Making of a Master

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kyakitten -> Making of a Master (2/26/2005 9:58:48 PM)
Hello, This girl has become curious through all the talk on the boards lately about converting vanillae to subs. She would like to know how that transition happens for doms - if anyone could relate how he came to understand himself not just as a dominant personality, but as a Dom? Thank you for any response.

topcat -> RE: Making of a Master (2/27/2005 5:45:50 AM)
Midear Liana- Over the years, I have introduced a lot of my partners to this stuff- for some, it stuck, it became a part of who they were, what they needed and sought out in a partner, and for others, it was just a thing they enjoyed while it was there, but not an ongoing facet of their lives. over these years, these women made me what I am today, as well. On either side of the slash, it is a gradual process. Twenty years ago, if my partner had suggested that I tie her tightly, whip her till she was welted, bruised and bleeding, then sodomise her while she cried and begged me to stop, there would be a Lawrence-shaped hole in the nearest wall, and a dust cloud on the horizon. These days, that might be a quiet night in for me. Take your time with it, start with simple things, and reinforce the desired behavior. Tell him, simply, in clear terms, what you like. Frame it in gentler terms if you tell him you want to be raped, he will likely recoil- but if you tell him you want to be 'ravished' he'll likely get the gist of it<g>. Don't try to get a rise out of him- you really don't want it to be something he does in anger- but perhaps if he has been annoyed by something, some disappointment, you could agree that you have been bad, and ought to be spanked for it, make it clear that you are not kidding- don't discuss it to death, but do top from the bottom- bend over, tell him to do it, Please, and encourage him to do it again, and harder. Afterwards- tell him it hurt, a little, but that it turned you on, then fuck his brains out. Then make sure that he knows that it was the hottest damn thing, afterward. and do take advantage of the fact that a man will basically do anything you ask of him in the heat of the moment- "slap my ass!" -"pull my hair!"- "pin me down and take me!"- will be likely be complied with (down try them all at once- you'll confuse the poor guy<g>). Again, afterward, tell him it was good, thank him for it, tell him he's a god- men will believe anything in PFG<g>. encourage, guide, reward. A lot of work, a lot of patience, but you are going to have to get past a lifetime of sociatial conditioning to get to the instinctive behaviors where sex is about posession and power. Good luck- Stay warm, Lawrence

kyakitten -> RE: Making of a Master (2/27/2005 3:59:31 PM)
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FangsNfeet -> RE: Making of a Master (2/27/2005 4:27:35 PM)
Sure I've always fantasized about tieing up a submissive and spanking them as well as other things but I didn't know that masochist really existed. Then I went to college and Shazam! Without having experience I at first kept things light when I started dateing. It was a supprise to me when one girl asked me "Do you mind tieing me up and using the blind fold when you're biteing me?" Infact, she was the one who pulled out the flogger for me to use on her. It was my first time ever to hold and see one. Unfortunatly the relationship didn't work out. She ask for me to do one thing that I just couldn't do. "Will you please eat rice pudding, vomit it on my pussy, and use it as lubricant?" From there to now I am who I am and still growing as I like being creative and continue new things with the one I"m with now but still have my limits. So keep poping ideas into his head. "I'd like for you to try this and that with me." But be understanding if he dosen't want to try something.

Dev10usM1nd -> RE: Making of a Master (2/27/2005 9:03:49 PM)
To tell you the truth, it was a sub topping from the bottom that got me interested in bdsm in the first place. It was something as simple as her suggestion of how she had never used toy handcuffs when she was young. She purchased them, which at the time confused the hell out of me, but when she put them on in the parking lot she made a move, and that set me down the path to today. So, what I'm trying to say is that it is a slow process that can start with the strangest and smallest thing. He may take to it very well, or their may be some coaxing involved, everyone is different, but it is deffinitely worth the shot. -Ray-

