Men versus women (Full Version)

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akbarbarian -> Men versus women (12/30/2006 9:33:17 PM)

I wouldn't be too surprised if there is about the same number of viable males and females in collarme that would make good subs, the thing is, I believe there is a greater number of males on in total and the ones that are on are more likely to contact you since as a generality males are less discriminating about who they will get with than females are.  So if your taste tends towards males you wind up with alot of debris, where I prefer women so I wind up with alot of silence.  Either one can be frustrating I expect.
Keep the faith, and keep a high profile on the message boards.  Sooner or later someone good will turn up regardless of which gender you prefer I believe.  I have already met some people I regard highly since joining, but yes the numbers seem very few all things considered.
Reflections?



julietsierra -> RE: Men versus women (12/30/2006 9:37:08 PM)

My reflections? I don't know...I'm having a difficult time trying to figure out your point.

juliet



LotusSong -> RE: Men versus women (12/30/2006 9:40:46 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: julietsierra

My reflections? I don't know...I'm having a difficult time trying to figure out your point.

juliet
(psssst.. I took it as a pep-talk)



julietsierra -> RE: Men versus women (12/30/2006 9:43:16 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

(psssst.. I took it as a pep-talk)


Initially, I thought so too, but then... I reread it...

And what I got out of it the second time is "men are trash, women don't say shit," so I wondered.

juliet



akbarbarian -> RE: Men versus women (12/30/2006 9:44:30 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: julietsierra

My reflections? I don't know...I'm having a difficult time trying to figure out your point.

juliet

Your reflections on your experiences on meeting people so far who aren't looking for cyber, or to rip you off, etc, as well as reflections on the aweful things you've run into and how much good and bad you've waded through in your time here.  The OP was my reflection on it. 



akbarbarian -> RE: Men versus women (12/30/2006 9:46:40 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: julietsierra

quote:

ORIGINAL: LotusSong

(psssst.. I took it as a pep-talk)


Initially, I thought so too, but then... I reread it...

And what I got out of it the second time is "men are trash, women don't say shit," so I wondered.

juliet

Not far off really, at least in the majority.  What are your experiences like thus far? 



TxBlkMistress -> RE: Men versus women (12/30/2006 9:54:40 PM)

I totally understand what you are asking. 

I talk to male Doms and they seem to have better luck in finding those that are serious in what they are looking for....however, I've been on Collarme for a few years and you'd think out of all the emails I get at least "one" that wasn't trying to get cyber, sex, money, a greencard or some combination of the above.

It's getting old



HatesParisHilton -> RE: Men versus women (12/30/2006 9:56:05 PM)

I think the answer to your question/initial point is very dependent on region and if you mean potential to meat (mispelling intended) in r/l versus just cyber crap.



julietsierra -> RE: Men versus women (12/30/2006 10:06:48 PM)

I've met good and bad people online. They've come from all parts of the country and all walks of life. The people I've called "bad" for me, I've let go as soon as I saw that they were unhealthy for me. The people I've call "good" for me I've kept track of throughout the years. I don't see any trend to speak of between the good and the bad and how many of which people there are in relation to the other. Then again, I feel that friendships of any sort are difficult to find while acquaintances are far easier to make.

About the only meeting of people from online that I do are with people I've developed friendships with over the years. The most recent of those is a female dominant who moved to the Detroit area a couple of years ago. At least I think it was a couple of years ago. We met  because we'd developed a friendship online in a chat room. Our friendship continues to this day.

I've met people with whom I didn't "click." Some of those people are still my friends, although both of us know there'll never be anything more. Most of those people I don't talk to anymore.

Beyond that, I just think I'm probably way too picky and leave it at that.

When it came to my Master, I didn't think anything of him online - one way or the other. I've never spend even 5 minutes with him online. So I have no basis by which to compare him to the others I've spoken to online. When he chats with people, he's online over at aol. When I chat with people online, I'm on mIRC. I have an AIM account, and while I've spoken to one girl because he wanted us to talk (I like her a lot),  I've never spoken to him. She does talk to him online. That's great. I don't. That's great too. He's talked about checking out mIRC. When he does, I'll let him know which channels I'm in so he can avoid those. I believe he deserves his privacy. He believes I do as well. It's kind of nice how that works out so well.

