ask for a pic if I'm not interested in getting to know the person better, so that's a good sign for those I'm speaking to.

Looking for the positive in a given action/situation is a very attractive trait, openminded.


Nytesub, when I ask for a pic, I expect it to be an accurate representation of whoever I'd meet. To me, that means showing the face at first and anything else distinctive before we meet (e.g. I show my body in clothes because that's what I look like most of the time and some are put off by curves, which is fine). I wouldn't consider your actions disrespectful, and certainly not disobedient, but I might ask for another pic of your face, which you could send or tell me you're not comfortable with that yet. If someone responded to me the way the Domme you spoke of did, I'd (as a person, this has nothing to do with D/s) be grateful they showed some of their true colors and that they weren't the partner for me so soon (I like reasonable, clear, rather flexible people).

(in reply to openmindedslave)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: anonymity - 12/29/2006 9:34:42 PM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: blmtrsne
I'm a Belgian Mistress having the same attitude: unless you want to play imediately, there's no reason to expose your identity. Someone who wants a picture right away and is not interested in getting to know you may be asking to much or is a fake.
There are a lot of collectors and bashing people out there.
I disagree!   I know there are people out there doing all sorts of crazy things with photos, and sometimes wonder where the hell some of my photos might be; but I treat online interactions just like I do someone I meet on the street or bar.    We trust each other at a minimum, sharing physical appearance and first name, than conversing to find common ground, uncommon ground, or psychosis. 
 
I wouldn't end communications with someone who sent a partial photo; what I would do is continue conversation and email long enough (in my opinion) for him to get a feel for my relative sanity, and if after that point he still doesn't come show face in person or pictures, we end communication and move on.   I only demand as much as I am able/willing to provide myself, so I feel it's reasonable.    M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to blmtrsne)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: anonymity - 12/30/2006 2:42:28 AM   
MysticFireTopaz


Posts: 50939
Joined: 4/23/2005
From: Dallas/Ft. Worth, TX
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: nytesub

hello,  recently, i sent a photo to a Domme on collarme upon her request. i was not sure if i should send a photo revealing my face because i did not know this person, and i was being cautious about my anonymity because of questionable people out there. so, i was a evasive, and i sent a nice pic of my whole body with my face partially covered by feathers. she replied back saying that i was rude and disobedient for covering my face.

was i rude and disobedient? 


Personally, I would not have considered it rude or disobedient.  However, when I ask for a photo, I expect a g-rated facial pic or full body pic showing someone's face and always offer My own photo in return.  If someone had sent Me the kind of picture you are describing, I probably would just have written back and asked for a pic with a more clear view of your face and would hold off sending a pic of Myself until I got that.  My main concern is that I am not communicating with someone who knows Me in the vanilla world, and until that concern is satisfied by them sending Me a facial pic, I simply won't provide a pic of Myself.
 
However, if they send Me a nude pic or just a cock shot when I request a photo, chances are good the communication will end right there, but you indicated this is not the type of photo you provided. 
 
Lately, I have run into a few subs who are looking for a relationship online, but don't have photos of themselves available to send upon request.  Generally, I don't continue communicating with these individuals, as I think a photo is something a person should reasonably be expected to to supply.  I fully understand not having a pic with the profile, as I don't have one Myself, but think they should have one to send if requested, and I will do the same.  If they explain that they need to get to know Me better before sending it, I am usually fine with that, but won't send one of Myself before they do.  I ran across one sub a while back with the audacity to ask for a photo of Me and did not have any photos of himself to provide.  That one I told off and sent on his merry way.  He certainly didn't get the pic he requested.

Lady Topaz

< Message edited by MysticFireTopaz -- 12/30/2006 3:02:11 AM >

(in reply to nytesub)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: anonymity - 1/3/2007 12:13:26 PM   
nytesub


Posts: 5
Joined: 12/19/2006
Status: offline 		thank you everyone for the responses. it has open my mind to different views. i do not feel that i was rude or disobedient, but i did offend Her that i did not intentionally mean to do.

thanks!

dreaming of being owned

(in reply to MysticFireTopaz)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: anonymity - 1/7/2007 9:42:42 PM   
chastityboyinOzz


Posts: 14
Joined: 5/15/2005
Status: offline 		i have had situations where a Picture-less Domme has asked me for a photo, and then replies without sending me one of her in return. I always send face, and i too, worry about who sees what. I think there needs to be a courteousy when exchanging pictures. If Dommes ask a sub for them, I do think they should offer one in return.

(in reply to nytesub)
Profile   Post #: 16
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