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24/7 lifestyle - 1/7/2007 11:12:53 PM   
deeddlit


Posts: 484
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		I am new to the BDSM realm and this site, but the more and more reading I do I find that I am increasingly attracted to the idea of nurturing and being served by my own 24/7 slave.

I am curiouse if this is at all possible as I am a mother of 4.  I am also married, bi and poly...this question does not come up when considering my marriage as my husband has been nothing but supportive in my new found discovery and has absolutely no issues surrounding these needs/desires.  However...it raises some very serious questions for me as a mother.  Is it possible to have this dream come true in a home where I am responsible for helping to facilitate in the making of happy, emationally as well as physically healthy and well adjusted human beings??

I do subscribe to the belief that children learn form our ques.  I do think that if I live my life the way that feels right and natural for me and give my children no reason to think that it is wrong then most likely they will find nothing wrong with it.  Yet, this does seem to be a sticky subject for me.  Does anyone here already live such a lifestyle??  What are some of the more common hurdles you have run into??  With all the other things that come along with growing up, is this VERY NOT socially normal lifestyle too much to put on any child??

Thanks for any and all help regaurding this!!

Take care and Be Cause!!


_____________________________

"Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one."
Albert Einstein
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RE: 24/7 lifestyle - 1/7/2007 11:29:35 PM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline 		I'm not sure your post will be allowed to remain with your conversing so frankly about your little ones.   The current political climate means all websites have to be careful about words that may be searched and used against it.

I'm glad you brought up the subject of poly/slavery etc...   I have no answers as to what the right thing would be...  For myself, when I've considered (mentally only) perhaps engaging in a relationship with more than one man, it has only been a fleeting one, because the only way it could happen would be with me and slave (or primary relationship) living in one home, and a third person having his own home where primary, myself and 3rd would get together for short periods of time.  My intent with my little one is to expose him to mainstream "normal" behavior, so that no extremes of anything will ever be exhibited in lil one's presence.   M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to deeddlit)
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RE: 24/7 lifestyle - 1/7/2007 11:44:38 PM   
MissBallbuster


Posts: 6
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		I am facing similar concerns in my household. I am in a poly relationship and seeking a house slave. My boyfriend doesn't live with my huband and I since he is also married and our house isn't that big!  however now since thinking about a house slave I'm a little concerned. I agree that little ppl are incredibly understanding and as long as there is a flow of communication all you can do is hope for the best. Is a child living in a single parent household more acceptable than a  tri-parent household? What is healthier for the child if you exclude social stigmas and "norms"? 

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)
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RE: 24/7 lifestyle - 1/8/2007 1:06:49 AM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline 		I'm certainly not stating that a single parent household is healthier than a tri or whatever number you wish...  I've certainly never seen research regarding which would be best given decent circumstances in both situations.   But, I'm not trying to reinvent the wheel given the number of hurdles we face everyday in fitting in, surviving, and trying to live as well as possible.   I know that for myself, I cannot afford to do the multi partner household in presence of my little one.  
I hope your plans work out for you and yours though,  M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to MissBallbuster)
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RE: 24/7 lifestyle - 1/8/2007 3:39:47 AM   
ShiftedJewel


Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline 		I've never hidden wiitid from my nestlings, they were raised around it and see it as normal for us. They are all grown now and have families of their own. I don't see it as much different then raising nestlings in a gay or lesbian home. So long as there is love and communication I really don't see the problem. When you consider how badly some families suffer from a lack of communication then it has to be a welcome change, don't you think?
 
Just as an example... I had a friend that was a lesbian but tried very hard to hide that from her son. She succeeded in that until he was around 16. When he found out that he had pretty much lived a lie he went ballistic. He was arrested several times for gay bashing and other violent crimes. Short people are just as deserving of the truth, if not more so, then adults. If you hide what you do from them it will only be temporary (unless you are raising people that can be hit with a brick and not notice) and when they find out that they've been lied to all along... not a pretty sight.
 
Just my opinion... but honesty and communication on a full time basis seems to work.
 
Jewel

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Don't ask, trust me, you won't like the answer... no one ever does.

(in reply to BlkTallFullfig)
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RE: 24/7 lifestyle - 1/8/2007 4:53:19 AM   
cloudboy


Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
Status: offline 		The question you need to ask is, "what's in it for the 'slave.'"

If you can't meet someone else's needs, he won't meet yours.

You may also find it difficult, if not impossible to be a focused dominant if your attention is so divided between your vanilla family and its needs and your D/S partner or "slave."

There is a great difference between what sounds "good," "sexy," "cool," "what I would want," and alas what is in fact sutainable and rewarding day-to-day.