Chupaflor -> RE: Making of a Master (2/27/2005 9:22:20 PM)
So, can I ask a really silly question? How do you top from the bottom without "un Domming" the Dom? Sir (who is also my husband) very recently "outted" himself too me, is very Dom. but is also hesitant at the same time. I am not sure if this is making any sence, but I am trying to help him the best I can, and for me this is proving a great task, lol since I don't have all the answers and depending on the question, might not have an answer at all. Thanks for listening :)

Voltare -> RE: Making of a Master (2/28/2005 10:37:52 AM)
Chupaflor, It's not really so much 'topping from the bottom' - that usually means a very negative thing. Rather, you're trying to give the information you think is important, and just trying to open the communication paths. Something that always mystifies me is how people can be married, or in long term relationships, but yet feel they can't tell their significant others their real feelings or thoughts. This isn't to stand on a soap box, of course, but something that I always felt was that if I can't tell someone my most private feelings, I probably shouldn't be dating (or sharing a bed) with them. The best thing you can do to help him is tell him how you feel, what you like, and do your best to explain why. I don't believe that people are 'made' Dominant, but rather it's a quality everyone possesses in one degree or another. The real key is to -let- him be dominant. On the occasions you know he is trying, do your best to obey him and follow his instructions. Giving him suggestions when he seems a bit stuck can help too, like if he asks what he should do with you tonight, maybe you can go fetch some rope and bring it to him between your teeth. It's not telling him what to do, but rather showing him what you would like him to do. A large part of being dominant isn't so much 'doing what I want!!!!' as it is taking control of what we both want. To do that, I need to know my own needs as well as my submissives. Ask him what he really needs, and feels, and don't expect things to change overnight. To 'convert' takes months and years, especially if there aren't any rolemodels in real life to help. Good luck! Stephan

Chupaflor -> RE: Making of a Master (2/28/2005 12:30:19 PM)
Voltare-- Thank you so much for you insight. We talked a lot about things last night, and his biggest fear is my thinking he is some kind of freak (why he never said anything sooner) His other issue is not wanting to dissapoint me...which I assured him wasn't going to happen..we are both learning as we go... Again thank you, will try to follow your suggestions :)

Voltare -> RE: Making of a Master (3/1/2005 1:12:55 PM)
I'm REALLY glad that helped you! I remember spending so many weeks and months in relationships where I felt like I had to hide who I was. Sometimes I wonder if I had just been up front about it in the first place, would they have felt the same and we could have ended up with things very differently? More to the point, why should I hide something about myself that I know is actually very important. It's all part of growing up I suppose. Stephan

SirKenin -> RE: Making of a Master (3/1/2005 10:01:28 PM)
I can tell you a simple story of how I became a Dom. For ten years I dominated and controlled My wife in a now disolved marriage. I couldn't change it, and I had no idea why I was like that. My wife complained about it often and eventually she left me for the last time (there were five times in total). After she departed she cited My dominance and controlling as the number one reason why she left the marriage. Although there were relationships before this one that failed for the same reasons (and more), this one was probably the most significant starting point. This is where it became blatantly obvious that there was a "problem" per se. It didn't end there. I would pick women to date that I felt I could be dominant over, often with disasterous consequences. One turned out to be every bit as dominant as Me. Needless to say, that only lasted for six months before ending, although I had given up two months prior. The next girl I dated was also someone I could dominate, but it turned out there was very good reason why. It ended up being that she was a submissive. she introduced Me to the world of D/s, asking if I would be her Dom. At the time I knew nothing about being a Dom, so she pointed Me to some reading material on the net, such as Castle Realm. I was shocked! T/they were listing the inherent qualities that I had in Myself. It hit me like a ton of bricks. Suddenly what had been a problem all these years suddenly had a name to it. I was actually "normal". There was a whole lifestyle made up of People just like me. Apparently I was one of roughly 18% of Dom/mes that are natural Dom/mes. What do you rate the chances? But it was a huge relief. I soaked up all the material I could find on the net, and made some friends along the way. I am still learning and will probably never stop. That woman and I have since broken up, although I feel it is My duty to care for her, protect her and not kick her to the curb. Thus she remains My pet until such time as W/we dissolve the relationship, I find My pet another Dom/me, or the current interest that I have develops into a full time relationship. I will say she is doing much better since the breakup. 100x better. Perhaps she's on her best behaviour as she wants another chance with Me, I don't know, but it's certainly working for U/us so far. I now know what qualities to look for in a woman, and My current interest apparently has those qualities, and W/we are so far doing quite well. We'll see how it goes. I owe My pet a huge debt of gratitude. She brought closure to a long saga of failed relationships that spanned almost two decades and set Me on a new journey of discovery from which I have never looked back. I don't think I can repay her. Hopefully that will help answer your question.

