A little bit sympathy

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

A little bit sympathy

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> A little bit sympathy

Page: [1]

Login

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

A little bit sympathy - 1/2/2007 3:18:03 AM

goodblueboy

Posts: 24
Joined: 12/30/2006
Status: offline

Question of the day;

How many people experienced the days that you know you are not happy with your life, you need some thing that no one around you can possibly understand, you have a strong sexual desire and there are lots of things in your life that you can not just tell leave them because of your fantasy.

If you are married and your wife does not like what is your desire in your sex life, if you have kids that do not want them to know about your ideas about sex, if you are shameful because you spend your time in porn websites to satisfy some thing that you can not do in real life. If you do not know what is right and what is wrong

AND IF THERE ARE SOME WOMEN EVERY WHERE THAT CRITISIZE YOUR SEXUAL FANTASY AND WILL TELL YOU: YOU ARE NO BODY EXCEPT A…

Post #: 1

RE: A little bit sympathy - 1/2/2007 3:21:54 AM

MsLayla

Posts: 47
Joined: 9/2/2005
From: Sweden/Belgium
Status: offline

I do have days when I am not happy with my life, but not for the same reasons.
The only advice I can give is this;

Some people sit around and wait for their lives to happen, when all they have to do is to move that bottom. No one is going to make it happen if you don't, because things don't happen on their own.

_____________________________

Women who seek to be equal with men lack ambition.

(in reply to goodblueboy)

Post #: 2

RE: A little bit sympathy - 1/2/2007 3:27:34 AM

SlaveAkasha

Posts: 726
Joined: 9/30/2006
From: Indiana
Status: offline

I think that sounds pretty normal if you feel you have to hide a part of yourself from those you care about everyday. I know that most gay people that aren't able to come out to family do have the same feelings that you do. It can be very frustrating and very depressing. I see no reason it wouldn't feel the same for someone that was needing to live in a submissive/slave way, and unable to fulfill that right now.

There are several ways to go about it all, none of which would be an easy decision to make, heck..I don't think there is an easy one on something like this.

You can continue to do what you are doing, you can tell others and hold on for the wrath to follow, you could join a group locally (or not so local) so at least you have others around you that know how you feel...and I am sure there are other things also.

Trying to live as you aren't, or trying to hide that from others is a very exhausting experience, trust me.. I did it many years for being bi/lesbian.

Only you can make those choices with your life as to how you want to face and live each day you have. First though, it might be best to come to terms with who you are. I am not sure it sounds like you have done that yet. Once you do that, no amount of someone saying you are ****, will matter one hell of a bit to you.

You have the right to live life and to be happy. There isn't anyone that can make things all better for you in that way, only you know what you can and can't do, and handle.

I wish you luck though, and hope that things get better.

Kasha

_____________________________

Look, if you want to torture me, spank me, lick me, do it. But if this poetry shit continues just shoot me now please.
~ Tank Girl

www.peta.org
www.goveg.com

(in reply to goodblueboy)

Post #: 3

RE: A little bit sympathy - 1/2/2007 3:30:05 AM

WorldofSilence

Posts: 114
Joined: 6/14/2006
Status: offline

I get days like that, what annoys Me is the difficultly I have to be "social" pubs/clubs.theatre etc etc are pretty impossable for Me to be socialable, so places like CM and the internet it general is a godsend for someone like Me, I'm not as bad as I used to be I just accepted long ago this is just an aspect of Myself and I'm quite comfortable with it now, it's something that isn't gonna change.

Also the power of copy and paste is wonderful so if someone asks about My deafness I can use a semi prewritten piece as an explanation, as that tends to be the only topic in real life and it's annoying being a parrot.

I have friends so in some ways I'm very lucky but at the risk of sounding rather sappy, I do however miss snuggling up. *I'm only human :P *

WoS

_____________________________

"Beware Hearing loss. If found please return to owner.Been missing since 1981. Reward on return"

(in reply to MsLayla)

Post #: 4

RE: A little bit sympathy - 1/2/2007 3:33:28 AM

bandit25

Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline

We all feel that way at times, I think. There's a part of us we hide from others, but Kasha is right. Only you can decide to change and do whatever it is that fulfills you. As far as other people go...screw them! They can decide they don't want to participate, but that's their decision. Don't let what they think influence you.

