24/7, taking it seriously? (Full Version)

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naomicnt -> 24/7, taking it seriously? (12/28/2006 4:42:49 PM)

My boyfriend and I are talking about moving from bedroom kink to 24/7, with me as the slave.  I'm very interested in it, but the few times we've tried it out (for no longer than a day or two) I've had trouble taking it seriously.  I can't get completely into it because in my head I've got a sarcastic meta-narrative going on.  I've tried hinting about it to see if he feels the same, but if he does he's hasn't shared.  When I do more than hint, he starts doubting whether we should do it at all, saying that he doesn't want it to be a game for me.  I know that this is the lifestyle that I want with him, but it feels fake.  Does anyone know what I'm talking about?  If so, is this something that will go away once we've been 24/7 for an extended period of time and get into a routine of it?



hisannabelle -> RE: 24/7, taking it seriously? (12/28/2006 4:52:49 PM)

what about it feels fake? what is your narrative saying? during the days that you're trying it out, are the two of you doing things that you would normally be doing - is it "normal routine" day for you in terms of work, school, and whatever else may be going on?

it's very possible that this will go away with time, but it's also possible that there are certain things about the situation that may not feel natural to you, things that could be changed to make it work more smoothly.  



juliaoceania -> RE: 24/7, taking it seriously? (12/28/2006 4:58:57 PM)

I consider what I have with my Daddy an ongoing power exchange relationship. We do not live together, but in our interactions we flow from active power exchange, to pretty much acting just like everyone else... all in the blink of an eye.

At times I am sarcastic in a joking sort of bratty fun way.. he actually encourages it because it makes us laugh. If he he is serious about something, I damn well know it and I shut my piehole and listen. It really is not difficult to tell what the mood on Planet Sinergy is. I do not think we do take the whole thing "seriously" much.... Life is just too short to be too serious all the time. Take what joy the both of you have, and I would discuss with him the sarcastic little crap that wants to eminate from you, it is not as unnatural as you think, and could be a great source of fun and joy if the two of you see it for what it is. Submission is not supposed to make us less of who we truly are. If he is in a serious mood, he will let you know, and then you should act accordingly.

Hope this helps.



MasterFireMaam -> RE: 24/7, taking it seriously? (12/28/2006 5:13:23 PM)

I've gone through (and still have it sometimes) the same kind of thing about being a Vampire. I mean, come on...that's so yesterday, right? What I found was that it was a projection on my part of how I thought other people viewed me. I was assuming that, since I had a problem admitting what I am, that others obviously saw me as a fake. Not true. I am a Vampire...and it doesn't matter what you think about that. I am Real and I know what I'm about. Self acceptance is a wonderful thing.

Master Fire



daddysprop247 -> RE: 24/7, taking it seriously? (12/28/2006 5:25:36 PM)

this is not something you can force or create. it is, or it isn't. in your case, it sounds as if it very much isn't, but perhaps your SO wish it were. if it feels fake to you, and you can't take it all seriously, that pretty much tells you all you need to know. personally, i don't see how you can go from "bedroom kink" to D/s slave unless your true desire and need all along was to be slave and you were simply settling for the other in the meantime.



AquaticSub -> RE: 24/7, taking it seriously? (12/28/2006 6:23:52 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: naomicnt

My boyfriend and I are talking about moving from bedroom kink to 24/7, with me as the slave.  I'm very interested in it, but the few times we've tried it out (for no longer than a day or two) I've had trouble taking it seriously.  I can't get completely into it because in my head I've got a sarcastic meta-narrative going on.  I've tried hinting about it to see if he feels the same, but if he does he's hasn't shared.  When I do more than hint, he starts doubting whether we should do it at all, saying that he doesn't want it to be a game for me.  I know that this is the lifestyle that I want with him, but it feels fake.  Does anyone know what I'm talking about?  If so, is this something that will go away once we've been 24/7 for an extended period of time and get into a routine of it?



What sort of things are you trying? You should know that 24/7 relationships vary greatly and no two are exactly alike. In some couples, the sub/slave does all possible chores on their knees, others always call their master "Master" and so on. Other relationships, sitting on the floor is optional unless specifically ordered. My dominant and I are learning how to have a 24/7 work for us. He calls me Aqua most of the time and calls me Kitten when around others but wants to exert his authority. In private, I'm often either Aqua or Pet. I have very few standing orders and most days go by without him "ordering" me, though I'm often asked to get him a drink or fetch him food. What works for us is an atmosphere of respect and love with the understanding of I will drop to my knees and serve at his whim. The transition can be interesting mentally, especially if (like me) you've been raised to think that you shouldn't serve a man. Find what works for you and pleases your master.



