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For those in the same situation - 2/22/2005 9:07:08 PM

celestia

Posts: 46
Joined: 1/5/2005
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Not all slaves can be at the feet of their Masters 24/7, some of us just do not have that luxury, but can not deny who we are and what we desire to be happy. Life circumstances may have been put in place before meeting a Master or realizing that you have to be serving in some form.

So my question is, for those in the same situation as this, what do you do in the space of time to keep that overwhelming need at bay and not go into "submissive withdrawl"?

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RE: For those in the same situation - 2/23/2005 1:29:45 AM

fencerpet19

Posts: 169
Joined: 2/7/2005
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Hi there, gosh that situation sounds very much like mine. I haven't been serving my Master for very long (hmm... Dec. 27th I think was when we started) but we both have a lot of difficulty getting together. I live about and hour's drive away, and He is VERY busy with work and I with school. (I miss Him so terribly I haven't seen Him in over a month

) But in the spare time He still dictates some portions of my life. For example, He gives me random tasks to accomplish each day. This week I'm supposed to keep track of how many times I say the word "yeah" (I'm trying to not say it at all, and will probably be punished next time I see Him cuz right now I've said it 432 times eeek).

In the past He's had me do other stuff. It helps a lot because it's like a little perk to think about in the middle of the day. Like He's sort of there telling you to do this or that. We also talk a lot and send eachother things. He's sick right now so I sent Him a little care package. I dunno. It's really tough, but for me as long as we keep in touch I'm happy. Hang in there
~FP

(in reply to celestia)

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RE: For those in the same situation - 2/23/2005 5:37:30 AM

EmeraldSlave2

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quote:

ORIGINAL: celestia
So my question is, for those in the same situation as this, what do you do in the space of time to keep that overwhelming need at bay and not go into "submissive withdrawl"?

Sometimes you don't. Sometimes you NEED to let yourself feel that suckiness and just let it go. Give yourself time to cry, time to fall apart. Make sure you don't have other responsibilities that will come knocking. It will help when you realize you WILL get better the next day and that this is a long term commitment, a bad day of separation won't ruin things.

Otherwise, keep yourself busy. Don't let yourself obsess about the absence, don't let your neurotic thoughts take over. DO things, get out, be active. Do things that make you happy.

A LOT of people use rituals. This doesn't work for me because rituals feel very false, they make me feel like I'm putting energy into something that's going nowhere (there's no real feedback), and it REMINDS me that we're not together and I'm doing this ritual to try to make up for it. But if rituals will help, then by all means use them.

Otherwise, try and make sure you get some time to talk the day after you're together or do something intense. LOL Even the Owner has forgotten this simple thing and he had a mess on his hands that week! Reconnecting can do a world of good. Just talk and try and look forward to the next time.

Separation sucks, specially long distance. But people do it. Keep yourself happy, keep active in a full life, and keep connected to yourself and the relationship.

(in reply to celestia)

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RE: For those in the same situation - 2/23/2005 9:01:29 AM

songbird26

Posts: 72
Joined: 1/16/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: EmeraldSlave2

Sometimes you don't. Sometimes you NEED to let yourself feel that suckiness and just let it go. Give yourself time to cry, time to fall apart. Make sure you don't have other responsibilities that will come knocking. It will help when you realize you WILL get better the next day and that this is a long term commitment, a bad day of separation won't ruin things.

What she said. Give yourself permission to feel crummy, especially during the letdown time after an intense encounter or scene or weekend. It's just natural, and I think any of us who have been separated from our dominants know exactly what you're feeling. You're not alone. :-) But be sure to give yourself a time limit on wallowing; pick yourself up afterwards and get on with your life, staying busy and active and fulfilled in other areas.

Be sure to tell your dominant or Master how you're feeling, as well. Be honest with him or her and perhaps together you can come up with a way to ameliorate the effects of separation. Small services or tasks, assignments, or rituals, might help you feel closer to each other even in separation. And talk with understanding friends, as well: sometimes nothing helps as much as getting to wail "but I miss him so MUCH!" and having the other person understand entirely!

Good luck.

