Master says you are smothering Him

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notsurebutsweet -> Master says you are smothering Him (1/9/2007 6:15:21 AM)
what do you do when Master says that you are smothering Him? me and Master were talking everday online then went to the phone. yesterday when i called to see if He was ok after His denisit appointment, He yelled at me telling me that i was smothering Him and He needed alone time. i was concerned about him is that wrong? how do you go from talking almost every day to sitting by the phone waiting for Him to call you?

ardelle -> RE: Master says you are smothering Him (1/9/2007 6:18:03 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: notsurebutsweet what do you do when Master says that you are smothering Him? me and Master were talking everday online then went to the phone. yesterday when i called to see if He was ok after His denisit appointment, He yelled at me telling me that i was smothering Him and He needed alone time. i was concerned about him is that wrong? how do you go from talking almost every day to sitting by the phone waiting for Him to call you? Greetings you just do often it is hard when the time spent with another is suddenly cut shorter than what one is used to. All you can do is allow him the time he wishes for; and be happy for the time that he does allow to you. i wish you well ardelle

sweetnurseBBW -> RE: Master says you are smothering Him (1/9/2007 6:36:24 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: notsurebutsweet what do you do when Master says that you are smothering Him? me and Master were talking everday online then went to the phone. yesterday when i called to see if He was ok after His denisit appointment, He yelled at me telling me that i was smothering Him and He needed alone time. i was concerned about him is that wrong? how do you go from talking almost every day to sitting by the phone waiting for Him to call you? Yes it can be very hard. Just occupy yourself with other things to do. Don't sit by the phone, get out and do something. It will get easier each day. I am sure he appreciated your concern but just needs time alone sometimes.

justheather -> RE: Master says you are smothering Him (1/9/2007 7:03:39 AM)
You don't sit by the phone waiting for him to call. You could blog about your feelings, about your relationship and submission...or focus on doing things that he would find pleasing if you were together. That way, you are not only finding ways to manage your own emotions but you are committing indirect acts of service for him. It's difficult when things are new and you arent totally secure yet...you may want more frequent validation from him than he is able to offer...or frankly, than is good for you. It's a good exercise to have some time when you have to provide your own validation because he can't fill every need... And a strong, self-sufficient, emotionally well submissive is incredibly attractive! There is also the possibility that he is going through a stage where he is feeling overwhelmed by his own feelings and needs time to process them alone. I don't think it was appropriate for him to "yell at" you, and maybe when you are talking again, at an appropriate time, in a loving and respectful manner, you can explain to him how you felt when he yelled at you for doing something that seemed like the normal thing to do for you, and in the future if he could be sensitive regarding the way he communicates it would mean a lot to you. But for your own sanity...try to consider giving him time and space a gift or an act of submission. I feel for you!

LeatherBentOne -> RE: Master says you are smothering Him (1/9/2007 7:20:32 AM)
Ask him for some perimeters regarding you initiating contact with him, which in my opinion would have been best if he set them from the beginning. No wonder you're confused by his inconsistency. Find out under what circumstances, how often and the duration of your contacts that will be permitted. When you find out, follow his guidelines. Then, if he still feels "smothered," he can modify them, accordingly. Again, follow his guidelines and ask for clarification, as needed. Be careful not to manipulate his time addressing your questions for the sake of getting his attention. More than likely, an experienced Dominant will catch onto these tactics in a very timely manner. Remember, patience is a good quality so try to control your impulse to contact him when inappropriate. Also, sort out why you have the need for this amount of attention. Separated your emotional needs to be a well-balanced and healthy individual from your wants that may tend to make you seem too attention-seeking, pushy or eager. He may prefer to always make the first move, much like myself. Much easier said than done, though and it takes time to distinguish bewteen the two, meaning needs vs. wants. Your needs should be met but your wants depend upon whether or not he chooses to meet them, when, where and how. I look back with a smirk on my face when my relationship with my sub was a fledgling. She was not allowed to contact me directly, unless in case of a "true" emergency. Now, we live under the same roof. Patience was the first quality I worked on with her, and Ive had the joy in watching her grow and flourish as a submissive. But, I am of the firm belief that our journey is a process ~ both of us will learn, grow and change. Without change, we remain stagnant and both of us have the responsibility to work toward a positive outcome at every turn of our relationship. Good luck and enjoy your journey, LBO

