The big question.

The big question. (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Submissive

Message

DeLust241 -> The big question. (12/28/2006 4:54:25 PM)
I have come to relize that people take being collared as marriage and I agree with that but what happens when real "marriage" comes into play? Like I've said before I have been with my Master a year but we also are bf/gf if you want to say it that way. I have only been collared a month and before I was collared U had plans to ask my Master to marry me. I have the issue all figured out but seeing that we have opened a new part to ou relationship (my collar) should I hold off on when I ask? Cause I have been collared a month and plan to ask him in Feb. When I look at the ring I dont just see my Master I see my soulmate and my friend so there isnt anything worng. I'm just wondering if I should wait to see where this path will take our relationship this up coming year. What do you think? DeLust Collared Sub.

hisannabelle -> RE: The big question. (12/28/2006 5:09:29 PM)
i take a collar as seriously as marriage, or more seriously, really. he and i are choosing to wait to get married until after i graduate from college and we move, but we are planning to get married at some point in the next few years (i have about 2 and a half years of my undergrad to go). i don't think that marriage would change much for us - other than the obvious...shared bank account, shared living space, etc. but then again, he already has access to my financial information when he chooses it (and helped me invest, at one point), and we are working towards getting used to being in each other's space. that said, i think that it's a good idea, if you're planning on living as a 24/7 tpe couple indefinitely, to spend some time that way (at least 5 or 6 months) before seriously taking in the concept of marriage. this is because moving from a normal relationship to a tpe brings up all sorts of issues and forces you to look at them...especially things like communication, your sexual relationship, how your romantic relationship affects your relationships with family and friends, trust, etc. etc. etc. all of this is stuff that's also important to marriage, so i think it's good to give a tpe at least 5 or 6 months to see where things take you before you move in the direction of marriage. to me, it would seem a little premature to move in that direction without feeling secure first in the type of relationship you plan to have once you are married - and if that is a tpe, then everyone needs to be comfy with the issues that arise from that first.

Fawne -> RE: The big question. (12/28/2006 5:11:44 PM)
I think.. and I know the two feelings can merge. He can be your Owner. Your master who you respect, obey, and have a devoted feeling. Different than romantic love, but is very strong. YEA! You CAN have your cake and eat it too! There are plenty of couples who mix D/s with a traditional marriage, or solid long term relationship. Love. It is an intense mix..... a dream.. fawne

MasterFireMaam -> RE: The big question. (12/28/2006 5:16:24 PM)
Many Masters see marriage as a way to further their control over their subs/slaves. Some see it as an extension of the romantic love relationship. Others feel that romance has no place, but still use marriage as a control factor. The real issue here is: what does your Master want. Are you willing to accept a no and still be able to be happy? Master Fire

Devilslilsister -> RE: The big question. (12/28/2006 5:57:40 PM)
i say wait. Give it time. My Master wants to move forward with the "big question" with me, because we are having a new change coming soon, i think its best to wait and see how that change turns out. I would hate to further commit myself to something that i do not know will work out or not. While i've agreed to marriage i also follow it up with "in a few years". Anything that conveys "yes i would like to marry you, but now is not the right time" Life can only roll with so many changes at once. Both of us coming from divorced parents have the same idea on marriage. It literally means "for better or worse" - so it is not something to lightly jump into. Something to be absolutely sure about. On top of that, think of all the legal ramifications of getting divorced. Good lord, i was around for both of my mother's divorces and i can tell you - its not fun. Who gets the house, the TV, the bed, the furniture, monetary payments.. blah blah blah blah.. and THEN you actually have to pay for it.. plus the costs of lawyers. So even if marriage is not sacred to you, i'd say think about the legal ramifications of things not working out. I'd personally would rather to never be married, then married and divorced. Nasty thing divorce can be.

sleazy -> RE: The big question. (12/28/2006 6:18:16 PM)
To stick with the above, but without wanting to put too much of a negative spin on what seems a happy period in your life....... The legal has its upside too, it makes provision for you at the end of the relationship, no matter if it ends the day one of you dies, or just old fashioned breakdown of the relationship. Depending where in the world any other reader is, there could also have financial advantages in getting married, such as tax breaks. Not all places make legal provision for long term or common-law relationships There is not the same social advantage to marriage anymore, but should a religous zealot be elected in the future......[:)]

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: The big question. (12/28/2006 7:37:08 PM)
http://www.collarchat.com/m_664645/mpage_1/key_marriage/tm.htm#664658\ Questions regarding marriage and Ds or Ms relationships http://www.collarchat.com/m_576306/mpage_1/key_marriage/tm.htm#576397 Master, boyfriend, husband http://www.collarchat.com/m_83805/mpage_1/key_marriage/tm.htm#83805 Ds love and marriage http://www.collarchat.com/m_132827/mpage_1/key_marriage/tm.htm#132827 bdsm and marriage http://www.collarchat.com/m_239723/mpage_1/key_marriage/tm.htm#239723 Marriage and Ds http://www.collarchat.com/m_247668/mpage_1/key_marriage/tm.htm#247668 Ring or collar, what's the difference? http://www.collarchat.com/m_291606/mpage_1/key_marriage/tm.htm#291606 Marriage and bdsm http://www.collarchat.com/m_455701/mpage_1/key_marriage/tm.htm#455701 Marriage and bdsm lifestyle http://www.collarchat.com/m_466530/mpage_1/key_marriage/tm.htm#466530 Marriage and femdom

crouchingtigress -> RE: The big question. (12/28/2006 8:55:06 PM)
i dont know your fella, but most dominant types that i have known would have less issue with the idea of marrige, then being the one that controls the proposal and all that....

onestandingstill -> RE: The big question. (12/28/2006 9:33:24 PM)
As his collared submissive I'd recommend you waiting for him to ask you to marry him. That way you know it's the desire of his heart on his own that prompts him to decide he wants to get married.

