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Which sexual fantasies should you act out? - 12/29/2006 4:04:31 AM

labsintheriver

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Which sexual fantasies should you act out and which should you keep in the imagination? How do you decide?
I got thinking about this in my post about bisexual fantasies- about how making them real can turn out to be a disappointment- that the reality is not very appealing or is mixed- part erotic, part repulsive.
Take another example. I recently “came across” some inter-racial cuckolding porn with captions which I found extremely erotic. The basic theme is that a dominant black male (“bull”) uses the sub white male’s wife while he is kept chaste or made to eat the “cream pie”. In wanking terms, that really gets me off. But in reality, I wouldn’t touch it with a barge pole. I was offered exactly this relationship by a deliciously sexy girl who I turned down. For me, any infidelity/sharing etc is a total NO-NO.
So why is the fantasy so exciting?
Why do we have fantasies about things we don’t want to do?
How do you decide whether or not to act upon your fantasy of keep it as a masturbatory fantasy?
What’s your experience?

< Message edited by labsintheriver -- 12/29/2006 4:11:30 AM >

Post #: 1

RE: Which sexual fantasies should you act out? - 12/29/2006 4:35:44 AM

sleazy

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Part of me is of the opinion anything with potential should be tried, after all the reality might not be a dissapointment. Of course some fantasies would have to remain just that, for example a fantasy of anything illegal and/or that falls outside the arena of SSC, RACK, or whatever your particular flavour of socially freindly rules are. There are several ideas that interest or excite me on an intellectual level, but right now I simply would not and could not consider doing as they involve getting over some of my own in-built prejudices, but perhaps one day, if the right gal was willing I would be able to get over those prejudices and indulge myself.

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(in reply to labsintheriver)

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RE: Which sexual fantasies should you act out? - 12/29/2006 4:53:20 AM

julietsierra

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I love exploration - of any sort, so when it comes to things sexual, if it interests me, then it's something I want to try. Amazingly, I found someone who thinks the same way I do. And he puts it into action. The things he does on his own, we talk about. Sometimes, I'm his voice of objectivity when he might be too close to a given situation to see all sides. Mostly though, I just get to be thrilled with the things he's explored or is exploring, and how they've turned out - or are turning out. (Yep, he's got a life out there beyond me. I think that's just lovely.)

When he takes me exploring, it's even better. We've done LOTS of things I never thought I'd be interested in, simply because he was. We've done LOTS of things I never thought I'd be brave enough to do - even though I was interested in trying them. With him, I have the philosophy that I'll try something three times. Once to get past the stigma/prejudice/reluctance of doing it, twice to see if I like it, three times to be sure. If I hate something after three times, it moves to my list of hard limits. So far, I've never once put something on that list even though I've taken oodles of things off that list.

I have a couple of things on the list of things I'm interested in but not brave enough to try and I have some things on my list of things I'm interested in that I don't know that I could even make the decision to engage in. In those situations, even the decision itself would be too difficult. Sometimes, I wonder if he'll ever tackle those ideas, but since he's the driver of this bus, like greyhound, I'm leaving the driving to him. I do have a map that he consults from time to time, although even when I offer my map, he usually finds the more scenic route. In other words, even if I say I might be interested in doing ABC, we may get to ABC, but he may decide to do DEF first, and way down the road, when I've forgotten all about ABC, I'll find out that's exactly what we're doing.

juliet

Edited to fix one horrific run-on sentence that didn't make any sense even to me - and I wrote the darn thing.

< Message edited by julietsierra -- 12/29/2006 5:30:35 AM >

(in reply to sleazy)

Post #: 3

I'd far rather regret the things I did - 12/29/2006 5:16:50 AM

labsintheriver

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I'd far rather regret the things I did than regret the things I never tried.
Having said that, there are probably a lot of people in prison, in broken relationships, living with guilt, diseased etc who do regret what they HAVE done. I regret having shovelled so much junk food down my throat, for example!

