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Photo guideline - 12/27/2006 10:24:25 AM

unsung

Posts: 183
Joined: 12/23/2006
Status: offline

Hello,

I am asking this question because I am getting a bit uncomfortable when receiving email from Dominants, not that I am opposed to said email. But the scenerio is such:

They initiate contact
I respond giving them a brief outline of my present situation so that they can determine whether they want to invest the time and patience in this process and/or overcome the issue of distance.
They respond, "not a problem, do you have a picture"

Let me briefly explain why this is uncomfortable for me. I am looking for an intense connection with another, that goes much deeper than the bookcover, so with that in mind such quick requests have me slighted. I know it is personal preference and such, but it still leaves me courious as to what type of guidelines other submissives and/or slaves have in this process of communication.

Thanking each of you in advance.

I guess in someways we all look at the bookcover and that is initial attraction, but in my experience this has become riddled with shallowness, and hence I am getting relunctant to partake in this shallowness if I can in anyway help it. Its a tit for a tat or whatever tradeoff we wish to use in the analogy, but the timing is of some concern to me.

< Message edited by unsung -- 12/27/2006 10:36:07 AM >

Post #: 1

RE: Photo guideline - 12/27/2006 10:38:05 AM

pattiann

Posts: 48
Joined: 7/2/2006
Status: offline

I always exchange pictures within the first few emails. I also have a picture on my profile (when active) simply because I understand that if my look isn't pleasing to One, my submissiveness won't change that. And vice versa. I have come across many dominants that won't send a picture. Seems to me it is tough to have an open and honest discussion, when you are wanting to hide.

It's pretty shallow, I know. But looks are important to me. Maybe that is why I'm having such a hard time finding "the One". Master must be able to control my mind as well as be pleasing to look up to!!!

(in reply to unsung)

Post #: 2

RE: Photo guideline - 12/27/2006 10:54:48 AM

unsung

Posts: 183
Joined: 12/23/2006
Status: offline

pattiann, thank you :)

I am sitting here thinking, and wondering why I am developing this growing reluctance to share my image so readily. I look at my time at another site, when I did not post my picture and my email incoming was relatively low in volume, but the sincerity of expressed interest that was given was honest, refined and spoke to the words I had written in my profule. After a year plus I decided to post my picture to the site, and within a week had over 400 hits to my profile and incoming email was least to say desperate and to some degree vulgar and insulting to me as a person as a submissive. I am in no shape or form desperate, and feel the inner workings of a person are truely what portrays the person. When we feel good we look good, when we feel horrid and negative that is the outward appearance we portray.

Given I put myself in a Dominants view and given the response I have given to this the initial contact, I think I would be more concerned with these obstacles if seen as such, or whether time and distance would be a factor. Given the almost immediate response to my response, I guess I am left wondering whether said Dominant actually did take time to read what I had to say, or just jumped at "whoooo hooooo a sub has responded".

< Message edited by unsung -- 12/27/2006 10:57:09 AM >

(in reply to pattiann)

Post #: 3

RE: Photo guideline - 12/27/2006 2:17:55 PM

BRNaughtyAngel

Posts: 1821
Status: offline

For some people, looks don't matter...., for others it is a part of the overall package they seek.

If someone isn't going to be interested in me because of what I look like, I'd rather know right off the bat. But that's just me.

(in reply to unsung)

Post #: 4

RE: Photo guideline - 12/27/2006 3:09:26 PM

innatedesire

Posts: 111
Joined: 8/21/2006
Status: offline

Personally it is not a requirement for the inital getting to know you stage; though at some point if they are not willing to share a photo or two then i wonder what they are hiding and move on.

Looks for me are not all that important; commonality, compatability and chemistry are; to me that is what makes someone beautiful, what comes from the inside projects outwards, it seems to ooz from thier very being.........that is what makes someone drool worthy.........

(in reply to unsung)

Post #: 5

RE: Photo guideline - 12/27/2006 3:57:17 PM

unsung

Posts: 183
Joined: 12/23/2006
Status: offline

innatedesire, seems the drool and drool worthiness is alittle abundant on the board today laughs as I have seen this word more than a few times ......... thanks for the chuckle and the response

BRNaughtyAngel thank you for your response.

(in reply to innatedesire)

Post #: 6

RE: Photo guideline - 12/27/2006 4:08:42 PM

SexyRed

Posts: 529
Joined: 8/19/2004
Status: offline

You need to be realistic about this way of meeting people. In the online world, anyone can write anything they choose, be who they want to be and say anything that they care to say or YOU want to hear.