amuzingtoyou -> RE: Master says you are smothering Him (1/9/2007 7:43:23 AM)
notsure, I wouldn't take the entire blame for this. A dominant sets the enviornment. The expectation has been that you talk everyday..probably several times a day. So for him to say that you are all of a sudden smothering him, seems to me that there is something else going on. Someone doesn't go from wanting to talk to you everyday to all of a sudden needing time alone. So in my opinion, if he needed time away for whatever reason, he didn't handle it very well. Yelling at you and blaming you for his not setting the enviornment to his own liking...doesn't seem very fair to me. My Master and i are very entwined in each others lives. But there are times he needs time alone. I have grown to understand this. Its not always easy, but he tries to let me know...its not me, that he just needs some time alone. So thats the time i go get other things done. There are also times that i need some time alone as well. And he will ask me...do you need to go get a movie..or read a book? Because it is important to have time apart. So my suggestion would be to talk to him about what his expectations are regarding contact. How often how much. If he is just giving you the cold shoulder i would perhaps think that there is something else going on. Good luck. missi.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Master says you are smothering Him (1/9/2007 8:17:57 AM)
What you need to do is sit down and have a few long talks about this- expectations, reactions, behaviors. If he wants you to behave differently, he needs to take responsibility for that and help you through it. An emotional outburst like that just throws things into confusion. It might be you're too clingy and draining him, or it might be he's tired of the relationship and can't just openly state it. Who knows. But the thing to do is talk about it maturely and openly to make sure everyone is on the same page and fulfilled.

MasterFireMaam -> RE: Master says you are smothering Him (1/9/2007 8:35:30 AM)
Some men need "cave time". I suggest reading, as cliche as it is, "Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus". Also, if you're calling 15 times a day, it might be too much...and he's waited to say something until it's REALLY begun to bother him. Master Fire

onestandingstill -> RE: Master says you are smothering Him (1/9/2007 9:03:44 AM)
I too am in a new relationship. My Sir started calling me in the morning when he got up, calling once or twice at work, and calling at 5PM every day when I was off the clock to set plans for the evening. I indeed told him if he set this pattern then didn't call I'd have huge concerns something was wrong. I also told him I thought he was spoiling me with so much phone attention. I expressed I'm not so needy I need him to check in 4-5 times a day, nor did he have to interrupt his work day to call if it was inconvenient to him. It's been three months we've been together now and I too notice he calls less and less. Sometimes I sit and indeed think where is he, what's happening, why isn't he calling like he use to?. In the end I chalk it up to needing to touch base way more often in the early beginning stages of a relationship. Once the relationship is more established the desire to talk on the phone constantly does wane from my experiences in dating over all. I wouldn't worry over it too much or try to read anything into it. From my path I usually as a general rule will not call any Dom unless I'm specifically asked to or unless I'm returning their calls. I think as a sub when a Dom wants to speak to me they will. If I call it may not be a time they want to have to talk to me right then. I do not want ot be percieved as an inconvenience This way not only do I see how much this other wants to interact, but that it leaves them only talking to me when they are in the mood to do so. Even in my vanilla relationships it was rare I'd take the incentive to call a man I was dating. It would indeed leave me pacing the floor with worry if I expect my Sir to call around a certain time or be over to see me at a certain time and that does not transpire. Even then when he does call or show up I would not fuss at him, but I would in a repsectful way remind him he caused me concern. Not only that, but I'd be wondering why someone would give their word and not call me if they couldn't arrive as discussed. Being a Dom does not give them the right to break their word, if anything it should make them try harder to keep it. Like the others mention, put the ball back in his court and that way he can't snap at you for checking on him to be sure he's OK or say you're smothering him. If you let him discuss the new parameters he'd like you to follow regarding you calling vs him calling it makes you not responsible for any of it. Then if he does not like the way things are going there's no reasonable story of you're too clingy in the instance of phone calls to contend with any longer. Then it will be his disappointment or issues in his own self he'll be showing you and not some lame attack with an excuse. Over all I'd not worry too much about the volume of calls dropping, but I would be concerned he snapped at you for checking on him after a procedure. suzanne

notsurebutsweet -> RE: Master says you are smothering Him (1/9/2007 9:09:34 AM)
i really do thank A/all for Y/your advice and i will not call Him at all. when we did talk i would call once a day and He would either answer the phone or return my call when He had the time to.

desertdancer -> RE: Master says you are smothering Him (1/9/2007 9:17:43 AM)
Maybe your calling him needs to be made into a rule by him, meaning that he tells you when you are to call, beyond that, you do not call without his express permission. This sets up more contol for him and a change for you to obey one of his rules. I'm sure it hurt yoru feelings and maybe put you off side, he probably has many reasons for needing "cave time"..could be he had a bad trip to the dentist and was crankies... I suggest you politely tell him how it made you feel, tell him that your open to having bounderies but that it hurts your feeling when your put off out of the blue. Hopefully he'll be understanding of that and respectful of your feelings too. ~dancer

kittensmailbox -> RE: Master says you are smothering Him (1/9/2007 9:24:01 AM)
One, don't sit by the phone, makes you look WAY to needy... TRUST ME.. i missed out on so much by sitting by the phone just waiting.... Men are all the same, the less attention that you give them, they more they want... Let him wonder what you are wondering once in awhile...