(in reply to julietsierra)

Post #: 4

RE: I'd far rather regret the things I did - 12/29/2006 5:21:33 AM

spankmepink11

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I have similar mindset to julietsierras in regards to limits, fantasies etc....i can say, however. that i have yet to be dissapointed in any fantasy that i've brought to life, or had brought to life for me.

(in reply to labsintheriver)

Post #: 5

RE: I'd far rather regret the things I did - 12/29/2006 5:25:52 AM

julietsierra

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quote:

ORIGINAL: labsintheriver

I'd far rather regret the things I did than regret the things I never tried.
Having said that, there are probably a lot of people in prison, in broken relationships, living with guilt, diseased etc who do regret what they HAVE done. I regret having shovelled so much junk food down my throat, for example!

However, one never said that trying things has to be done imprudently. Just as these days, I'm trying to use a itty bitty sugar spoon vs a shovel when it comes to junk food, it doesn't mean I'm not getting any. It just means I'm being more careful about how I'm getting it. And just as I'm using that itty bitty sugar spoon instead of a shovel, so too can I engage in the exploration while still being careful about making sure I'm reasonably safe while I explore.

juliet

(in reply to labsintheriver)

Post #: 6

RE: I'd far rather regret the things I did - 12/29/2006 5:31:57 AM

julietsierra

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quote:

ORIGINAL: spankmepink11

I have similar mindset to julietsierras in regards to limits, fantasies etc....i can say, however. that i have yet to be dissapointed in any fantasy that i've brought to life, or had brought to life for me.

EXACTLY! Don't you just find this so amazing at times? I know I do. So often, I feel like I lived the first part of my life with blinders on, never able to look to the right or the left, but only straight ahead on some path someone else said I had to be on. Now I get to see the whole vista of opportunities.

I want to be the kind of person my grandkids say "WOW! Grandma was really something!" about after I die.

juliet

(in reply to spankmepink11)

Post #: 7

RE: I'd far rather regret the things I did - 12/29/2006 6:02:56 AM

spankmepink11

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Yes it is amazing, the difference with me is that the first part of my life was not hindered by blinders...but by people who who were shocked...and/or not interested in such exploration. My exhusband ,with whom i spent 13 lonnng sexually dull years with, had a very narrow mindset sexually. His idea of kinky was having sex anywhere other than the bedroom.
I used to buy toys...and make up scenarios that i would beg him to enact. He just wasn't interested.
Ironically...he did always have one kinky fantasy, which was a m/f/m threesome. While i was very interested, i knew if i agreed, that the next time we had a disagreement, he would throw that in my face...calling me a whore..slut...etc..( and not in a good way), so i refused. I must admit, i saw him for the first time in several years this past summer ( he had spent 4 yrs in germany and then a year in CA) and it gave me a little thrill to have him wishing that we were intimate, and kind of flaunting my sexuality and adventurous experiences . (hmm...maybe i have a hint of a sadistic streak)

(in reply to julietsierra)

Post #: 8

RE: I'd far rather regret the things I did - 12/29/2006 6:46:33 AM

julietsierra

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quote:

ORIGINAL: spankmepink11

My exhusband ,with whom i spent 13 lonnng sexually dull years with, had a very narrow mindset sexually. His idea of kinky was having sex anywhere other than the bedroom.
I used to buy toys...and make up scenarios that i would beg him to enact. He just wasn't interested.
Ironically...he did always have one kinky fantasy, which was a m/f/m threesome. While i was very interested, i knew if i agreed, that the next time we had a disagreement, he would throw that in my face...calling me a whore..slut...etc..( and not in a good way), so i refused. I must admit, i saw him for the first time in several years this past summer ( he had spent 4 yrs in germany and then a year in CA) and it gave me a little thrill to have him wishing that we were intimate, and kind of flaunting my sexuality and adventurous experiences . (hmm...maybe i have a hint of a sadistic streak)

OOoh, for me it was 18 years. I asked him once to take pictures of me - I was dressed, but it was a sexy outfit (pajama kind of thing). He refused. I bribed him in the age old fashion and he ended up taking the pictures. When we got home and I had them developed, I had double prints made - and I hid one set of them. When I walked in the door, he grabbed the pictures, took all the negatives and burned them in the fireplace, telling me "mothers don't do things like that."

