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USA Dominated - 1/3/2007 12:31:05 AM

Venusflames

Posts: 28
Joined: 12/13/2006
From: Worcestershire (UK)
Status: offline

I understand this site originates from the US (Surprised if it doesn't!) and found posts to my profile to be welcoming... However, the forum and the chat room have been quite different. I enjoy a chat and a debate, i'm willing to learn while still forming my own opinions, but find that my posts and questions are often ignored.

Has anyone else had this experience? What is wrong with at least acknowledging people from overseas, even if you don't have any further interest in them?

Maybe as a newbie my expectations have been too high, but it is a shame that an otherwise amazing site is let down by ignorant people.

Having said that, thank you to he few people in the chat rooms who have taken the hint when I was looking for inclusion and at least tried to bring me into the conversation.

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Post #: 1

RE: USA Dominated - 1/3/2007 12:39:17 AM

ownedgirlie

Posts: 9184
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline

I don't go to chat.

I do not recall seeing your posts in this forum so it could just be you have posted to threads I have not read. There are many folks here who are not in the US, yet who participate in many exchanges with others. You have only created 7 posts so far, according to the statistic listed below your CM ID. Not every post on these forums is acknowledged.

However, calling us "ignorant people" isn't the best way to garner a lot of positive attention around here.

Best of luck to you.

(in reply to Venusflames)

Post #: 2

RE: USA Dominated - 1/3/2007 12:56:04 AM

Venusflames

Posts: 28
Joined: 12/13/2006
From: Worcestershire (UK)
Status: offline

Thanks or your reply owned girlie. 3 of my posts got deleted. I did find this frustrating as I read the rules and did feel each adaption was valid, especially as I put so much thought into the wording.

Yes 'ignorant' is a strong word, but it does show the strength of my feeling. I do enjoy chat, one of the reasons being working from home, I need the stimulant and socialising as a single parent is a luxury. When you say 'hello' or 'good evening' or 'how is everyone' and it falls on deaf ears, it is kind of upsetting, especially when someone else enters the room after you and say 'hi' and gets a full house welcome. Yes, they may be regular and well known, but still does it hurt to welcome newbies too?

I did get slated in one room for being British who apparently have no sense of humour. I didn't realise as an individual I was going to be labelled by my country. It was a tad depressing.

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Post #: 3

RE: USA Dominated - 1/3/2007 2:28:42 AM

moonspirit43

Posts: 25
Joined: 1/21/2005
Status: offline

You are certainly not the only person who is not in the US here. There are many, many people from other countries and probably hundreds from the UK. The thing is, this site is primarily a dating site. Most people are here to look for a partner, and with so many to choose from in the US why would someone from there look abroad?

It isn't fair that you are getting ignored in some chats, but that's what happens. Groups of people become regulars and they dominate the conversation. People aren't always polite. I'm surprised you haven't learned this in life. It does apply here just as it does on the street outside your house.

If you still think it's all about where you are from, you could look into "informed consent" on the web. Just google it and you'll have plenty of resources that are specifically for the UK.

(in reply to Venusflames)

Post #: 4

RE: USA Dominated - 1/3/2007 2:50:11 AM

submaleslaveuk

Posts: 95
Joined: 7/21/2006
From: Manchester UK
Status: offline

Hey Venusflames,

must admit your experience doesnt really mirror mine, have only been in chat four or five times and did find people to be friendly. Must admit i do agree with moonspirit43 and if you want a really British influenced BDSM site then definitely register for informed consent. i havent had any luck on that site BUT must admit the posts i made all did get noticed and replied to and the chatroom is very friendly too. i actually think both sites complement each other as i like the forums here slightly more than on other site but the chat is more Brit specific!

Hope that helps and try not to lose heart too much !

Hugs

submaleslaveuk
darren
xoxox

(in reply to moonspirit43)

Post #: 5

RE: USA Dominated - 1/3/2007 2:54:43 AM

sleazy

Posts: 781
Joined: 11/23/2006
From: UK
Status: offline

Greetings from a fellow brit.

I have never bothered with the chat rooms, as for here on the forums I dont think I have ever had a post deleted or been ignored despite sometimes coming up with thoughts that may not be to everybodies taste. I try to never get personal and stick to facts and or personal opinions a simple rule I follow on all forums I contribute to,

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(in reply to submaleslaveuk)

Post #: 6

RE: USA Dominated - 1/3/2007 3:02:48 AM

Fitznicely

Posts: 1597
Joined: 10/18/2006
Status: offline

You do have to have a thick skin on some chatrooms, not necessarily just the CM ones.

