RE: maybe BDSM isnt for me...

RE: maybe BDSM isnt for me... (Full Version)

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LaTigresse -> RE: maybe BDSM isnt for me... (1/6/2007 6:22:58 AM)
I think alot of people expect too much out of this internet stuff. It's not like online shopping folks. If you want that try this site. http://www.realdoll.com/ I look at these various dating sites kinda like going into a casino and sitting in fron of a slot machine. You keep putting money in, keep pulling the arm.....or pushing buttons..(whatever it is these days) and odds have it your going to get a few promising quarters back, just enough to keep you hoping for that big jackpot. BUT, the reality is that very rarely are you gonna hit it. Sure, there are always a few that walk out with the big bucket of coins and a smile on their face. But the majority walk out with only lighter pockets and something to bitch about. The moral of the story is kids, for most of us if you want to get the big bucks you gotta be willing to get out there, meet people and do the work. It ain't no get rich quick scheme.

bandit25 -> RE: maybe BDSM isnt for me... (1/6/2007 6:36:06 AM)
For the most part, I agree, LaTigresse. Nothing takes the place of going out and doing; however, as one who has benefitted from this internet stuff, I'd also say it's an option to keep open. Kind of like not putting all your eggs in one basket.

LaTigresse -> RE: maybe BDSM isnt for me... (1/6/2007 6:39:13 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: bandit25 For the most part, I agree, LaTigresse. Nothing takes the place of going out and doing; however, as one who has benefitted from this internet stuff, I'd also say it's an option to keep open. Kind of like not putting all your eggs in one basket. I think that is kinda what I was getting at. I didn't say to stay out of the casino, I just suggested one not expect to become a millionaire from gambling.

thetammyjo -> RE: maybe BDSM isnt for me... (1/6/2007 7:03:14 AM)
Have you tried offline, tollboothjack? Offline is much safer if you meet folks through munches and things of that nature. If you aren't comfortable with a particular request or demand, say "thanks" and move on. There are millions of people online no need to get focused on a few or a dozen or so. Also examine what is attracting you to a profile? Does it have a picture? If so, why be offended if she wants one in return? If it looks glossy an HOT maybe it's a professional picture and you should ask if she's a professional early on (explain why you are asking politely).

JohnWarren -> RE: maybe BDSM isnt for me... (1/6/2007 7:18:19 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: tollboothjack oh me... I'm not lonely... just wanting to meet someone into the lifestyle in my area... I don't enjoy chat or internet fantasy so much.. life is short... I am a liver.. a doer... I don't expect something right away, but all I run into are dead ends.. sorry :) You want to meet someone in your area and you don't enjoy online stuff.... so why in hell are you looking on the internet? I just looked at http://www.darkheart.com/usalist.html and they list more than 20 groups and clubs in Georgia. Get out of the house and attend some classes or munches. This reminds me of the old story of a cop coming up on a guy who is on his hands and knees under a street light. The cop asks him what he's doing and the guy replies he's looking for his car keys. The cop looks around and clearly there aren't any car keys near by so he asks where the guy dropped them. The guy replies, "In an alley back down the street." The cop, surprised, asks, "Why are you looking here?" and gets the reply, "The light is much better here." You look for what you want where it is not where the looking is easier.

crouchingtigress -> RE: maybe BDSM isn't for me... (1/6/2007 7:18:36 AM)
i agree with the folks that have brought up thees points: she is in an open marriage and it it responsible and reasonable to put her partnership first and have you meet them both and be explicit about the play. you most likly will have to spend months and years here learning "it is not a quilting we are doing here" (thank you Juliet that was very well put.) and why should she not want to have a photo? she invited you to her home, dont you think she is entitled to see what you look like? being asked for pictures is normal, and folks that dont send me pics on request seem shady to me. honestly everything she has done speaks to her legitimacy and seriousness in her quest to find a submissive, and everything you are doing seems to speak of your n00bieness and cluelessness. is the lifestyle for you? time will tell.....like anything you want you have to work at it, and what you invest into it will be the exact measure you will reap from it.

windchymes -> RE: maybe BDSM isnt for me... (1/6/2007 7:28:28 AM)
Maybe she felt that parading you in front of her husband WAS being cruel? To both of you.....maybe hubby's got a cuckhold fantasy and she was killing two birds with one stone.

