How does one heal after a breakup?

How does one heal after a breakup? (Full Version)

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angelica4 -> How does one heal after a breakup? (2/23/2005 8:12:28 AM)
i posted this in the wrong place, i think, but will take any help offered. no matter who initiates the breakup, i stink at it. i am sad, trying to go through the motions of life, but all that comes back to me is why? How could something so good suddenly be gone? all the words he said, the feelings we had.....i feel i am worth fighting for, but he doesn't seem to think so...is it really for the best? I miss Him so dreadfully, and though i have been through this before, it is not much easier. if Master loved me as He professed, how can He just say it is over? He still says that He loves me. How can this be? i will take any advice to get over this horrid space in time. Herbs, vitamins, music, what ?[X(]

feline -> RE: How does one heal after a breakup? (2/23/2005 8:29:44 AM)
I'm sorry to hear about your situation. It is heart wrenching. And the only thing I can tell you is it takes time. Get out and spend time with good friends. Keep yourself busy. And give yourself time to grieve. Because it is a loss. And if you need to talk we are all here. I know this probably hasn't been of much comfort to you. But know there are no quick, fast easy remedies. Take care, [image]local://upfiles/17000/CDE5866E90BA4271AA6A2D4D056C65B2.gif[/image]

sweetpleaser -> RE: How does one heal after a breakup? (2/23/2005 8:30:39 AM)
ahh, hugs to you. Talk it out to anyone who will listen. The more you get out the better. Try writing a letter to him with your questions then tear it up (never send it). Obviously something wasn't quite right. He may be telling you the truth that he loves you but love really isn't everything. Go out with girlfriends--you need all the support you can get. I found in the past that it helped me immensely to gather up everything that reminds me of him and get rid of it. You need to cleanse your soul. I hope the pain goes away real soon. Take care.

domtimothy46176 -> RE: How does one heal after a breakup? (2/23/2005 8:48:09 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: angelica i posted this in the wrong place, i think, but will take any help offered. no matter who initiates the breakup, i stink at it. i am sad, trying to go through the motions of life, but all that comes back to me is why? How could something so good suddenly be gone? all the words he said, the feelings we had.....i feel i am worth fighting for, but he doesn't seem to think so...is it really for the best? I miss Him so dreadfully, and though i have been through this before, it is not much easier. if Master loved me as He professed, how can He just say it is over? He still says that He loves me. How can this be? i will take any advice to get over this horrid space in time. Herbs, vitamins, music, what ?[X(] I know how hard it is to have the one you love and trust suddenly walk away. I've been through what you're going through. There is no quick fix, no easy repair to the soul. Take what comfort you can in the company of friends and family, distract yourself where you can and understand that grief is a natural part of healing. I've found that eating healthy, taking a multi-vitamin and getting plenty of sun can help a little, although it still takes time. When my ex walked out unexpectedly, I threw myself into my researches. I found that reaching out to help others in worse straits than me was beneficial. I hope that helps, even if it's only some small comfort. Timothy

angelica4 -> RE: How does one heal after a breakup? (2/23/2005 11:56:15 AM)
i do appreciate those who have written. i am glad to have a place to write, for it makes me feel not quite so alone....even though we are pretty anonymous here. i have abandoned any friends i had over the past two years of being with him. i have acquaintances at work, and that's about it. he has been my friend, my Master, my all....i am following the advice of vitamins and sunlight, and am reading a lot. it is hard to break a habit. He was my full time job, as i saw him so many hours a week, and dressed for Him, fulfilled His desires and listened to Him. it seemed no matter how much i did, it was not enough to keep Him. i appreciate the good that i had, but i already miss Him so much. it is like another death to me. i just don't want to go through this ever again.

RiotGirl -> RE: How does one heal after a breakup? (2/23/2005 12:01:38 PM)
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mistoferin -> RE: How does one heal after a breakup? (2/23/2005 1:23:36 PM)
This is what I use and if you have it on disc even better.....play it til you can't cry no more. Then pick yourself up and go out and force yourself to have fun. Get a new haircut, do your nails, go dancing. Whatever you do, don't sit home alone thinking about it all the time. "Wasted Time" by The Eagles Well baby, there you stand With your little head, down in your hand Oh, my god, you can”t believe it’s happening again Your baby’s gone, and you’re all alone And it looks like the end. You’re back out on the street. and you’re tryin’ to remember. How will you start it over? You don’t know if can. You don’t care much for a stranger’s touch, But you can’t hold your man. You never thought you’d be alone this far down the line And I know what’s been on your mind You’re afraid it’s all been wasted time The autumn leaves have got you thinking About the first time that you fell You didn’t love the boy too much, no, no You just loved the boy to well So you live from day to day, and you dream about tomorrow And the hours go by like minutes And the shadows come to stay So you take a little something to Make them go away And I could have done so many things, baby If I could only stop my mind from wonderin’ what I left behind and from worrying ‘bout this wasted time Another love has come and gone And the years keep rushing on I remember what you told me before you went out on your own: sometimes to keep it together, you’ve got to leave it alone. So you can get on with your search, baby, and I can get on with mine And maybe someday we will find, that it wasn’t really wasted time.

