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maybe BDSM isnt for me... - 1/5/2007 8:08:13 PM

tollboothjack

Posts: 7
Joined: 12/25/2006
Status: offline

You know.. Im new to the lifestyle... but Im a decent guy... friendly, educated, articulate, intelligent.... and modest ;)

I came here seeking a domme with the same qualities as I...

But all I seem to be running into here in the personals are dead-ends...

i.e.

"professional dommes"... in other words, women who want your money..

women who end up making demands that I am not quite comfortable with... such as... meeting her and her husband alone for dinner at their home... sorry, but I don't wanna end up like Marcellas Wallace on Pulp Fiction with a blowtorch in my rear end and a gaggle in my mouth (and I don't mean as part of roleplay, either...)

women who demand a photo right off the bat.... or just someone who is rude..

maybe I am doing something wrong, but maybe I'm not cut out for this?

-Dommes that

Post #: 1

RE: maybe BDSM isnt for me... - 1/5/2007 8:10:47 PM

MagiksSlave

Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline

ok Im gunna say this nice befor others come here and gang up on you. but you have only been on here what a week n 1/2 what are you expecting??? This is a singles sight not a magical cure for lonleyness. I was on here 4 years befor finding Master you have to give it time.

Magik's slave

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.

-Rodney Atkins-

(in reply to tollboothjack)

Post #: 2

RE: maybe BDSM isnt for me... - 1/5/2007 8:17:59 PM

tollboothjack

Posts: 7
Joined: 12/25/2006
Status: offline

oh me... I'm not lonely... just wanting to meet someone into the lifestyle in my area... I don't enjoy chat or internet fantasy so much.. life is short... I am a liver.. a doer... I don't expect something right away, but all I run into are dead ends.. sorry :)

(in reply to MagiksSlave)

Post #: 3

RE: maybe BDSM isnt for me... - 1/5/2007 8:20:28 PM

MagiksSlave

Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline

Hon there are a lot of dead ends everywhere you need to give youself time to make the uturns and start over again when you hit one... you just havent given it enough to to start saying how this isnt for you you need more patcients!!!

Magik's slave

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.

-Rodney Atkins-

(in reply to tollboothjack)

Post #: 4

RE: maybe BDSM isnt for me... - 1/5/2007 8:22:57 PM

tollboothjack

Posts: 7
Joined: 12/25/2006
Status: offline

here's a specific... i was chatting with this super cool domme for about a week or so... we exchanged pretty long messages... she asked me to meet her this weekend... i knew she was married, and she promised she was in an open marriage, and that it was ok..

but she wanted me to go to her house and have dinner with her and her husband... now I feel totally uncomfortable and sketchy about having dinner with the guy whose wife I am going to be playing with...plus, they might be serial killers, I'd prefer a public place...

she wants to discuss in FRONT of the husband everything we intend to do.... even in the vanilla world, this is what we refer to as... BEING PUT ON THE SPOT!!!

< Message edited by tollboothjack -- 1/5/2007 8:25:45 PM >

(in reply to tollboothjack)

Post #: 5

RE: maybe BDSM isnt for me... - 1/5/2007 8:24:22 PM

HatesParisHilton

Posts: 3513
Joined: 12/27/2006
Status: offline

get clever and canny in any interaction you choose to engage in with any dommes and you'll cut a lot of deadwood.

before a meet, EVERYONE is entitled to use a Cull, submissives included. If female subs use them (and do) so should YOU.

_____________________________

I am (now) "Hiltie", hear me ROARRRRR! And have a cuffy cake, they're nice.

(in reply to MagiksSlave)

Post #: 6

RE: maybe BDSM isnt for me... - 1/5/2007 8:24:37 PM

MySweetSubmssive

Posts: 1139
Joined: 2/7/2006
From: Lehigh Valley, PA
Status: offline

You are a liver? Welcome, I'm a spleen!

