NightWindWhisper
Posts: 143
Joined: 5/28/2006
Status: offline
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AslavesJoy I understand your plight, it is actually very common, though many married people seem to turn to deception and cheating rather than face a problem openly,courageously, and honestly as it is: a problem. On the surface your question appears simple but in fact, it is rather complex.
A lot depends upon the strength of the couples bond and love. There needs to be great love and a good bond in all ways to turn a man who thinks such concept odd, and even more should he think the concept wrong for ethical or religious reasons. If the bond is good, then you stand a decent chance. If the love and bond between you is asexual and weak I suspect that you stand little chance.
I enjoyed mbes's suggestion especially the article entitled "introduce." This is a supportive and good suggestion.
Three routes that I suggest are John Norman's (yes, I hear the "Oh no...the land of Gor moans) book which does not even mention Gor at any point: "Imaginative Sex." This gem of a paperback would give him about 50 "play" scenarios from being the pirate capturing the highborne lady and giving her the option of "walking the plank" or making believe that she is a harlot who must walk the talk. There are mild scenarios, and stronger ones like alien tentacles. But unless he is religiously opposed or finds the concept repulsive the two of you might find in this book a common ground to "play-act." The line between "play-act" and reality, in your case might be non-existant. You may find a sublime experience even has his is "just fun and erotic." Your erotic response just may fuel his erotic response. Unfortunately this small novel is a rare book and sells from $45-$100, but since a divorce can cost $40,000, you might consider it. You can easily sell it again on half.com or ebay for as much or more if you buy wisely.
If he enjoys sci-fi/fantasy, buy him the much cheaper John Norman "Slave Girl of Gor." If it makes an erotic connection you're in! If not, I'm sure you'll find it a masturbatory delight.
The last suggestion is to find a psychotherapist. It may take four or five interviews, but you would find one that understands your needs, and is willing to meet with you a few times, and then have him join. The environment can be supportive with every psychotherapist's goal which is to heal the rift that is damaging the marriage. You have needs. They are somewhat unique, but since the Hite report and others indicate that about 12-17% of couples utilize aspects of d/s as a "routine" part of their sex life, they are not that unique. Feeling as though you are enslaved floats your boat, and if you can waken him to that, he has much to gain.
AslavesJoy, I realize that you are likely long gone, and that your profile is closed, and you will never returne here, feeling abused and shamed. Were I in your position I too would have closed my profile and left. I too would have expected sympathy and support for a woman whose sexuality has been awakened. I am saddened that there seems little support or understanding and tolerance here. So this is posted not for you, for I suspect you will never read this, but for others that might find this useful.
It is very, very common for natural submissives to marry submissive men--almost the norm, though I don't know why. This is a common scenario, and one that holds deep emotional turmoil for a newly "out of the closet" submissive. Indeed we don't need to talk here in the forums in the third person, but a simple "this is not in a scene, so it's best to phrase your questions in the first person in the forums" would have done enough. The question about "why did you marry him" points at pure ignorance and complete and utter lack of understanding of awakining human sexuality, and I apologize for that. The reason that you married him may have been that you had not awakened to your sexuality, or perhaps you became pregnant, and it was the right thing to do--that is not a point of discussion--that is a point of rudness. Every human being does what he or she thinks is the best thing to do at the time.
We are kinky here. We are a bit different--and it is wise to realize that behind every name is a sensitive, loving human being. It is also wise to realize that the person who has been driven--with shame, away from here just may have, two years in the future, been that wonderful woman that you met at a munch that compliments you perfectly. When we are blaming and shaming we drive these people away, into a place of shame and uncertainty--exactly at a time when they need us the most. Please think about that people. If you want my respect treat others with kindness.
I do thank those here who were genuine and sensitive in their responses.
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