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Meeting for the first time - 1/5/2007 11:50:52 AM

tearfulsurrender

Posts: 30
Joined: 12/29/2006
Status: offline

Hi everyone! This is my first post here so please be gentle with me. I have been lurking for a while and meaning to post before this but have not yet had the opportunity. I have a bit of a dilema and I hope that someone out there will be able to help me through it.

I have been getting to know a local Dom I met here on collarme over the past few weeks. We have had the normal email/Instant message/phone conversations that most everyone employs to get to know each other. He seems like he is going to be a great match for what I am looking for and I am pretty sure he feels the same way. He has set up an inperson meeting tomorrow. Under normal circumstances, I would be estatic. I have been looking for that half that makes me whole for a long time and this may be my chance. I have two hangups. Let me begin by saying I have been upfront and honest with him about everything. To begin with, I am a BBW and sometimes have self image problems, especially when meeting someone new. Add to that the fact that I am 6 1/2 months pregnant and you have a recipe for emotional distress. He understands these things about me and seems accepts the limitations it will have on any relationship that may evolve.

I guess what im needing are words of wisdom and encouragment. My nerves are beyond frazzled. Its a chore just to paint my toenails and I want everything to be absolutely perfect for him. Thanks for any advice you have.

Post #: 1

RE: Meeting for the first time - 1/5/2007 12:00:29 PM

blushingflower

Posts: 144
Joined: 10/11/2006
Status: offline

I completely understand. I remember the first time I met a Dom in person, I was so excited because we'd gotten along so well online and on the phone, but I was so scared too.
Take a deep breath. Chemistry like that tends to translate to an in-person meeting, it's incredibly unlikely that you'll see each other and go "oh, never mind".
Don't worry about painting your toenails, it's January, wear closed-toed shoes! ;)
You want everything to be perfect, I know, but as long as you do your very best to follow any instructions he's given you, you'll be fine.
I predict that your first meeting with him will be as wonderful as my first meetings with the Doms I've played with, and you won't want the day to end and will barely be able to wait for the next meeting.
Be safe and have fun.

(in reply to tearfulsurrender)

Post #: 2

RE: Meeting for the first time - 1/5/2007 12:10:23 PM

MsLadySue

Posts: 2254
Joined: 12/18/2004
Status: offline

I wish you the best tearfulsurrender. I'm not sure if this is possible, but if this Dom is as wonderful as you feel he is, then perhaps asking for a hug upon first meeting might help break the ice for you. I do this with new submissives when they enter my home and it appears to help them relax.

_____________________________

In order for you to insult me, I would first have to value your opinion.
I love it when someone insults me. That means I don't have to be nice anymore.

(in reply to blushingflower)

Post #: 3

RE: Meeting for the first time - 1/5/2007 12:15:10 PM

dom4femslavesub

Posts: 1
Joined: 1/5/2007
Status: offline

I think only women put so much into a meeting. Just go for it, if it works, it works, if it doesnt it doesnt. I know it seems hard, but the search will continue if it doesnt, the world will not end. I see every bad experiance in meeting someone as bringing me closer to the right one. Take care!

(in reply to tearfulsurrender)

Post #: 4

RE: Meeting for the first time - 1/5/2007 12:39:26 PM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Wow that's a rough choice. But if you've been honest about it to this point, then you can at least know you've done the right thing.

Personally, I'd be too wrapped up in the baby and worried that they wouldn't be ready to handle a new baby in the first 6 months of the relationship to make a go of it myself, but there's certainly nothing wrong with going on a few dates and seeing if something is there.

Things don't need to be perfect- they need to be honest.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to tearfulsurrender)

Post #: 5

RE: Meeting for the first time - 1/5/2007 1:08:53 PM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

Would your potential dom be ok if you brought a friend with you? Not to the same table but someone who can drive you there, hang out, drive you back home, someone who can give you reassuring hugs when you feel stressed?

I wouldn't mind myself in fact I've asked folks to bring a friend with them when they meet me if it makes them feel more comfortable.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to tearfulsurrender)

Post #: 6

RE: Meeting for the first time - 1/5/2007 1:30:23 PM

demistress

Posts: 391
Joined: 4/24/2006
From: Dela-where?
Status: offline

Tammy Jo has a great idea, and here's another you might consider....

Tell him how anxious/excited/eagre/nervous you are :)

_____________________________

Mistress Heather
www.niteflirt.com/MizzSpice

Wether you think you can, or you think you can't, you're right!