(long week)

Hmmmm. I read your profile. You said that you want someone cruel. Maybe the rudeness is just to fulfill your desires.

MSS

_____________________________

"Oh, James, you're such a cunning linguist."

--Miss Moneypenny

(in reply to tollboothjack)

Post #: 7

RE: maybe BDSM isnt for me... - 1/5/2007 8:25:25 PM

MagiksSlave

Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline

OK well that is a little different.. sounds to me like your finding out at a rather good time that this is not the Domme for you and that is good nothing invested exept some e-mails. My advise is move one. Hey no one said this was gunna be easy!!

Magik's slave

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.

-Rodney Atkins-

(in reply to tollboothjack)

Post #: 8

RE: maybe BDSM isnt for me... - 1/5/2007 8:27:17 PM

tollboothjack

Posts: 7
Joined: 12/25/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MySweetSubmssive

You are a liver? Welcome, I'm a spleen!

(long week)

Hmmmm. I read your profile. You said that you want someone cruel. Maybe the rudeness is just to fulfill your desires.

MSS

i dont think my definition of cruel was meant to illicit... "send me a pic or stop wasting my time slt"

(in reply to MySweetSubmssive)

Post #: 9

RE: maybe BDSM isnt for me... - 1/5/2007 8:30:12 PM

MySweetSubmssive

Posts: 1139
Joined: 2/7/2006
From: Lehigh Valley, PA
Status: offline

But your profile is up to interpretation. You describe what you want in very vague, broad terms. It may make it easier to find what you are looking for if you can articulate it. That may sound sarcastic, but it isn't.

_____________________________

"Oh, James, you're such a cunning linguist."

--Miss Moneypenny

(in reply to tollboothjack)

Post #: 10

RE: maybe BDSM isnt for me... - 1/5/2007 8:31:22 PM

tollboothjack

Posts: 7
Joined: 12/25/2006
Status: offline

ill change it...

(in reply to MySweetSubmssive)

Post #: 11

RE: maybe BDSM isnt for me... - 1/5/2007 8:33:07 PM

MagiksSlave

Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MySweetSubmssive

You are a liver? Welcome, I'm a spleen!

(long week)

MSS

((giggles)) ok too funny

yeah long week I can relate... Now if only haveing a long week made me tell bad jokes and nothing more

ok end of hijack I now bring you back to your regularly schedualed thread

Magik's slave

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.

-Rodney Atkins-

(in reply to MySweetSubmssive)

Post #: 12

RE: maybe BDSM isnt for me... - 1/5/2007 8:55:07 PM

astralboy

Posts: 17
Joined: 9/27/2004
Status: offline

I couldn't agree more with Magik's Slave... time and patience is the key... it may happen or not... but you have to believe in yourself. Yes... there are many Pro's, maybe too many... but they make this (almost) clear in their profile, or in the first reply... so.. move on.

puppy (astralboy)

(in reply to MagiksSlave)

Post #: 13

RE: maybe BDSM isnt for me... - 1/5/2007 9:39:36 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: tollboothjack

here's a specific... i was chatting with this super cool domme for about a week or so... we exchanged pretty long messages... she asked me to meet her this weekend... i knew she was married, and she promised she was in an open marriage, and that it was ok..

but she wanted me to go to her house and have dinner with her and her husband... now I feel totally uncomfortable and sketchy about having dinner with the guy whose wife I am going to be playing with...plus, they might be serial killers, I'd prefer a public place...

she wants to discuss in FRONT of the husband everything we intend to do.... even in the vanilla world, this is what we refer to as... BEING PUT ON THE SPOT!!!

If you are going to play with married women exactly what do you expect? Her hubby is going to know everything she is doing with you anything. Might as well own up to the fact in front of him, particularly if that is what will make her feel safe. After all, you could be serial killer for all she knows.

