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The life of a Domina - 2/25/2005 8:55:17 PM

subtexxxt

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Joined: 12/8/2004
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i was talking to a friend of mine that is a professional Domina and She told me that "The life of a Domina is a lonely one" but didn't elaborate.

Since from my position i cannot begin to understand the mind of a Domina i'd like to ask the wisdom of the Domina's here for their opinion on Her statement and if they agree.

Respectfully,

subtexxxt

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RE: The life of a Domina - 2/25/2005 10:03:28 PM

GoddessDustyGold

Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
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I am a FemDom and a P/T Pro Domina. I know there are those who are Pro Dominas, who are not true Dominants. They do this for a living. Perhaps your friend is not a true Dominant, and has built so much of her life around something with which she is not very comfortable, she struggles to find happiness with the bit of time leftover.
I try My best to never "assume", but, in general, all the Dominant Ladies I know are very social, outgoing, gregarious, and certainly not lonely. I believe that We always know who We are, and accept Our position, even throughout the necessary vanilla areas of Our lives.
There are times I might wish to be alone, but that does not make Me lonely. I am very comfortable in my skin, and know who I am.
JMO...No, having the "life of a Domina" does not make one lonely".

_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom

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RE: The life of a Domina - 2/26/2005 2:26:34 AM

GentleLady

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Joined: 2/1/2005
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I certainly do not find life as a Dominant lonely and have made many close Friends since I entered the Lifestyle. I am not a ProDomme but one or two of My Friends are and Their lives are also full. If I sat home and did not go to clubs and parties then I would not have met as many people as I have and would be lonely however.

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RE: The life of a Domina - 2/26/2005 7:33:33 AM

EmeraldSlave2

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Life is life. We're all lonely sometimes. There's no reason one persons life would be any more lonely than another. You can be lonely even when you're surrounded by people and very content if you're all alone.

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RE: The life of a Domina - 2/26/2005 6:40:08 PM

BeachMystress

Posts: 2156
Joined: 4/3/2004
From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
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We are all lonely at times, but I'd not say the life of a Domme is a lonely one. Even as an introvert, I have my sub, we attend play parties and munches. I have friends in the scene and friends out of the scene. Granted I'm not pro, but the pros I know seem happy with their own subs and lives.

Does your friend have a flair for the melodramatic? Some people like to make themselves seem more mysterious or add a bit of tragedy to make themselves seem more interesting.

There is also the chance that she is one of those Domme who doesn't "play well with others." Not all Domme are able to get along with other Domme. They try bossing other Dominants around, constantly force themselves into being the center of attention or act like they are the font of all knowledge. They end up with no one willing to hang out with them. Some newer Domme take a while to figure out that Domme does not equal bitch. A few of them never figure it out. Being Dominant doesn't give someone free license to be what most people consider a jerk.

She may also just be one of those people who find it hard to connect to others. She spends her whole day on her customers, and goes home alone at night. Unless you ask HER why she said it, you'll not know.

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*Do not threaten the weak. Intimidate the strong. ~ Stevenson*
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RE: The life of a Domina - 2/27/2005 5:49:32 PM

UtahGoddess

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From: Utah
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I am going to answer your question from the position of a previous ProDomme.

It is difficult to find a compatible partner under the best of circumstances. It is especially difficult (IMO) for a ProDomme.

I loved being a ProDomme, but I had great difficulty and frustration finding a sub in my personal life. Though I had a great deal of contact with fantasy seekers, thrill seekers, fetishists and the like......few boys were interested in an actual relationship outside of play. Additionally, it takes a special kind of person to serve a ProDomme. It requires a lot of self confidence on the part of the sub, as the Domme is always interacting with others. The submissive has to be flexible in schedule and not be threatened by her profession.

Additionally.....there is prejudice in our community. ProDommes are labled as "not real", "pretenders", "extortionists", "prostitutes", etc etc etc. Some people have difficulty seeing beyond the Pro title to see the Domina underneath. It is one of the few professions that inspires judgements about one's personal life.

For this (and probably hundreds more) ProDommes have difficulty finding and sustaining personal relationships.

Ms Sandi

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RE: The life of a Domina - 2/27/2005 6:41:44 PM

Jasmyn

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Joined: 2/6/2004
From: New Zealand
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Ms Sandi, excellent post and I couldn't agree more. Being a single Woman, I faced similar problems and actually gave up professional domination for a year or so to deal with the loneliness of it all. It is hard to find a submissive who can handle your profession, let alone finding that one submissive you can fall in love with.

As for the community issue! Hmm don't get Me started. I was well known in our local scene and ran one of the first Munch groups operating in NZ. When I began professional services I was accused of having the group (after running it for two years) to find clients...18 months later when I had enough of group politics and the usual community dramas and decided to step down from running the group...it was suggested I was doing so because the group/s were competition to My pro-domming...regardless that less than 1% of clients seeking professional services attended any group function in the entire time I was part of one. The gossip surrounding My leaving just cemented to Me I was doing the right thing.

Jasmyn

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"To learn the art of submission a slave must first give up the desires that drew him to submission in the first place." Mistress Jasmyn Jan 2005.

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RE: The life of a Domina - 2/28/2005 9:56:57 AM

sinstress666

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Joined: 1/31/2005
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I have been a prodomme for 4 years. It is only over the passed year that I found a partner that I am compatable with. For the most part, being a Mistress does isolate you in a lot of ways. For me, the biggest way was in terms of a loving relationship. Most people I dated were first really into dating a Mistress. Thenm it quickly turned to insecurity and being uncomfortable. Then we both went our seperate ways.
Most Dommes that I know are single because they can not find a partner who is accepting of their lifestyle.

Miss Maya Sinstress

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The High Priestess of Pain.
Professional Dominatrix residing in Chicago & taking on the world.

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RE: The life of a Domina - 2/28/2005 4:09:18 PM

MistressZanthia

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Joined: 7/2/2004
From: Seattle, Washington, USA
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Loneliness is a state of mind. At least that's how it feels in my shoes. As a part time ProDomme and having 2 other jobs and a boy or two in my life on a regular basis, who has time to be lonely? I value my alone time as the gold it is, time for me to get things done for me.

No loneliness here, too many friends and too much life happening! Gotta love that, I know I do.

Sandi as usual, love you. And lucky me, I seem to have found that confident and wonderful boy too...

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~*Zan*~
www.zanthia.com

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RE: The life of a Domina - 2/28/2005 4:16:57 PM

LadyAngelika

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quote:

Loneliness is a state of mind. At least that's how it feels in my shoes. As a part time ProDomme and having 2 other jobs and a boy or two in my life on a regular basis, who has time to be lonely? I value my alone time as the gold it is, time for me to get things done for me.

I agree with you Zanthia. Loneliness *is* a state of mind.

As much as I spend a lot of time at school, at work and with friends, I do spend a lot of time alone and I'm rarely lonely. I think that's because I am comfortable with myself and my thoughts.

- LA

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