RE: trying to find out why (Full Version)

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LaTigresse -> RE: trying to find out why (12/27/2006 2:39:59 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

quote:

priceless, absolutely priceless

Have you looked at his profile??




Ahhhhh, yeahhhhhhhhh[:D]



AquaticSub -> RE: trying to find out why (12/27/2006 5:16:53 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MstrCarrick

I have been a practicing Dom for over seven years now. I am getting tired of all the bullshit people have been giving me from the submissive and slave side of the dating process. I just can't for the life of me figure out why there aren't any true sb/slaves out there any more. Especially around my age. I am not saying that I haven't met any sub/slaves that have been true, its just that nomatter what they ask for me to do things and make changes for them. I was quite sure it was the other way around (though I don't wsk that of others).[:@]


A relationship is a relationship, regardless of it's status as vanilla or BDSM. That means in order to attract and keep a suitable partner you may have to make some minor adjustments. For example, my dominant learned that not getting me a Valentine's day card will eventually cause me to cry and ask him if I'm not worth 99 cents, a trip to CVS and some pen ink to him. He also learned that giving me a card, even a month late, caused me extreme joy. He also learned that telling I have a rude phone manner when I was simply behaving on the phone as I had been instructed to do by both my parents and my job ("Hello, may I please speak to so-and-so?") will also frustrate me and point out that he could have told me to have a warmer phone manner without being insulting. For him, I have cut down my drinking, learned to have a more friendly phone manner when he is visiting his folks and I'm calling to chat. As trival as this sounds, it was difficult for me. Submissives are not perfect and neither are dominants.



MstrCarrick -> RE: trying to find out why (12/27/2006 9:49:32 PM)

look these sub/slaves are not asking me to change small things. they are asking me to be less than I am. I am not about to change my entire personality for someone I have just met. I am not going to date someone that has problems with the way I am at first. I undertand that a relationship takes time and effort and that comprimises on a small scale are acceptable. I am willing to make sacrifices if it means that I dont have to stop being me.



RedSavageSlave -> RE: trying to find out why (12/27/2006 10:41:02 PM)

Why is it such a difficult concept that perhaps they feel the same way about themselves?

If what they offer is not good for you and they do not feel what you offer is good for them..walk away..but dont make it an issue of "trueness" because nine times out of ten..its not.



MadRabbit -> RE: trying to find out why (12/27/2006 11:01:47 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MstrCarrick

look these sub/slaves are not asking me to change small things. they are asking me to be less than I am. I am not about to change my entire personality for someone I have just met. I am not going to date someone that has problems with the way I am at first. I undertand that a relationship takes time and effort and that comprimises on a small scale are acceptable. I am willing to make sacrifices if it means that I dont have to stop being me.


Then you just havent found a good match and theres really nothing more to it.

But at the same time, the idea of finding an absolutely perfect match where this absolutely no areas or ends that are going to require improvement or change is unrealistic.

I firmly beleive that being a dominant requires a constant strive for self improvement and growth and that comes from self awareness. I am not sure what the particulars of these changes are, but taking offensive to being asked to change also translates to a belief that you dont need to change. No one is so superior and perfect that they dont need to improve, grow and change.

You set a rule expecting your slave to be punctional, but you are incapable of being on time as well. How do you expect someone else to meet your expectations when you dont meet your own expectations?

For example, one of my own areas that I having a hard time with and trying to change is my inability to wake up in the morning hehe. I hit my snooze button, roll over, and sleep as long as I can possibly justify it, THEN rush to shower, eat breakfast and get to work. Now if I expect my submissive to drag her ass out of bed at a certain time each day to bring me a cup of coffee, then this area of my life is going to cause complications.

If you throw lose your temper easily and say abusive and hurtful things, then I would say that is defiently an area of self improvement, and not a threat to you as a "change to who you are".

The notion of "true slave" and "true submissive" applies an absolute and slaves/submissives are still human beings who arent absolutely anything. There is always going to be areas you are going to have to work on as a dominant unless your ideal of a "true slave/submissive" equates to that of a doormat. If you have a temper problem, most human beings are going to have an issue with that (unless you find a match who gets off on verbal abuse).

