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mind rebellion - 1/3/2007 8:54:34 PM   
witch693


Posts: 5
Joined: 12/13/2006
Status: offline 		i am fairly new to learning how to be a sub & could use some help/advice.  after an intense scene my mind rebels with wtf are you doing ???  it causes stress because my heart wants one thing & my mind tells me it is wrong.  will these feelings go away ??  is there anything i can do to help them go away ??  my Sir suggested that i try being a slave for a weekend, he thinks if i give up complete control that will help.  any and all suggestions or words of wisdom will be gratefully appreciated.  thanking you in advance.
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RE: mind rebellion - 1/3/2007 9:05:33 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		Sometimes, what we fear the most isn't failure, but success. Look at WHY you're having these feelings. Dig deep...there are underlying isssues to look at.

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
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Ms Relationship Books
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BDSM How-To Books

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RE: mind rebellion - 1/3/2007 9:06:36 PM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		Nevermind...double post.

< Message edited by MasterFireMaam -- 1/3/2007 9:09:59 PM >

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to witch693)
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RE: mind rebellion - 1/3/2007 9:12:01 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		It's likely these feelings will go away with a few months or so of experience.  You're likely still getting caught up on everything and that takes time. 

I'd actually say to slow down rather than go faster.  Give yourself time to breath and process and make sure it's what works for you.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

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RE: mind rebellion - 1/3/2007 9:14:31 PM   
italian4pain


Posts: 13
Joined: 6/15/2006
Status: offline 		Well, as a recovering catholic school girl, I can tell you I had the same moments.  Its the moral backlash of how most of us were raised (I think).  With me, it took not only several sessions with Master, but long discussions afterwards.  I also found that as the intensity increased and I spent more time in sub-space, that I still had the WTF thoughts, but they were fleeting, and I didn't fucking care if my mom would SHOCKED!  LOL
Telling Master my deepest - sickest - most twisted fantasies....and him making me own up to the fact that those fantasies and desires are a large part of who I am, really helped me turn the corner to admitting too (and allowing) myself to be a whore/slave/sub completely.
Oh.....and lots and lots of orgasms....those really helped!  Kinda hard to try and get back on the "god girl" pedestal when you can't move or speak and your wet to your knees. 

_____________________________

You can't fix stupid - Ron White

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RE: mind rebellion - 1/3/2007 10:42:30 PM   
katzschen


Posts: 385
Joined: 11/10/2006
From: Greenville, SC
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: witch693

i am fairly new to learning how to be a sub & could use some help/advice.  after an intense scene my mind rebels with wtf are you doing ???  it causes stress because my heart wants one thing & my mind tells me it is wrong.  will these feelings go away ??  is there anything i can do to help them go away ??  my Sir suggested that i try being a slave for a weekend, he thinks if i give up complete control that will help.  any and all suggestions or words of wisdom will be gratefully appreciated.  thanking you in advance.


You say it happens after a scene? How is your Sir dealing with this in his aftercare? Does he address these feelings? Does he comfort you and praise you for doing well in a scene? If he does aftercare, try bringing these feelings up then, when you are feeling them, and addressing them while you are feeling them. If you do not do aftercare, I would strongly suggest it. Perhaps working through the feelings at the time you are feeling them would help. Perhaps discussing the feelings at the time you are feeling them, and trying to discover just why you are feeling them helps. The best time to figure out why you are feeling something is while you are feeling it, in my opinion.

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We need longer signatures. What I wanted to say wouldn't fit.

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RE: mind rebellion - 1/4/2007 3:11:59 AM   
bandit25


Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline 		There's an author, Sensuous Sadie, that deals with these (quite natural) feelings.  Try googling her.

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RE: mind rebellion - 1/4/2007 4:25:52 AM   
onestandingstill


Posts: 1335
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline



One of my good friends is a service sub and is not into sensation play.
One of our Dom friends last year convinced her to go to scene with him in the dungeon to try it at least once.
What she told me was the actual play was fine, though not exciting for her.
The next day she noticed she had a little light bruising on her butt from it.
She immediately thought Why did I get punished when I did nothing wrong.
Over the next month in searching inside to understand her reaction she came up with the notion since she'd been physically abused in past relationships her mind would always process the pain as a bad thing.
She decided to just leave the scene play to those that liked it as it's just not something she will enjoy.

Dig down deep and the reasons you feel resistance will come clear.
Good Luck,
suzanne



O

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RE: mind rebellion - 1/4/2007 6:31:45 PM   
junecleaver


Posts: 1145
Joined: 4/6/2005
Status: offline 		I deal with similar feelings except I feel guilty and liberated at the same time.  But I often wonder why I am putting myself through such intense feelings and experiences.  If I feel like my partner cares, I discuss the feelings with them.  Otherwise, I write about them and analyze them myself. I would think that eventually you will become desensitized with time and your brain's idea of 'right and wrong' will readjust itself.

_____________________________


"No one will ever win the battle of the sexes; there's too much fraternizing with the enemy. "
--Henry A. Kissinger

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RE: mind rebellion - 1/4/2007 7:14:28 PM   
Noah


Posts: 1660
Joined: 7/5/2005
Status: offline


What a wonderful thread. Thank you to each of the thoughtful posters.