happypervert -> RE: Making of a Master (3/2/2005 7:25:25 AM)
Another idea for perverting the vanilla guys could be to try to ignite his sense of control. One way during a quiet night at home would be to just kneel at his feet and ask permission to suck his cock. Let's assume he says yes (and if he doesn't, well, what are you doing with him?), then then you might take him out of your mouth occasionally to tell him that you are his slut and he can do anything he wants to you. He might get his own ideas, and if you mention a few of your own he should get the idea that it's ok to be an uninhibited beast to match the slut that you are. Of course, this is just a start; repeatedly showing that you're his to do as he pleases is key as has been already noted by others. quote: "What was the specific incentive that got you over the roadbump of the "cannot hurt others" mindset to embracing "it's okay to hurt others in a ssc manner"? For me, it is asking the question "Is it really hurting somebody if they like it?" Perhaps this can be better explained using an analogy to spicy food -- some folks will happily gobble jalapeno peppers while others can't even tolerate the mildest salsa. So, nobody can really judge what would be too spicy for somebody else or what would "hurt" somebody else until you see how they react to it. Although I don't consider myself a sadist, I do think it is fun to "hurt" playmates, but the fun for me is the noises and reactions I can get. Still, I know I'm a lightweight by the standards of plenty of folks out there -- what I might consider going too far they would probably consider to be a poor tickling. That's ok though, because there are enough who are calibrated to where I am. <edited to add> You might also explain the relationship between pain, endorphins and "runners high" as described on this web page . Then you could joke around and say "I'm too lazy to run, so beat me!"

kyakitten -> RE: Making of a Master (3/3/2005 9:07:28 PM)
Gentlemen - (or not, whichever you prefer <g>) Thank you for sharing your stories. You surprised me, you know... not sure what I was expecting, maybe the Dom to spring fully formed from the Man like the goddess of wisdom from the head of Zeus, or some grand "master" plan.... lol at myself. Amazing how luck plays such a big part.

doreiShu -> RE: Making of a Master (3/10/2005 2:15:28 PM)
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ShiftedJewel -> RE: Making of a Master (3/10/2005 3:08:08 PM)
quote: So, can I ask a really silly question? How do you top from the bottom without "un Domming" the Dom? Sir (who is also my husband) very recently "outted" himself too me, is very Dom. but is also hesitant at the same time. I am not sure if this is making any sence, but I am trying to help him the best I can, and for me this is proving a great task, lol since I don't have all the answers and depending on the question, might not have an answer at all. There are many, many books on the subject. The Loving Dominant, SM 101, Different Loving to name a few. I would suggest that both of you do some reading and maybe even check out the BDSM checklist. The you can discuss it and share ideas. Jewel