While most of us are looking to make a deep connection to another, it is not shallow to say that usually the first connection is one of looks. You need to be intrigued and stimulated by someone's physical being, not much else can happen without that spark.

I have made the mistake of communicating with men when I first went online and we indulged our thoughts without seeing a photo. When I eventually met those without seeing the photo or even when I had seen a photo and was a bit reluctant, it always resulted in NO chemistry, despite the intellectual chemistry we had built up.

I agree that judging only on photos is wrong, but you do not look at a person, whether online or in real life and say, wow that person looks as if they have a fantastic brain or wonderful heart. You need to feel something in the way of, hmmm, I might eventually like to jump his bones or have his hands on me, before anything deeper takes place.

At least that is my take on it. I want to add that without the rest of it, the brains, heart, soul, compatibility, looks alone won't hold anyone together.

I will also say it always amazes me when a Dominant man approaches me in email and asks me to chat, after seeing 4 of my photos posted, when I ask him to see one photo, many back off.

< Message edited by SexyRed -- 12/27/2006 4:12:09 PM >

_____________________________

A trucker will slow down for a blonde, stop for a brunette, but back up 500 yards for a redhead!

(in reply to unsung)

Post #: 7

RE: Photo guideline - 12/27/2006 5:19:50 PM

littleone35

Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline

I did not see a pic of my Master before we met i though i had sent a pic to him but i did not. Just before we met i sent him a pic so he would know me whan he saw me. He had described himself but he was handsomer than i expected. Looks are really not that important to me. I believe what is inside a person is much more beautiful and it will shine through on the outside.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to SexyRed)

Post #: 8

RE: Photo guideline - 12/27/2006 7:41:51 PM

LittleDaisyGirl

Posts: 8
Joined: 12/4/2006
Status: offline

I usually hold off on sending pictures to anyone I meet online for at least the first few conversations. Most of the doms I've met are understanding once I have explained my reasoning behind it. That reasoning is this:

More than once, I've had someone ask, "Can I see a picture of you so I know who I'm talking to?" to which I sent a few non-provocative photos of myself doing regular mundane things. Later on, he mentions something like, "I'll be jerking off to your picture tonight."

Had I known that he never intended to speak to me again and just wanted jerk material when I first spoke to them, I never would have sent a picture. But now here I am, with some random guy I don't know using me as free random porn and there's nothing I can do about it because I willingly sent him my picture. I hate that.

(in reply to littleone35)

Post #: 9

RE: Photo guideline - 12/27/2006 9:21:15 PM

NaiveTempest

Posts: 345
Joined: 11/20/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline

I've experience the same thing of suddenly being bombarded with emails when I finally post a pic on a site. It's both a good and bad thing.
Good, because some real nice people don't like to talk to someone with no pic; which is understandable because physical attraction is an important part of a relationship, like it or not. Though if a person charms you enough, their look can "grow" on you or you'll be willing to over look some things.
Bad because the vultures and snakes make an appearance and send you stupid and vulger to down right rude emails. I simply chose to give the benefit of the doubt depending upon how the person approaches me. My pic my have drawn them, but if we don't "click" then what does the picture on the profile matter.
In the end a pic really is nothing more then a pretty billboard to attract interest and get a person to follow up/learn about the product said billboard is advertising; just like your profile. So don't worry about posting a picture and just ignore the bad emails that you don't like.

(in reply to unsung)

Post #: 10

RE: Photo guideline - 12/27/2006 10:01:41 PM

CalliopePurple

Posts: 2539
Joined: 11/29/2004
From: SeaTac area
Status: offline

For some people, not having their picture in their profile is a deliberate decision for other reasons. A good friend of mine has a profile here and will not put up a picture because she is a forensics science major. Having -anything- online that could screw up her credibility is career suicide. If it's someone she plans on meeting, she probably has no problem showing a very simple picture of her face. But the people who have it written into their profiles "don't message if you have no picture" or something to that effect bother her.

I, on the other hand, don't mind not knowing what someone looks like until s/he feels comfortable showing me a picture. And quite obviously I don't care how many people know what I look like, since my pic is my avatar here...although I did just get my hair cut yesterday and need to get something taken showing that change.