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: 24/7, taking it seriously? (12/28/2006 7:38:32 PM)

I'd stop thinking about 24/7 as something you jump into or not, and allow it to simply come as it is.  When you feel inspired, go for it.  If it suits you, it's more than likely that those times will spread and you will find yourselves simply walking that path as it is.



SlaveAkasha -> RE: 24/7, taking it seriously? (12/28/2006 7:41:44 PM)

I am also curious exactly how you both do it those few days.  It doesn't have to be a specific thing. 
 
My Master and I look and act like any other couple, even at home.  He calls me hun, or by my given name.. I don't call him Master unless we are having sex, or maybe if there is something I feel that warrants it as a response to him (or he feels does, I am pretty good at reading him).  I don't walk around naked, I sit on the couch, I will get him something to drink, but he will do that for himself also..plus I crawl into bed with him every night and fall asleep in his arms.
 
We have our moments where things are very strict, but not often.  I just pretty much take care of him and his needs anyway.  I make meals, clean, laundry, comfort, and make sure his wants are also met by me.
 
Do what feels best for you both and don't feel like you have to fit into a mold of what others think is a "real" M/s relationship.  What you have will last a lot longer if you both don't have to work so hard at trying to keep a "scene" up 24/7.
 
Kasha



leakylee -> RE: 24/7, taking it seriously? (12/28/2006 8:19:24 PM)

I havent ever lived 24/7, or 100% fulltime, might wanna call it more 3/4 time. My own, ah, fractions there..hehe, but point being. You might want to look inside. See what it is in you that feels off. See where you and how you want to give. No I dont mean the whole gift thing. I know personally that if I cant find it in myself to want to give up, to want to find those subtle ways of pleasing and handing over control of myself, then it is just all a waste of energy. Now this just maybe me. I am the nut that will even intiate the mental part. That will help find the mental triggers that will plant my owner in my mind. But that is my way. Kinda proactive.

Maybe identifying the small comfy areas that you have now and starting with those might make the transition a bit easier.

I wish you the best on your journey.
love and light be you
and a Happiest of New Year to every one



DiurnalVampire -> RE: 24/7, taking it seriously? (12/28/2006 8:25:58 PM)

If it feels fake to you, it might not be for you.  Or it might be becasue you know it is a temporary situation, and therefore it IS fake.  You cant be 24/7 parttime.  A 24/7 lifestyle is an all or nothing exchange.  Now, that doesnt mean it is an all day every day scene like many newcomers tend to think it is.  It does, however, mean that as the slave, your everything becomes his property.  You can still work, can stil have your own friends, but you are always his. In what is going to be our arrangement, Angel will not be living with me, for specific reasons. However, our relationship wil be heading toward a 24/7 TPE. It is just simply not something you can force, or expect to work overnight.  You have to gradually work towards making it work. Going from 0-24/7 overnight is a recipe for disaster.

my opinion at least
DV



crouchingtigress -> RE: 24/7, taking it seriously? (12/28/2006 8:48:40 PM)

i kinda see 24/7 working best as a natural progression....besides easing your fears...it also seems more genuine and authentic.



nephandi -> RE: 24/7, taking it seriously? (12/28/2006 8:50:16 PM)

i and my fiancee is doing this now, and it is hard, it is hard to say this will be my future, my everyday. It is so hard in fact that my fiancee and me have to take it is smal steps bringing the lifestyle a little more and a little more into our life in baby steps. We tried to plundge into it and it did not work. Perhaps a smal ritual every day, or just changing the way you speak to you partner in emails or on the phone or somthing not everyday talk is a good first step, perhaps somthing else. But my advice to you is sit down and talk whit him tell him properly how you feel, find out if you realy want this and then work it into your life in smal doses unthil it have colord all of your everyday life.



slavemaia -> RE: 24/7, taking it seriously? (12/28/2006 11:33:09 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: naomicnt

My boyfriend and I are talking about moving from bedroom kink to 24/7, with me as the slave.  I'm very interested in it, but the few times we've tried it out (for no longer than a day or two) I've had trouble taking it seriously.  I can't get completely into it because in my head I've got a sarcastic meta-narrative going on.  I've tried hinting about it to see if he feels the same, but if he does he's hasn't shared.  When I do more than hint, he starts doubting whether we should do it at all, saying that he doesn't want it to be a game for me.  I know that this is the lifestyle that I want with him, but it feels fake.  Does anyone know what I'm talking about?  If so, is this something that will go away once we've been 24/7 for an extended period of time and get into a routine of it?



