Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

leaving a master or mistress


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> leaving a master or mistress Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
leaving a master or mistress - 12/31/2006 5:26:54 PM   
sighsoffire


Posts: 2
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: LA
Status: offline 		Hello I'm new to this site. Please do mind if I act like a nub. My question is...Once leaving a master how does a sub/ie deal with the pain of losing such a bound? Is it anything like losing a vaniela realtion. So far I feel more hurt then anything. Is it normal to feel worse though you know leaving the master/mistress is for the best? 
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: leaving a master or mistress - 12/31/2006 5:29:37 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		IMO it's exactly like ending a vanilla relationship.  A person might feel more intensely because they aren't vanilla so never felt very much towards vanilla relationships anyway, but the process is the same.

As long as you know you did the right thing, you just keep moving and time will help you heal.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to sighsoffire)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: leaving a master or mistress - 12/31/2006 5:39:55 PM   
Kinkypupper


Posts: 713
Joined: 9/26/2004
From: Portland oregon
Status: offline 		I feel its much much more harder then a vanilla relationship especially if it was a M/s commitment

_____________________________

Phil Moulton
A Sensual Touch
Locopony Racing
Portland Oregon

(in reply to sighsoffire)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: leaving a master or mistress - 12/31/2006 5:44:24 PM   
LotusSong


Posts: 6334
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Domme Emeritus
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sighsoffire

Hello I'm new to this site. Please do mind if I act like a nub. My question is...Once leaving a master how does a sub/ie deal with the pain of losing such a bound? Is it anything like losing a vaniela realtion. So far I feel more hurt then anything. Is it normal to feel worse though you know leaving the master/mistress is for the best? 


I wish I could remember where I heard it.. but due to the intensity and vulnerability of this type of relationship.. it can take up to 3 years.  But it all depends on the person.   

_____________________________

Life Lesson #1

I'm not your type.
I'm not inflatable.


(in reply to sighsoffire)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: leaving a master or mistress - 12/31/2006 5:45:18 PM   
LadyHugs


Posts: 2299
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		Dear sighsoffire, Ladies and Gentlemen;
 
Any departure from a relationship with some form of bonding will be very painful, especially when there are emotions, feelings and connections involved.
 
However, as you say--it is for the best.  It will hurt for a while and when you least expect it, somebody will come into the picture and ease the pain some; such as a friend or another Dominant.  Moving on is hard but, you also do not wish to become a prisoner of the past.
 
Just some thoughts.
 
Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

(in reply to sighsoffire)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: leaving a master or mistress - 12/31/2006 5:47:03 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		Loss is loss, not matter what context it comes in. Time helps loss a great deal.

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to sighsoffire)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: leaving a master or mistress - 12/31/2006 6:44:13 PM   
innatedesire


Posts: 111
Joined: 8/21/2006
Status: offline 		I am sorry that you are going through this, it is never easy. I agree with those that say that it seems to take a little longer in a M/s D/s relationship than a vanilla one.

For me it felt like i lost a huge part of me, and while we parted on good terms and he is still a dear friend, i took 2 years off to just really focus on me and defining exactly who and what i wanted in my life. i feel i have become more aware of who i really am and what i need in a relationship and from my Sir.

Take time for you, lick your wounds, pamper yourself and reach out to others when you feel you need to. The most important thing to do is heal completely, put it behind you and move on. There is someone out there for you and you will be happy again, this is only temporary.



(in reply to sighsoffire)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: leaving a master or mistress - 12/31/2006 7:19:38 PM   
sighsoffire


Posts: 2
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: LA
Status: offline 		Thank you everyone for your advice.
 
To innatedesire it does feel like a part of me has been lost or died. I think we are on good terms so far that i know of.
thanks again everyone realy helped me see that i can move on from this. I just need some reasurence
 
Slave Jade


(in reply to innatedesire)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: leaving a master or mistress - 12/31/2006 8:04:28 PM   
juliaoceania


Posts: 21383
Joined: 4/19/2006
From: Somewhere Over the Rainbow
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

IMO it's exactly like ending a vanilla relationship.  A person might feel more intensely because they aren't vanilla so never felt very much towards vanilla relationships anyway, but the process is the same.

As long as you know you did the right thing, you just keep moving and time will help you heal.


LA is right, the process is the same. Here is a book about grieving that may speak to you

http://www.mcwilliams.com/books/sur/srtoc.htm

_____________________________

Once you label me, you negate me ~ Soren Kierkegaard

Reality has a well known Liberal Bias ~ Stephen Colbert

Great minds discuss ideas; Average minds discuss events; Small minds discuss people. Eleanor Roosevelt

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: leaving a master or mistress - 1/2/2007 6:00:47 AM   
LeatherBentOne


Posts: 469
Joined: 9/27/2005
Status: offline 		I suggest you read some print on the grieving process and apply those guidelines to your loss.

Best to you,
LBO

(in reply to juliaoceania)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: leaving a master or mistress - 1/9/2007 3:08:33 AM   
MasterHXB


Posts: 48
Joined: 1/3/2007
Status: offline 		It's like any kind of realtionship. When that relationship ends. The only thing you can do is move on. No relationship lasts forever.

(in reply to sighsoffire)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: leaving a master or mistress - 1/9/2007 4:55:52 AM   
mshamble


Posts: 19
Joined: 1/5/2007
Status: offline 		MasterHXB i do agree with you whole heartedly its like any kind of relationship when it ends it ends, i also know that some people take longer to move on than others, long term relationships ending can feel like the loss of a limb for a while..........But i do have to disagree to your last comment about no relationship lasts forever, i find this to be very negative, i have known couples to be together over 25yrs and still going strong in and out of the bdsm circle.

