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onestandingstill -> RE: Acting out: Can't seem to stop? (1/17/2007 8:11:11 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Celeste43
Excellent post. However I do have one caveat which is that this level of submission should not be expected in a new relationship. When you are new, either in the lifestyle or just in the relationship, then I think it is appropriate to act out.
I firmly disagree. I do not condone from the day you take the title of someone's submissive that it's ever OK to intentionally act out or you make your submission a power struggle and not a power exchange.
I agree a new submissive, even with the most honorable intentions does indeed have to learn her position by making mistakes that show the err of their ways to them and thir newness be considered in the severity of the infraction though.
Both acting out meaning not submitting in order to see if the self proclaimed dominant really does walk the walk, and also because acting as if is a way to learn how. It's a well known technique, if you are insecure in large gathering for example, then you model your behavior on someone who acts very secure in such gatherings. The acting lets you learn the techniques needed to truly become secure in a crowd.
I also disagree with this line of thinking.
I think to manipulate, act, and test your Dominant in this fashion is the action of a controlling bottom if done intentionally.
It shows you should have never asked him to be your Sir and you rushed into something without accepting or respecting the vow you gave or make.
Again I make major mistakes, it does show me the proof in the pudding so to speak, but again it was not premeditated manipulation but an accident.
I will never treat a Dom I with my own choice, and admission serve like a trained seal for my amusement and peace.
This is a huge cause of dissention in the ranked order laid before a sub and immature and disgusting in my book.
Security as a sub comes from trusting you image is your Dom/Domme's to do with what he chooses to do with it in the public eye.
Your job is to do as your told and not worry about your image as you're only a reflection of him, you have no image but that which the Dom chooses to present you as.
Your job is to trust what ever image yourtop projects forthe both of you is what they think is best for you both.
I personally have not been able to do this job as far as getting rid of the feelings I have a right to my public image and have recanted that I'm a sub just this past week though I try with my everything to be one.
Till I can change my big I into HIS little i, I have not earned the place of his sub without bringing him dishonor.
In my mind being a sub is only about honor, and not manipulation intended or accidentally.
You have to walk the walk to talk the talk in my world, not pr=ortray yourself as there and hope you can fake everyone out!
Once you are secure in your dominant being who he/she says they are, and that they are really compatible with you, and you've learned enough skills in the task then you need to work on your inner submissive, so to speak.
You need to accept this before you accept someone as your Dom not go in blind, rushed, and stuipd in my eyes.
This is not a game to some of us, rather our livesare laid on the line.
How can you give your life to someone you don't trust and be being responsible for yourself?
But I see this as coming afterwards, no good becoming the perfect submissive inside and only then noticing that you are submitting to someone who doesn't want you to submit.
Being that good submissive is indeed hard and sometimes not in you yet, but in that you still have to be honest in your life as a sub and in your persuit to be a good one, not manipulate to get your way.
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