I'm based in Brum, not far from you and though I haven't got involved with the people on Informed Consent, I can echo other posters' praise. There's a good community of people on that site that are impressively local to us.

Don't give up on CM forums, though, will you? There's more UK-based peeps on here than you'd imagine.

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(in reply to submaleslaveuk)

Post #: 7

RE: USA Dominated - 1/3/2007 3:08:25 AM

Venusflames

Posts: 28
Joined: 12/13/2006
From: Worcestershire (UK)
Status: offline

Thanks to all for replies. Maybe the problem was more to do with timing as I came on so close after the New Year celebrations. I'm sure many had partied hard and were feeling a little worse for wear.

I'm personally not specifically looking just for Brits to talk to. I've been on Informed consent now for 4 months and through attending munches and working at both the BBB and The SWAMP have made some wonderful friends that I hope will be life long.

I guess as a person who has never had a problem starting a conversation in real life I hadn't antisipated agendas,but I guess you are right and in retrospect this is the case for some as it was noted in one room that one person said hello to all dommes stating they had no interest in subs, a joke about racism was made, but it is all about agenda for some, while others are happy to just learn from their experiences on here.

Best foot forward, sensitive button switched off and i'll give it another go. Thank you for your thoughts xxx

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Post #: 8

RE: USA Dominated - 1/3/2007 3:20:35 AM

ExSteelAgain

Posts: 1803
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Georgia
Status: offline

I don't think anyone would slam you because you are from the UK or any other English speaking country. I've seen those who speak English as a second language kidded about their ability, but even that was not mean spiritied. New people of all types experience hostility in chatrooms has been my experience.

Just send nude pics and you will be accepted readily. Test me.

< Message edited by ExSteelAgain -- 1/3/2007 3:22:34 AM >

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(in reply to Venusflames)

Post #: 9

RE: USA Dominated - 1/3/2007 3:25:45 AM

Venusflames

Posts: 28
Joined: 12/13/2006
From: Worcestershire (UK)
Status: offline

lol I don't have any nude pics. It was specifically my British sense of humour that was challenged. I did manage to turn it round in the end, but it was a struggle. Admittedly I may have gone in there with both feet forward after seeing an awful remark that stood alone sounded dreadful, but was later reassured that if I had heard the whole comment it would not have sounded so hostile. I'll put it down to grumpy defensive bite back due to tiredness as it is a 2 way street and I should have waited before sharing my opinion.

I've got pics with sexy underwear on, will that do? lol

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Treat people the way you want to be treated!

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Post #: 10

RE: USA Dominated - 1/3/2007 3:28:18 AM

sleazy

Posts: 781
Joined: 11/23/2006
From: UK
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Venusflames
I've got pics with sexy underwear on, will that do? lol

Yes!

(speaking personally that is)

< Message edited by sleazy -- 1/3/2007 3:30:21 AM >

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Opinion is packaged by weight not volume, contents may settle during transit. Consult you medical practitioner. Do not attempt to stop moving parts by hand. Ensure all safety shields in place. Open this way up. Do not expose to temperatures exceeding 50C

(in reply to Venusflames)

Post #: 11

RE: USA Dominated - 1/3/2007 3:29:05 AM

wandersalone

Posts: 4666
Joined: 11/21/2005
Status: offline

hi Venus and welcome to the boards here. I haven't been into a chat room for a long time and never in the CM ones but I do recall in the past how easy it was to get overlooked if there were a lot of people in the room. There are a lot of people that aren't from the USA in the forums and I don't think that anyone is purposely not acknowledging you because of where you are from or anything. You will find that there is a wonderful mix of people and personalities in the forums.

(in reply to Venusflames)

Post #: 12

RE: USA Dominated, ok maybe not! - 1/3/2007 3:34:38 AM

Venusflames

Posts: 28
Joined: 12/13/2006
From: Worcestershire (UK)
Status: offline

Ok, ok i'm convinced. I won't crack any jokes in the chat room and i'm sure it will be fine lol.

Reference pics. I've added some to my profile,but could take some time to come through. I hope your not too disappointed. xx

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Post #: 13

RE: USA Dominated, ok maybe not! - 1/3/2007 4:21:12 AM

julietsierra

Posts: 1841
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline

Venusflames:

While I'm not from the UK or anything like that, I will tell you that after a while - ok, more than a little while - like amounting to something like 8 years in and out of chatrooms, I've found that each chatroom is its own little world. There are people in them that have known each other for years and sometimes know each other in face to face situations. Because of this, the humor they share is often based on inside information and knowledge of each other. And sometimes, it's difficult to find commonality when all this is going on.

