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RE: Why's it so Hard? - 1/8/2007 10:04:20 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
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~Fast Reply~

The only advice I can give you relates to falling asleep. Sorry I can't help with the rest as I'm still having trouble obeying sometimes myself.

I have a lot of trouble falling asleep myself. I've tried over the counter sleeping pills, beer and wine and some other home remedies. What I've found works best for me is take an over the counter nighttime allergy pill. When I pair that with a CD I bought that is specifically designed to help you get to sleep, I can generally manage. I recamend not putting it on a stero but in a walkman and putting the headphones on and sleeping like that. Don't know if this will help you, but it might be worth a shot.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to thetammyjo)

Post #: 21

RE: Why's it so Hard? - 1/8/2007 11:08:30 PM

domiguy

Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
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Most of my posts are a little sarcastic(poor attempts at humor). With many of the folks who post, you get a sense that they mean well, have a good feel about themselves,as well as a sense of humor.(I'm not one of those people...poor ol' Domiguy).

I dig your posts and LA...too many others to mention....You know I consider myself to be dominant but not in the micro sense...If the sub I am with is tired and being bitchy I would send her off to bed...otherwise it's her life...
So It is hard for me to put myself in the shoes of managing when someone goes to sleep or what they eat or continually determining what they are to wear on an hour to hour basis.

But you is preggers....and if you were up this late you would be berry, berry sweepy....so have a good fuck or workout or vibe session...My idea would not to take a drug to fall asleep...Maybe count Domiguys till your eyes get heavy...G'night darlin.

out.

D.G.

p.s. Jesus please protect me from your followers.

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 22

RE: Why's it so Hard? - 1/9/2007 7:29:11 AM

Devilslilsister

Posts: 1262
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline

LOL Domiguy, no worries. <grins> Its not for all and sometimes its not for me, but we deal with what we get.

I think coming here and talking about it helped. Last night i didnt have a big hallabalooand i even called HIM at 1030 to wish him gnight. I think he was (well hopefully) pleasantly suprised that i was doing as told with out being told to do. Atleast i was proud. So i hopefully, with all of your help, have managed to work through it and if i havent and it comes back to strike again i have abit of an arsenal to self talk with. I mucho appreciate it everyone. Just giving me a place to talk it out with a group of others helps.

Now if i can just figure out how to GET to sleep! You'd think with 5 hours the night before, it'd of been a cinch last night? Noooo i laid there for 2 hours. I think it was the Istanbul show on the History channel. I ended up having 20 running thoughts because of it.

_____________________________

My ability to cope with BS is at an all time low - me

i may look like i'm doing nothing, but i'm very busy at a cellular level

(in reply to domiguy)

Post #: 23

RE: Why's it so Hard? - 1/10/2007 6:06:05 AM

Padriag

Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Devilslilsister

Aye he's got a good one in the woods. Looking all mysterious and domly.

Thanks, funny thing about that photo, it was never one of my favorites. Just one taken of me while out hiking. I never thought it was anything special, but the ladies seem to love it.

quote:

Thanks Padriag, I do stop and think about it. I usually come up with something irrational like "i'm not tired" or "i'm not done doing X yet, i'm not ready for bed" and i generally feel completely stubborn. No anger, no fear. What i really feel is stupid.

Try exploring a little deeper, go beyond just how you feel at that moment. I'll try to clarify what I mean below.

quote:

I've come up with the it being just plain rebellious. Em or the fact that i completely reprogrammed myself when i was 14/15 to not do a damn thing anybody said.

That's an interesting point. If I were your counselor I would ask you to talk about that. What was happening in your life at that time. What things do you remember happening then, what was going on in your life that caused you to feel like you needed to rebel. In my notes and questions I'd also explore what perhaps didn't happen. At that age its not unusual to rebel. Its part of developing your own independence and identity. However, sometimes it becomes a habit and that could be what happened with you, you just got in the habit of rebelling. So when you are told to go to bed, even when you know its in your best interest, you rebel anyway just out of habit. I mentioned what may NOT have happened at that age... perhaps you rebelled, expecting boundaries, and got none. For some, when that was the case, they spend the rest of their life looking for those boundaries. I have seen many parents who were afraid to tell their children "No" because they were afraid the child wouldn't love them anymore if they did. Ironically, sometimes the best way to say "I love you" to a child is to say "No", and sometimes its exactly what the child desperately wants to hear... not that they would admit it. These kinds of things can impact our adult lives for a very long time until they are confronted and dealt with.

quote:

You know and i spoke with a good friend of his, who is a Mistress. It seems he discuss me with her. One of the things she said via an email to me once was "one of the problems with you is you never had any authority in your life that cared about you" Which bothers me to no end cos how dare some one know something about me that i didnt know! I'd reckon she's mostly right and i wonder if that has anything to do with things.

