Ladies, Do you date vanilla? {Non lifestylers} and why? (Full Version)

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MzMia -> Ladies, Do you date vanilla? {Non lifestylers} and why? (1/12/2007 9:47:10 PM)

Hello ladies, and those that like the ladies [:D]
Do you date vanilla? meaning non lifestylers?
Why?  Do you enjoy it?
Do you tell them about this lifestyle?

 
I don't date vanilla myself, but if I meet a "naturally submissive" male,
I might give it a whirl.
I run across a few "naturally submissive" men in day to day life, and I
often try to picture them crawling, obeying me and all manner of things.
I can't wrap my head around vanilla dating, but who knows what the future
will bring?



LadyLupineNYC -> RE: Ladies, Do you date vanilla? {Non lifestylers} and why? (1/12/2007 9:55:35 PM)

Honestly? sex... I love the submission of a slave/sub boy, but have yet to find one that I have any interest in sexually...I have no problem having fuck buddies, hookups, etc...but the Mistress/submisive relationship is too complex for that sort of flippant sexuality.  It doesn't help that I tend to be 'switch' in a rather non-bdsm way in bed and in prefer total (if just a tad sassy) submissives in my bdsm play.  One day...maybe...just maybe....but in the meantime...bring on the vinillia guys w/ kinky sprinkes for sex!



BlkTallFullfig -> RE: Ladies, Do you date vanilla? {Non lifestylers} and why? (1/12/2007 9:57:23 PM)

I haven't dated vanilla since I began reading/living as an admitted (mostly to self) as a female dominant, but I definitely would if I met a naturally submissive gentleman...   Why?  Because my kink is dominance driven, and if a man were receptive that way (by being submissive), we would do well together...  Not to mention those men tend to treat women well in general.   I'll never forget the naturally sub man I had and squandared. *sigh*
Unfortunately I tend to attract aggressive/dominant men and with those I already know how the story ends, so I don't go there.    M



KaramelGoddess -> RE: Ladies, Do you date vanilla? {Non lifestylers} and why? (1/13/2007 7:11:34 AM)

Hiya MzMia :)
 
I often find myself confused.  Much of society dictates that by now I should be married with 1.5 kids.  Goddess help me, but sometimes that is what I wish for - a so-called "normal" life.  But my heartfelt desires and wishes won't allow me to have that sort of relationship.
So, much like LadyLupine, my vanilla dates are purely for sex.  I love a submissive man who is devoted and loves to worship, and lets me play, and plays in return.  However, and this is blunt... I need a good fuck every now and again. [sm=lol.gif]
When I find a man who can give me both - LOL I'll be the happiest woman alive.
~Kara



MasterFireMaam -> RE: Ladies, Do you date vanilla? {Non lifestylers} and why? (1/13/2007 8:33:19 AM)

Because I'm open and honest about who I am (in fact, my profiles here, on alt, on myspace and on Live Journal are all pretty much the same), the men I date fully know who and what I am...and at least have an acceptance of the lifestyle. Ds or play components may or may not crop up; it doesn't matter. I just kind go with it. In the end, I date them because I like them and because we connect on some level, not because of the kink (if there's any).

Master Fire



thetammyjo -> RE: Ladies, Do you date vanilla? {Non lifestylers} and why? (1/13/2007 10:04:03 AM)

I do not date vanilla -- it interests me not in the slightest and I think dating someone who was vanilla and hoping I could get them interested would be cruel to both of us. I have one mostly vanilla relationship all ready in my life (with my husband) and that is more than enough vanilla in my world.

However I identify my primarily sexual orientation as dominant -- not as het or bi or lesbian -- so vanilla isn't really an option for me. I think if someone identifies another way as their primarily sexual and social identity and sees kink as something fun to add, they could very well find a similar perspective in a primarily vanilla person. I think if someone just wants bondage from time to time or weekend thrills in the bedroom a person might be better off looking for a vanilla relationship with an open-minded person.



FelinePersuasion -> RE: Ladies, Do you date vanilla? {Non lifestylers} and why? (1/13/2007 10:07:12 AM)

I would not again no. I dated someone who had NO CLUE about bdsm or anything, and I thought we could learn together with me guiding and it didn't happen. He only went along for me and all along he hoped I'd outgrow everything and forget about it all.



MysticFireTopaz -> RE: Ladies, Do you date vanilla? {Non lifestylers} and why? (1/13/2007 10:15:00 AM)

I do date vanilla from time to time, when I meet an interesting man with common interests outside of the lifestyle.  I attend a lot of metaphysical functions and have met some interesting men at them.  Things generally don't progress beyond a certain point, though, because My heart's desire is a long-term relationship with a submissive man and a vanilla man just won't cut it.  I do thoroughly enjoy the time I spend with these men and the great conversations we have, but we generally end up as friends.  I just can't see a vanilla man as My life partner.
 
Sometimes I will tell them about My involvement in the lifestyle, sometimes not.  There are some metaphysical groups I attend regularly where I am well-known, and if I meet the guy at one of them, I generally keep mum.  I really don't want any of them spreading the word about My preferences to my vanilla friends, as I feel it is none of their business.  If I meet the guy somewhere else, and we don't have any mutual vanilla friends, I might tell him about My involvement in the lifestyle if I feel comfortable with him and sense that he is an accepting person.
 