notsurebutsweet -> RE: Master says you are smothering Him (1/9/2007 9:33:46 AM)
you know kitten i have forgotten about that. thanks for reminding me. it use to drive an ex of mine nuts if he didn't hear from me for a few days.

kittensmailbox -> RE: Master says you are smothering Him (1/9/2007 9:35:35 AM)
~softly smiles~... you are most welcome...

toservez -> RE: Master says you are smothering Him (1/9/2007 9:45:32 AM)
I will agree with most here. Both of you need to communicate your thoughts, habits and needs in communication. This is very much a compatibility factor that can be overcame but needs to be addressed. Some people like talking hours on the phone. Some hate it. Some like to call frequently with a recap of their day to day actions. Some prefer one call a day. Some find lengthy telephone calls tiring. Some people could care less about knowing of an obvious outcome to something. Also life factors and stages of the relationship play a part. Is the person having a hectic day and does not have time to have wonderful phone conversation. Has the relationship reached to comfortable point and also run out of the really want to talk about this or that stage. Everyone is different and can change depending on their schedule and mood. Expectations and needs have to be communicated. My Master will often send me an Email telling me he does not have it in him for a lengthy talk that day so I do not expect a phone call. He knows also I do not like talking a bunch of times a day just to hear our mundane life and work habits and issues. As far as waiting around, like others have said why wait. Plenty of other things to do and also it sounds very very early in the stage of courtship to be in that frame of mind. It always raises a tiny red flag to hear someone who bases the health of their relationship on the amount and length of phone calls.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Master says you are smothering Him (1/9/2007 9:48:09 AM)
Well, every relationship finds its own balance as well. I came home last night, and spent just about every moment from 6-1 am next to him except for about an hour break to shower and do errands, slept next to him, kissed him goodbye. Since then we've exchanged 3 emails, made plans to have lunch together (a rare special treat), usually talk to him 2 times on the phone during the day, will see him when I get home again and it starts all over. It's only an issue when one of us has an unexpectedly busy day and we can't keep in touch as often- but we know that life is life and those unexpected days are to be expected and we deal with it. But this is our balance, we built up to it and found a level that worked for us. If one of us felt crowded, we talked about it. If one of us felt left out, we talked about it. No one's desires or expectations are unreasonable or off the wall (one would hope), and a relationship needs to work on everyone's level.

Mercnbeth -> RE: Master says you are smothering Him (1/9/2007 9:54:27 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: notsurebutsweet ...what do you do when Master says that you are smothering Him?... if your relationship is such that pleasing Him is important, this slave would suggest you stop smothering Him. ask Him for specifics if you are unsure as to what to expect and how you are expected to behave. quote: .... Men are all the same, the less attention that you give them, they more they want...orig:kittensmailbox replace the word "Men" in the above sentence with woman, Dom, sub, slave, human beings, etc. and it is just as false a generalization than it is with the word "Men" in it. it has been this slave's experience that SOME people thrive on attention...SOME people don't. edited to add disclaimer[:)]

kittensmailbox -> RE: Master says you are smothering Him (1/9/2007 10:04:52 AM)
Ok never mind.... everyone has the right to believe as they wish.....

LaMspeach -> RE: Master says you are smothering Him (1/9/2007 10:12:06 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: notsurebutsweet i called to see if He was ok after His denisit appointment, He yelled at me telling me that i was smothering Him and He needed alone time. It could be as simple as ... Maybe he was in pain from being at the dentist and just didnt feel like talking. The dentist always put me in a pissed off mood. He could have worded it differently but you just hit him at the wrong moment.

FelinePersuasion -> RE: Master says you are smothering Him (1/9/2007 11:43:55 AM)
James used to call at 9 am to wake me at 1 and then at 9 pm, but with his working now I only get a 9 and then an evening whenever he gets home, We had a rule 2 calls a day, from me to him, but that was because he didn't want me incuring longdistance charges. It's something we set. I think if her master started things with an air of contactme lots when ever, then it was unfair of him to say she is smotheringh im. I agree with not waiting. Do something fun or something that needed to be done. not only will it make the time go faster for the call to come, you won't be brooding.

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