Sometimes it may seem like the tables are turned, but thats just life to a degree (Something I am learning really fast with my girl) 



MistressTexas -> RE: trying to find out why (12/28/2006 5:07:49 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

quote:

priceless, absolutely priceless

Have you looked at his profile??




Ohmygod! I didn't know Danny Trejo was a dom... that had a hairm... and such... lol.



julietsierra -> RE: trying to find out why (12/28/2006 5:24:23 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MstrCarrick

look these sub/slaves are not asking me to change small things. they are asking me to be less than I am. I am not about to change my entire personality for someone I have just met. I am not going to date someone that has problems with the way I am at first. I undertand that a relationship takes time and effort and that comprimises on a small scale are acceptable. I am willing to make sacrifices if it means that I dont have to stop being me.


Wow! I completely understand where you're coming from!!

I know that when I was dating, the dominants I was meeting would ask me to change things about me. These weren't small things. They were asking me to be less than I am. I was not about to change my entire personality for someone I'd just met. I wasn't going to date someone that had problems with the way I was at first. I understood that a relationship takes time and effort and that comprimises on a small scale are acceptable. I was willing to make sacrifices if it meant that I didn't have to stop being me.

Wait a sec...so, what exactly is your complaint?

Just for future reference...that's why what you're doing is called DATING...

realistic expectations and all...I know...it's a strange concept.

juliet



OrionTheWolf -> RE: trying to find out why (12/28/2006 5:52:19 AM)

What the hell are you whining about? If they are doing something you don't like, then move on. Maybe if you portrayed more dominance and control, they would not try to take control themselves. Look inside yourself and fix things there and you will likely see things fix themselves externally. We attract people to us based upon what we are inside.


Orion



LotusSong -> RE: trying to find out why (12/28/2006 8:12:15 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MstrCarrick

Someone who is not going to ask for me to change things about myself and someone who is honest with thier feelings.

You started when you were 18.  People hear about this and think "wow- a female/male will have to do whatever I tell them, because well.. they are one of them thar submissives.  Kewl!  I no longer have to work on my people skills...  because I'm Dom.. and well, people just have to obey me".
 
Evaluate your domination style.  Do you take your responsibility to heart or are you a "spank, spank, spank- now blow me" Dom?  What attracted you to all this as 18?  (she asked knowingly)
 
I could just hear you stamping your foot in Shirley Temple indignation.
 
Look for the common denominator... a revolving door of subs (it seems) and you being the one constant element.  Maybe it's not the submissive



Stephann -> RE: trying to find out why (12/28/2006 9:51:32 AM)

Patience.



RedSavageSlave -> RE: trying to find out why (12/28/2006 10:05:28 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: OrionTheWolf

What the hell are you whining about? If they are doing something you don't like, then move on. Maybe if you portrayed more dominance and control, they would not try to take control themselves. Look inside yourself and fix things there and you will likely see things fix themselves externally. We attract people to us based upon what we are inside.

Orion


<sighs and shakes head>

Now Orion Sir..dont you see...you too are guilty of trying to change him....for shame..for shame

<giggles and runs> [&:]



Leonidas -> RE: trying to find out why (12/28/2006 10:46:35 AM)

Well, here's one clue for you.  As soon as the words "true sub/slave" come out of your mouth (off your keyboard?), about 80% of those you're trying to connect with stop listening and dismiss you.  Those are very loaded terms usually associated with folks who are generally considered not to "get it". 

There's, um.... probably a lot of competition for the 20% who remain.



LotusSong -> RE: trying to find out why (12/28/2006 12:32:36 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MstrCarrick

look these sub/slaves are not asking me to change small things. they are asking me to be less than I am. I am not about to change my entire personality for someone I have just met. I am not going to date someone that has problems with the way I am at first. I undertand that a relationship takes time and effort and that comprimises on a small scale are acceptable. I am willing to make sacrifices if it means that I dont have to stop being me.


I'm curious..what exactly are they asking you to change? Also, is it the same request by each sub you interact with?



Celeste43 -> RE: trying to find out why (12/29/2006 8:41:51 PM)

Seems to me they are being honest with you by telling you what things about you they find incompatible. Maybe take a long look in the mirror and think about the same changes that each of them has pointed out as being the problem. Because if you have the same problem over and over with all different people, the problem isn't with them - it's with you.



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