However, if you spend some time, get a feel for each room you might frequent and get to know the people there, whether they're from the UK or the US or Canada or any other country, your own personal sense of humor will be more acknowledged. It just takes time, like any other venture.

In the forums it's much the same. Just because you post something here doesn't mean that people are going to acknowledge what you've said. Sometimes they do; sometimes they don't and either way, it is no reflection on you, your ideas or anything like that. They've simply read the original post, decided to comment, and do. Sometimes they comment on what other people have commented. Again, it has nothing to do with anyone ignoring you and everything to do with them using these boards as a way of getting their views aired.

Someone said develop a thick skin, a sense of humor regarding the whole venture (and this is saying NOTHING about your personal brand of humor, but rather just the ability to laugh when people try to ruffle your composure), and they're absolutely right. Give it, them and yourself some time and you'll be fine.

As some people, in some chat rooms will say:
"Welcome. Come on in and chat. We don't bite - much."

When someone treats you in a manner that you feel is untoward or unnecessarily sharp, just pass it off as you've just been bitten. Shrug your shoulders and laugh them off. Right or wrong, lots of people have a sarcastic wit and that's all it is.

juliet

(in reply to Venusflames)

Post #: 14

RE: USA Dominated, ok maybe not! - 1/3/2007 5:10:27 AM

Celeste43

Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline

I used to spend time in a chatroom and just like the local pub, it has its regulars who get greeted and talked to and the occasional others who wander in and aren't part of the group.

The only way to be part of the group is to come by more often and get to know people. Welcome them back after they've gone offline for a bit. Ask them about something innocuous they mentioned the other day etc. Just like becoming a regular at the pub, it won't happen overnight but if you keep at it, appearing regularly it will happen.

In forums, in chat, out at a bar we're all the same. We prefer to talk to friends.

(in reply to julietsierra)

Post #: 15

RE: USA Dominated - 1/3/2007 7:26:58 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Venusflames

Thanks or your reply owned girlie. 3 of my posts got deleted. I did find this frustrating as I read the rules and did feel each adaption was valid, especially as I put so much thought into the wording.

We, the mass of people, can't delete posts, only moderators can do that.

I suggest asking them to please explain why your posts were deleted so you can better participate in the forums.

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And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to Venusflames)

Post #: 16

RE: USA Dominated - 1/3/2007 8:06:03 AM

daddysprop247

Posts: 1712
Joined: 6/24/2005
From: DC Metro area
Status: offline

i would agree with others who've said that your difficulties in chat are more likely because you are new, not because of where you are from. in fact although i enjoy chat as a general concept, it's rare that i enjoy a chat on collarme as most often the room is dominated by "regulars" who all know each other and come there to shoot the breeze, not have a serious discussion about anything. very often my "hello all" is ignored, and i don't even have the excuse of being a newbie to comfort me. people are cliquish...just the way it is, in the real world, and online.

(in reply to thetammyjo)

Post #: 17

RE: USA Dominated - 1/3/2007 8:16:44 AM

Venusflames

Posts: 28
Joined: 12/13/2006
From: Worcestershire (UK)
Status: offline

You have all made fair points, which has led me to look inward. I think in retrospect I went in like a kid in a sweety shop and was impatient to join in and make friends. At times in the past i've likened myself to Tigger and perhaps bounced in with vitality that was not expected or possibly appropriate for someone unknown. I'm not very good at observing and biding my time, but I will try and compromise and do things in a more acceptable manner, although giving up is not in my nature and it is not likely to happen here.

Your encouragement has shown me the quaities of the people on the site and has made me smile. It is still part of a community I am keen to belong to.

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(in reply to daddysprop247)

Post #: 18

RE: USA Dominated - 1/3/2007 8:54:08 AM

DominaSmartass

Posts: 961
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: This month? Maryland
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Venusflames
I did get slated in one room for being British who apparently have no sense of humour. I didn't realise as an individual I was going to be labelled by my country.

British with no sense of humor? Now that's funny! I guess those people have never heard of a little group of guys who called themselves Monty Python, or any of the infamous "Britcoms" that come on public tv late at night. My advice? Ignore them. You'll find plenty of people on here who will love and envy your nationality.

(in reply to Venusflames)

Post #: 19

RE: USA Dominated - 1/3/2007 8:59:29 AM

Venusflames

Posts: 28
Joined: 12/13/2006
From: Worcestershire (UK)
Status: offline

Hey i've got quite a posh English Rose accent to lol. Used to work in a private school. I was watching Monty Python just last night

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Treat people the way you want to be treated!

(in reply to DominaSmartass)

Post #: 20

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