Yup, she could be very on the mark. Refer back to my remarks above.

I don't expect you to spill your life story out here. I'm merely suggesting things you can think about privately, perhaps write down in a journal if you keep one.

You don't leave me with the impression that you are deliberately playing any sort of mind games. But I do think you are seeking something in all this, even though at present you may not know what. There is no such think as random behavior, none of us does anything "just cause." All human behavior is motivated by something, even if we don't know ourselves what it is that is motivating us. That's the tricky part, digging into our own subconscious, our past, our unspoken desires and feelings, even those things we don't want to look too closely at... and figuring out what lies underneath. Somewhere beneath the rebellion you are feeling on the surface are the real motivations for it. That's what I meant by looking beyond how you feel at the moment, looking deeper for the causes of those feelings.

_____________________________

Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

(in reply to Devilslilsister)

Post #: 24

RE: Why's it so Hard? - 1/10/2007 7:02:33 AM

dawntreader

Posts: 3045
Joined: 11/23/2006
Status: offline

i have to agree with the hiking picture! Very nice...

twicehappy

titleAndStar(2261,0,0,false,"","")
Deranged

Off the subject but WOW some of you photos are simply beautiful.

_____________________________

quote:

ORIGINAL: Devilslilsister

Aye he's got a good one in the woods. Looking all mysterious and domly.

_____________________________

It is choice - not chance - that determines our destiny~
Jean Nidetch

There is a war going on for your mind...if you are thinking, you are winning~
Flobots

(in reply to Devilslilsister)

Post #: 25

RE: Why's it so Hard? - 1/10/2007 7:15:51 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Devilslilsister
Now if i can just figure out how to GET to sleep! You'd think with 5 hours the night before, it'd of been a cinch last night? Noooo i laid there for 2 hours. I think it was the Istanbul show on the History channel. I ended up having 20 running thoughts because of it.

We train ourselves into rhythms, we have to train ourselves out of them. Even going to bed at midnight, I always want to stay up later. I am just naturally is a night oriented person and it takes conscious effort to turn the lights off, turn the alarm on and lay down.

Bedtime rituals can help with this a lot- keep your routine the same for going to bed, maybe make your last phone call of the night, maybe masturbate to release happy chemicals to get you relaxed, maybe say a prayer- something that helps settle your mind into "Time to sleep now" mode.

Then, let yourself go to sleep. A lot of people suggest you shouldn't go from midnight to 10 pm right off, but should start going to bed 15 minutes earlier every day until you get to the time you want. Either way, it will take time for your body to get adjusted to its new bedtime, and even then, your body may never WANT that bedtime.

I have wave sounds that I play to help get me to alpha sleep and I'm fairly addicted to it these days to get to sleep.

But all of these only address getting your body and mind adjusted to the change and helping you have better sleep. We still have all the issues of your insecurity and rebellion which initiated the thread.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to Devilslilsister)

Post #: 26

RE: Why's it so Hard? - 1/10/2007 8:19:02 AM

SirDominic

Posts: 711
Joined: 11/22/2006
Status: offline

DLS, here is an interesting question for you, when you write in longhand, which way does your writing slant? I'm betting it slants waaaay to the right. Let me know; if I am wrong, which way does your writing slant? Honestly, this has a direct bearing on your questions in this thread!

If you would prefer to answer this off the boards, let me know through my mail, and I will respond to you in kind. I think I have a very good handle on what is going on.

With respect, Sir Dominic

(in reply to thetammyjo)

Post #: 27

RE: Why's it so Hard? - 1/10/2007 10:59:40 AM

Padriag

Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: dawntreader

i have to agree with the hiking picture! Very nice...

Okay, now you're just going to make me blush

_____________________________

Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

(in reply to dawntreader)

Post #: 28

RE: Why's it so Hard? - 1/10/2007 7:11:03 PM

Devilslilsister

Posts: 1262
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline

Hey Padriag -

i actually did that type of digging years ago. I know excatly why i rebelled. It was a year of catastrophes and i came out of thinking my parents were right twats and stupid to boot. I actually remember the moment thinking "they're driving the car of my life and screwing it up, i am taking the wheel" So i've effectively let anyone else "drive my car". Ya know? I probably was just looking for some one competent, but i ended up outwitting them all and taking the upperhand/lead. Mostly likely the rebellion is a habit now. A very bad habit to try and out wit and take the lead from anyone i deem in authority. <smiles> It was a crazy year. Threw everyone for a loop because i went from a nice, sweet, obediant child, who always strived to do what she was supposed to....... to well. LOL All in the space of a summer.