(in reply to goodblueboy)

Post #: 5

RE: A little bit sympathy - 1/2/2007 3:51:52 AM

crouchingtigress

Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline

quote:

It is crucial to me to be able to separate my sexual fantasise and my private life from other aspects of my life.

this part of your profile in context with the rest of your profile paints a picture of a man torn.

you are a man that keeps secrets, and has a whole different fantasy life. i am not saying that that is right or wrong, but i will say that you are creating an environment of suffering.

anytime we split our selves and create a dichotomy of good parts and bad parts, there will always be internal struggle.

you talk about your moral compass and how it will not allow you to cheat on your wife....and truly i think that is awesome....but this life is very addictive....it will pull you in deeper and deeper creating more and more suffering, aching and needing....

if i am on a diet i dont choose to work in a bakery right? same thing...you really dont have many choices here.

you have to ask yourself what you need for personal fulfillment in your life....and set about reaching those goals...that is the only path out of suffering....however there will likely come a cross roads, where you find competing comittments.....and at this point you have to make hard choises....and i dont envy you....i think most of us have been there...

but it is the only way out of suffering.....sure i can give you sympathy up the wazoo.....as empathic as i am i can feel your pain....trully....but...that is not really going to help you out of your suffering though is it?

_____________________________

Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."

(in reply to bandit25)

Post #: 6

RE: A little bit sympathy - 1/2/2007 3:59:02 AM

goodblueboy

Posts: 24
Joined: 12/30/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SlaveAkasha

I think that sounds pretty normal if you feel you have to hide a part of yourself from those you care about everyday. I know that most gay people that aren't able to come out to family do have the same feelings that you do. It can be very frustrating and very depressing. I see no reason it wouldn't feel the same for someone that was needing to live in a submissive/slave way, and unable to fulfill that right now.

There are several ways to go about it all, none of which would be an easy decision to make, heck..I don't think there is an easy one on something like this.

You can continue to do what you are doing, you can tell others and hold on for the wrath to follow, you could join a group locally (or not so local) so at least you have others around you that know how you feel...and I am sure there are other things also.

Trying to live as you aren't, or trying to hide that from others is a very exhausting experience, trust me.. I did it many years for being bi/lesbian.

Only you can make those choices with your life as to how you want to face and live each day you have. First though, it might be best to come to terms with who you are. I am not sure it sounds like you have done that yet. Once you do that, no amount of someone saying you are ****, will matter one hell of a bit to you.

You have the right to live life and to be happy. There isn't anyone that can make things all better for you in that way, only you know what you can and can't do, and handle.

I wish you luck though, and hope that things get better.

Kasha

I can just say Thank YOU. I feel better when I feel some one had the same experience and understand it.

(in reply to SlaveAkasha)

Post #: 7

RE: A little bit sympathy - 1/2/2007 4:07:12 AM

goodblueboy

Posts: 24
Joined: 12/30/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress

quote:

It is crucial to me to be able to separate my sexual fantasise and my private life from other aspects of my life.
this part of your profile in context with the rest of your profile paints a picture of a man torn.

you are a man that keeps secrets, and has a whole different fantasy life. i am not saying that that is right or wrong, but i will say that you are creating an environment of suffering.

anytime we split our selves and create a dichotomy of good parts and bad parts, there will always be internal struggle.

you talk about your moral compass and how it will not allow you to cheat on your wife....and truly i think that is awesome....but this life is very addictive....it will pull you in deeper and deeper creating more and more suffering, aching and needing....

if i am on a diet i dont choose to work in a bakery right? same thing...you really dont have many choices here.

you have to ask yourself what you need for personal fulfillment in your life....and set about reaching those goals...that is the only path out of suffering....however there will likely come a cross roads, where you find competing comittments.....and at this point you have to make hard choises....and i dont envy you....i think most of us have been there...

but it is the only way out of suffering.....sure i can give you sympathy up the wazoo.....as empathic as i am i can feel your pain....trully....but...that is not really going to help you out of your suffering though is it?

I understand, and I think you are right to do not work in a bakery if you are on a diet, but some times you do not know should be on a diet or not.

By the way thanks for your greate comment.

(in reply to crouchingtigress)

Post #: 8

RE: A little bit sympathy - 1/2/2007 4:34:04 AM

crouchingtigress

Posts: 4387
Joined: 3/19/2006
From: Maui
Status: offline

quote:

I understand, and I think you are right to do not work in a bakery if you are on a diet, but some times you do not know should be on a diet or not.

By the way thanks for your greate comment.

