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Pain - giving and taking - 12/28/2006 4:48:58 AM

SirDiscipliner69

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RE: Pain - giving and taking - 12/28/2006 4:56:20 AM

SlaveAkasha

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Pain - giving and taking

I met a woman who use to sub to Me that enjoyed giving her male sub
the cattle prod and whip very hard.

I asked her why and she said because she was hurt and she wanted to now
hurt him.

she in turn wanted to feel the wrath of My whip.

How many give pain out because they have been hurt?

I have been hurt, but haven't found that makes me want to give pain.

How many take pain because they have hurt others?

I am sure I have hurt others, but it doesn't have anything to do with me taking pain.
How many take pain because they themselves have been hurt emotionally

and wish to feel something because they are emotionally numb?

I have had this happen at times. I have the need to feel something, to feel anything and pain seems to fulfill that for me. It's not an often thing and it's usually something from inside me very deep and in an emotional place.

Ross

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RE: Pain - giving and taking - 12/28/2006 6:14:27 AM

subsa

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i don't give pain...when Master and i first started exploring we switched a few times. it did not work well. i guess i just empathize too much. He didn't like it much either...i cried; he was annoyed.
i did play (in a group) someone with a violet wand. i enjoyed that because he enjoyed it (laughing , moaning etc...)
i take pain well...hell i enjoy the pain. for me it has nothing to do with previous experiences. well except that i wonder if my fascination with spanking has to do with the fact that i was not spanked as a child but my older siblings were.
now my submission in the mental/emotional aspects of my life definitely has to do with old hurts....

< Message edited by subsa -- 12/28/2006 6:16:40 AM >

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RE: Pain - giving and taking - 12/28/2006 6:28:15 AM

Rover

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This is just another way to frame the "nature vs. nurture" argument.

John

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Sri da Avabhas

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RE: Pain - giving and taking - 12/28/2006 6:58:30 AM

gypsygrl

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SirDiscipliner69

How many give pain out because they have been hurt?
I don't give pain and I hate seeing others in pain. If anything, I'm very protective of others I care about.

I don't have a deep sense that I've been hurt, at least not actively. My deep feeling is quite the opposite, that I've been spared hurts undeservingly.

How many take pain because they have hurt others?

I haven't hurt others but I've seen others hurt and, in a sense I don't completely understand, have wished it was me instead. On a psychic level, I suspect I take pain because of this. Some kind of survivor's guilt dynamic.

How many take pain because they themselves have been hurt emotionally

and wish to feel something because they are emotionally numb?

I go numb and lose my sense of myself, but this is not just an emotional thing. Its a totalizing numbness that I experience cognitively, physically as well as emotionally. Pain centers me and brings me into the present in a way that nothing else does, except certain voices if they can find their way in. It makes me aware of myself as an integrated entity and counters psychic disintegration and dispersal. Pain integrates cognitively, emotionally and physically and brings me back to who I am.

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RE: Pain - giving and taking - 12/28/2006 7:04:53 AM

CreativeDominant

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SirDiscipliner69

Pain - giving and taking

I met a woman who use to sub to Me that enjoyed giving her male sub
the cattle prod and whip very hard.

I asked her why and she said because she was hurt and she wanted to now
hurt him.

she in turn wanted to feel the wrath of My whip.

How many give pain out because they have been hurt?

How many take pain because they have hurt others?

How many take pain because they themselves have been hurt emotionally

and wish to feel something because they are emotionally numb?

Ross

I can only answer part of the question. There've been times when I've given pain and in doing so, pain of my own has eased. I've found though that, for me at least, I have to be careful not to make my "target" the brunt of pain that rightly belongs to someone else.
When the pain being given is being well-received and is doing something for that person as well as for me, then it is all good but when the giving and taking of pain to release or receive pain that belongs to others takes over too much, then the interaction that can and should exist between me and my partner becomes lost in the "transaction"...and I don't want that.

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RE: Pain - giving and taking - 12/28/2006 7:05:46 AM

catfood

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i give pain because i enjoy it. i am a sadist, i love the responses evoked by intense pain/sensation in a bottom. if my motives swerve off the path, and i find myself motivated to hurt in response to hurt others have inflicted on me, i step away from the whip. i will not top someone if i'm feeling like i need to take out my emotional pain on someone, big red flashing "NO!"

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RE: Pain - giving and taking - 12/28/2006 7:11:13 AM

missturbation

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How many give pain out because they have been hurt?
I would never and have never done that.

How many take pain because they have hurt others?
I take pain because i enjoy pain. I did try giving it once but didnt enjoy it at all and wouldnt want to do it again.