MsCameron -> RE: maybe BDSM isnt for me... (1/6/2007 8:25:07 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: tollboothjack here's a specific... i was chatting with this super cool domme for about a week or so... we exchanged pretty long messages... she asked me to meet her this weekend... i knew she was married, and she promised she was in an open marriage, and that it was ok.. but she wanted me to go to her house and have dinner with her and her husband... now I feel totally uncomfortable and sketchy about having dinner with the guy whose wife I am going to be playing with...plus, they might be serial killers, I'd prefer a public place... she wants to discuss in FRONT of the husband everything we intend to do.... even in the vanilla world, this is what we refer to as... BEING PUT ON THE SPOT!!! Then you should have told her you would be more comfortable in a public place. As near as I can figure, she was being above board on everything. Perhaps this was the agreement between her and her husband. If you're not comfortable with that, maybe that's not the place for you. I agree with John. Get involved in your local community. MC

asubmissiveheart -> RE: maybe BDSM isnt for me... (1/6/2007 2:30:15 PM)
If you are looking for a quick fix you are going to have a hard time.

eyesopened -> RE: maybe BDSM isnt for me... (1/6/2007 2:46:12 PM)
i agree with JohnWarren and the others that you perhaps need to find a group where you can feel more comfortable. i don't see a problem with supplying a picture, if you want to meet in person She will have to know what you look like. If i were going to play with a married Man and He wanted to discuss things in front of His wife i would be pleased to meet them both in a public place. Don't know what part of Georgia you're from but there are groups in Athens, Savannah, Augusta, Columbus, Macon and several around Atlanta. good luck

LadyJulieAnn -> RE: maybe BDSM isnt for me... (1/6/2007 4:08:32 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: tollboothjack You know.. Im new to the lifestyle... but Im a decent guy... friendly, educated, articulate, intelligent.... and modest ;) I came here seeking a domme with the same qualities as I... But all I seem to be running into here in the personals are dead-ends... i.e. "professional dommes"... in other words, women who want your money.. women who end up making demands that I am not quite comfortable with... such as... meeting her and her husband alone for dinner at their home... sorry, but I don't wanna end up like Marcellas Wallace on Pulp Fiction with a blowtorch in my rear end and a gaggle in my mouth (and I don't mean as part of roleplay, either...) women who demand a photo right off the bat.... or just someone who is rude.. maybe I am doing something wrong, but maybe I'm not cut out for this? I believe that people who really are invested in BDSM as a part of themselves don't give up on it because they can't find a partner. They may be very frustrated, but it's still within them to enjoy BDSM. I get the idea that you are not cut out for wait involved in finding a suitable partner. I do wish you luck, however. Be well, Julie

SweetDommes -> RE: maybe BDSM isnt for me... (1/6/2007 6:01:37 PM)
Unless I'm mistaken, you use the same screen name on another site, yes? Perhaps part of your problem, then, is that you start a conversation and then stop talking ... and then don't message again. I have to say that was a huge turn off for me. I can handle chatting with someone, but to have to carry the conversation entirely (which is what I felt I was doing, and why I didn't type anything else after my last response to you) is unacceptable to me. *edited to add - if you are not the same person, then I appologise ... if you are, then you need to work on your communication skills

TxBlkMistress -> RE: maybe BDSM isnt for me... (1/6/2007 6:48:15 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: tollboothjack women who end up making demands that I am not quite comfortable with... such as... meeting her and her husband alone for dinner at their home... sorry, but I don't wanna end up like Marcellas Wallace on Pulp Fiction with a blowtorch in my rear end and a gaggle in my mouth (and I don't mean as part of roleplay, either...) women who demand a photo right off the bat.... or just someone who is rude.. maybe I am doing something wrong, but maybe I'm not cut out for this? -Dommes that Wondering...these"demanding women", are they like barking orders, as in the "it's my way or the highway" sense? Are the really "demanding" or simply asking. Such the woman that asked you to dinner with her husband, did she ask you that way, or did she simply say it like "hey I think you're compatible, why don't you come to dinner and meet my husband?" Did you even try to suggest to meet them in a public place? It seems like you are faulting her for having a good marriage, and being an honest person. You knew she was married, I would think you would be more comfortable with an honest person, as opposed to someone who lies and sneaks around. Photo right off the bat....I "ask" for one because I like to see who I'm talking to, also, nice to see if there is an attraction, plus I have one, you've seen me, why shouldn't I see you as well. Did she have one? If not, when she asked for one, did you ask her for one? If so, did she refuse? I understand there are rude people out there, but in a couple of cases that you mention....it just seemed like a normal progression of someone that was interested in you. Looks like you have problem with Dommes when they take any steps to get to know to you on a more personal level. ( pics, getting to know you dinner) Seems to me like you want something instant, without any connection, with no emotion, or anything personal involved. Maybe you need to go to someone professional, I mean if nothing else maybe she can help you in deciding exactly what you want out of all this. Not only limits and likes and dislikes, but what kind of relationship that you would be comfortable with. Just my opinion from what I'm reading....could be wrong.