_____________________________

Kimi ni aitakute dare yori mo aitakute
hajimete kimi ni atta hoshizora no shita de.
Kimi ni tsutaetai todokanai omoi demo
boku no kokoro wa mada kimi o sagashiteiru.

Gackt - Kimi ni Aitakute

(in reply to NaiveTempest)

Post #: 11

RE: Photo guideline - 12/27/2006 10:43:39 PM

sofomandingo

Posts: 3
Joined: 12/26/2006
Status: offline

u will get it lat.

(in reply to NaiveTempest)

Post #: 12

RE: Photo guideline - 12/27/2006 10:45:23 PM

sofomandingo

Posts: 3
Joined: 12/26/2006
Status: offline

ok

(in reply to sofomandingo)

Post #: 13

RE: Photo guideline - 12/27/2006 10:49:06 PM

sofomandingo

Posts: 3
Joined: 12/26/2006
Status: offline

any how do u like these one

(in reply to sofomandingo)

Post #: 14

RE: Photo guideline - 12/27/2006 10:57:37 PM

NaiveTempest

Posts: 345
Joined: 11/20/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline

Ummmmmm......uhhhhhh....Wellllll. Some how it seems I have stolen this post. I apologize Unsung.

<mutters to self, "I have some weeding and ignoring to go do......">

(in reply to sofomandingo)

Post #: 15

RE: Photo guideline - 12/28/2006 5:21:11 AM

RedSavageSlave

Posts: 733
Joined: 9/12/2006
Status: offline

<whispers to NaiveTempest>

Run ....run far...run fast...but just run

_____________________________

My give a damn's busted.

So many thoughts, so few of them rational

(in reply to NaiveTempest)

Post #: 16

RE: Photo guideline - 12/28/2006 5:24:18 AM

SirDiscipliner69

Posts: 2607
Joined: 2/1/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: unsung
I guess in someways we all look at the bookcover and that is initial attraction, but in my experience this has become riddled with shallowness, and hence I am getting relunctant to partake in this shallowness if I can in anyway help it.

I have been guilty of this as mindset is important but I also temper it with physical.

I have been accused of just wanting to know of the BDSM rather than the person but to Me the common denometer is BDSM and then everything else which is discovered through time

Ross

(in reply to unsung)

Post #: 17

RE: Photo guideline - 12/28/2006 6:43:57 AM

fantasy69maker

Posts: 86
Joined: 3/27/2004
Status: offline

I will talk with those with no picture on their profiles but only under special circumstances. They must show a LOT of interesting qualities in their name and profile.
Why is that?Because first of there is somthing sorta sneaky and uncommitted about not putting a picture on your profile and second to be really honest Im a "Face" guy.You know how some are leg men ,ass men .Breats guys etc? Im into faces.Its nearly imposable to acurattely discribe a face so a pic makes a lot of diference
Most guys pick subs on 3 criteria Phisical attractiveness, personality and sex. The first takes a few seconds to judge from a picture so why not get it out of the way first and easy? The other 2 are a harder longer process so it seems silly to put all the efffert into some thing just o have it all come to naught.
Note Im not saying that looks and sex are more important than personality I see them all as equals its just they are quicker to judge
And a vanilla picture that wont posable get you in any hot water is fine.

(in reply to SirDiscipliner69)

Post #: 18

RE: Photo guideline - 12/28/2006 10:21:15 AM

NaiveTempest

Posts: 345
Joined: 11/20/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline

I was running from the first email, never mind he sent the same one to me THREE times! LMAO

(in reply to RedSavageSlave)

Post #: 19

RE: Photo guideline - 12/28/2006 10:31:51 AM

drawntothedark

Posts: 572
Joined: 10/19/2006
From: Arkansas
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: fantasy69maker

I will talk with those with no picture on their profiles but only under special circumstances. They must show a LOT of interesting qualities in their name and profile.
Why is that?Because first of there is somthing sorta sneaky and uncommitted about not putting a picture on your profile

Really........and why is that? Some people do not like to be outted. There is nothing sneaky about not wanting to show the whole world that "yes indeed I like to be tied up and spanked hard" COME ON!
Collar me is not like alt. You could mistype an URL and come to collar me web site and see pics of everyone. (Now I have to say I like collar me a lot more) but the fact remains that it's not safe proof.

I will ,when asked provide a pic.......not a problem as I am not hiding anything. But, saying that someone is being sneaky about not having a profile pic up is just wrong. Not everyone is hiding horns or green skin.

(in reply to fantasy69maker)

Post #: 20

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