Lady Topaz



defiantbadgirl -> RE: Ladies, Do you date vanilla? {Non lifestylers} and why? (1/13/2007 10:50:06 AM)

I sometimes talk to vanilla men and mention the lifestyle. While many seem intrigued and say they've had fantasies about trying it, they automatically assume I'm an easy slut. They can't seem to understand that one can be kinky without being slutty. The few who weren't looking for an easy lay try hoped to steer me away from the lifestyle. I wouldn't be happy settling for a relationship where something was always missing. I actually posted a thread last night under bdsm general discussion about lifestyle men dating vanilla women instead of the their lifestyle play partners and the problems it can cause.



MsCameron -> RE: Ladies, Do you date vanilla? {Non lifestylers} and why? (1/13/2007 10:59:35 AM)

Do I date vanilla? Uh, no.

LOL.. As I've had a total of two dates in the last year and a half, I'd say I don't date at all.

I have no interest in dating someone vanilla.

MC



Lashra -> RE: Ladies, Do you date vanilla? {Non lifestylers} and why? (1/13/2007 11:51:03 AM)

Nah, sex is a big factor in my relationships and Id have to meet one really hawt submissive vanilla male and pervert him[;)] So I'll save myself the trouble and continue to date my sub, he floats my boat and thats all that matters.

~Lashra



DigitBox -> RE: Ladies, Do you date vanilla? {Non lifestylers} and why? (1/13/2007 3:57:18 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MzMia

Hello ladies, and those that like the ladies [:D]
Do you date vanilla? meaning non lifestylers?
Why? Do you enjoy it?
Do you tell them about this lifestyle?




I date only those who have similar kinks. The whole idea of a vanilla relationship/sex life has pretty much been out of my grasp since I was a teenager and I was feeling/desiring things that I was sure that most would see as odd.



MzMia -> RE: Ladies, Do you date vanilla? {Non lifestylers} and why? (1/13/2007 7:52:40 PM)

Thanks for answering!
LadyLupine, I know how you feel, I don't feel the need YET for vanilla fuck buddies.
I would probably take one of these "fake" subbies first, but I ain't mad at ya.
 
M, I am somewhat in your corner.  I feel no desire to date vanilla.
 
Karamel, you are a little bit younger so I understand.
At least you are able to play a bit with the vanilla boys.
 
MasterFireMaam, I like your approach.
 
Tammy, you are lucky to have your hubby and your subby.
 
Feline, you are LUCKY to have found each other.
 
Lady Topaz, I like your approach also.
It is great to have a variety of interests and be up front about WHO you are.
 
badgirl, it's best to just hang in here and be picky, if you don't want to settle
for less.
You deserve it.
 
MsCameron, I have no desire to date vanilla men either.
 
Lashra, hang on to your subbie!
 
Digit? I feel ya!


 
 
 
 



MzMia -> RE: Ladies, Do you date vanilla? {Non lifestylers} and why? (1/13/2007 7:57:08 PM)

One additional caveat,
I actually WILL date a potential submissive in a vanilla manner.
I don't jump into or engage in "casual sex", "casual relationships"
or "casual" BDSM.
Actually, going on vanilla dates with a potential submissive is a BIG
turn on.
It gives us a chance to get to know each other WELL, in casual settings.
Talk and get to know each other.
Decide if we are really compatible BEFORE going any further.
So NO, I don't want to vanilla date men that are not submissive at this point.
But YES, I do want to vanilla date my potential submissive for a considerable
length of time to get to know him as a person.[:D]



Laura -> RE: Ladies, Do you date vanilla? {Non lifestylers} and why? (1/13/2007 8:19:25 PM)

I don't date lifestylers at all. There is no way I want to limit myself to living one certain way 24/7. I want more options and I really want someone who can be there for more than just bed/ BDSM sport. I'd get tired of a guy who expected to live as a sub all the time. 



SweetDommes -> RE: Ladies, Do you date vanilla? {Non lifestylers} and why? (1/13/2007 9:37:33 PM)

Because of what we are looking for, and what our arrangement is - they have to know what they are getting into.  Most either decide that it's not for them, or they go into "right on! threesome!!" mode and are dismissed.

So, no, we don't date vanilla guys, but - like you Mia - we do like to go on vanilla dates with submissives.



Coupleseeking321 -> RE: Ladies, Do you date vanilla? {Non lifestylers} and why? (1/14/2007 1:13:41 AM)

I did and now he's my Dom so go figure. I think it pays to be open to whatever fate throws at you.



BBBTBW -> RE: Ladies, Do you date vanilla? {Non lifestylers} and why? (1/14/2007 1:35:21 AM)

I vanilla date lifestylers.  Be they DOM or sub.  Generally the DOM for friendship  and/or a bed buddies as I don't switch and generally neither do they...but the sub I tend to delve more deeply.  It is very difficult to find subs that will date without getting lifestylely right away so I don't date subs all that much.  Its a shame...I would much rather date subs.....



RosaB -> RE: Ladies, Do you date vanilla? {Non lifestylers} and why? (1/14/2007 9:33:51 AM)

Yes, I date vanilla, chocolate, strawberry, lime.  Kidding aside, I enjoy the company of men in general; their orientation doesn't matter all that much.  Sometimes I like to verbally spar, (in a fun way, for the most part,) so, it makes for a fun evening when dating a guy that knows nothing of my bdsm interest.  It also cracks me up when later they say to me if they knew all it would have taken was for them to drop to their knees and bark like a dog to get some bedroom time, they would have happily howled at the moon, let me dress them up, waited on me, bathed me, served me, whatever it took.  Not so different than the average submissive you run into on the net these days anyway.  Believe me in my experience, they aren't all that much different.   Some are just more stubborn and defiant than others.

Rosa



mam -> RE: Ladies, Do you date vanilla? {Non lifestylers} and why? (1/14/2007 10:00:36 AM)

no.
Bubba's make me laugh.




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