TxBlkMistress -> RE: maybe BDSM isnt for me... (1/6/2007 7:03:00 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SweetDommes Unless I'm mistaken, you use the same screen name on another site, yes? Perhaps part of your problem, then, is that you start a conversation and then stop talking ... and then don't message again. I have to say that was a huge turn off for me. I can handle chatting with someone, but to have to carry the conversation entirely (which is what I felt I was doing, and why I didn't type anything else after my last response to you) is unacceptable to me. *edited to add - if you are not the same person, then I appologise ... if you are, then you need to work on your communication skills Oh I can so relate to what you are saying...I get this all the time. I have so much email I rarely get to contact anyone, so they are the ones that usually contact me. They approach me, and then they basically just sit there. One told me, well you're the Domme, you are supposed to be in charge. Yes, I am a Dominant, I have not collared you. Until I do, we are just two people and I can't carry on a conversation alone. If you have to leave or no longer interested, simply say so...that way I can move on. Example: there is another on here, that started a thread a few days ago, whining about no one giving him a chance...I did...and he is a total non participant. We made arrangements to IM he didn't show...I sent emails, he didn't respond, until I posted something on his thread saying that he needs to figure out what he wants before he whines.... Point is...it takes two...you can't just make initial contact and that's it...you have to be "in" it, talk, show that you are interested in the person....don't expect the other person to chase you. ok ok ok...I'm off of my soapbox now.....LOL (whew, I feel better)

whisperedsighs -> RE: maybe BDSM isnt for me... (1/6/2007 7:31:13 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: tollboothjack here's a specific... i was chatting with this super cool domme for about a week or so... we exchanged pretty long messages... she asked me to meet her this weekend... i knew she was married, and she promised she was in an open marriage, and that it was ok.. but she wanted me to go to her house and have dinner with her and her husband... now I feel totally uncomfortable and sketchy about having dinner with the guy whose wife I am going to be playing with...plus, they might be serial killers, I'd prefer a public place... she wants to discuss in FRONT of the husband everything we intend to do.... even in the vanilla world, this is what we refer to as... BEING PUT ON THE SPOT!!! Okay so meet her and her husband in a public place. Would you rather she is lying to her husband and doing things behind his back??? In a poly relationship this isn't even remotely unusual. She wants him to know who she is playing with. Gee her safety??? I would be less worried about being put on the spot and more appreciative of someone who is very up front and open.

NaiveTempest -> RE: maybe BDSM isnt for me... (1/6/2007 8:39:42 PM)
There is a lot of good advice and "common" sense being put in these replies but I notice that the OP doesn't seem to be replying anymore. Wonder what happened? Maybe he didn't get all the sympathy he wanted? I especially liked the casino analogy (with his name and quarters and all, lmao)... Anywho, I hope he's reading and taking notes. I may be naive, but even I know better than to expect something from the get-go.

TxBlkMistress -> RE: maybe BDSM isnt for me... (1/6/2007 8:56:10 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NaiveTempest There is a lot of good advice and "common" sense being put in these replies but I notice that the OP doesn't seem to be replying anymore. Wonder what happened? Maybe he didn't get all the sympathy he wanted? I especially liked the casino analogy (with his name and quarters and all, lmao)... Anywho, I hope he's reading and taking notes. I may be naive, but even I know better than to expect something from the get-go. LOL, you're right I noticed that too. I see that a lot, especially with those that contact me...if you don't go along with them, they just disappear...lol

SweetDommes -> RE: maybe BDSM isnt for me... (1/6/2007 8:59:15 PM)
I'm positive that it's the same guy from the other site - it's not exactly a commonly chosen name (not like "spankme247" or anything) and it's the same name both places ... So basically, I'm not surprised that he vanished.

mnottertail -> RE: maybe BDSM isnt for me... (1/6/2007 9:03:25 PM)
Well, I can hang out a little bit, and you guys give me hell if I am over the top here but would this be a good place to stick in a request for a blowjob, or don't I really get it? And if I don't really get it could I cop some head anyway so I do? Curiously, Ron

jdtallfem -> RE: maybe BDSM isnt for me... (1/6/2007 9:25:11 PM)
Igt is really interesting how the emails back and forth happen and then the sub just drops the ball and we Dommes don't hear from him again. Happens to me, too, on this and other sites. I even back tracked on another site and wrote a bunch a letters saying, "hey do you ever want to meet for coffee or what?" Hardly got any response. Guess they just like writing emails.

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