Sir Dominic - i recently found out i was born left handed and i was forced to be a righty by my Dad. Which of course explains why i'm so challenged when it comes to left and right. That and why i always start out left instead of right.

Thanks again LA. Same with the night owl. Runs in the family. I actually turn on Law and Order or Nick at Nite. Law and order unfortunetly ends up catching my interest with "who done it", but nick at nte i'm so familiar with the old shows that i can roll over and fall off to sleep. Unless i start thinking.... I'm sure we'll get there in training my body to go to bed at a certian time. Just takes time.

_____________________________

My ability to cope with BS is at an all time low - me

i may look like i'm doing nothing, but i'm very busy at a cellular level

(in reply to Padriag)

Post #: 29

RE: Why's it so Hard? - 1/11/2007 4:43:48 AM

Padriag

Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
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Well there you are... you have a hard time trusting, especially someone in authority. Though ironically you want someone to take that authority, you just need to know they are worthy of it. You're still looking for someone competent and still questioning if anyone is. And yes, its a habit.

You need him to show you he knows what he's doing, for awhile, until the restless doubts and fears you still carry subside. You need to know you're safe with him, safe following where he leads.

You may always have some fears, a few nagging doubts that won't go away. There will come a time when you'll have to look at them and decide whether they're justified or purely irrational. And if there's no good reason for them, learn to push them out of your way.

That can be hard to do. But it can be done if you really want to.

Now that'll be a $200 fee for my services... LOL ...kidding

_____________________________

Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

(in reply to Devilslilsister)

Post #: 30

RE: Why's it so Hard? - 1/11/2007 7:50:14 AM

Devilslilsister

Posts: 1262
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline

LOL Padriag!

$200 ????? <wicked grin> Is that all you're worth?? Or is that 200 per session as we've talked about 3 times in this thread? You know...... i've a golden retriever and she's worth about 800 (or was), do you take dogs as payment? Of course she's got a bad case of mutant fleas (that NOTHING kills).. but we could knock it down to 600 and then we'd be even!

Thank you for the advice = ) I'm going to copy and paste your words to my MS Works - to save for when ever i get it springing up at me. Well all of it except for the fee. lol

_____________________________

My ability to cope with BS is at an all time low - me

i may look like i'm doing nothing, but i'm very busy at a cellular level

(in reply to Padriag)

Post #: 31

RE: Why's it so Hard? - 1/11/2007 8:36:30 AM

Rule

Posts: 10479
Joined: 12/5/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Devilslilsister
Why is it so hard to fall asleep?

Perhaps you are fighting it? Afraid of the dark?

quote:

ORIGINAL: Devilslilsister
i wasnt ever in much of a head space to agree. So while i obeyed sometimes, i often didnt and generally only the things that were agreeable to me.

Perhaps you were naughty? In any case a slave must be maintained in a top condition and must inform her master when anything threatens her health or well-being.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Devilslilsister
this is the part i dont understand
Half of me wants to and the other half of me is throwing a 5 year old tantrum.

Yes. I understand this.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Devilslilsister
I think i begged, pleaded, conjoled, tried to convince him it was a good idea if i stayed up and i asked him about a million times to reconsider.

It is what unmentionables do.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Devilslilsister
Yet i was in bed at 1030 throwing a 5 year old tantrum in my head.

Indeed.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Devilslilsister
Rationally i understand i am being ridiculous. I rationally understand that my response to obeying is not rational. Which is what i am confused on. Why is it so hard? Rationally, it shouldnt be this hard. I am being irrational and i dont understand it!!!!!!

Little ones are not very rational.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Devilslilsister
Its like i'm at war with myself. (Which let me remind you is irrational) I have always seemed to be at war with myself when it comes to submission. Half of me says "YES!" and the other half of me fights it. Why is it so hard??

You are a natural slave. You will not any more resist obeying once you feel safe and are able to relinguish responsibility. As long as you do not feel safe, you will resist obeying.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Devilslilsister
Any chance its like falling off a horse and i just have to remember how to ride one again?

