Hoaxes or ego trips? (Full Version)

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Mantra -> Hoaxes or ego trips? (2/24/2005 4:17:51 AM)

I haven't been on very much recently, so although its nice to be back, please excuse me if I am posting something covered in a previous thread. I have looked and not seen any similar.

Also, this might only be an issue in the UK section of the site. Anyway here goes: in the months leading up to Christmas, I wrote and applied to several Dommes, all in the UK area who had advertised in their profiles that they were seeking domestic service-oriented submissives. Happily, I received a positive response from each of them, indicating interviews were to be lined up and that I was at least in with a chance of selection.

I was hugely gratified by these promises and made great efforts to meticulously follow any instructions and to generally give a clear idea as to my experience level, interests and so on. Since my earliest experience in this, I have never sent a form email to anyone. If you interest me enough to inspire my service, you merit a proper individual email which responds to your profile - no cookie-cutters here!

Unfortunately, each and every one reneged. Some left impossible gaps in between communications, others wrote improbable excuses, then abandoned their profiles. Some simply disappeared.

"So what" some might think? Well, not much. I am more than prepared to wait until someone worthwhile comes along. A joker isn't any use to me and meanwhile life is pretty good, ie lots of other distractions, so I'm not exactly eaten up by angst. But logging on again recently, I see more of the same type of profile and they are multiplying! Now some of these I know are real and genuine - what are the others, though? Are they internet geeks, looking to laugh at the 'freaks'? Or are they women who are on the edge of taking a step, who lose their nerve? Or worse, are they people who simply want to see just how many subs will offer their services, so that they can revel in the dubious thrill of feeling (quite improperly) valued?

I see far fewer UK folk on these boards but those of you who are, what do you think? I have had some amazing experiences/relationships with Dominant women and hate the thought that the fakes are trashing that, for me and others.

(Not pissed off, just puzzled)



Shayna -> RE: Hoaxes or ego trips? (2/24/2005 4:43:04 AM)

Sorry you've had to deal with that. It's frustrating and disappointing. I think we've all had similar experiences.

Good luck in the future :)



PaintedLady -> RE: Hoaxes or ego trips? (2/24/2005 8:48:35 AM)

quote:

Unfortunately, each and every one reneged. Some left impossible gaps in between communications, others wrote improbable excuses, then abandoned their profiles. Some simply disappeared.


Nice to know it's not me. I came online a few months back, and found that the ones that talk a good game are doing just that- talking and playing games- they always fade in the end. and me bieng a jerk, i actually worried about a few- what if something bad happened? then you see their pic on a new profile, and realise it's just their little game that got threatened by your reality.

there are good ones out there- they are just mostly taken[:'(] so it is a waiting game, I guess.



BlkTallFullfig -> RE: Hoaxes or ego trips? (2/24/2005 12:38:16 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Mantra
this might only be an issue in the UK section of the site. Anyway here goes: in the months leading up to Christmas, I wrote and applied to several Dommes, all in the UK area who had advertised in their profiles that they were seeking domestic service-oriented submissives. Happily, I received a positive response from each of them, indicating interviews were to be lined up and that I was at least in with a chance of selection.

I was hugely gratified by these promises and made great efforts to meticulously follow any instructions
Unfortunately, each and every one reneged. Some left impossible gaps in between communications, others wrote improbable excuses, then abandoned their profiles. Some simply disappeared.

are they people who simply want to see just how many subs will offer their services, so that they can revel in the dubious thrill of feeling (quite improperly) valued?
(Not pissed off, just puzzled)

Hey there Mantra,
I'm glad to hear you're not pissed off... It is puzzling, that humans are so afraid of real human contact. You'll find the answer to this puzzle somewhere in these threads among Topcat or Alexander's postings (indicating fear of intimacy, and ease of online fantasies).

I hope it helps you to know it's not a Dominant/sub problem... For all the great replies/chats/talks I've had, I should have a huge stable of wonderful servants, but I don't for the very same reasons you don't have a Domina... So, keep your mind open, keep your sense of humor, and go out and meet people in real time where you can get a better feel for them (I have to do more of that), and things will work out in the end since you sound real/kind/sincere. I wish you lots of luck. M



SecretDomme -> RE: Hoaxes or ego trips? (2/24/2005 7:09:34 PM)

Hi Mantra,

That is indeed frustrating, and I am sorry that you experienced that. It sounds like you have a good attitude about things though, and that speaks well for you :-)

I also understand this frustration, from the other side. I've recently had a couple of lengthy introduction emails from subs that appeared sincere in their desire to strike up a conversation via email or chat. When I replied to say I was interested in becoming further acquainted, in response to their interest, they disappeared with no response back. I, too, take it all in stride and just continue on, hoping the next interaction might play out differently. It is puzzling though.

I wish you luck in your search :-)

Be well,
Julie



mantis65 -> RE: Hoaxes or ego trips? (2/24/2005 8:53:58 PM)

i think to a lot of people you meet online this is just fantasy.

I have meet Dommes online that were very promising then vanished over night or they seem to be more interested in talking about sex than Femdom. A few I have met I doubted whether they were the gender they claimed to be even. I am very shy but I am going out to meet people at munches and events locally now. I’m very cautious now about who I talk to online there are a lot of people that will waste your time.
My advice is to meet real people at a local event or something.
mantis



requireslave -> RE: Hoaxes or ego trips? (2/25/2005 12:05:44 AM)

mantra,

Like Julie, I have experience in this game, but from the other side. I've been running an ad for a while now looking for a 24/7 houseboy. The ad is as detailed and as honest as I can make it - I even list my weight! I've got the ad up in 6 big BDSM sites, and the response has been nothing less than bewildering.