(in reply to thetammyjo)

Post #: 7

RE: Meeting for the first time - 1/5/2007 2:41:08 PM

Spankmaster42

Posts: 1
Joined: 11/18/2006
Status: offline

I agree with LadySue.....taking time to hug a new acquaintance is excellent practice...puts both at ease...and allows time for hearts and lungs to settle....Dom/mes get nervous too you know!
Good luck

SM

(in reply to demistress)

Post #: 8

RE: Meeting for the first time - 1/5/2007 3:06:43 PM

justheather

Posts: 1532
Joined: 10/4/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross
Things don't need to be perfect- they need to be honest.

LA:
I love this.
Love it.
Thank you.

_____________________________

I want the scissors to be sharp
And the table perfectly level
When you cut me out of my life
And paste me in that book you always carry.
-Billy Collins

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 9

RE: Meeting for the first time - 1/5/2007 3:16:47 PM

WorldofSilence

Posts: 114
Joined: 6/14/2006
Status: offline

First off, congratulations on this it must be an exicting time for you

I wish you every success, but I will agree and back up on what the other posters have written, take your time.

A hug is indeeed a nice icebreaker and it's one of those things that I pretty much insist on meeting for the first time, asking a friend to pop along is a good idea as well. As long as you have the time to talk and chat with this Dom without your friend sitting in your lap for example, I personally wouldn't have a problem with this as being relaxed is helpful to show all that inner beauty that I believe every women has :)

Be yourself and be honest.

Best of luck!

WoS

_____________________________

"Beware Hearing loss. If found please return to owner.Been missing since 1981. Reward on return"

(in reply to justheather)

Post #: 10

RE: Meeting for the first time - 1/5/2007 3:32:52 PM

TemptingNviceSub

Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline

Dont put so much hope and anxiety into it if you can, think of it as another date,maybe write down on a paper some things you might want to talk about, or questions you may have if you become fearful that the conversation may stagnate.But I am thinking if you are clicking well via phone you should be fine in R/L....have a good time, be yourself.....and just before you leave to go out..look in mirror and say to yourself.."I am unique, special,and any man would be lucky to have me"........Tempting

(in reply to WorldofSilence)

Post #: 11

RE: Meeting for the first time - 1/5/2007 3:36:45 PM

tearfulsurrender

Posts: 30
Joined: 12/29/2006
Status: offline

Thank you all so very much for your replies. Each and every one of you have been helpful. I have already told him how anxious I am. Im sure he thinks im just a silly girl but thats part of my charm *grins*.

I love the hug idea. What better way to calm crazy nerves? The friend idea is a great one. Had only I asked more than a day in advance it would probably have worked out perfectly. Leave it to me to do everything at the last minute.

Again, thank you all for your suggestions and comforting words.

(in reply to WorldofSilence)

Post #: 12

RE: Meeting for the first time - 1/5/2007 8:35:18 PM

domiguy

Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline

Just enjoy yourself...don't put any expectations into your meeting and that way you will not be let down.

It's just two people meeting to see what they have in common.

I personally don't really dig the friend idea...I think you have probably discussed things of an intimate nature and it's probably better to keep those things between yourselves...Anywhoo if we were meeting and you showed up with a friend I'd probably just end up banging ya both...lol...much easier to keep things one on one until you feel comfortable in involving friends/family with a prospective partner.

Good luck have fun and keep it light.

out.

D.G.

p.s. Jesus please protect me from your followers.

(in reply to tearfulsurrender)

Post #: 13

RE: Meeting for the first time - 1/5/2007 8:57:23 PM

MsOpal

Posts: 244
Joined: 8/31/2006
Status: offline

..... and let us know how it goes!!!!!

(in reply to domiguy)

Post #: 14

RE: Meeting for the first time - 1/5/2007 9:33:47 PM

RobertCloud

Posts: 2959
Joined: 6/28/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: dom4femslavesub

I think only women put so much into a meeting. Just go for it, if it works, it works, if it doesnt it doesnt. I know it seems hard, but the search will continue if it doesnt, the world will not end. I see every bad experiance in meeting someone as bringing me closer to the right one. Take care!

You are not correct, some men do put a great deal of effort and emotion into a meeting. It depends on the person. Some women do not put as much as others do.

Personally, I put a lot of effort and there is a lot of stress in that first meeting for me as well. Though it is usually not of the same nature as it is for the submissive. Yet, I am also very much of the romantic, and with me I am NOT looking for a scening partner. I am looking for someone that will be a lifelong partner, so I tend to look at it with a deeply strong heartfelt emotion as well.

