RE: Domme's personal style of meeting subs... (Full Version)

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MsBearlee -> RE: Domme's personal style of meeting subs... (1/1/2007 11:24:41 AM)

I guess I’m not all that much different than most of you here.  I prefer to get to know somebody a bit here…online.  I like to discuss what they enjoy inside and outside of BDSM, I am always interested in their experience-level and what they hope to find; what kind of relationship appeals to them.

I prefer to spend a couple weeks exchanging mail;  but then go on to chat…YIM, preferably.  I don’t even go there, unless the man is intelligent, communicative, and willing to spend the time necessary to get to know me, too.  If, as often happens, they have not actually read my profile and are asking off-the-wall stuff that most certainly points to one of the fantasy-folks who are 'online ONLY' and/or are too centered on the sexual aspects of WIITWD...I'm gone.

In light of the rash of men who seem to think they can ‘fool’ me about their age, height (tell me how it is that I, at 5’8” tall, am taller than a man 5’10?), or even what it is they’re after here…I like to spend a couple more weeks just chatting and exchanging bits and pieces about our lives, interests, experiences; and I request a picture, if they’ve not posted one.

And on to the telephone.  Soon after this, I’d prefer to meet them for lunch in a very public place…within days of the first telephone conversation.

I find it amazing how many people don’t bother reading profiles, pay no attention to likes & dislikes or are half a world away and beg to play.  Goodlord!  For this reason, I bet I don’t actually have lunch with more than half a dozen men a year; in spite of getting more than that many per week taking up space in my mail box.   This would also be why I continue to attend munches and surround myself with lifestyle-friends, go to demos, lectures, and other real-time functions; yet another great way to meet people.

Beverly

PS, pixel...I think everyone expects anyone to respond to and add their two cents worth.  This IS a Community Discussion...and I appreciated your perspective.  Thanks!
B



HerEmeraldEyes -> RE: Domme's personal style of meeting subs... (1/1/2007 12:04:47 PM)

This is a hard topic and I’m thrilled to see it discussed.

I’m known in my circle of friends to be over-social, instinct and passion driven and very “spur of the moment”.  I go where my instincts and my heart leads me and most of the time I’ve been dead on.  I prefer to meet a submissive in public within a week or two of initial contact.  (Unless mileage prevents it)  If they are out of state, out of country, I do insist on a meeting within a 3 month period from the initial contact.

However I, as well as some others who’ve posted here, watch for certain red flags in letters, profiles and IM conversations.  I prefer to talk to a submissive a few times online and on the phone before arranging a very public meeting in a place where there are many people.

Red flags for me are: blank profiles.  Immediate demands for a phone call.  Refusal to use YIM, Windows Messenger, AOL or any other form of live conversation tool.  Any submissive that prefaces a first time conversation with “tell me what you’ll do to me” I am not interested in pornographic descriptions of my interests in a primary conversation.  I am usually willing to meet in a public place within a week or two but highly insistent on spending that week or two in some form of live messenger chat, moving on to a few phone calls.  However, because of being a mother, I am more protective of my phone number than most of the Dommes I am friends with. 

I want to take a moment to tout the use of safe calls – someone I trust ALWAYS knows where I am, what I’m wearing, driving and the first and last name of the person I’m meeting.  I have scheduled phone calls from or to that person during my “date” and if one is missed the police are called with my information. If there is no one in your life you can trust with a “blind date safe call” then at the minimum arrive to the location a few minutes early, learn your exit routes, do not be afraid to say good bye if you are uncomfortable.  My favorite place to meet is at a restaurant INSIDE a mall.  If you are feeling unsafe you can have security escort you to your car. 

I also refuse solidly to go on any outing with any male who will not give me his first and last name.  Every state in America provides a sex offenders registry somewhere online.  Please take it from a woman who has been on the very scary side of abuse from a sick individual using BDSM as an excuse to hurt someone - CHECK YOUR POTENTIALS with the sex offenders registries.  All you need is a first and last name and the town they live in.  I have been written by over 15 people listed CURRENTLY with Collar Me who are on their state sex offender’s websites for sex crimes in the last 3 years alone. I cannot stress this enough. 

If you feel that a submissive, dominant, anyone is being overly pushy, manipulative or dishonest, please listen to your instincts.  In my opinion a good person, interested in the best for themselves and someone else, will be open in providing what is required to keep both parties safe.  There should always be a tempering of exuberance with caution. 

Happy New Year
Mistress Emerald



mellian -> RE: Domme's personal style of meeting subs... (1/1/2007 6:47:34 PM)

I only get slightly pushy after a bit if a Domme proves unwilling to ever meet in person or just stringing me up with this online test nonsense which only proves that they seek an online relationship only. I am just the first to do the ignoring at that point. To many online only Dommes online, along with fake ones.

-mellian



Najakcharmer -> RE: Domme's personal style of meeting subs... (1/2/2007 9:52:05 AM)

I won't copy the post to save space, but I heartily agree with TammyJo's program.  Mine is similar but simpler.  Let's be buddies first.  Hang out with my gaming group or join me at SCA/LARP fighter practice.  If that works, then things can progress.  If it doesn't work, if someone isn't truly comfortable fitting into my life and my social set because he shares the same interests, then the answer is obvious. 



demistress -> RE: Domme's personal style of meeting subs... (1/2/2007 10:12:29 AM)

I think it's what works for you.  Don't worry about what some little jack-a$$ thinks is the right or wrong way for YOU TO LIVE YOUR LIFE.  If you want to talk for 6 months then that is what is right for you.  There are some domme (myself included) who prefer a quick in person meeting, doesn't make us any more or less real than yourself.  Just different strokes for different folks.  I love the inherent irony of a submissive who thinks THEIR way is the only way.  In my world it's my way or the highway, but I am the domme, and that is my right.  I do not force anyone to be in my world, and don't LET many people into it. 

I have used a long drawn out interview process, and still ended up with a slave I couldn't stand, and had some of the most fun slaves/subs come into my life on a whim. 



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