You must feel safe. Obeying your master when he sends you to bed will make you feel safer, cared for, and will make becoming a slave easier for you.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Devilslilsister
This is all so irrational i just dont understand. Can anyone make rational sense of this - so tomorrow night when i am in bed at 1030 - i can have some new things to tell myself.

You may benefit from consulting the website I refer to in my profile.

quote:

ORIGINAL: Devilslilsister
Telling myself "you are being completely ridiculous, irrational and you really want this" is not working against the 5 year old who seems to be planted inside of my head. No matter what i've said to myself i still feel and hear "but i dont want tooooooooo". Whats even more irrational, is i shouldnt have a tantrum ruling over a 27 year old woman. Now thats as irrational as it gets.

It is characteristic of natural slaves - in contrast to submissives.

< Message edited by Rule -- 1/11/2007 8:46:13 AM >

(in reply to Devilslilsister)

Post #: 32

RE: Why's it so Hard? - 1/11/2007 11:30:35 AM

onestandingstill

Posts: 1335
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Devilslilsister

Hiya One! Awwwwwwww tons of hugs, kisses and love for you too - ) ::smiles:: I agree, 3 cheers for him in making sure i'm doing what i need to do. <grins> Classes JUST started so i haven't any crazy reading to do yet and there all online classes this semester.... <wicked giggle> So i doubt i'll do any reading other then to pass a test. Did i ever mention i got an A in Spanish class and i only cracked open the book twice? Once before the mid term and once for the final. Online classes.......... eassssssssy street. I also enjoy cleaning and working out = ( And if i get into do doing the laundry i enjoy it as well and i'm usually disappointed when its all done. I enjoy the whole organizational thing.. I also enjoy weeding and mowing the grass and cleaning out cars.

But you are right, i ALWAYS feel better in the end when i obeyed. Its what really got me when i was newer. I fought obeying and when i didnt i always felt worse, yet when i did i always felt better.. yet i was sill fighting it. Strange.... i think he understands this issue, which is why he's understanding about it. He probably has alot better idea of why i feel like this then i do. Though i doubt he'll tell me. hahahhahaha

it must be rebellion, stubborness and pride. Thank you all

Hey lilsis,
Hugs and kisses and (since you're pregnant) foot rubs and back rubs back. LOL and you thought hugs and kisses were good....
When I was prego I'd have given my finger for a back and foot massage.
Congratulations for the A in Spanish, even if you lucked into it instead of doing the work. LOL Does your Master know you slid under the radar ??
Over all just remember you'll not be pregnant for ever, you'll get use to your new sleep pattern, and (from all the things you've said here and to me in messages) remember you have an AWESOME PATIENT AND LOVING MASTER to help you along my dear.
Oh Yeah ,and me if you ever need to talk.
Love Ya Missy,
suzanne
FFL

(in reply to Devilslilsister)

Post #: 33

RE: Why's it so Hard? - 1/11/2007 1:27:02 PM

casaluna

Posts: 6
Joined: 9/5/2006
Status: offline

In your initial post you used the word 'rational', or some variation thereof, 15 times when referring to your rebellious attitude. Do you think people are rational? That's not been my experience.

I have a playmate who occasional ties herself to the bedpost to help her to relax. Perhaps this would work for you.

Finally, thanks for the thread. I believe someone I know requires an enforced bed time and it's helpful to have a bit of insight into possible problems.

K -

(in reply to onestandingstill)

Post #: 34

RE: Why's it so Hard? - 1/11/2007 3:27:26 PM

Padriag

Posts: 2633
Joined: 3/30/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Devilslilsister

LOL Padriag!

$200 ????? <wicked grin> Is that all you're worth?? Or is that 200 per session as we've talked about 3 times in this thread? You know...... i've a golden retriever and she's worth about 800 (or was), do you take dogs as payment? Of course she's got a bad case of mutant fleas (that NOTHING kills).. but we could knock it down to 600 and then we'd be even!

Thank you for the advice = ) I'm going to copy and paste your words to my MS Works - to save for when ever i get it springing up at me. Well all of it except for the fee. lol

Well usually its 200 / hr but given a handful of posts that only took me about 30 min... LOL Funny thing about psychology, they spend 8 years of college teaching you to mostly just shut up and listen.

Hmmm... dogs, had an ex gf give me a dog once, was the only good thing I got out of that relationship!