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RE: mind rebellion - 1/4/2007 7:19:42 PM   
witch693


Posts: 5
Joined: 12/13/2006
Status: offline 		you all have some wonderful ideas & thoughts to help me out.  think a lot of it is just society & the way i was raised.  just so tired of the never ending battle in my mind.  want it to end before i go insane.

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RE: mind rebellion - 1/4/2007 8:18:18 PM   
marieToo


Posts: 3595
Joined: 5/21/2006
From: Jersey
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: witch693

i am fairly new to learning how to be a sub & could use some help/advice.  after an intense scene my mind rebels with wtf are you doing ???  it causes stress because my heart wants one thing & my mind tells me it is wrong.  will these feelings go away ??  is there anything i can do to help them go away ??  my Sir suggested that i try being a slave for a weekend, he thinks if i give up complete control that will help.  any and all suggestions or words of wisdom will be gratefully appreciated.  thanking you in advance.


Those feelings have never gone away with me, but then I really have not been in a power exchange situation that lasted more than a few months, and I never really completely trusted my partner(s).  I guess thats kinda sad in some ways, but not really, because I just keep learning and learning, but still have not reconciled with the pull in two different directions that you describe.  It is conflicting. it is hard, and it does take strength.  But would you want it any other way? 
I mean, maybe in time as you grow to develope a tighter relationship with you Master, you will feel more comfortable with it, but as you get pushed harder and further, that conflict may still arise on some level.  You might like it,  and it might give the whole thing even more meaning for you.  
It's all still new to you so dont expect too much of yourself too fast.

:)

_____________________________

marie.


I give good agita.









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RE: mind rebellion - 1/4/2007 8:49:30 PM   
katzschen


Posts: 385
Joined: 11/10/2006
From: Greenville, SC
Status: offline 		If your Sir is understanding and caring, he won't rush you into anything you are not ready for. As for the weekend of total slavery, follow your head and your heart. Instincts are almost always right.

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We need longer signatures. What I wanted to say wouldn't fit.

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RE: mind rebellion - 1/5/2007 1:52:47 PM   
subsa


Posts: 196
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline 		i've often experienced those feelings, but for me, they are coming much less frequently.  Master and i are in a 24/7 situation.  'those' feelings would happen after an intense scene with 'damage'.  the feelings of 'wtf' usually happened a day or two afterwards.  i would have intense discussions with Master and He always has been able to 'talk me down'.  some of the things that He says to me that help a lot are..."Are you happier now that you submit; are you more satisfied emotionally?  Does our life together run more smoothly than it did before i submitted; do we argue less?  Have you lost weight?  Do you exercise more ?  Do we eat healthier? (these were things i asked him to take control of when we decided to live this lifestyle)  Do we have more and better sex ?"   i can honestly answer yes to all these things.  so then i say to myself wtf took me so long to find this lifestyle?   

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RE: mind rebellion - 1/5/2007 8:34:08 PM   
classykindasassy


Posts: 291
Joined: 12/13/2005
Status: offline 		You will question yourself until you understand that this is what you want (or not), just because. It'll be a shorter time if you take Katzchen's advice to talk to your dom and get some reassurance. Even shorter if you meet other subs and see that they are regular people out in the world. It's the isolation that makes you ricochet with the constant questioning.

It took me a year and a half, and a break from the scene after a breakup, to make sure this is for me. Your certainty one way or the other will come.

< Message edited by classykindasassy -- 1/5/2007 8:35:13 PM >

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"The less I seek my source for some definitive, the closer I am to fine." -The Indigo Girls

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RE: mind rebellion - 1/7/2007 3:32:06 AM   
bandit25


Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline 		I think you should go a bit slower...if you are questioning, I can't imagine how a weekend of slavery will help.  You need to sort it out and determine if this is what you want/need.  There's nothing wrong with evaluating and reevaluating as you go along.

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RE: mind rebellion - 1/7/2007 8:44:17 AM   
onestandingstill


Posts: 1335
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: subsa

i've often experienced those feelings, but for me, they are coming much less frequently.  Master and i are in a 24/7 situation.  'those' feelings would happen after an intense scene with 'damage'.  the feelings of 'wtf' usually happened a day or two afterwards.  i would have intense discussions with Master and He always has been able to 'talk me down'.  some of the things that He says to me that help a lot are..."Are you happier now that you submit; are you more satisfied emotionally?  Does our life together run more smoothly than it did before i submitted; do we argue less?  Have you lost weight?  Do you exercise more ?  Do we eat healthier? (these were things i asked him to take control of when we decided to live this lifestyle)  Do we have more and better sex ?"   i can honestly answer yes to all these things.  so then i say to myself wtf took me so long to find this lifestyle?   

What you seem to be experiencing is sub drop a day or two after a scene.
It's very common to have a drop after all those endorphins quit firing and you're left with the aches of play.
Do a search here in the threads about sub drop.
It will help you understand what's happening to you mentally and physically more.
suzanne

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RE: mind rebellion - 1/7/2007 2:13:11 PM   
ayasha


Posts: 149
Joined: 12/10/2005
Status: offline 		excellent reply...................

(in reply to italian4pain)
Profile   Post #: 18
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