For instance, one element of Poly situations is competition: competing for time, competing for love, competing for attention. Maybe "competiton" isn't the exact word, but nonetheless you have to fairly and considerately allocate your time among more than one person seeking an intimate connection. This is not a smooth and easy endeavor ---- and if you have the wrong people tied together --- it won't work.

The first thing I see about your own situation as you describe it is this: will you have the time? Simple as it may seem, if you don't have the time you won't really be able to take on the responsibility of a slave, at least not on any long term, fulfilling basis.

< Message edited by cloudboy -- 1/8/2007 4:55:10 AM >

(in reply to deeddlit)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: 24/7 lifestyle - 1/8/2007 4:59:36 AM   
onestandingstill


Posts: 1335
Joined: 8/3/2006
Status: offline



There are many family structures in today's world that differ from the norm.
Little ones are very adaptable creatures.
If your relationships are mentally stable and healthy the idea of a poly home in my mind is not that damaging.
In my 1st BDSM relationship Sir had a 10 &12yr old.
Even their 7th Day adventist friend was allowed to come visit and sleep over though his parents knew Sir slept with us both in the same bed 4-5 nights a week.
His family was a very conservative military family.
He took us both to all the Holiday and family get togethers.

Most people ask questions at first, then it's no big deal.
Kids adapt to things.
How you present it, and live with it will decide how well they'll do with things.
If you'd like a more detailed idea of how it worked for us message me privately.
suzanne



(in reply to deeddlit)
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RE: 24/7 lifestyle - 1/8/2007 12:14:22 PM   
shamedmale


Posts: 135
Joined: 5/15/2006
Status: offline 		go for it girl

(in reply to deeddlit)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: 24/7 lifestyle - 1/8/2007 1:07:53 PM   
LadyIce


Posts: 406
Joined: 7/4/2006
Status: offline 		Your first priority should be your children, if you can make it work and keep your family
intact and happy, go for it.

(in reply to deeddlit)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: 24/7 lifestyle - 1/8/2007 1:20:18 PM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline
quote:

Just as an example... I had a friend that was a lesbian but tried very hard to hide that from her son. She succeeded in that until he was around 16. When he found out that he had pretty much lived a lie he went ballistic. He was arrested several times for gay bashing and other violent crimes. Short people are just as deserving of the truth, if not more so, then adults.
I'm wondering how she hid that for 16years, and how she raised a child who hates gays?    I'm not gay, but would never permit my lil one to speak ill of gay people or treat them as less deserving of human rights.   My lil one asks me now if I'm going on a date (though I don't bring dates home to meet him), and asks me if someone who gave me a christmas present loves me, and whether I'll be marrying him.

In my situation, I won't hide the fact that one of us leads in the household, and that men should treat women with respect and care, but adding a second man to my household would look peculiar to him, be strange to the general population with whom he'd have to interact, be difficult for my family with whom I'm very close, and be potentially problematic for custody purposes.   So for those reasons, it isn't a chance I'm willing to take at this point as I see it as unnecessary in my case.    M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to ShiftedJewel)
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RE: 24/7 lifestyle - 1/8/2007 4:33:55 PM   
ShiftedJewel


Posts: 2492
Joined: 12/2/2004
Status: offline 		She didn't raise him to hate gays, she tried to raise him with an open mind... but that kind of goes out the window when he found out that his "Aunt" isn't really his Aunt and the woman he called Grandma all his life was really an ex-lover that parted ways as a friend. His anger just came out towards gays for the most part, but didn't end there. He didn't hate any group in particular.. he hated that his mom had lied to and deceived him all his life... he was a very angry young man and that's how he dealt with it.
 
Jewel

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Don't ask, trust me, you won't like the answer... no one ever does.

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RE: 24/7 lifestyle - 1/8/2007 4:43:22 PM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		I think if you are going to bring in someone there wil be questions from your kids depending on their age. You can be proactive in this by introducing the others to the kids before they move into your home (if you want that).

But you also have to ask what you mean by 24/7. If you want lots of fetish wear or high protocol, probably not a good thing to foist onto the kids especially if the adults do not currently dress that way and if formality isn't a big deal in your house. There are very formal households so some high protocols might work in those environments but I think the clothes wouldn't.

However, how many of us actually live high protocol in fetish or sexy clothes 24/7? I don't, I don't personally know anyone else in a M/s relationship who does, I don't personally know anyone in a 24/7 D/s relationship who does. I know a lot of people in both categories who have the authority and power exchange but otherwise might seem very vanilla and mundane to the uninformed.

