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a little confused - 12/27/2006 8:40:18 PM

soniasub

Posts: 2
Joined: 12/27/2006
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Hi,

i have been with my Mistress now for some time and am having difficulty with her now wanting to have other submissives in our r/ship

i have read on poly lifestyles etc and she assures me that i wil always be number one.

im just seeking any advice if my feelings of being hurt and unsure are normal?

sonia

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RE: a little confused - 12/27/2006 8:41:43 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
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Yes, they are normal. They should not be ignored.

Was this something that was expressed as being a possibility in the getting to know you phase, or is this something that has come out of nowhere?

I'd say ask around the polyamorous forums and get some background on that.

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"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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RE: a little confused - 12/27/2006 10:36:19 PM

RayvenGoddess

Posts: 77
Joined: 7/11/2005
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Never ignore your own feelings in order to please your Mistress. Many owners now adays seem to expect that their subs will be willing and eager for them to have mulitply subs, and this is really not fair. Some people are into poly and some are not, regaurdless of being a top or a bottom. Listen to your heart, talk about it in-depth with your mistress (as calmly as possible). Get her side of the story. If it is something really important to her but you cannot stand the thought of sharing, there is only one real option left.

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RE: a little confused - 12/28/2006 2:20:10 AM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
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If you were in a healthy vanilla relationship, would you ignore your feelings when an issue came up?

Talk to her about it.

Master Fire

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RE: a little confused - 12/28/2006 6:24:20 AM

subsa

Posts: 196
Joined: 8/3/2006
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get clarification of what she means. perhaps she just wants to have occasional play partners. figure out your tolerance...would you be okay if it was just occasional? what if you were always involved? communicate...negotiate.....compromise....

that's my advice...but to answer your questions....i think it's very normal to have hurt feelings and to be unsure...new things are scary. but the more you two discuss where you are going the less scary it will be.

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RE: a little confused - 12/28/2006 10:57:54 AM

Devilslilsister

Posts: 1262
Joined: 8/3/2006
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i think...........

that if she wants other slaves - then it should be fair play - and you should be able to have other Mistresses

if its "ok" to have others in the relationship, then it IS "ok" no matter how you slice it.

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RE: a little confused - 12/28/2006 11:23:12 AM

pixelslave

Posts: 1444
Joined: 8/19/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: soniasub

Hi,

i have been with my Mistress now for some time and am having difficulty with her now wanting to have other submissives in our r/ship

i have read on poly lifestyles etc and she assures me that i wil always be number one.

im just seeking any advice if my feelings of being hurt and unsure are normal?

sonia

sonia,
I can totally relate to the situation that you describe!

What was the understanding between you and your Mistress when your relationship began? Was it to be an exclusive arrangement between the two of you? Was it even discussed? If so, or if that was your understanding, then you have every right to be upset and for your feelings to be hurt. The question now becomes, are you willing to accept others into your relationship with her or are you ready to let go of her and move on if she decides to bring others into her life regardless of your feelings about it? If the latter, you need to discuss those feelings with her and and let her know of your decision.

I briefly began a new relationship 4 to 5 months ago with a Mistress with the understanding that it would be exclusive between us. Several weeks later, I was told she wanted to play with others as well. Other discrepancies began to pop-up from what we initially discussed in addition to that. The bottom line was that I either was cut loose or I walked away, depending on whose point of view it was viewed from. Fortunately, I wasn't in too deep. Unlike you, I didn't have a great length of time invested in the budding relationship. In any case, you'll need to decide for yourself as I did, if sharing your Mistress with others, and the related risks that are involved (STD's, emotional distress, feelings of broken trust, etc) are that which you can live with. I simply couldn't and not everyone can. From the research I did at the time, I also don't think it's something that one can readily learn.

- pixel

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RE: a little confused - 12/28/2006 11:53:39 AM

aliljaded1

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Personally it would not be ok for me. I've never been in a poly relationship for that very reason. Your feelings are real and valid. Open up a line of comm. and try to be understanding. She may assure you enough to make it ok

its just not for me

< Message edited by aliljaded1 -- 12/28/2006 12:07:00 PM >

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RE: a little confused - 12/28/2006 12:01:33 PM

NaiveTempest

Posts: 345
Joined: 11/20/2006
From: North Carolina
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam

If you were in a healthy vanilla relationship, would you ignore your feelings when an issue came up?

Talk to her about it.

Master Fire

I think MFM hit the nail on the head with this question and suggestion.

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RE: a little confused - 12/28/2006 1:32:47 PM

whisperedsighs

Posts: 349
Joined: 11/12/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Devilslilsister

i think...........

that if she wants other slaves - then it should be fair play - and you should be able to have other Mistresses

if its "ok" to have others in the relationship, then it IS "ok" no matter how you slice it.

I agree whole heartedly!

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oh my god that was so wrong! .... again please!

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RE: a little confused - 12/28/2006 2:25:47 PM

sophia37

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uh, yeah. Youre normal! And thankfully, brave enough to voice your concern. Good luck. I wish you well.

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RE: a little confused - 12/28/2006 3:55:36 PM

soniasub

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Joined: 12/27/2006
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thank you all for your views.

i have been told that i am not allowed to see other Mistress's, but i dont want to anyway.

i feel much more comfortable now voicing my concerns to her.

thanks again
sonia

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