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Thank you for you help - 2/26/2005 12:00:49 AM

BlouLady

Posts: 170
Joined: 2/8/2005
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I have read your posts and feel you are right.You have all responded in kind.I am done writing for advise about these problems as all of your advise leds to the same thing. With that many different people teling me the same thing it must be true.Again that you for time and patience

< Message edited by BlouLady -- 2/26/2005 8:57:03 AM >

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RE: I don't know where else to go - 2/26/2005 5:36:33 AM

TallDarkAndWitty

Posts: 1893
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From: Rochester, NY
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Lady,

You and your husband need to seek professional guidance and therapy. There is a list of therapsits and councelors called the Kink Aware Professionals, find a licensed marriage therapist in your area and go have a session with them.

It sounds like you experienced what is known as "Sub Rage" and you both will need more help then you can get from a message board if you wish to work through it.

Taggard

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RE: I don't know where else to go - 2/26/2005 6:00:46 AM

Leonidas

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Hello Lady,

Yeah, have to agree with Taggard here (oh, the horror). What you experienced could be a number of things, caused by a number of things. I didn't know that someone slapped a distinct label on it, but it's more than you want to try to resolve on these message boards. While I, or anyone else here, might have seen something similar in the past, we weren't there, and with only your description to go on dishing out any kind of advice would be foolish.

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RE: Sub Rage - 2/26/2005 6:33:45 AM

mistoferin

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LOL.....I know that this may sound amazing but I have to agree with BOTH Leonidas and Taggard(never thought there would be a day the two of them were in agreement). This is not the medium that will help you and I believe that the two of you need to sit down with a professional. If you can not get his participation, it is still important for you to go on your own.

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RE: Sub Rage - 2/26/2005 7:27:11 AM

EmeraldSlave2

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I dont think this has much to do with being sub or bottoming except that it was a scene in which you finally snapped. He was only able to be intimate with you when the woman who is living with you (who you are very jealous and afraid of threatening your relationship) left.

You've got communication and fulfillment issues to work out, so get to it. Leave who's sub and who's dom at the door for awhile. Get therapy already. How many posts are we going to have to read of you saying "gosh I'm so miserable and confused and upset?" with responses piling up saying "Get help together"

I like to help, but my patience for people who won't accept it is thin (this is why I'm a top and not a dom lol). If you choose to stay in this situation without creating change, then you're telling me that this is how you really prefer it.

You said last week that you were a weak person, you said later that you talked some but were still worried. Now you've been slammed in the face with exactly how broken your relationship is right now.

How deep in the shithole do you need to get before you stop just hoping that things will get better?

< Message edited by EmeraldSlave2 -- 2/26/2005 7:30:59 AM >

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RE: Sub Rage - 2/26/2005 8:24:54 AM

topcat

Posts: 1675
Joined: 1/31/2004
From: Tidewater, VA
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dear Blou-

quote:

Does this mean there is something wrong with me? I'm a mess,please help

from this, and from your other posts I have followed, I'd have to answer, yes. I realise that this is a small window into your life, what you have posted here, but from what I am seeing, you are batshit crazy (really, I mean that kindly).

you seem to be in some sort of tizzy, wailing that your husband won't top you on demand, saying that he is great, seeing flirtaion between your husband and a house guest as a threat to your marriage, now he finally drops everything to give you what you wanted, and you blow up-

This is really, really, bad.

I don't think couples therapy is called for- but you should being seeking help- and of a higher caliber than your clergyman. your husband sounds like a guy who is trying to do the right thing, and eveything blows up in his face- so definatly don't expect him to step right up for your lastest idea of how to fix things- take responsibiltiy, and fix it yourself, and give him the time to learn to trust you again.

I was harsh here- I know- but you really need to step up if you want to make something right out of this mess.

Stay warm,
Lawrence

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RE: Sub Rage - 2/26/2005 8:33:08 AM

theroebabe

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I have to say i do not know you or your other posts.

However i have had for a long time a terrible temper. And sometimes nothing would set it off and i would be in a rage. I finally got professional help and realized there was something wrong. There is no shame in bettering yourself. And i think thats what you might want to do. Mine in mostly under control and i do think thats a good thing. Makes me feel better not to snap at people and lose my temper.

Take care of your issues then the two of you can work together at fixing what ails you both.

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RE: Sub Rage - 2/26/2005 8:48:26 AM

quietkitten

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From: Alberta, Canada
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Hi again BlouLady,

It is sounding to me like you have a lot of anger pent up inside you. Since I don't know you, and all I know of your situation is what you have shared here, I can only make one suggestion: Counselling.

I know that earlier I suggested couples counselling, but in light of what has happened I think you may have some things that you need to work out of your own system before you can tackle the issues in your relationship.

There are many great people to talk to, but I suggest you go the professional route and work through the things that are bothering you. There is nothing wrong with asking for help...
I wish you the best and hope you can get back to a happier place in your life.

with respect, Jenny

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RE: Sub Rage - 2/26/2005 9:37:58 AM

Jasmyn

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After following your postings the last few days I'd say you're reaction is completely normal...infact if I was you I'd be dancing naked under a full Moon wearing bells in My hair and flowers on My toes.

Ok, so maybe you're not quite up to dancing just yet...but seriously how long did you think you could keep up the charade of playing happy families before you snapped? And I'm not just meaning the hapless damsel skank on your couch issue either.

There are so many things going on in your relationship right now, things that have being brewing for awhile, the hdsoyc issue just happened to be the thing you needed to bring things to the fore. All your fears, insecurities, problems with not getting the domination you need, your partner's lack of attention, lack of focus in your scene tonight..and everything became glaringly obvious...you're a little girl lost and apparently no one cares...tonight your cried out 'care about ME/OUR RELATIONSHIP damnit!' ... its a little needy...however given the other things going on in your marriage somewhat understandable you're feeling so much in need of validation.

Then have a good long think about hubby and why it may be difficult for him to fullfill all of your needs. How much control do you need? If you were to think like a Dominant, what do you think would entail 'mastering' you? Looking at his personality, how he is, is he really capable of being all that for you? Are you putting to many expectations on him? Is having d/s part of your marriage just another strain/expectation being put on him? If it is, if that is how he sometimes feels about been a 'Master' to you, how would you feel if this made him feel like a failure that he cant live up to those expectations, and the more needy you get for it, the more its no longer fun for him.

Anyway food for thought.

Jasmyn

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RE: Sub Rage - 2/26/2005 11:47:23 AM

BlouLady

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Jasmyn,
Truer words never spoken. I have face alot of things last night including my own unrealistic demands.It's hard to admit when you're being insecure and foolish. I have made alot of mistakes recently and am now on the road to fixing them.Thankyou again----lady

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RE: Sub Rage - 2/27/2005 9:14:45 AM

BanginPapa

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you pays your money, you takes your chances. Counterfeit begets counterfeit...

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RE: Sub Rage - 2/27/2005 10:20:13 AM

slavedesires

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Jasmyn,
Your post was very profoud and very meaningful to me.
i know Lady said thank you.
i wish also to say thank you for MANY different reasons.
shy

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