I agree that you should meet in a public place, but expecting you to meet her husband and discuss things with him and in front of him is entirely reasonable.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to tollboothjack)

Post #: 14

RE: maybe BDSM isnt for me... - 1/5/2007 10:12:10 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

Being online is a lot like living in a fantasy world for a lot of people. It will simply take time and patience. If you're anywhere near Atlanta, look up the club 1763. It's a Pro establisment by day that opens it's doors to public members by night. It's a place to start and, from what I remember, the place is very nice as are the people.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to tollboothjack)

Post #: 15

RE: maybe BDSM isnt for me... - 1/5/2007 10:19:55 PM

Elegant

Posts: 1024
Joined: 3/15/2005
Status: offline

pointing up to Master Fire's post

Even if you are not in Metro Atlanta there are quite a few lifestyle communities in other areas of the state. Let me know if you want/need some Yahoo group links to any of these...I have a very lengthy Georgia and Southeast mailing list.

< Message edited by Elegant -- 1/5/2007 10:20:26 PM >

_____________________________

Elegant
~Slave To Master Archer

http://www.FantasiesInLeather.com

(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 16

RE: maybe BDSM isnt for me... - 1/5/2007 10:33:25 PM

julietsierra

Posts: 1841
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: tollboothjack

she wants to discuss in FRONT of the husband everything we intend to do.... even in the vanilla world, this is what we refer to as... BEING PUT ON THE SPOT!!!

Hey, like everyone else, you get to pay your quarter before riding on this road.

In other words, you're either going to have to find a way that works for you in your search or you're absolutely right, you're going to throw in the towel and be done with it. To me, that's part of the process of weeding out the "residents" verses the "visitors." Also to me, that process is a very good thing. This life exacts a price, and those who aren't willing to pay that price should probably just move on down the road.

This isn't quilting we're doing here, and while I can understand the obvious (and rightful) reluctance regarding going to someone's home straight away, claiming, after such a short time, that maybe you're not cut out for this simply because you're finding reality significantly different than your imagination... well.... then, maybe you're not.

Now, if you get pissed with my response to what you're saying and come back to say "I'm not giving up, bitch," well then, you've found your answer there as well, and to that, I'd say then quit complaining about all those who don't fit and get out some to find someone who does.

If you're indeed a liver, then quit all the whining and do what you say you do. Find yourself a munch or three, attend, make friends (finding a dominant straight out of the gate just probably won't happen, so relax and make your friends. Since you're a "liver" kind of dude, think of it as networking) and get on with things.

juliet

(in reply to tollboothjack)

Post #: 17

RE: maybe BDSM isnt for me... - 1/6/2007 1:23:06 AM

simplyangelic1

Posts: 186
Joined: 6/14/2006
Status: offline

I agree that you need to be patient. Good things come to those who wait. As far as meeting anyone in private. That is a huge red flag. I'm not saying that the person you spoke with is dangerous but for both parties sake it is always wise to meet in a public place for the first meeting at the very least. You don't know them and they don't know you.

Something else I would suggest is if it is available in your area, find a local group and attend their functions and possible play parties. You might increase your chances and it will allow you to also observe various forms of play while you are searching. I realize that groups are not always easy to find locally, but I'm sure is you ask someone can point you in the right direction.

Caine's angel

(in reply to julietsierra)

Post #: 18

RE: maybe BDSM isnt for me... - 1/6/2007 2:10:30 AM

akbarbarian

Posts: 596
Joined: 12/19/2006
Status: offline

Well if you decide BDSM isn't for you, how much are you going to sell your stock in it for? I can never have too much.

_____________________________

Out and proud as a dominant male
United we stand!
Also:Not a service top!
Heretic of Gor

(in reply to simplyangelic1)

Post #: 19

RE: maybe BDSM isnt for me... - 1/6/2007 6:10:17 AM

bandit25

Posts: 3029
Joined: 6/18/2005
Status: offline

Good one.

(in reply to akbarbarian)

Post #: 20

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