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ORIGINAL: Celeste43

The stronger you make yourself, the easier you will find to get rid of him and other leeches like him.

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ORIGINAL: katerzkat

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ORIGINAL: Zsuzsanna

Dammit! I have been here too with my ex best friend. I would say tell him if he doesn't come get his shit then you will throw it out. And if he still doesn't, DO IT! He doesn't seem like he is going to just let you walk away. Take it laying down and all that. Give him an agressive action to let him know you mean business. You have to. For you and no one else, you have to. These days I am happier than I have ever been. If we were still together, I would still be under his control and miserable. Do you want to be happy? If the answer is yes, then you know what you have to do.

i'm a little worried that if i try anything aggressive, he might retaliate --- that is a possibility with him.  i know what you mean, though; the fact that he's come to take for granted that i won't stick up for myself in any significant way has become a serious problem

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ORIGINAL: obis

You need to walk away. He has no reason to change, and won't.

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ORIGINAL: Zsuzsanna

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ORIGINAL: katerzkat

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ORIGINAL: Zsuzsanna

Dammit! I have been here too with my ex best friend. I would say tell him if he doesn't come get his shit then you will throw it out. And if he still doesn't, DO IT! He doesn't seem like he is going to just let you walk away. Take it laying down and all that. Give him an agressive action to let him know you mean business. You have to. For you and no one else, you have to. These days I am happier than I have ever been. If we were still together, I would still be under his control and miserable. Do you want to be happy? If the answer is yes, then you know what you have to do.

i'm a little worried that if i try anything aggressive, he might retaliate --- that is a possibility with him.  i know what you mean, though; the fact that he's come to take for granted that i won't stick up for myself in any significant way has become a serious problem

You know an almost foolproof way out of this?  Ignore him. At any and all costs. Ignore him and everything he does. Leave his stuff at the place you are staying and move without it. Tell him where he can find it and never speak to him again. I'm starting to think this is the only way. I know all about avoiding conflict, and completely ignoring him is the only way. If he shows up at your door shouting, call the cops and tell them there is a dangerous man outside your door yelling. It will be the truth. Sooner or later he will get the hint and find someone else to abuse. That way you don't have to do anything aggressive, but it still gets your point across.  He is toxic. You are dying. You are too young to die. I wish I lived by you. I wish I could help you. I wish I could tell him to go to hell for you. (But in a much more intelligent manner with lots of big words, I'm good at that)
Take care...

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ORIGINAL: desertdancer

Kater,

I realise this is a little off topic, however you told us that you have a hard time making new friends and that you don't show people your dark.  I'd like you to know that your not the only person with a dark.  As horrible as your darkness feels to you now, your not alone with it, many many of us here, if asked and were honest would tell you we have darks or have fought our own darkness-es.  Darkness isn't always bad, most often I've found that it's been there to protect you, help guide you, or rather me.  There is a lot we can learn when we look inward and address the darkness.  Dark doesn't always mean bad, I know we often think it does, because often with the dark there is pain, or rather our darkness es form of some sort of pain, normally a bad one.

You can start to view your darkness differently, start to see it more as a friend when your really looking into why it is there, find out what it is protecting you from, then really look at why you need protection, have you been weak, blind or  lost? Then thank the darkness, tell it you SEE it, your trying to understand it, thank it for being the force that's protected you.

I'll tell you once I thanked mine, told it that I DO see it, it has become something that is now warm inside me, no longer this coldness, this raging blackness that was trying to claw me apart.

Learn to make peace with yourself, all parts of yourself, it's a slow process but worth it, and it will help you find the strenght to deal with situations like the one you find yourself in right now.

~dancer

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ORIGINAL: gailcd

what will be will be. what is is. you don't want to leave this dominant. you just want to chat about your situation. when you want to leave it will happen. it's like smokers: they can just quit immediately if that's what they want or they can tell you they are "trying to give up"

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ORIGINAL: topcat

Dear KK-
 
This realtionship, twisted and unhealthly as it may be, can be a great tool for your self awareness and growth. Rather than run from it, let it be, but let it be while assessing what it is that you are getting out of it, learning to come to it on your terms, and develop tatics for controlling it.
 
Make plans that don't include him, and stick to them- if he calls offer another proposal to counter his- "no, I am doing Karaoke tonight with the girls. how about a movie thursday?"
 
Tyring to just shut it out is not working- and it makes it easier for you to sabatoge devolping healthy behaviors.
 
Stay warm,
Lawrence

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ORIGINAL: spankmepink11

Hi Katerzkat,

You mention that you "crave his control", i think that you simply crave to be controlled in general and he's willing to oblige.
The key to me is the fact that, in my opinion,   D/s or M/s relationships are symbiotic. Your situation doesn't reflect that, so i hope you follow the advice of others, and walk away from this person completely.  Also, please tread cautiously and carefully and do not allow your need to override your good sense, by submitting to the first Dominant type that crosses your path.  (google BDSM dictionary and look up "subfrenzy" )

Good luck... 

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ORIGINAL: IndigoEris

Honey it's SO not your problem. You're not responsible for his feelings, or his confusion, or his awareness of right and wrong. Those things are his responsibility. You are only responsible for you. It's time to stop taking responsibility for his helplessness and his ineptitude. The truth- he really isn't helpless, or clueless. He knows exactly what he's doing to you. He just doesn't care and he'll continue to do it as long as you let him get away with it. If he's convinced everything's fine it's because he's convinced he's got you under his thumb. Honestly if you've been making threats to leave and begging him to leave that much....he's not going to be confused. That's just a manipulation tactic to play on your sympathy and keep you where he wants you. He's fully capable of figuring these things out for himself. After a lifetime of exploitation and manipulation-- he knows exactly how he's doing wrong to you. And he's counting on it. Yes, he's a human being. That means he's just as capable of taking responsibility for himself and taking care of himself as any other human being. And it's his job to do that, not yours. Your job is to take care of you, because you are a human being too. And you deserve better. You deserve the same devotion, consideration, care, and love that you've been giving him. It should be a mutual give and take, not all onesided. And even if he was so dependent on you, you're not doing him any favors by hanging on in that he's has to learn to be independent-- eventually he'll wind up on his own anyway. You'll drive yourself crazy trying to rescue him, or anyone all the time. Take the advice of cutting him off completely, and swiftly. If it makes your conscience feel better write him a letter or email letting him know that it's over and why if you want. and that his stuff will be outside your door on a particular date. Leave a copy of it on his stuff when you put it out. If you're leaving for school soon you might coincide it with that. I think someone already advised that. What if you gave yourself as much consideration and kindness as you're giving him?