(in reply to MasterHXB)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: leaving a master or mistress - 1/9/2007 11:43:41 AM   
desoutter


Posts: 91
Joined: 3/21/2005
Status: offline 		I suggest - ice cream... battle star galactica (original)... maybe some old star trek... chocolate... guinness and a good 2500 piece puzzle...

this may not be for everyone - but it sure works for me...
desoutter

_____________________________

When the going gets weird... the weird turn pro.

(in reply to sighsoffire)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: leaving a master or mistress - 1/10/2007 5:38:34 PM   
CreativeDominant


Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sighsoffire

Hello I'm new to this site. Please do mind if I act like a nub. My question is...Once leaving a master how does a sub/ie deal with the pain of losing such a bound? Is it anything like losing a vaniela realtion. So far I feel more hurt then anything. Is it normal to feel worse though you know leaving the master/mistress is for the best? 


You're young and your heart will bounce back.  I know that sounds like a cliche but sometimes statements that are cliches became cliches because they usually have at least a modicum of truth to them.

If you left them in an honorable fashion and there was communication throughout the dissolution and eventual ending of the relationship rather than you just telling him one day out of the blue that you no longer felt like submitting to him, then you have handled yourself commendably and believe it or not, that knowledge will eventually help your heart as you will know that you did it right. 

As for feeling worse, I think most of us...even when we know it is for the best...feel at least a bit lost and sad for what has been lost and what might have been.  The trick is not to get caught up in that to the point of exclusion of all other things in your life.  Get busy with whatever it is you like to do and have to do...and indulge yourself once in awhile...and let yourself process it before you move on.

(in reply to sighsoffire)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: leaving a master or mistress - 1/10/2007 9:53:24 PM   
Viciousbabe


Posts: 61
Joined: 5/15/2006
Status: offline 		For me, I do not think it is the type of relationship but the person and connection you have with them. I was in a nilla relationship for nearly 2 years, when we broke up, it took me several years to be anywhere near close to normal. I still think about him every once in a while, but it doesn't hurt anymore.

As far as D/s I forced myself to move from a Master's house. We had an intense connection, but it took me far less time to rebuild. I still love them both, but knowing that I am a better person for knowing them helps me to not feel so hurt.

(in reply to sighsoffire)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: leaving a master or mistress - 1/25/2007 6:01:24 PM   
MLapis


Posts: 19
Joined: 7/28/2005
Status: offline 		It can also be hard on the Dom/me as well. Its especially hard when the D/s side of your life is not known by friends so really no one truly understands your loss. They just compare it to their own past breakups and they were nothing as mind altering as this lifestyle. Its a very long lonely process.

lapis

(in reply to Viciousbabe)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: leaving a master or mistress - 1/25/2007 7:59:40 PM   
apettiger


Posts: 131
Joined: 1/15/2007
Status: offline 		this girl feels for you.
she just ended a 2 year relationship with her Master less than 2 weeks ago.
and even though she is the one who ended it (like she had a choice) it still feels like she is exposed and vunerable.
and she misses Him badly.
but she knows that both of U/us would have wound up very unhappy had it gone much further.
so this really is for the best.
but it doesnt feel that way right now.

_____________________________

378-828-272

(in reply to MLapis)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: leaving a master or mistress - 1/25/2007 8:23:27 PM   
mstrjx


Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sighsoffire

Hello I'm new to this site. Please do mind if I act like a nub. My question is...Once leaving a master how does a sub/ie deal with the pain of losing such a bound? Is it anything like losing a vaniela realtion. So far I feel more hurt then anything. Is it normal to feel worse though you know leaving the master/mistress is for the best? 


Um, first, it's 'noob', but that's all right.

I think the thing that is being overlooked here is that the OP seems to be the one leaving.  Her choice.  If it's her choice (knowing it's for the best), then it might take some time to 'want' to try again, but usually on those terms the one doing the leaving shouldn't have much of a grieving process.  More of a recovery process until ready for the next time.

I wouldn't know about being 'left', but I understand 'leaving' well.  Not that that is any great skill or pleasure, it just doesn't happen the other way 'round for me.

Jeff

_____________________________

Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

(in reply to sighsoffire)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: leaving a master or mistress - 1/25/2007 9:08:12 PM   
MasterHXB


Posts: 48
Joined: 1/3/2007
Status: offline 		its like any relationship. you move on and thank yr master for the good and hope not so bad past.

(in reply to sighsoffire)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: leaving a master or mistress - 1/25/2007 10:46:39 PM   
corsetgirl


Posts: 824
Joined: 5/22/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: apettiger

this girl feels for you.
she just ended a 2 year relationship with her Master less than 2 weeks ago.
and even though she is the one who ended it (like she had a choice) it still feels like she is exposed and vunerable.
and she misses Him badly.
but she knows that both of U/us would have wound up very unhappy had it gone much further.
so this really is for the best.
but it doesnt feel that way right now.


Been there, seen it, and done that.  I was faced with quickly being replaced three weeks later from my ex-dom and it took me about 18 months to recover.  I am taking a break right now and for the first time, it feels good becaise I am setting goals and being selective for myself.

Take care and be good to yourself.  Sometimes, relationships don't work and in end, it is all for the best.

< Message edited by corsetgirl -- 1/25/2007 10:47:18 PM >

(in reply to apettiger)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Master >> leaving a master or mistress Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.094