So anyway, I'm kind of neutral on the whole "men are trash, women don't say shit" idea. In my opinion, we can all take a clue from goldilocks. Some men are trash, some are .. nondescript and some are juuuust right. Some women don't say shit; some women talk too much and some women are juuuust right. And for both the men and the women, "juuuust right" more often than not is dependant on the person who is deciding which one is juuuust right verses the person who is or is not just right themselves.

Beyond that, since I'm not looking for anyone, I just post to the forums because I like the discussion, not because I'm trying to impress anyone by my witty reparte or my serious analytical abilities, so visibility is really not one of my concerns. It's just fun.

juliet

juliet



Daddysredhead -> RE: Men versus women (12/30/2006 10:12:07 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: julietsierra

My reflections? I don't know...I'm having a difficult time trying to figure out your point.

juliet


Thank goodness I am not the only one thinking this.  I am just like [sm=confused.gif]  [sm=frown.gif]...

Edited to add that there are going to be the good and the bad in each gender and in each orientation of D or s...  I've spoken to both ends of the spectrum.  Just use the magic block button for the ones who annoy you.



akbarbarian -> RE: Men versus women (12/30/2006 11:20:12 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Daddysredhead

quote:

ORIGINAL: julietsierra

My reflections? I don't know...I'm having a difficult time trying to figure out your point.

juliet


Thank goodness I am not the only one thinking this.  I am just like [sm=confused.gif]  [sm=frown.gif]...

Edited to add that there are going to be the good and the bad in each gender and in each orientation of D or s...  I've spoken to both ends of the spectrum.  Just use the magic block button for the ones who annoy you.

Though I'm not seeking males, I just got a message from one who wants to worship me while I stomp on him.  I take it as hillarious and flattering, but we'll have to see if I need the magic button soon. 



julietsierra -> RE: Men versus women (12/31/2006 5:09:17 AM)

Ok... this took a night of sleep to see more clearly.

Have I ever said anything about PPP?

It's my little theory for myself about this life we lead.

We all have a PPP. It's called our Pool of Prospective People

You take your PPP (initially very large), and from those subtract all who are not of the gender you seek.(male/female/other)

Then  you subtract those who are not of the orientation you seek (straight/bi/gay/etc)

Then you subtract those who are not of the persuasion you seek (dominants or submissives)

Then you subtract those who are geographically too far away from you.

Then you subtract those who have other issues that you have already determined you're not interested in (i.e.: those who are or are not parents, those whose political leanings are too left, right or in the middle for you, those whose religious backgrounds don't match up, and that all important and rarely mentioned, parental quotient. Can you bring him/her home to meet mom & dad). Some of us DO go more than a bit overboard with this deduction. That's when we all start hearing about those people who are overzealous in their criteria for the "perfect" dominant or submissive.

Then you subtract those who don't fit the things you like to do in general terms (if you hate putt putt golf, chances are you're not going to be interested in the putt putt golf pro)

Then you subtract those whose kinks are too far off the mark for you.

Then you subtract those for whom everything seems right, but when you meet, the chemistry is just... off)

Then you subtract those for whom the chemistry was right, but then you found out he/she hit one of your absolutes (someone who drinks/smokes/hits their spouses in anger/you know your own triggers)

Then you subtract all the miscellaneous stuff that you never expected would make a difference, but does (like the guy I met once who couldn't chew with his mouth shut. I mean, complete with food falling out as he talked and everything. He was GREAT as long as I didn't look at him. That one little thing entirely changed how I viewed him. How in the world do you put "must chew with mouth shut" into a profile and not look like you're overreacting? And yet, it makes a difference.)

What you're left with is your own individualized PPP - Pool of Prospective People.

By rights, everyone's PPP should be very small. Afterall, that's how we end up narrowing our choices down to one person.