Tazzar -> RE: Making of a Master (3/11/2005 11:18:33 AM)
Ok let this be my first post here... I know what it is like to be in the situation. I will tell you a little (ok life story) story of how my BDSM lifestyle began... I have been a dominant person my entire life but not in the context that it is today. I changed due to circumstances in life that lead up to my wife and I getting a divorce after 9 years of marriage. I was working full time at night and weekends and trying to start a business of my own during the day. This led to me spending 95% of my time away from wife and my children. Eventually it wore us down to the breaking point. I was totally physically and mentaly exhausted to the point of a breakdown. My wife was lonely and depressed and almost all contact between us was full of friction and despair. We got seperated and I was devestated. I shut down my business and changed my job schedual to day shift and tried to find my way through the insanity. My wife moved in with her family and started talking to other guys online (this was already happening during her lonely times). She never met with any of the guys she talked to but someone talked to her about BDSM and this pigued her interest. She started learning all she could about the lifestyle. Meanwhile we continued on in our seperation. We started to get along much better and even spent more time together seperated than we did before the seperation. We did get our divorce and still we really didn't talk much about the BDSM lifestyle other than a few hot roleplaying sessions (yes we was still sexually active during the seperation). A week after the divorce was final she called me to tell me that she wanted me to take the kids for the week so she could "see" someone a great distance away. Of course I was furious and jealous.. This is the woman I loved more than anything in the world. After my initial explosion she explained that she still loved me but there was more to life that I wasn't giving her. I was confused and frusterated. She agreed to come talk to me in person the following day to explain. We sat down and she opened up her desire to be totally and utterly dominated. I was hurt and confused as to why the woman I loved and knew to be the insecure little 18 year old girl I married so long ago wanted to be tied, spanked, and raped. I was scared and aroused all at once. By the end of the day she had cancelled her trip and agreed that we would once again try to rekindle our relationship but under a different lifestyle. I had some major issues with the BDSM scene with her though at first (and a little even today). I found that within me I was scared to open the door to the feelings of WANTING to spank her, restrain her and force her into submission. I kept thinking of all the things in my childhood that would be there to influence and haunt my actions, thoughts, and desires. It took 2 more years for me to open that door all the way. Now we are more excited about living the lifestyle together than anything we have ever done. As my slave I take pride in dominating her and seeing her totally pleased and fulfilled at the end of the scene. W/we are learning to live this lifestyle 24/7 without disrupting our family. Also we have now decided that we are secure enough in our relationship that we want to share it with others. I am letting her see a Sir outside the marriage and we are actively seeking sub for me and one that we can share together. If you get nothing from my story let it be, don't rush it and and don't be afriad to Top from the bottom till he find his "comfort zone" as I called it. My wife knowing more about the lifestyle and learning of her needs before me was more advanced and more than ready to jump right in it. Me, well I needed to find a comfort zone before I opened the dark door that I thought was full of horror and destruction. Once I found that it wasn't and that we both enjoy our lifestyle I was able to let go of the social hitches that I was tied to. Try something that helped me in letting go... I bought her a dozen roses..I told them they was hers but not for just displaying in a vase. Each night I take out a rose and remove the thorns and leaves. Then I would blindfold her and tie her, then I would talk to her about what the rose meant to me and how I expected her to react to it. I then used it to spank her with it. I gradually spanked her harder and then would change to a leather paddle. Each night there was a new rose ready and a new lesson to be learned. By the third night I had installed "devices" in our room for retraint uses. By the 12th rose she is mine to serve me as my slave and wife. I am starting to flourish in the lifestyle and am now ready to take our desires to the local dungeon. This is something that would have NEVER been even considered 3 years ago. I made one mistake early on in this, I used to think that all this was just some fantasy that she needed to just forget about.... Later I stared to learn that this is not some kinky dream, it is a need that must be filled. We are both happier now than ever and I find myself each day wanting more than I took from her the day before. I am more aware of her wants and needs as I am looking at her in a way that you cannot help but see her emotions and desires. Thanks for your time, Sir Tazzar

DocWatson -> RE: Making of a Master (3/12/2005 1:06:12 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: happypervert you might also explain the relationship between pain, endorphins and "runners high" as described on this web page . Then you could joke around and say "I'm too lazy to run, so beat me!" ROFL!!! [:D]

proudsub -> RE: Making of a Master (3/12/2005 9:07:43 PM)
Tazzar, i'm glad you and your wife discovered your interests together. I still top from the bottom with Hubby because i am the one who takes the time to learn new things daily about this lifestyle. [:)]

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