What ever you decide to do, I'd take things much more slowly if I had dependents I needed to also be taking care. Even if you think you'll be served, adding a slave still adds works and another person to schedule to your life, especially in the first year before you know each very well and have things worked out to flow smoothly.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to deeddlit)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: 24/7 lifestyle - 1/9/2007 8:59:03 AM   
deeddlit


Posts: 484
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline 		All good points and great advice.  As for another in the household, this would not seem wierd.  My husband and I have been poly since we got together and when we finally have gotten to know someone well enough and work out the dinamics of that particular relationship then our family just seems to have no problem letting them fit in where it feels most natural. 

I am bisexual and have had very close gay friends in the past, so my stance on human rights tends to be very much NOT hidden.  While we would never have sex in front of our kittens...I most certainly feel it is not only acceptable but amost pertanent to a kittens socialogical development that affection is NOT hidden.  Whether it may be between my husband and I or a couple on the street...gay, straight or who the hell cares.

Our kittens already know that relationships come in all kinds of different packages and what may work over here for this couple or grp...is not necessarily what is going to work for them.  They recognize that some relationships don't seem to fit the "norm"...what they see on tv/movies etc...but other than to point it out, it does not seem to be an issue for them.  We also don't gender identify in our household so that may have a lot to do with why they seem to be able to grasp their own feelings already...who knows.  I am sure if I ask 10 different phsychiatrists I would get 10 different answers.

Take care folks and Be Cause!!


_____________________________

"Reality is merely an illusion, albeit a very persistent one."
Albert Einstein

(in reply to thetammyjo)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: 24/7 lifestyle - 1/10/2007 10:39:59 AM   
subsidize


Posts: 85
Joined: 1/2/2007
Status: offline 		a lot of people will claim 24/7 relationships when in fact it is just a myth. think about it, when we all have jobs and families it is pretty hard to be 24/7 anything...

(in reply to deeddlit)
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RE: 24/7 lifestyle - 1/10/2007 4:10:27 PM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: subsidize

a lot of people will claim 24/7 relationships when in fact it is just a myth. think about it, when we all have jobs and families it is pretty hard to be 24/7 anything...


I think we have to be realistic.

I'm a wife 24/7.

I'm a daughter 24/7.

I'm a slave owner 24/7.

I'm an ancient historian 24/7.

I'm a woman 24/7.

I'm white 24/7.

I'm an American 24.7.

They are part of my identity they do not mean I am actively doings things in those identities every second of the day.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to subsidize)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: 24/7 lifestyle - 1/17/2007 8:11:15 AM   
subsidize


Posts: 85
Joined: 1/2/2007
Status: offline 		and your point is?

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Profile   Post #: 16
RE: 24/7 lifestyle - 1/17/2007 8:22:33 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: subsidize

and your point is?


The point is that being in Ds 24/7 is really no different than any other identity.

The fantasy of always in rubber, or always in a cage, or always being bossed around is a fantasy.

If one has realistic expectations and is willing to to do the work of maintaining the authority structure, 24/7 Ds is very possible.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to subsidize)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: 24/7 lifestyle - 1/17/2007 9:12:38 AM   
PsyVamp


Posts: 1026
Joined: 10/30/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: subsidize

and your point is?


Your profile says that you would be a good student for the right person..how can you prove that by attacking somebody who has so much experience?

Just a question, as I am trying to understand your response-- are you really responding or trying to ditch the cone?


_____________________________

Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive. .
Could a blue screen of death constitute being defenestrated?
~Owner of wolf~ (one of them, anyway)

(in reply to subsidize)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: 24/7 lifestyle - 1/17/2007 8:07:52 PM   
Monts


Posts: 24
Joined: 5/17/2004
Status: offline 		My children have grown up around my D/s relationships. For many years I had a boi and my girl live with me.  While these women were in service to me, they were also very respectable parts of the entire family unit.  They helped care for the children and raise them. To this day my children have strong bonds with these women.  My kids never questioned why my boi never sat on the furniture, or why I never emptied my own ashtray.  It was because what they saw was a loving family unit.  People that cared for each other.  We didnt fight, play, or talk inappropriately around them.  There should definitely be limits to what you expose your children to, but as for having people in your household, if its a positive dynamic kids will only thrive on that. 

Good luck!
Monts

(in reply to PsyVamp)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: 24/7 lifestyle - 3/19/2014 10:36:30 AM   
Stallion077


Posts: 1
Joined: 12/4/2004
Status: offline 		Now that's its sometime since ypir this post may I know how your children doing? Did they grow up with regular interests or twisted interest?

(in reply to Monts)
Profile   Post #: 20
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