~warm smile~

which is why in the other thread you have begun to look for a prodom....you have decided to try it....seems harmless enough right? no attachment no commitment...

but is it really? isn't it more secrets? would your wife be gutted to find this out? would you feel gutted if your wife kept this sort of secret from you?

if it was just a secret i would hold my tongue, but i have lived this one, and it becomes not just one secret its all the little secret (read:lies) that you have to keep around it...

then there is the distance you wife will feel and not know why...something wont feel right ect....the list goes on.

but here is the thing...maybe you can talk to her.....maybe it could sound something like...you know honey i have something i really need to talk to about, i dont want to worry you, but i think its a doosie, so i would like to make a special time and place. ( creating an environment of support and focus)

and then when there say to her...this is really hard for me, i have wanted to tell some one for so long...and you are my best freind...ill just burst if i keep it inside.....will you keep an open mind? (being vulnerable, and helping her feel safe)

i love you and i love our life together and i dont want to hurt you, but something is missing in my life and i was hoping to come to you and see if we could find solutions together. (invite her in on the problem solving)

for some time i have known that i was kinky, many folks consider this the same as being gay, in that it is a sexual orientation that you are born with. and just like being gay, there is a stigma that creates shame and fear and that is why i kept it inside for so long. ( letting her see that you are normal)

i am at the point now where i am so consumed by this desire i dont know what to do.

my choices are so limited.

    i can continue to suffer
    you can participate in me finding my path
    you can authorize me finding my own way
    we can break up
    or i can lie......(clearly defining the choices make things much more manageable i might even suggest writing them down as a visual aid)

this is where we are....a cross raods....i ask you, as my lover and best friend what you do suggest we do?

and then just hear her....she will most likly have a range of emotions from stark fear to revulsion to blame to sorrow...just listen....and when she is done repeat...i ask you ask my best friend and lover what do you think we should do. (stay focused, be authentic, dont back down, be loving and supportive)

i wish you all the best....

< Message edited by crouchingtigress -- 1/2/2007 4:44:12 AM >

_____________________________

Service slut, durable plaything, and ponypenquincatdogpig, to Lee Harrington

This is him

"Its none of my buisness what other people think of me."

(in reply to goodblueboy)

Post #: 9

RE: A little bit sympathy - 1/2/2007 7:00:41 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

I usually get that way after a long kink convention- I'm pumped full of energy from new connections and awesome intense times together, I'm full from just being who I am, wearing or not wearing what I want and not having anyone give a damn either way, not having people tell me the kinks I do are sick and wrong.

And then I get tossed out into the cold harsh world again. That's when I get angry and want to just scream at people to DEAL WITH IT and IT'S NOT A BIG DEAL.

So I've learned to take a day off after conventions to cool down and readjust to normal life. Keeps me sane.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to crouchingtigress)

Post #: 10

RE: A little bit sympathy - 1/2/2007 7:11:33 AM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

quote:

How many people experienced the days that you know you are not happy with your life, you need some thing that no one around you can possibly understand, you have a strong sexual desire and there are lots of things in your life that you can not just tell leave them because of your fantasy.

How many people? About as close as can be to 100%. Who is out and active in real time that hasn't wondered why they have these feelings, why they have "deviant" and "perverted" desires and fantasies? For most, from the day of birth you have to deal with family and society expectations for what is right and wrong to feel. You are faced every day with confirming statements that your desires are sick and disgusting. So is everyone who has ever stepped out from behind the computer screen, or, in the old "pre-internet" days, finally went to one of the addresses listed in the free newspapers or the pulp papers offered for sale in the back of the 'Adult' book store. What should be inferred when the sexuality you identified was segregated away from the standard 'tits & ass' jerk off material, and was assigned a hidden away corner as to not offend the 'normal' sex perverts?

For some, the 'moment of truth' of truth came during adolescence or college, for others it was when they started dating in their 20's, for some it happened much later in life. Often happening by accident, a suggestion to "change lifestyle", a playful spank during sex, or sexual arousal from an movie/TV scene not involving "normal" sex. Was it a happy time? I'm sure for some it was, for others there was nothing but pain and angst suffered as they tried to be "normal" and walk between the lines of 'acceptable', 'traditional, of relationship expectations.

Now its happening to you, and your effort is to seek sympathy? Why? Because you are married? Another unrealistic perspective of uniqueness? Again, I'd bet the percentage is close to 100% for people in the lifestyle having to disclose these feelings to a partner fearful that the partner didn't/doesn't share them. It's only recently through sites like this one and more public clubs opening, that you can meet someone and assume they have the same desires. However even then you can never be sure if the fetish-wear they are sporting is a fashion statement and not a life statement.