Knowing how your PPP has to look can be a great thing - or it can be frustrating as hell when we find that there are so few people in our PPP that looking for them is like looking for a needle in a haystack...but honestly...what other choice do you have?

juliet



aliljaded1 -> RE: Men versus women (12/31/2006 7:52:03 AM)

*scratches head *    Ayup!



LotusSong -> RE: Men versus women (12/31/2006 8:12:26 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: akbarbarian

Not far off really, at least in the majority.  What are your experiences like thus far? 


My experience is that I'm met with respect in the email contacts. Even the stray Dom that wants to take a pot shot at dommes in general and contacts me to do so has an element of respect. 
 
Being I'm not here to find a BDSM D/s partner, I don't have the frustration of disappointment.  But I can empathize because sometimes I put myself in their place and read the supplications from sub that come my way.  There is a pattern...  what starts out as what could be a trophy sub becomes evident by 3 e-mails that they are just HNG's. 



WorldofSilence -> RE: Men versus women (12/31/2006 9:06:40 AM)

Ok I'm gonna post it's been a while, but I think I got the right end of the stick.

I agree with akbarbarian, I've been approached by males before now, I won't lie I am slighty camp but thats due to My mode of communication, as I'm very animated when I communicate. I do however depend on the internet alot for trying to meet people, because of the power of copy and paste, 90% of the time if I meet someone in r/l I have to turn into a parrot and express My communication needs, it's really difficult for Me to meet someone who's face patterns I don't know, and if I don't know the lip patterns it becomes more stressful for Me, and it makes Me moody and I don't like being moody.

I mostly contact people first, but the whole PPP thing is pretty interesting, I do have a kind of list but I try to stay open minded with it.  I'm VERY lucky to be in contact with a girl to whom I'm very fond of, but there are times when in all honesty I don't know what to do which is a key of inexperince and communication. So if anything I think My PPP would be someone who is an amazing communicator, again I would (fingers crossed if W/we get together) depend on her for My communicational needs, this is something that is life for Me, there are days when I just don't want to stress Myself out trying to understand someone I don't know, and easier if I focus on the face that I do understand and can lipread well.

However there is one thing I have noticed with the CM world and this is just a personal opinion women tend to be much better with there english and communicational skills, so as a result I tend to get on better with women then I do with men, but on a side note in terms of trying to be a "prospective partner" meterial, they are more unforgiving in "flaws", number of times I've had "broken goods" or regarded unfavorably because of My disabilty is normally by women, and blokes tend to be much more easy with it, but then again perhaps thats because I'm not trying to "pull" a bloke,  however I do try to approach everyone I meet in terms of making friends, but just My observation that women on a whole tend to be very picky. Perhaps it's something genetic and the whole survival of the fittest kicks in?

Interesting topic anyhow.

WoS 



julietsierra -> RE: Men versus women (12/31/2006 9:24:10 AM)

lol...My Master met my PPP quotient.
He's male, he's straight, he's dominant and he lives less than 50 miles from my home. He's liberal, a democrat, religious but not judgmental, and although our specific religions don't coincide, we're at least on the same side of the christian/wiccan/islam/et al fence.

My parents weren't thrilled initially (it's a black/white issue), but I knew that on every other issue that parents have, he'd far exceed what they ever hoped for me. And I knew that my parents would eventually see all the good things about him that I do.

He has a boat, I have a boat and while I love to swim and he doesn't, he's not above coming out with me and tolerating it now and then. Besides, he FISHES, which met my ideas as well as my parents', so this was a double benefit. (except that he says I have to learn how to filet my own fish this year, which tends to go against some base beliefs I have about not cutting into anything that's looking at me, but he says he's going to get a fishy blindfold for me, so I guess the whole argument I'd prepared about fileting fish being "man's work" isn't going to fly.)

His career and mine match. He has a strong belief in some of my absolute musts when it comes to my acceptance of people's differences and disabilities - and enforces that belief amongst the people he supervises. It's one of the non-bdsm, non-sexual things that makes me absolutely hot for him.