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)

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RE: For those in the same situation - 2/23/2005 12:44:11 PM

celestia

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Thanks for the response so far. I am glad to see I am not the only one in this situation. I do have my little tasks to do and they do help me, and of course as we all do I also have my everday vanilla life to live ( blah blah blah work...blah blah blah, tedious house hold junk) but I do find myself in the middle of activities just wandering to my "service" side and thinking omg I need to be kneeling (or what have you). So I was more or less looking to see what others do during this time for themselves, to fulfill that need w/out their Master, or at least dull it a bit. Thanks again

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RE: For those in the same situation - 2/23/2005 1:04:43 PM

EmeraldSlave2

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Well I'm a bit odd but I fill my time with other relationships! Having a boyfriend, a Boston partner and dating a sub takes a LOT of time. Likewise, getting involved in your local community with munches or other group stuff can help eat up time and get good stuff going at the same time.

But there will still always be moments you feel sad and lonely. 10 boyfriends couldn't fill that space in my life where I am property to the Owner and only he can be the one to own me. It helps to realize that the reason I HAVE these other fabulous people in my life is totally because the Owner allows it, encourages it and they are wonderful things he gives me in life- but it's not the same as being WITH him dammit!

So, yeah, sucks. But as long as you think long term and not short term, you can see past it.

(in reply to celestia)

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RE: For those in the same situation - 2/23/2005 2:45:37 PM

fencerpet19

Posts: 169
Joined: 2/7/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: celestia

I do find myself in the middle of activities just wandering to my "service" side and thinking omg I need to be kneeling (or what have you). So I was more or less looking to see what others do during this time for themselves, to fulfill that need w/out their Master, or at least dull it a bit.

Hmm.... thinking. Well, for me when those "omg I need to be kneeling" feelings come over me, I try to think about what I could do for my Master next time I see Him... sometimes it's pretty pathetic (last weekend I went out and bought 3 pairs of sexy underware and spent about an hour in front of the mirror trying to decide what shade of lipstick looked best with them) Many times I write out things that I don't want to forget to tell Him, or show Him... go through my CD's and find that perfect song for a strip tease... I dunno. It really sucks, but during those times I feel like I'm pleasing Him, and just how surprised He'll be with all the new stuff I've got to share.
~FP

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RE: For those in the same situation - 2/23/2005 2:55:40 PM

terah

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Joined: 12/17/2004
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I scream, I cry , I laugh, I pounce and I remember why I am there.Oh and I tease the fucking shit out of him

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RE: For those in the same situation - 2/23/2005 8:10:28 PM

slavedesires

Posts: 669
Joined: 3/2/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: celestia

Thanks for the response so far. I am glad to see I am not the only one in this situation. I do have my little tasks to do and they do help me, and of course as we all do I also have my everday vanilla life to live ( blah blah blah work...blah blah blah, tedious house hold junk) but I do find myself in the middle of activities just wandering to my "service" side and thinking omg I need to be kneeling (or what have you). So I was more or less looking to see what others do during this time for themselves, to fulfill that need w/out their Master, or at least dull it a bit. Thanks again

i use to beat myself up with guilt and shame, neediness, deep emotionalism .....
now...i do what i can everyday to be who i want to become.
Claudia Varrin in her book Erotic Surrender tells how she prepared herself....
i guess i do the same now.
i learn about stuff and journal ... journal ..... journal. Everything i think, feel, emote about...all goes into the depths of my heart and soul and i allow an avenue to let it out.
i get on with my "normal" life and wait.
i was listening to Selah today on the way home .... and i heard the phrase, "crucify those chains." Those of loneliness, desire, need ...... we all know and have our own "chains."
i also think of it this way.... if my journey is to be with Him always, i must cultivate the person i give, present to Him...who i am is part of my service to Him, my gift to Him.
i do not want to give Him a gift (the whole of me) that is not what i want to give. i guess these are principles of Claudia Varrin as well.

it sucks, its pitifully lonely, i cry alot and do not realize i do it until i cannot see anymore ~~ and then i pull myself up and say stop this friggin pity party and be who God made you shy...go forth and smile, dance, laugh and truly live.

its easier to be numb sometimes and i hide in that mode, but when i realize it ...i kick myself .....
one of my remiders is "its ok to cry, to feel sorrow, to grieve, so cry it out, give it to God and go on ..." i do take my own advice.

shy

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i speak only my personal opinion, sometimes O/ours.

"i am the keeper of fragile things and i have kept what is indisolvable."
....the greatest gift.....vulnerability

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