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PsyVamp -> To the other Vampires (1/12/2007 9:38:06 PM)

Hello ladies (and gentlemen). 
I'm hoping that the other vampyres on this board can help or point me in the right direction (no use hiding, I know you're out there, [sm=evil.gif])

I find that I am running into some unique "situations" being a psy-vampyre and having a collared submissive.  (I am quite sure that said situations are on the same level as a non vampyre dom may expierence but I would like to get some opinions or advice from someone who totally understands). 

My relationship is not poly which makes it more difficult in this situation:
From time to time, someone with an excess of powerful energy seeks to be a donor and I'm trying to get my sub to understand that it has nothing to do with him.  There can be some powerful and primal erotic feelings that go along with an energy exchange like that and he feels as if he is being replaced or challenged for my affection. 
I could just tell him to deal with it but this seems to be the only area where there is any friction and I'd hate to lose an otherwise wonderful submissive because of my other needs.
Any suggestions?  Feel free to email me on cm if you're not comfortable posting on the board.
Mistress Psy



Passion357 -> RE: To the other Vampires (1/12/2007 9:51:20 PM)

Greetings, Psy,

You will be extremely lucky if you run across someone who does not just laugh at this post and keep going.
Extremely lucky.

Well Wishes,
~Passion~



reverendtorres -> RE: To the other Vampires (1/13/2007 4:24:29 AM)

You have mail.



Jasmyn -> RE: To the other Vampires (1/13/2007 4:38:01 AM)

Guess it is a matter of working with him to understand he is not being replaced or challenged ... that this is something you need and want and does not detract from the relationship he has with you ...a lot of personal freedom can be found in letting go of insecurities and fears and trusting a partner to be with another... search the poly board for 'jealousy and insecurities' too, some good advice can be found there.  Also do a search for 'cuckold' relationships (fem dom lead not 'hot wife' fantasies) in which some cuckolded men have found a great deal of personal satisfaction in not being a slave to traditional modes of love and life. 



PsyVamp -> RE: To the other Vampires (1/13/2007 4:42:11 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Passion357

Greetings, Psy,

You will be extremely lucky if you run across someone who does not just laugh at this post and keep going.
Extremely lucky.

Well Wishes,
~Passion~


Passion,

You may be right but then the only thing that will happen is that my questions go unanswered and I will have to persue other avenues of knowledge.
Thank you for taking the time to answer.  From your post, I assume you don't have any experience with my dilema.  Remember that not everyone understands what you do either.

Have a wonderful day

Mistress Psy



PsyVamp -> RE: To the other Vampires (1/13/2007 5:06:38 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Jasmyn

Guess it is a matter of working with him to understand he is not being replaced or challenged ... that this is something you need and want and does not detract from the relationship he has with you ...a lot of personal freedom can be found in letting go of insecurities and fears and trusting a partner to be with another... search the poly board for 'jealousy and insecurities' too, some good advice can be found there.  Also do a search for 'cuckold' relationships (fem dom lead not 'hot wife' fantasies) in which some cuckolded men have found a great deal of personal satisfaction in not being a slave to traditional modes of love and life. 


Building up his self esteem is a big priority on my side and I am also working on having him understand my needs.  I will check the poly board as I haven't been there yet and will research cuckold also.  He is a natural sub but very new to the "reality" of the lifestyle and it may just be a case of "reconditioning" him. 
It is probably difficult for him because we are ld right now and only get to see each other every other weekend.  



Jasmyn -> RE: To the other Vampires (1/13/2007 5:31:06 AM)

lol @ your by line ...
 
When I started exploring B&D my partner and I at the time switched with each other...but the most common status quo was I bottoming to him.  I was inherently monogamous at the time, unable to fathom the concept of sharing my partner, let alone this man I called 'Master' ... I was his sub, I was meant to be all he ever needed...his be all and end all.  Overtime though his skills as a 'top' were lacking, not just his technique but his mindset ...always too concerned about me and we'd have great discussions on him learning to trust me to safeword or let him know I wasn't ready for this.  Then a fem dom friend suggested I get over my insecurities and be okay with him 'topping' other subs.  That he could hone his skills as a top and a dominant with casual acquaintances and players, in which he didn't have an emotional investment.   Explaining that the whole time he is playing with this partner/lover/girlfriend he has to concern himself with the aftermath ...and the very real reality that if he did anything in dom mode to upset me it would affect our entire relationship and we would not be able to let it stay within the scene space and context.  Unfortunately we broke up no long after my hearing this advice and so I didn't have an opporutunity to see just how well I could put my insecurities aside and be okay with a dom partner spreading their domlys wings with others.  But I have never forgotten that advice and I often pass it on to others who are similarly struggling finding their feet in this thing we do.  I now would not have a monogamously defined relationship with anyone.
 
While it's not exactly your situation, there are similiarities ... you as his dom need something and he as your sub needs to accept that you do... that he is the one you want to be with... that you adore and need his submission as much as he adores and needs to give it ... but you are not a island... there is more too you...and if he doesn't trust you as his dom to act with integrity and do him no harm .. then he needs to ask himself why is he submitting to you in the first place? 



