Trachmyr
Posts: 15
Joined: 2/20/2005
Status: offline
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A bit of clarification first. I am just starting to explore the Lifestyle, at least formally. I have recently come to the realization that although I have not been in the Lifestyle before now, it has been in me. I posted a much more detailed thread on the ‘Introductions’ forum, so I will refrain from repeating my story here.
My query is to better understand where I ‘fit-in’ amongst the dynamic of the community, to ascertain what parts of my ‘kink’ is held as fairly common, and which parts are more unique. Please bear with me if my questions seem rather ponderous. For a quick point of reference, I would identify myself as being a dominant male with interests in submissive females.
Methods… more precisely, the methods used to train, reward, control and punish. How do the methods that I am given to, compare and relate to methods used by others? Do I differ in any significant fashion, and how so? Do you see dangers or complications in my natural predilections? These are the questions I ask of you. I will try to describe my natural tendencies as best I can, but be forewarned I have only my self-reflection and previous ‘vanilla’ relationships to go by… although may I dare say that they were at least ‘French Vanilla’.
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First and foremost I am subtle; my arena is that of the psyche. Physical submission in and of itself means nothing to me. Submission must be coupled with the willingness to give up the ‘safety-nets’ that one is accustomed to, for it is only in that expression of trust that I find the relationship truly satisfying. I am never cruel or aggressive; the idea of inflicting pain upon my paramour is something I don’t believe I could ever entertain. I take the role of a Mentor in a relationship; as such a role for me is common even outside of an intimate relationship. I value questions posed to me, though I prefer directness. Questions asked of me I answer in the manner that they are asked, direct responses for direct questions, obfuscated responses for biased or indirect queries. I love to share my insight and beliefs on things with my paramour, and tend to answer questions of grander scope with another question designed to provoke thought. Yet I will confess that my responses are designed in such a way to bring my paramour’s reality closer to my own. I do not make demands of my paramour, I accept only what is offered… yet I do desire the total surrender of her will to mine.
I warn my paramour well in advance that I can be manipulative, but I do so only to bring ourselves closer. I have and will direct conversations and musings, with the intention of breaking down boundaries and fears of things yet to come. I do orchestrate events to occur to test the limits of my paramour, and to entice her further along the path I wish her to follow. Once such a thing is done, I always inform her of my part… I keep no secrets. In appearances, I would not seem to be ’in control’, I allow my paramour to make her own decisions in practically all regards; yet this is but an illusion, for while I have do not decide things for her, I work to influence how she will decide. I am quite insightful as to a person’s personality, and motives, and I foster trust easily. I never betray such trust, and I will only exert influence over the parts of my paramour’s psyche that she has given me permission to affect.
My manner is calm and serene, although I am on occasion playful. I can communicate as easily with a smile as I can with words. When I am displeased I grow distant, never angry. When my paramour pleases me I give her my approval quite readily, but I never falsely prescribe such approval when I do not feel it is truly earned. I am affectionate and sensual. I have a strong need of romance and romanticism within a relationship, almost knightly in manner. During acts of intimacy I seek to place my paramour in a state of rapture, to make her loose coherency of thought through pleasure. I enjoy subtle rituals, ones that blend seamlessly into our lives, but reinforce the commitment we have to one another. I would never ‘collar’ my paramour… but I would buy her a choker.
Behind all of this is love, and my desire for a level of intimacy beyond any boundaries. I want to protect her, to guide her, to care for her. I want to know her better than she knows herself. I want to feel what she feels, to know the depths of her emotions. I want her to bare herself naked in front of me, not just her body, but her mind. I want her to know the strength of my devotion, that I live only for her. I want her to trust me without condition, as I love her unconditionally. I want her to know that she will forever be mine… as I am hers.
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I apologize for being wordy, but when describing the intangible nature of feelings, I don’t believe it can be helped. So, I ask you… am I so odd?
I appreciate the time you’ve taken to read through this,
M. Morgan
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Query on methods… - 
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