How many take pain because they themselves have been hurt emotionally
and wish to feel something because they are emotionally numb?
No definatley not and in my opinion anyone who is taking pain for this reason needs to look closely at what they are doing. To me it seems to be a wrong reason to take pain.

This is just another way to frame the "nature vs. nurture" argument.
Rover - im confused - i dont see the nature vs nurture argument here at all.

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RE: Pain - giving and taking - 12/28/2006 7:27:47 AM

cjenny

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SirDiscipliner69

Pain - giving and taking

How many give pain out because they have been hurt?

How many take pain because they have hurt others?

How many take pain because they themselves have been hurt emotionally

and wish to feel something because they are emotionally numb?

I honestly can't imagine intentionally hurting someone, especially out of my own pain. That goes inward, not outward.

I've unintentionally hurt others, sometimes pretty badly. I don't THINK that created or caused my need for certain types of pain.

But who knows? I can't afford therapy.

I felt/was blank/numb for years. Called marriage lol. Now I am happy and haven't any need to break through that anymore.

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RE: Pain - giving and taking - 12/28/2006 7:27:47 AM

canupleaseme

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I dont like to give pain because i have felt pain i think that would be very wrong. I like the reactions pain gives as much as ilike the reactios any other sensation i am aiming for gives. I love to recieve some pain but mainly my boy gets it if i feel its necsessary

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RE: Pain - giving and taking - 12/28/2006 8:09:35 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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None of the above for me. I take pain if the situation requires it. I give pain if the situation requires it and/or if I will enjoy it.

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RE: Pain - giving and taking - 12/28/2006 8:39:00 AM

whisperedsighs

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SirDiscipliner69

Pain - giving and taking

How many take pain because they have hurt others?

How many take pain because they themselves have been hurt emotionally

and wish to feel something because they are emotionally numb?

Ross

I don't take pain because I have hurt others. Just not part of me.

As far as being hurt emotionally and having that be the reason for taking pain. I don't know that that is really what I do. It could be though. I am lucky to be part of a very great group of friends. The Alpha Dom / Sadist of this group is a strong advocate of the pressure valve theory and cathartic values of pain play. He always seems to know when I need the scene to go to this level. There have been times of incredible stress, where I had no outlet for all that was being put on me. These are the times that his goal is to push me beyond my normal limits and break me down completely often times beyond tears to complete submission to the pain. I have no idea what it is for him when he gives this kind of pain. I don't know what or how his brain processes what he is giving. I just know that once the flood gates open, I can release all the pain I am feeling in a way I was never allowed to, or never seem to allow myself to now.

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RE: Pain - giving and taking - 12/28/2006 8:41:38 AM

Grlwithboy

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I give pain because----

I don't even know where to start or end that. I have to.

I have taken pain because -- I wanted to see what pain I could take. I wanted a chance to say to myself, "self you're brave and tough."

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RE: Pain - giving and taking - 12/28/2006 8:47:55 AM

Rover

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quote:

ORIGINAL: missturbation
This is just another way to frame the "nature vs. nurture" argument.
Rover - im confused - i dont see the nature vs nurture argument here at all.

The questions suppose an effect of environmental factors (nurture) upon one's enjoyment of giving or receiving pain. That one's experiences, having hurt or been hurt, cause one in later life to enjoy giving or receiving pain.

This is classic "nurture" argument.

John

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Sri da Avabhas

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RE: Pain - giving and taking - 12/28/2006 9:01:01 AM

ownedgirlie

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quote:

ORIGINAL: SirDiscipliner69

How many give pain out because they have been hurt?

I don't give out pain....yet. Heh.

quote:

How many take pain because they have hurt others?

I don't make a habit of huritng others so I'd have to say no to this one.

quote:

How many take pain because they themselves have been hurt emotionally and wish to feel something because they are emotionally numb?

Quite frankly I hate pain. But sometimes it is cleansing for me. When my Master first took the belt to me, it helped me let go of all the whippings I had as a child. When my Dad died, Master whipped me good, and I was able to shed all the emotions I had held in during the funeral arrangements, etc. Recently he put me through something physically painful which triggered some emotions from my upbringing. Since we were often hurt while being told we weren't loved, I equated the two, and couldn't understand how Master could hurt me if he cared about me. Logically I can see how he can, but emotional scars run deep, so he will be putting me through such pain again, so I can work through it. Oh happy happy joy joy, lol.

I don't relate to the part about being numb, though. I am far from numb. Sometimes when he's hitting me I wish I were numb...lol.

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