PsyVamp -> RE: To the other Vampires (1/13/2007 6:07:02 AM)

You said  "I was his sub, I was meant to be all he ever needed...his be all and end all."  I think I just had an epiphany...the sky opens and angels sing...lol.

I guess that I never looked at it like that.  If there is something he needed that I wasn't willing to do, I would let him be used by another.   I did specify that I'd want to watch because maybe my unwillingness would be attributed to lack of knowledge.  So far it hasn't happened but I am not naive enough to say it won't.   I guess I just have a different way of thinking, or maybe I'm more emotionally secure.  I can also remember back in the summer when I had a twinge or two of uncertainty about his feelings but they passed and I no longer have doubts about his emotional commitment.

And yes, there are some things that I want to do that I haven't done yet and they could potentially damage our core relationship if done badly.  These scenes would go much better with someone that had no emotional attachment.  (I may have even found such a person)  It does worry me that if he cannot control his feelings about an energy donor, how is he to handle my playing with another person.

Just more work that needs to be done and yes, if I am more dom then he is sub, this will not work and better to know now.



MasterFireMaam -> RE: To the other Vampires (1/13/2007 8:24:23 AM)

You're lucky. I'm not laughing.

This really isn't about Vampirism, but about poly issues, even though you don't identify as poly. Poly usually does mean having an intimate sexual relationship with more than one person (not just sex). In his eyes, I'm betting, being bitten is an extremely intimate sexual thing, so he's assuming it's that way for eveyone. You'll have to approach it from the poly angle.

Talk to him and find out why he doesn't want you to do it. Then work deeper to find the fear that from which it originates. I'm betting it's from a fear of being replaced or discarded. In the end, you can't make him not fear nor can you 'fix' his fear; he'll have to work on that fear himself. What you can do, however, is ask him to trust you and then show that you mean what you say; he is your primary partner and he's not going anywhere. If he's unwilling to work on his fear, you have the choice of what to do. Questions you might ask: If you cannot feed, what will become of you? What are you willing to give up in order to maintain the relationship? Would you feel that you're getting an even barter in the relationship or do you feel that you're being manipulated or emotionally blackmailed?

Master Fire - psy and sang



MistressMelissa -> RE: To the other Vampires (1/13/2007 11:39:55 AM)

Greetings Mistress Psy,

We have spoke on GDsN I believe. While your need for energy (note: Psy Vampire is different than Vampire play for those who are unaware) creates a need in you to have others in your life; our partners don't always understand. Having listened to Michelle Belanger and Don Henrie speak about modern vampires and the energy dynamics of vampirism my girl is a bit more understanding. That she's Pagan, helps too.

While your need stems from you being a vampire, your partner views it from a relationship stand point. While the energy exchange can be very personal and sensual, it's hard for those around us not to see it as something sexual. Since most people don't believe in energy work, it's hard for them to understand. I suggest the creation of a poly house since this will allow access to others without all the hurt feelings. I find I feel much better when my house is full of those I care about. In the mean time, I'd educate the boy about Psy Vampires. Have him read Michelle Belanger's book The Psychic Vampire Codex you can find it on Amazon. You also might have him read Embracing The Darkness (Understanding Dark Subcultures) by Corvis Noctunum also on Amazon. In the end he may not be the right one for you.

Since this is a subject few will understand here, I suggest we continue off list. Feel free to write me. The worlds of BDSM and Vampires don't aways play well together.



undergroundsea -> RE: To the other Vampires (1/13/2007 1:41:17 PM)

I agree that principles of poly are relevant here.

I think cuckoldry only works with subs who are wired for it and it can create resentment or discontent with others. That is, if one is already uncomfortable with play outside the relationship and he is told to accept it under a D/s pretext, I think it would aggravate the matter rather than help it.

Cheers,

Sea



PsyVamp -> RE: To the other Vampires (1/13/2007 6:26:56 PM)

Master Fire,

I AM lucky, lol (oops, sorry for the laugh)

Thank you for taking the time to answer me.  It seems quite the consensus that poly is the way to go.
I do believe that your assessment of his thinking is correct.  I have no doubts that he is my primary partner or the way he feels about me in general and I'm very secure so I could "share" him without too much stress.  And I have no magic wand to fix his doubts or issues.  I can only try to explain it to the best of my abilities, which is much easier to do in person than on the phone so that conversation, although foremost in my mind, will have to wait another week. 

I only know that my needs grow and do not diminish...  Making that sacrifice would not work in the end as I know that the best case scenario would be my feeling resentful and cranky (probably not a good combination for any dom with sadistic tendencies).  I do not wish to add martyr to my list of adjectives.

I feel as if I am rambling and not making much sense right now,  at least I have the week to get my thoughts in order.

Thanks for getting my brain moving.

Mistress Psy




PsyVamp -> RE: To the other Vampires (1/13/2007 6:34:49 PM)

Mistress Melissa,

I thank you, also, for your reply.  We have spoken a time or two on GDsN (which is getting very crowded these days!)  I will look into the books you suggested as he normally reads the books I ask him to. 

I agree this subject may be a bit too much for those that do not understand (although to some people's credit, they have asked to try to gain a bit more knowledge before writing me off as a complete nut) and will communicate "off board", thanks for the invitation.

Mistress Psy



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