RiotGirl -> RE: How does one heal after a breakup? (2/23/2005 1:38:10 PM)
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Bigbossman4u -> RE: How does one heal after a breakup? (2/23/2005 2:23:31 PM)
Do good things for yourself. Engorge yourself in your hobbies. Excercise (get those endorphins pumping). Write about your feelings. Hang with friends/family. Treat yourself to something nice. Time will heal you, but that's what works for me to help 'push it along'. Best Joshua

mistoferin -> RE: How does one heal after a breakup? (2/23/2005 2:32:11 PM)
quote: that could make those who havent broken up cry You know what though, I've been using that song since I was a teenager(yeah I'm old) and it really works. I look back now at all the loves of my life(all three of them) and I realize that none were "wasted time" and I wouldn't even ask for a do-over on one of them. They all were lessons I needed to learn.

Voltare -> RE: How does one heal after a breakup? (2/23/2005 2:34:42 PM)
The advice already given is great. Writing about things, either for yourself or in forums like this can really help (just don't over do it!) No two relationships are the same, and the frustration and misery of the break up may seem like it will last forever, it won't. There are other men, other friends, and life will continue - honest! Something that seems to happen with Ds relationships is that the focus becomes so heavy on the partner, it can end up with losing sight of ourselves, especially (I think) from a sub/slave perspective. The next few months can be utter misery, or you can put all that frustration, anger, and misery into something constructive. I can personally vouch for the exercise suggestion, and not just once a week - a morning jog does wonders to get you going. Focus on yourself for a while, and do the things that YOU like! Visit family and contact old friends, make new friends, enjoy a hobbie, or possibly take a class. Don't become a shut in, being around people will help you feel 100% better. Stephan

domtimothy46176 -> RE: How does one heal after a breakup? (2/23/2005 3:10:12 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mistoferin quote: that could make those who havent broken up cry You know what though, I've been using that song since I was a teenager(yeah I'm old) and it really works. I look back now at all the loves of my life(all three of them) and I realize that none were "wasted time" and I wouldn't even ask for a do-over on one of them. They all were lessons I needed to learn. Internalizing the fact that my ex was a lesson I needed to learn was probably the hardest and most important part of getting over her. It's difficult to keep in mind that every experience offers the opportunity for growth but it's true, nonetheless. Timothy

GordonFreeman -> RE: How does one heal after a breakup? (2/23/2005 3:31:59 PM)
SOme break-ups hurt like a motherfucker. A decade later, I still miss my first girlfriend sometimes. THe hardest part for me was refocusing from I really miss her, to I'm really glad that happened. THis was the first hard lesson of my adult life, and it changed me (for the better). Just as there is creativity in tumult, there is wisdom in sorrow.

BlkTallFullfig -> RE: How does one heal after a breakup? (2/24/2005 12:18:04 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: angelica How could something so good suddenly be gone? all the words he said, the feelings we had..... I miss Him so dreadfully, and though i have been through this before, it is not much easier. if Master loved me as He professed, how can He just say it is over? He still says that He loves me. i will take any advice to get over this horrid space in time. Dear Angelica, I'm sorry you're hurting so much... Sometimes people use the words I love you too losely; what is a fact (as others have said) Love does Not conquer all, and people have to leave and strive to find their happiness elsewhere. To me, it's better for him to be honest with you about finding what he wants/needs (weather it's time/space/love someone else) elsewhere than to be dishonest, doing things behind your back (something I have so often read on these boards). How to get over it: I usually go with crying/talking to people I know love me, and have been known to have a drink or 2... Good luck. M

LadySonelle -> RE: How does one heal after a breakup? (2/24/2005 3:26:25 PM)
My dear, while I know that the moderators wisely have forbidden advertising websites here, and I will honour that rule, I will also tell you that, when I get My website up and running (it is under construction) I will have a private group for slaves and submissives who have lost a Master or Mistress. It will be a mutual support group and for slaves and subs only to prevent vulnerable people from being approached when they are still healing. Once the group is up and running, I will have a slave or submissive as its Admin and I will only look in from time to time to see that all is running well. There are also support groups on Y#hoo such as the one sub_mission which is a support group for slaves and submissives who are having difficulties in their relationships or otherwise need mutual support. I insist that all My slaves have access to the Internet and to support from friends and other slaves. NO slave should ever be isolated, alone or so dependent on a Top that they are in difficulties when/if the relationship breaks up. OTOH, no Top should ever abandone or leave a slave suddenly! It's not ethical to create a dependency and then abandon the dependent person. Lady Sonelle My two cents and probably worth about that! :)

MidnightWriter -> RE: How does one heal after a breakup? (2/24/2005 3:38:55 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: angelica i am sad, trying to go through the motions of life, but all that comes back to me is why? How could something so good suddenly be gone? all the words he said, the feelings we had.....i feel i am worth fighting for, but he doesn't seem to think so...is it really for the best? I miss Him so dreadfully, and though i have been through this before, it is not much easier. if Master loved me as He professed, how can He just say it is over? He still says that He loves me. How can this be? i will take any advice to get over this horrid space in time. Herbs, vitamins, music, what ?[X(] I'm told that it averages out to one month of anguish for each year of the relationship - so keep in mind that this pain has an ending point. I urge you to remember that the "something so good" isn't gone - you'll have those memories for as long as you wish, and they'll get more golden as time goes on. For getting thru the weeks/months of utter hell, I always like picking a subject and learning it - something to keep the mind occupied without wallowing in the horror of the immediate situation. Another cure for heartbreak is to find a volunteer organization and do some volunteering - few things mend the heart as quickly as taking care of someone/thing that needs taking care of. Best wishes and speedy healing.

painworthy -> RE: How does one heal after a breakup? (2/24/2005 6:20:10 PM)
You just have to breathe in, breathe out, repeat. After several years of this, it gets easier. You could also find a willing sub and beat the crud out of him. PM me and i may be able to help you with that.[;)]

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