I divorced him shortly after that.

These days, when I drop the kids off, I'm usually on my way to meet my Master. I'm dressed accordingly (without collar). The comment I most like is "You are so sexy... are you sure we can't.....?" and I get to say "oh, I'm so sure. Mothers don't do that kind of stuff."

He tried to push that envelope harder a few months ago. (He usually tries this every 6 months and I get all upset every time.) This time though, I just pulled out my cell phone. When he asked who I was calling, I told him that I was calling R. When he asked why in the hell I'd do that, I told him "cause if he says I can, then I will...but I'd be doing just what he says for just as long as he says and nothing more. Afterall, whatever I do, I'd be doing it for him. He's such a voyeur. I just love that about him. Have you ever done that before? It's really hot!"

For some reason, he got all pissy about the whole thing and asked me to leave. I tell ya...there's no accounting for the changeability of the minds of ex-husbands!

Oh, and about that hint of a sadistic streak? Mine's more a swath.
juliet

< Message edited by julietsierra -- 12/29/2006 6:49:42 AM >

(in reply to spankmepink11)

Post #: 9

RE: I'd far rather regret the things I did - 12/29/2006 7:51:27 AM

labsintheriver

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you ladies are having a lovely chat. Very interesting.

(in reply to julietsierra)

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RE: I'd far rather regret the things I did - 12/29/2006 8:04:34 AM

kyraofMists

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Joined: 7/29/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: julietsierra

He tried to push that envelope harder a few months ago. (He usually tries this every 6 months and I get all upset every time.) This time though, I just pulled out my cell phone. When he asked who I was calling, I told him that I was calling R. When he asked why in the hell I'd do that, I told him "cause if he says I can, then I will...but I'd be doing just what he says for just as long as he says and nothing more. Afterall, whatever I do, I'd be doing it for him. He's such a voyeur. I just love that about him. Have you ever done that before? It's really hot!"

For some reason, he got all pissy about the whole thing and asked me to leave. I tell ya...there's no accounting for the changeability of the minds of ex-husbands!

Oh, and about that hint of a sadistic streak? Mine's more a swath.
juliet

LOL Great story..

It seems that the longer I am with my Lord, the larger my sadistic streak gets. He just seems to have so much fun with it so why shouldn't I?

To the OP, some things are better off left only to the mind, some things are even better when done in the flesh. He has fulfilled many of my fantasies and I have not regretted any of them. He does them when he is ready and when he is sure that the risk of harm is minimal.

Knight's kyra

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(in reply to julietsierra)

Post #: 11

RE: Which sexual fantasies should you act out? - 12/29/2006 8:25:31 AM

juliaoceania

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I am a definite believer that one should not act out every fantasy. I do not worry much about acting out my fantasies because in my view it is up to my Daddy at this point whether we act out fantasies or not.

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Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to labsintheriver)

Post #: 12

RE: I'd far rather regret the things I did - 12/29/2006 8:28:26 AM

julietsierra

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quote:

ORIGINAL: labsintheriver

you ladies are having a lovely chat. Very interesting.

We are! Thanks!!

But I just figured with you posting this same question on two different sites, you'd get enough answers.

juliet

(in reply to labsintheriver)

Post #: 13

RE: Which sexual fantasies should you act out? - 12/29/2006 8:52:15 AM

thetammyjo

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Aside from the obvious safety and legal issues that you might use to decide if you should live out a fantasy you may also wish to consider how likely it is to fulfill the details of it and gauge if not having all those details might risk ruining the fantasy.

I think the more details a fantasy has the harder it will be to fulfill it and thus the higher the risk of disappointment. Disappointment will affect people differently depending on their expectations, the intensity of the fantasy and the depth of the disappointment.