But you have a spouse that "doesn't like your desires". Wow I'd bet that puts you in a "minority" of about 70%. True as it is, that your consideration of breaking marital vows and your family responsibility; that horse is so dead beating it further only spreads dust from it's bones. Maybe it will help to view it from another perspective. You are married and have these vow/contractual obligations. Your wife does too. Maybe you've talked to her, or begged her to consider your desires and she hasn't. Perhaps you should point out that it's her obligation under those same vows to try. The responsibility for a happy marriage is not one sided. There is a degree of accountability from both sides of the equation. If her goal, and yours, are to remain married you can accomplish it through full disclosure and negotiating how to include this important part of your life into your relationship. Who knows, it could be a 'phase' you are going through. If you can't be 'naked' and fulling disclosing of these feelings to her, you won't have any better luck disclosing them to a potential partner in a lifestyle relationship.

Leading to the third possibility, professional help. Maybe the 'best' if the wife tried and couldn't or wouldn't; but sees this alternative as a way to accomplish the bigger goal of staying married. Its a very good and accommodating option if, and it's a big IF, what you are seeking is primarily physical sensation versus ongoing mental/emotional interaction. Emotions and mental playing occur with a 'pro' but it's not the same.

Good luck! I offer no sympathy, but I do pity you if aren't strong enough to do something regarding your situation. I see you are a "slave"; well, leaving the self-imposed label aside, slaves out and active are strong. slaves have as much if not more personal strength and fortitude than most dominants. If you see yourself as a slave, be strong enough to pursue being one.

(in reply to goodblueboy)

Post #: 11

RE: A little bit sympathy - 1/2/2007 8:09:20 AM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline

Wow, shades of Robin Trower.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to Mercnbeth)

Post #: 12

RE: A little bit sympathy - 1/2/2007 8:17:18 AM

findmedaddy

Posts: 254
Joined: 5/18/2006
From: Maine
Status: offline

You asked for sympathy in your header, not advice.

I'm so sorry. I hope things get better in your life, by the best means you can contrive.

(in reply to goodblueboy)

Post #: 13

RE: A little bit sympathy - 1/2/2007 8:20:26 PM

classykindasassy

Posts: 291
Joined: 12/13/2005
Status: offline

Dear OP:

The biggest problem it seems that you have is your sense of isolation.

The way you are talking to yourself that no one understands and everyone is against you is self-constructed torture, and not accurate. There ARE people who understand and who live this lifestyle, and you might consider actually reaching out instead of declaring the game over before it begins. When it comes to a viewpoint like this, it is over or impossible if you say it is.

Take a real look - if you were getting what you need, would you feel the need to burden people like your kids and people you are merely social with, or co-workers about the intimate details of your sexual leanings? These people don't want to know what you do behind closed doors.

You need to find SOMEONE to talk to, and to be with, and you probably need to talk with your wife about whether she will allow you to do this stuff with someone else and be married to her at the same time.

When you take the lid off your obsession (only an obsession because you are keeping a secret and not living), you DO know what is right and what is wrong. You need to vent the pressure instead of suffering in silence.

Start living your life out loud with someone appropriate before your obsession overpowers you.

< Message edited by classykindasassy -- 1/2/2007 8:26:23 PM >

_____________________________

"The less I seek my source for some definitive, the closer I am to fine." -The Indigo Girls

(in reply to goodblueboy)

Post #: 14

RE: A little bit sympathy - 1/3/2007 4:24:55 AM

goodblueboy

Posts: 24
Joined: 12/30/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress

quote:

I understand, and I think you are right to do not work in a bakery if you are on a diet, but some times you do not know should be on a diet or not.

By the way thanks for your greate comment.