Give Y/yourselves time to experiment, investigate, learn. It's like knowing where Y/you want to go but not knowing exactly how to get there. It takes time and experience to learn what ultimately suits Y/you both.  If you need to giggle for awhile what's wrong with that? Maybe you're just a bit nervous. It's all going to feel a bit wierd for awhile because it's something new and quite revealing at the same time. i mean, to finally be able to admit to yourself, let alone someone else that you like being a slave - that's a big step. Eventually Y/you'll both discover there's a big difference between "acting" dominant and submissive and "being" them. In the meantime enjoy the journey.



Daddysfavoritpet -> RE: 24/7, taking it seriously? (12/29/2006 4:06:17 AM)

COMMUNICATION... COMMUNICATION... COMMUNICATION!!!!   the keys to any successful relationship vanilla or tpe is imagination and communication.  hints are easily over looked especially in the beginning.  would you hint at your SAFE WORD?  i think not.  please keep this in mind:  "better to not be 24/7 tpe for the right reasons than to stay in it for all the wrong ones."



RedSavageSlave -> RE: 24/7, taking it seriously? (12/29/2006 4:09:53 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: naomicnt

My boyfriend and I are talking about moving from bedroom kink to 24/7, with me as the slave.  I'm very interested in it, but the few times we've tried it out (for no longer than a day or two) I've had trouble taking it seriously.  I can't get completely into it because in my head I've got a sarcastic meta-narrative going on.  I've tried hinting about it to see if he feels the same, but if he does he's hasn't shared.  When I do more than hint, he starts doubting whether we should do it at all, saying that he doesn't want it to be a game for me.  I know that this is the lifestyle that I want with him, but it feels fake.  Does anyone know what I'm talking about?  If so, is this something that will go away once we've been 24/7 for an extended period of time and get into a routine of it?



Ok..I have highlighted a few comments that kind of spoke to me. I am not sure if I am reading this right but it almost sounds like if you try to address your concerns he just kind of gives up on you. I get the feeling from your posting that to him..you should just BE submissive and he is not actually putting alot of effort into helping you get to that mindspace.

Is he more than a kink dom? Does he actually have the desire/ability to be a 24/7 M/s Master? These questions are not meant as a put down in anyway. Everyone must go with their desires and capabilities. It just kind of reads to me that even though you have talked about it and YOU seem to be having the interest and desire..I am not really seeing where this is something he wishes equally.

Can you clarify this please?



Stephann -> RE: 24/7, taking it seriously? (12/29/2006 6:29:56 AM)

You're not sprouting gills and leaping into the sea here.  You can move to a TPE style relationship in manageable bites, and over the weeks it'll lose that shiny plastic cellophane feeling.  Agree to work out some specific (but basic) rituals.  One of gretchen's first was making coffee in the morning.  Also, go with what you two really want to do - for example, if calling him 'Master' all the time doesn't float your boat, talk about it.  There's no Grand Puba of the Seven Tails who visits during the solstice to make sure you two are doing it right.  Over time, you'll both gradually and naturally adjust to the changes.

Enjoy!

Stephan



Rayne58 -> RE: 24/7, taking it seriously? (12/29/2006 3:39:50 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SlaveAkasha

I am also curious exactly how you both do it those few days. It doesn't have to be a specific thing.

My Master and I look and act like any other couple, even at home. He calls me hun, or by my given name.. I don't call him Master unless we are having sex, or maybe if there is something I feel that warrants it as a response to him (or he feels does, I am pretty good at reading him). I don't walk around naked, I sit on the couch, I will get him something to drink, but he will do that for himself also..plus I crawl into bed with him every night and fall asleep in his arms.

We have our moments where things are very strict, but not often. I just pretty much take care of him and his needs anyway. I make meals, clean, laundry, comfort, and make sure his wants are also met by me.