A good way to try a fantasy is to figure out what is really important and not on all the details. Details are going to be hard to match up 100%, the important elements may be easier to find. It's all about preparing for success in your scene, relationship or life.

Ultimately there is nothing wrong with trying to live out a fantasy once or twice then saying "that really is better as a fantasy". You have to try to be realistic and not expect things to be perfect because life is rarely perfect.

Sometimes the playing out of the fantasy turns out to be better not because it was identical but because it wasn't and you went places emotionally and physical and maybe spiritually that you didn't imagine could be so great. That is wonderful when it happens just don't expect it to happen this way.

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(in reply to labsintheriver)

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RE: I'd far rather regret the things I did - 12/29/2006 10:02:11 AM

labsintheriver

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quote:

ORIGINAL: julietsierra

quote:

ORIGINAL: labsintheriver

you ladies are having a lovely chat. Very interesting.

We are! Thanks!!

But I just figured with you posting this same question on two different sites, you'd get enough answers.

juliet

I never do things by halves, x

(in reply to julietsierra)

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RE: Which sexual fantasies should you act out? - 12/29/2006 10:35:04 AM

LuckyAlbatross

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http://www.collarchat.com/m_501892/mpage_2/key_fantasy/tm.htm#502582
Do you always want to act on your wilder fantasies?

I decide on what fantasies to enact based mostly on practical issues and the long term risk. I have a breeding fantasy, but having a child at this point in my life really isn't what I or anyone else wants and not at all worth getting one hot fantasy fulfilled.

Fantasies luckily aren't bounded by reality- my partner cautiously reminds me every time he opens up about a fantasy that "just because he gets turned on by the idea, doesn't mean he wants to do the reality."

I find what matters is to take the kernel of the fantasy that is what's working for him and play on THAT aspect in a positive and practical way.

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Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

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(in reply to labsintheriver)

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RE: Which sexual fantasies should you act out? - 12/29/2006 11:24:01 AM

OedipusRexIt

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To indulge, or not to indulge...? Like many questions posed here, I can't imagine there being one right answer. It always comes down to the specifics of the situation and people involved.

My personal preference is to explore all fantasies that include willing partners who have given informed consent. BTW, puppies, children and inanimate objects can't do that.

I've found some yield delight, others disappointment, as in "what was it I thought would be so amazing about that"?

One might suppose it's necessary to decide whether you prefer to know or prefer to dream.

... fun question, though.

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RE: Which sexual fantasies should you act out? - 12/29/2006 11:43:12 AM

canupleaseme

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Personally all the fantasies i have played out that i have wanted to have been great !!! The ones i wouldnt act out are the ones that make me really question why i fantasise about it, I feel that if i did them i would probably question myself loads after and not be settled about it. I think i will know when to try them because they will just feel like somethig natural to do

does that read right ? lol I once said i would never have sex with a woman, it was always just a fantasy but then one day i just did it becasue it felt right and i loved it but its not something i would do again in the foreseeable future. If you act out all your fantasies what have you got left to think about !!!

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RE: Which sexual fantasies should you act out? - 12/29/2006 12:30:51 PM

CalliopePurple

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I have a lot of fantasies that would be illegal to act upon. So I'm content to keep them in my head. But the ones that could possibly be done - like watching two guys suck each other off - I try. That example wasn't as hot as I thought, though I think it had something to do with the specific guys involved. I have to try and watch again at some point in the future and determine how much I really like the fantasy.

But half the fun in life is figuring out what you really like and what you don't.

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hajimete kimi ni atta hoshizora no shita de.
Kimi ni tsutaetai todokanai omoi demo
boku no kokoro wa mada kimi o sagashiteiru.

Gackt - Kimi ni Aitakute

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RE: Which sexual fantasies should you act out? - 12/29/2006 1:21:49 PM

TypeAsub1

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Some fantasies are best left in the mind... sometimes for your own personal health and/or emotional wellbeing - and sometimes, because the reality can never meet the fantasy.

I have a couple that will remain fantasies for the first reason. The latter.. none yet.

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Post #: 20

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