Many many MANY (many many many many) have responded. We didn't specify age, gender or location, maybe that's why. But I'm certain at least half didn't even read the ad. They just saw that we're a female couple in search of a slave and off they send a reply. So when we discuss all the details in the original ad they're shocked! Especially when we discuss finances. It states clearly that we're not offering a free ride - just a chance to live a submissive life. In the application we send out we again state that it's expected our slave work outside the home and chip in for rent. We've been accused of being everything from liars to prostitutes.

Then there's my personal favorite. In each reply I instruct the slave how to contact us directly, and how to request an application. I'd say 7 out of 10 can't figure out how to transfer the address into their program so they can reply. I've gotten many indignant replies that my address was wrong, or that my IM isn't working. Except nothing was ever said about an IM, and I always send out an email address. As it's the same form just cut and pasted, I KNOW the address is correct.

It's become a good test, really. Because the last thing I need is an idiot serving me. So test number one - did the slave read for content? test number two - can he actually figure out what to do with an e-mail address? test number three, does he request an application as instructed, or does he ask to trade pictures and then maybe he'll get back to me?

Out of the hundreds of replies to my ads I think I took all of twelve seriously. And only two, right now, have any hope of selection. those were the ones who followed directions, gave complete answers, asked intelligent questions. In other words - real people with brains in their head. Our 12 selected range in age from 19 to 54, every part of the world, every economic background. Only one thing in common, really. They have a brain in their head.

That was a very long way of saying - it's rough all over. And the ones who aren't "players" pretty much have the same problem, no matter what side of the whip you're on. Good luck with your search!




BeachMystress -> RE: Hoaxes or ego trips? (2/25/2005 12:05:47 AM)

I so agree with mantis65. Real time venue is the best place to look. You already know the person is serious enough to actually show up for the munch.
http://www.londonfetishscene.com/
http://www.clubwicked.org/


Subs aren't the only ones who have this problem. I've encountered it many times myself. Another variation of that same theme is when someone talks you up and talks you up.. then just goes away. Eight months later (or however long) they come back and start hitting on you again. . . They may not have a memory, but I do. I've asked these men why I would bother investing time in them, when they wasted so much of it already. The answer is usually something to the effect of he wasn't ready back then, but now he is.. really.. trust him. *deep sigh*

Oh yeah.. the very best (worst) reason ever given for one of those time lapses.. I got married, we were on our honeymoon for six weeks and then I had to help look for a house, so I was offline. ...frickin IDIOT! *slaps palm to forehead* My subs are all full use subs (read sexual included). He was aware of that and had not mentioned before he disappeared that he was engaged. I was floored that he'd been planning infidelity at the same time he was planning his wedding.



Mantra -> RE: Hoaxes or ego trips? (2/26/2005 7:34:41 AM)

Thanks to all who replied and also to all those who read and thought about this thread even if you had nothing to contribute.

I have had loads of good advice, for which I am grateful - doubly so because for all its faults, I have never found this board to be unreasonably clique-y or abusive to newcomers.

You are all stars.



financialdomina -> RE: Hoaxes or ego trips? (2/26/2005 9:50:03 AM)

That really sucks, and it means the rest of us genuine mistresses and masters have a harder time in the future! Surely it's just as much trouble for them to lead you along as it is to be lead? They're not intending to do anything so why waste both your time?????
Maybe their partners found out, or maybe they were all the same person! Scary thought....
Mistress Darcy



rocker -> RE: Hoaxes or ego trips? (2/26/2005 12:01:59 PM)

i am almost 50 and have played around alittle. [:)] okay... since my late 20's. [:D]
most of the online stuff is just that... stuff.
BeachMystress gave you some great advise
and although i am a subbie i hope i am not out of line posting here
but i agree with Her.

find a local group. yahoo use to have many that hold monthly munches.
usually vanilla to start with but then if you are real too
then you will make conections and go from there.

also... half the world is Women.
have you ever just spoken to the aggressive Lady at the market? or coffee shop?
i have had astounding luck just being honest with the people i meet.
course i don't have to worry about a public reputation
and don't care what people say or think
but there are many Ladies who if they have never tried BDSM
have thought of it... and some are more than willing...

They are looking too.

try a local group. most people have to be hidden from society.
its a shame but that is reality. (Thank You immoral majority.)
a local group gives people the opportunity to come together and establish rapport and friendships with our shared interests.

i am speaking from experience.
i am still marked from last night by a pretty young T-Girl Domme in training (Thank You Ms Megan) who was mentored by another Domme (Thank You Ms Kitten) who has whipped me before with my happy back as the canvas... all from local contacts. i usaully get flogged whipped at least once a week. (Thank You Ms Vicki Too!)

i can get alot of action though i am looking for Love. but i play in the meantime too cuz some is better than none. and i do Love endorphins... [;)]

there are people in collarme who post they are affiliated with this group or that.
contact them. be honest. tell them what you are looking for or that you are looking to become involved locally, then get involved.

and be wary of anyone who solicits money without first meeting. scamming is a big part of online... stuff. just as in any venture.

hope that helps



BeachMystress -> RE: Hoaxes or ego trips? (2/26/2005 6:45:28 PM)


You're very welcome in here or in any of the forums, rocker. Knowledge and shared information can come from anyone. Glad to see you here. :-)



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