His kinks and mine - and his dedication to exploring those kinks is pretty much in line with each other and keeps getting better every day. He doesn't smoke, drinks in moderation and when I met him (the first time) I was ready to throw myself at his feet within seconds. When he saw me hug a male friend of mine, he had to leave because the urge to walk over and demand that the guy take his hands off of me because I was "his" was too strong and he figured it wouldn't be appreciated. Imagine HIS surprise when he told me this and my only comment was "oh, I so wish you'd done that. I figured you'd think I was nuts if I knelt right then and there and declared my devotion to you within the first 10 seconds of meeting you so I didn't." So, I guess you could say we had/have chemistry.

He chews with his mouth shut, isn't compulsively neat and doesn't expect me to be, so even the miscellaneous stuff was fine.

By the time we met for good two years after that first meeting, my PPP quotient had narrowed to only him. That's the way it's been ever since.

And sometimes, I look back in wonder at all the other people who I THOUGHT might have done this and can't even begin to see what attracted me to them.

The point is, that disability or not, length of time searching notwithstanding, there's someone out there for everyone. Even if while searching, you might not believe it.

juliet

juliet



WorldofSilence -> RE: Men versus women (12/31/2006 9:29:52 AM)

That was beautiful juliet.

I'm pleased for you, I do hold that hope that there is someone out there for everyone, sometimes I'm a grouchy moody son of a gun. But thats a normal emotion I suppose, and just a part of My "pysche" sometimes I just wanna point a finger and mutter "bloody hearing people" but not intended to offend, just a part of who I am.

I wish you every success and a wonderful relationship.

WoS



Daddysredhead -> RE: Men versus women (12/31/2006 9:30:20 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: akbarbarian

quote:

ORIGINAL: Daddysredhead

quote:

ORIGINAL: julietsierra

My reflections? I don't know...I'm having a difficult time trying to figure out your point.

juliet


Thank goodness I am not the only one thinking this.  I am just like [sm=confused.gif]  [sm=frown.gif]...

Edited to add that there are going to be the good and the bad in each gender and in each orientation of D or s...  I've spoken to both ends of the spectrum.  Just use the magic block button for the ones who annoy you.

Though I'm not seeking males, I just got a message from one who wants to worship me while I stomp on him.  I take it as hillarious and flattering, but we'll have to see if I need the magic button soon. 


Oh my!  *giggles and pushes button next to you, just in case*  [:D]



julietsierra -> RE: Men versus women (12/31/2006 9:43:38 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: WorldofSilence

sometimes I just wanna point a finger and mutter "bloody hearing people" but not intended to offend, just a part of who I am.

I wish you every success and a wonderful relationship.

WoS



First of all, thank you.

Secondly, I completely understand. My daughter has Down Syndrome, a moderate hearing impairment and is blind in one eye. Hence my demand - yep, imparative even - that whoever I became involved with would have a healthy and deeply held belief in the benefit of such people in this world - because believe me, I've found plenty who really don't see the use. I have very little use for or tolerance for those who think that way. And there are times I'm very scared for her future.

I came to the conclusion along the way that there was really no one out there, lip service aside, who really believed what he was saying. And I came to the resolution that I'd be alone.

And then, I met my Master. He doesn't just talk the talk, He walks it too. He and my daughter have a close friendship and sometimes she and I fight over the phone when he calls. [sm=boxer.gif]  [sm=lol.gif]  In fact, he and all my children get along fabulously.[sm=banana.gif]

I didn't think he even existed. But he does and someone will for you as well.


juliet



WorldofSilence -> RE: Men versus women (12/31/2006 9:52:35 AM)

Just a quick reply as I'm quite off topic.

Where I work (Special Projects Coordinator) I have two people with Down Syndrome that I look after, and I can relate to people being silly M (not using there names) is a fantastic singer and draws really complex 3d images, N on the other hand is really sweet and attentive.  People on a whole could learn alot from My clients that I look after. Heck they have taught Me alot and it's a joy to work with them.

WoS



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