Do what feels best for you both and don't feel like you have to fit into a mold of what others think is a "real" M/s relationship. What you have will last a lot longer if you both don't have to work so hard at trying to keep a "scene" up 24/7.

Kasha


That's pretty much how it works here too. We have been together almost 3 years and in that time our relationship has evolved from "bedroom kink" to service outside the bedroom too. I don't call Him "Master" outside of play but over the last few weeks I've thrown in the occasional "Sir" which seems to be becoming more natural to say.

All 24/7 means to us is that I'm available whenever He wants for anything He wants (sexual or not). [:)]



comesoncommand -> RE: 24/7, taking it seriously? (12/29/2006 8:32:40 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: RedSavageSlave

quote:

ORIGINAL: naomicnt

My boyfriend and I are talking about moving from bedroom kink to 24/7, with me as the slave.  I'm very interested in it, but the few times we've tried it out (for no longer than a day or two) I've had trouble taking it seriously.  I can't get completely into it because in my head I've got a sarcastic meta-narrative going on.  I've tried hinting about it to see if he feels the same, but if he does he's hasn't shared.  When I do more than hint, he starts doubting whether we should do it at all, saying that he doesn't want it to be a game for me.  I know that this is the lifestyle that I want with him, but it feels fake.  Does anyone know what I'm talking about?  If so, is this something that will go away once we've been 24/7 for an extended period of time and get into a routine of it?



Ok..I have highlighted a few comments that kind of spoke to me. I am not sure if I am reading this right but it almost sounds like if you try to address your concerns he just kind of gives up on you. I get the feeling from your posting that to him..you should just BE submissive and he is not actually putting alot of effort into helping you get to that mindspace.

Is he more than a kink dom? Does he actually have the desire/ability to be a 24/7 M/s Master? These questions are not meant as a put down in anyway. Everyone must go with their desires and capabilities. It just kind of reads to me that even though you have talked about it and YOU seem to be having the interest and desire..I am not really seeing where this is something he wishes equally.

Can you clarify this please?


Very well put! i have to admit i was thinking along the same lines.  The ideas/fantasy of the lifestyle can be very different from the reality of it.  Some new subs read the "beauty" trilogy, and wish to be owned 24/7, thinking the lifestyle is about being a sex slave princess in a castle.  Perhaps an extreme example, but hopefully you get my point.  One of the most amazing things about finding your Master is finding the One who truly deserves to Master you.  A Master proves Himself to a slave, just as the slave/sub has things to prove to her Master.  If your boyfriend isn't anymore experienced in the lifestyle than you are, and yet expects you to be his "24/7 slave" instantly...it seems this could lead to a small disaster.  If it is something you wish to do together, i agree with others to take baby steps and investigate and learn together.  Even for P/people experienced in the lifestyle a 24/7 relationship doesn't occur overnight.  Get involved in the local community, and enjoy :).  When it is time, and right...it will feel right.



Celeste43 -> RE: 24/7, taking it seriously? (12/29/2006 8:57:50 PM)

I've never seen any purpose from going directly from being a bedroom sub for 3 hours on Sat night to 24/7 including interfering with work. How about going a lot slower, like all day Saturday until Sunday noon plus Wednesday evenings.

And even so, I'm still known to occasionally go "yeth Marthter" with an attempt at a hunch in my walk. So what if I brat some? He finds it funny, I get my point across and if there's time, I might even get a spanking. Drags one foot Igor style across the floor as I get him some ice cream.



PsyVamp -> RE: 24/7, taking it seriously? (12/29/2006 9:27:53 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MasterFireMaam

I've gone through (and still have it sometimes) the same kind of thing about being a Vampire. I mean, come on...that's so yesterday, right? What I found was that it was a projection on my part of how I thought other people viewed me. I was assuming that, since I had a problem admitting what I am, that others obviously saw me as a fake. Not true. I am a Vampire...and it doesn't matter what you think about that. I am Real and I know what I'm about. Self acceptance is a wonderful thing.

Master Fire



Master Fire,  I agree and thank you for writing this!  Feels good to just say "I am a Vampire" and not care what anyone else thinks, doesn't it? 

OP:  I am the dominant personality 24/7 and I don't feel silly about it at all.

Now I wonder if all vampires are dom/mes.

Damn Vampyre



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