~warm smile~

which is why in the other thread you have begun to look for a prodom....you have decided to try it....seems harmless enough right? no attachment no commitment...

but is it really? isn't it more secrets? would your wife be gutted to find this out? would you feel gutted if your wife kept this sort of secret from you?

if it was just a secret i would hold my tongue, but i have lived this one, and it becomes not just one secret its all the little secret (read:lies) that you have to keep around it...

then there is the distance you wife will feel and not know why...something wont feel right ect....the list goes on.

but here is the thing...maybe you can talk to her.....maybe it could sound something like...you know honey i have something i really need to talk to about, i dont want to worry you, but i think its a doosie, so i would like to make a special time and place. ( creating an environment of support and focus)

and then when there say to her...this is really hard for me, i have wanted to tell some one for so long...and you are my best freind...ill just burst if i keep it inside.....will you keep an open mind? (being vulnerable, and helping her feel safe)

i love you and i love our life together and i dont want to hurt you, but something is missing in my life and i was hoping to come to you and see if we could find solutions together. (invite her in on the problem solving)

for some time i have known that i was kinky, many folks consider this the same as being gay, in that it is a sexual orientation that you are born with. and just like being gay, there is a stigma that creates shame and fear and that is why i kept it inside for so long. ( letting her see that you are normal)

i am at the point now where i am so consumed by this desire i dont know what to do.

my choices are so limited.

    i can continue to suffer
    you can participate in me finding my path
    you can authorize me finding my own way
    we can break up
    or i can lie......(clearly defining the choices make things much more manageable i might even suggest writing them down as a visual aid)

this is where we are....a cross raods....i ask you, as my lover and best friend what you do suggest we do?

and then just hear her....she will most likly have a range of emotions from stark fear to revulsion to blame to sorrow...just listen....and when she is done repeat...i ask you ask my best friend and lover what do you think we should do. (stay focused, be authentic, dont back down, be loving and supportive)

i wish you all the best....

This exactly what I know for a long time and needs a great courage. I think at the end of the day this should be done and I am the person that should do it. Thanks for your great comment. It was more than a sympathy to me.

(in reply to crouchingtigress)

Post #: 15

RE: A little bit sympathy - 1/3/2007 5:08:17 AM

TigressOfDs

Posts: 24
Joined: 12/15/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress

quote:

I understand, and I think you are right to do not work in a bakery if you are on a diet, but some times you do not know should be on a diet or not.

By the way thanks for your greate comment.

~warm smile~

which is why in the other thread you have begun to look for a prodom....you have decided to try it....seems harmless enough right? no attachment no commitment...

but is it really? isn't it more secrets? would your wife be gutted to find this out? would you feel gutted if your wife kept this sort of secret from you?

if it was just a secret i would hold my tongue, but i have lived this one, and it becomes not just one secret its all the little secret (read:lies) that you have to keep around it...

then there is the distance you wife will feel and not know why...something wont feel right ect....the list goes on.

but here is the thing...maybe you can talk to her.....maybe it could sound something like...you know honey i have something i really need to talk to about, i dont want to worry you, but i think its a doosie, so i would like to make a special time and place. ( creating an environment of support and focus)

and then when there say to her...this is really hard for me, i have wanted to tell some one for so long...and you are my best freind...ill just burst if i keep it inside.....will you keep an open mind? (being vulnerable, and helping her feel safe)

i love you and i love our life together and i dont want to hurt you, but something is missing in my life and i was hoping to come to you and see if we could find solutions together. (invite her in on the problem solving)

for some time i have known that i was kinky, many folks consider this the same as being gay, in that it is a sexual orientation that you are born with. and just like being gay, there is a stigma that creates shame and fear and that is why i kept it inside for so long. ( letting her see that you are normal)

i am at the point now where i am so consumed by this desire i dont know what to do.

my choices are so limited.

    i can continue to suffer
    you can participate in me finding my path
    you can authorize me finding my own way
    we can break up
    or i can lie......(clearly defining the choices make things much more manageable i might even suggest writing them down as a visual aid)

this is where we are....a cross raods....i ask you, as my lover and best friend what you do suggest we do?

and then just hear her....she will most likly have a range of emotions from stark fear to revulsion to blame to sorrow...just listen....and when she is done repeat...i ask you ask my best friend and lover what do you think we should do. (stay focused, be authentic, dont back down, be loving and supportive)

i wish you all the best....

some people have all the right words ... at just the right time
Excellent advice / post CrouchingTigress !!

Ms.Kat
Listen carefully to what is said,take what you need,then blow the rest away with a breath of kindness. But always watch what they do, for in action there is always a clue. kd2003

(in reply to crouchingtigress)

Post #: 16

Page: [1]

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> A little bit sympathy

Page: [1]

Jump to:

New Messages	No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages	Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages	Locked w/o New Messages

Post New Thread

Reply to Message

Post New Poll

Submit Vote

Delete My Own Post

Delete My Own Thread

Rate Posts

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.095