No, I will not tear up and break down and cry for days on end if it fails or if they do not show up, but the truth is, I have shed a few tears when someone I cared about deeply failed to show up and they did not even care to tell me they would not be there. And no, I do not think this makes me less a Dominant, or less a man like many in the lifestyle may think. Being Strong, and Strict, does not mean that my heart cannot feel pain.

So... I do disagree, there are men that feel strongly about meetings. Dominant as well as submissive men, and telling a woman to just face the facts of the situation is not even beginning to understand them. As a Dominant you need to truly understand a woman, completely and fully. Not just her needs sensually, but also emotionally, mentally, and within the lifestyle. You take on the responsibility of providing for the WHOLE woman, not just one aspect of her, and if you are only looking to providing for one aspect then you are doing yourself and her a disservice.

I have found more beauty and more profound fullness in a relationship because I have reached into the depths of a woman to touch every fiber of her soul, to tune her to become the most beautifully played musical instrument that the world has ever known. Her moans, her squeals, her words, her thoughts, her laughter, her sighs, her breath are all notes to a song that only a true Dominant can begin to orchestrate for he knows what is the essence of a woman, and he knows that there is nothing that is within his submissive that he should not learn and that he should ignore. Nothing.

Yes, she is there to serve you. You are there to nurture her. If you do not learn everything there is to know about her how can you possibly nurture and inspire her to be a better submissive or slave.

_____________________________

Author for Black Velvet Seductions
she melted to her knees and crawled to her master.
Toy's Story: Acquisition of a Sex Toy

(in reply to dom4femslavesub)

Post #: 15

RE: Meeting for the first time - 1/5/2007 11:20:27 PM

Presidentialwhor

Posts: 19
Joined: 12/29/2006
Status: offline

well, one of my friends from another site, had issues like this. While she is maybe not a BBW she is big but not that big (but she is what society would call big). she was talking to this guy, phone , mail and etc. however when meeting that was the last she saw of him.

im not saying this to discourage you, but someone said that if you click on the phone then, it should fine it person...(that is not true all the time).

i have been guilty of it myself....i met this person that i clicked so well with and then decided that i mean, it just wasn't quite right.

again, i am not trying to discourage you at all, i was postin in reply to um...the person that said the thing about the clicking on the phone.

(in reply to RobertCloud)

Post #: 16

RE: Meeting for the first time - 1/6/2007 2:20:28 AM

akbarbarian

Posts: 596
Joined: 12/19/2006
Status: offline

Well the last time I was in this situation, I was on her like white on rice and things simply led where they were supposed to go-which was where I wanted them to go of course. It took a little patience, reassurance, and perhaps a little gentle force, but I had her ass tied up and screaming later that night so I was happy and she was in a state of bliss as well. What to do being that you're pregnant? I'd have to wrap my mind around that a bit, but pregnant women are a fetish all their own. Yeah, I suppose I could get into that too just...wow I hadn't given it serious thought. Give you lots of pain to prepare you for the rigors of childbirth right? It's for a good cause!

_____________________________

Out and proud as a dominant male
United we stand!
Also:Not a service top!
Heretic of Gor

(in reply to Presidentialwhor)

Post #: 17

RE: Meeting for the first time - 1/6/2007 2:39:07 AM

MMMMudd

Posts: 83
Joined: 7/16/2006
Status: offline

I have to put my two cents in with the others, honesty is MUCH more important than perfection. Remember even though he's probably a great master he's not perfect either.

Mudd

(in reply to akbarbarian)

Post #: 18

RE: Meeting for the first time - 1/6/2007 3:01:09 AM

SusanofO

Posts: 5672
Joined: 12/19/2005
Status: offline

You know, the older I get, the more I just think: Be yourself - see who can handle it. I mean, I'd try to have nice manners, and try to be at least passably interesting, and I'd make a good effort to look as great as I could, for the occasion. What the heck more could you do? Good luck. I'll say a prayer for you. Hope it goes well.

- Susan

< Message edited by SusanofO -- 1/6/2007 3:03:01 AM >

_____________________________

"Hope is the thing with feathers,
That perches in the soul,
And sings the tune without the words,
And never stops at all". - Emily Dickinson

(in reply to tearfulsurrender)

Post #: 19

RE: Meeting for the first time - 1/6/2007 8:28:17 AM

bov45

Posts: 1
Joined: 12/19/2006
Status: offline

It should be fine if he has exceted you and your condion then he must be ok with it

bovsir

(in reply to blushingflower)

Post #: 20

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