I'm glad what I said helped. Most of the time we aren't as complicated as we think. But then we get to overthinking things and make things much more complicated than they were. The trick to it is to break things down, keep them simple and look for where things started. You almost answered your own question from the beginning and soon as you talked about rebelling when you were 15 you were nearly there. All I did was prompt you a little and you did the rest. Try to remember that next time you need to figure out why you are doing something. Many things about ourselves often have motivations that really are that simple. But most people can't believe its that simple, and they start looking for something more complicated because oddly, that would be easier to believe if it were more complicated.

I'll give you a couple of personal examples about myself to show you how simple things, especially at an early age, can shape our preferences later in life.

I very much prefer brunettes, especially with long hair. Why? Simple, when I was 3 my parents spent a month in Hawai'i while my father was on leave (military). We had a room near the beach and I went out to play every day. I found a playmate too, a cute little Hawai'ian girl with long dark brown hair. I've had a thing for women with long dark brown hair ever since.

I love castles, they fascinate me and I'd love to live in one. Why? When I was very young my father was stationed in Heidelberg where I was born. Very often my mother would put me in the stroller and go for walks around Heidelberg castle, sometimes several times a week. And what do you know... I've had a love affair with castles ever since.

Simple stuff really, but these are the things that shape us to be who we are. To like one thing and not another. B F Skinner wrote extensively on the topic and he can be very interesting to read for that reason. Particularly "Science and Human Behavior" and "Beyond Freedom and Dignity" if you've a mind for it.

_____________________________

Padriag

A stern discipline pervades all nature, which is a little cruel so that it may be very kind - Edmund Spencer

(in reply to Devilslilsister)

Post #: 35

RE: Why's it so Hard? - 1/11/2007 3:40:22 PM

MistressDiane

Posts: 334
Joined: 2/5/2004
Status: offline

SirDominic,
I'm wondering now......My handwriting slants waayyy to the left though I am right handed....what's that mean?? They always tried to correct it in school as a youngster to no avail.
And in line with this thread, I'm premenapausal so not being able to sleep has become very much the norm for me. I don't live what you'd call a stressful life, I eat pretty balanced and a couple of times a day I get a good workout whether I want it not tending to the horses. The rest of my day is always busy with doing this and doing that so it's not like I'm seditary. By all rights by the time I lay down I should be out like a light and enjoying a long deep restful sleep. It don't happen, even with sleep aids.

_____________________________

Ms. Diane
"..and they who danced were thought insane by those who refused to hear the music." ~Monet

*Suffer BayBeee!!!!!*

"My treasures do not sparkle or glitter, they shine in the sun and neigh in the night."

(in reply to SirDominic)

Post #: 36

RE: Why's it so Hard? - 1/11/2007 3:45:59 PM

Devilslilsister

Posts: 1262
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline

quote:

Perhaps you are fighting it? Afraid of the dark?

Damn right i am! Have you any clue what wanders this earth? Oh good lord. Ghosts, poltergeist, bad spirits, good, demons, and god knows what else. Recently i despise goin into my bathroom at night. There is this shadow that is in the corner of the shower and i swear to god it moves. Master suggested i keep the light on in the fish tank at night, so i am and the problem is solved. Aaaaaaaah! Granted there is nothing there in the dark that isnt in there in the light, but they all come out at night.

quote:

Perhaps you were naughty? In any case a slave must be maintained in a top condition and must inform her master when anything threatens her health or well-being.

Perhaps at the time i didnt give a rats bottom. <grins> Master knew, which is why he probably back off on me.

quote:

You may benefit from consulting the website I refer to in my profile

.

I'll look it up thanks

quote:

When I was prego I'd have given my finger for a back and foot massage.

oh heck yes, i would too!! Currently i have this wicked plan with my little one that if she gives me 10 minutes of a back rub, i'll give her 10 minutes. It also happens to put her to sleep at night = ) hehehehehehehe.... xoxoxo's

quote:

In your initial post you used the word 'rational', or some variation thereof, 15 times when referring to your rebellious attitude. Do you think people are rational?

Em, no? But i like to have a good rational explanation for why i am doing something so i can get to the root of my behavior and then change it. I like to analyze and its abit impossible to do that if something is irrational.

quote:

I have a playmate who occasional ties herself to the bedpost to help her to relax. Perhaps this would work for you.

mmmm, cant. i've little people that just appear out of no where and that know she is always welcome. Plus it might just create more of a resistance in me. I will say that back in the day it used to be lovely falling alseep like that.

thank you all again for replying = ) but if you keep doing it my bill is going to sky rocket. lololol

_____________________________

My ability to cope with BS is at an all time low - me

i may look like i'm doing nothing, but i'm very busy at a cellular level

(in reply to Rule)

Post #: 37

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