AquaticSub -> RE: The big question. (12/28/2006 10:47:41 PM)
While I understand being both d/s and boyfriend/girlfriend, I have to agree with others that is feels odd for you to be the one proposing to him. I would suggest discussing the idea of marriage with him. My dominant (also known as my boyfriend) and I view a collar as an engagement ring of sorts, so he will not place one around my neck until he is sure that he wants to keep me in his life for years to come. Talk with him about what level of commitment the both of you feel your collar means. Ask him about marriage and proposing in the hypothetical. You may find out that he would react badly to his sub/girlfriend proposing to him.

Stephann -> RE: The big question. (12/29/2006 6:40:06 AM)
Great advice already given. I feel bad posting mine - because I doubt it will have a strong impact, and because it will seem like I'm raining on your parade. Trust me I'm not - I had the same parade. Wait. Wait until you're both at least 22 or 23 before you start talking marriage. I don't think you're immature. I know people got married at the age of 15 back in the day. I know you're in love, and he's your soulmate, and it's forever. I also know that one year with someone that special is just barely scratching the surface. I also know that when you both hit 22 or 23, you'll have been together for more than five years, have gone through the most difficult stage of adult hood, you'll have established yourselves as capable of financial independence, and you'll have prevented yourselves from becoming another divorce statistic. Most importantly, you'll have established that you two are together because you really love each other, whether you have a band on your finger or not. Stephan

pinkkeith -> RE: The big question. (12/29/2006 8:16:23 AM)
You know, there is no rule that says that in order to get married rings have to be exchanged. You can still be legally married without exchanging rings at all. I've been to one wedding where the couple planted a tree together instead of exchanging rings to symbolize their commitment to each other. A couple could easily have a legal ceremony and use a collar to symbolize their love for each other as easily as they could use rings.

DeLust241 -> RE: The big question. (12/29/2006 1:02:57 PM)
OK, good points from everyone, but......I have spoken to him on marriage and we have planned for it to happen. I want to use rings just nothing big and flashie. When we are married it well be under a different chruch, different all together from any wedding I have seen......Just he is Native and Native women are to be the Dominant ones when it comes to the home and I am very much soo, but as his Women I want him to know that I want to be here for the rest of my life and take care of him, and also as his sub. I just wanted to know if I should wait to ask becasue we are opening a new door right now. I know to many me asking him doesnt seem right but belive me I know my man, He wants me to ask so he doesnt have to worry about everything being perfect for his Kitten, that would stress him out more then anything, He worries things wont be good enough for me, but really a note with a ring drawn on it would make me happy..... JUST....should I wait on when I ask.....I'm not worried who should be asking here.

Stephann -> RE: The big question. (12/29/2006 1:17:14 PM)
Yes. Wait. Wait wait wait wait wait wait. It's not a problem with your relationship. If what you have is strong and happy, it will still be strong and happy in three years. Marriage won't make it stronger, or happier. I buy ice cream sometimes (it isn't very cheap here.) We don't eat it in the parking lot, we eat it for dessart after a great meal. It makes that great meal taste so much better. If we ate it in the parking lot at the store, not only would the meal not taste that great, but the ice cream wouldn't feel so rewarding. Stephan

LotusSong -> RE: The big question. (12/29/2006 1:47:57 PM)
I was engaged at 19 and married at 20. If I had t to do all over again, I'd wait a few more years. Fortunately, I did marry a good man :) But I always wonder what I could have accomplished on my own.

drawntothedark -> RE: The big question. (12/29/2006 2:13:27 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: DeLust241 I have come to relize that people take being collared as marriage and I agree with that but what happens when real "marriage" comes into play? Like I've said before I have been with my Master a year but we also are bf/gf if you want to say it that way. I have only been collared a month and before I was collared U had plans to ask my Master to marry me. I have the issue all figured out but seeing that we have opened a new part to ou relationship (my collar) should I hold off on when I ask? Cause I have been collared a month and plan to ask him in Feb. When I look at the ring I dont just see my Master I see my soulmate and my friend so there isnt anything worng. I'm just wondering if I should wait to see where this path will take our relationship this up coming year. What do you think? DeLust Collared Sub. Not to cross threads or anything but didn't you start a thread where you stated that you have not actually "played" with your Master in a BDSM way. You were asking if we all thought it was cool to ask him to explore that. I would say that I would wait until you have established that part of yourselfs first before asking him to marry you. (BTW I love the fact that you are asking him, I think it's so romantic).

Stephann -> RE: The big question. (12/29/2006 2:25:52 PM)
drawn - she established that she hadn't scened since her collaring. They've been dating over a year now and live together. It's not as if they just met on the street last week.

Page: [1]

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

2.734375E-02