novice needs advice

Collarspace Discussion Forums

Home Login Search

novice needs advice

View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress >> novice needs advice

Page: [1]

Message

<< Older Topic Newer Topic >>

novice needs advice - 1/13/2007 11:48:33 AM

BossyShoeBitch

Posts: 3931
Joined: 1/13/2007
From: South Florida
Status: offline

I met a submissive, wants me to own him. Is it up to me to pursue him? We are both vanilla by day and I feel caught in the stupid vanilla trap of "should I call him or wait for him to call?" I need guidance..
Anyone out there want to be my mentor?

Profile

Post #: 1

RE: novice needs advice - 1/13/2007 1:01:22 PM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

Will you switch or Master the boy?

It goes like this for me...(I am a man, and many here may disagree)...

If you are this early in the relationship, but a relation of sorts is going on, and this aint a write-by cybering, then as a Master, you may lead the issue in any way you care....

If you want to be the sultry feminisic girly girl Master, then you could coo--perhaps you would like to call me, later tonight--I will be available from 7-7:30.

Or you may say as the big bad Dominatrix-- Looka here you wormy little cocksucker, you got 15 minutes to call, and if you ain't you are coming over here and ass up, so I can boot you to the fuckin' curb...cause you aint worth my movement to come to you to do it.

Or in the mindful Domme role, you might say that you have much to do, but in these times say mon, wed, fri from here to here I can include an opportunity to visit with you.

Or you might say, I feel I would like to visit from time to time, and I will leave it up to you to decide what you think is appropriate, and we will see how it goes, and whether or not there exists some possibliities beyond a phone call or two.

If you are the Dominant, flesh out the domain that you exist in, on your own terms. Do what feels right and good to you.

Sincerely,
Ron(ne)

k

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to BossyShoeBitch)

Profile

Post #: 2

RE: novice needs advice - 1/13/2007 1:58:44 PM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BossyShoeBitch

I met a submissive, wants me to own him. Is it up to me to pursue him? We are both vanilla by day and I feel caught in the stupid vanilla trap of "should I call him or wait for him to call?" I need guidance..
Anyone out there want to be my mentor?

I think before jumping into the "ownership" thing you need to just be getting experience. You can do that together but I wouldn't call it "ownership" until you both have a lot more experience frankly and can fully grok what that type of relationship entails.

As to who should pursue who, why pursue at all if you both know you have an interest? Why just not just go out for lunch or dinner and see how things go?

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to BossyShoeBitch)

Profile

Post #: 3

RE: novice needs advice - 1/13/2007 4:26:25 PM

TexasMaam

Posts: 1467
Joined: 6/22/2005
Status: offline

Ron(nie) -

What a nifty response.

Call Me. I'll be free from 7:00 to 7:30....

heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh ; )

TM

_____________________________

~ My opinions are not necessarily those of the management... ~

(in reply to mnottertail)

Profile

Post #: 4

RE: novice needs advice - 1/14/2007 5:46:12 AM

BossyShoeBitch

Posts: 3931
Joined: 1/13/2007
From: South Florida
Status: offline

Thanks Ron(ne). That was exactly what I needed to know.. I do feel more comfortable at this time taking the softer approach..

I would be the Mistress to the boy...

(I tried to quote the specific sentence, wound up quoting your entire message, sorry..)

< Message edited by BossyShoeBitch -- 1/14/2007 6:00:43 AM >

(in reply to mnottertail)

Profile

Post #: 5

RE: novice needs advice - 1/14/2007 5:57:33 AM

BossyShoeBitch

Posts: 3931
Joined: 1/13/2007
From: South Florida
Status: offline

Thanks TammyJo..We have been out to lunch (a few days ago) and there was a connection, but I haven't spoken to him since and wasn't sure how to proceed (or whether to proceed at all)..

(in reply to thetammyjo)

Profile

Post #: 6

RE: novice needs advice - 1/14/2007 5:59:12 AM

BossyShoeBitch

Posts: 3931
Joined: 1/13/2007
From: South Florida
Status: offline

Could you tell me what your thoughts are?

(in reply to TexasMaam)

Profile

Post #: 7

RE: novice needs advice - 1/14/2007 7:06:35 AM

mstrjx

Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
Status: offline

For the moment, you're just two individuals.

You have lots of choices. You can consider your own feelings. You can consider his. You can project, and consider 'joint' feelins (like a couple).

You wish to see him again. That's a given. Somebody needs to make the next move. You could view it as 'setting the tone of dominance' by you moving ahead. But perhaps your views are more traditional. (Again, for the moment you're just two people.)

This is where the 'feelings' come in. How would YOU feel if you took the traditional approach and waited for him, while he's taking a submissive approach and waiting for the dominant to ask for more. In other words, if nobody does anything and it dies there, how would that make you feel? Is feeling 'that way' worth the risk?

I don't know your BDSM experience level, but if you are on the newer side taking this as an opportunity to flex your 'dom' muscle probably wouldn't hurt. One of the perks to being dominant is if you see something you want, it is natural to take (or ask for) it.

Jeff

_____________________________

Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

(in reply to BossyShoeBitch)

Profile

Post #: 8

RE: novice needs advice - 1/14/2007 9:25:42 AM

undergroundsea

Posts: 2400
Joined: 6/27/2004
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline

As Jeff pointed out, it is clear you wish to see him again and that someone needs to initiate the next action. A suggestion for what action you could take is tricky because different men respond differently; some will like a dominant initiative on your part, some feel better to pursue. The same man may respond both ways at different times. I wonder if a balance between the two would be the most flexible approach. I think also relevant are your respective philosophies about how much the initial courtship is flavored by traditional views (person and person) and D/s views (dominant and submissive).

If unsure, I think the vanilla way is safer. That is, I think it would be safest to take an action but take it as you would in a vanilla situation (that is, you wouldn't give orders, and to approach it more as persons than as roles) with any appropriate adjustment for the tone your courtship has taken (for example, I would like it if you would call or you may call versus would you please call).

In my opinion, his response upon being pursued depends not so much on whether or not there is interest (it's not necessarily black and white), but on his perception of relative interest levels. Specifically, an aggressive pursuit for the sake of dominance that comes across as a strong interest (being overeager) could undermine the objective if he is still figuring out his interest level. In at least the Fm (female dominant/male submissive) dynamic, my opinion is it is better if the courtship occurs in a manner which leaves the woman with an upperhand by virtue of being sought. In the initial period of becoming acquainted, I think an indication of interest by you appropriate for his confidence level which encourages him to pursue would work best.

What action could you take to let him know you are interested to hear from him again? I am unsure since it depends on the two of you, and how your conversation has thus far gone. I know you have said it has gone well but you know best how well it has gone. I think any contact from you (even an email forwarding an article you found interesting) would indicate that you are interested to hear from him. For an approach not as subtle as the said email, I like suggestions 1 and 3 by Ron ;-)

Cheers,

Sea

< Message edited by undergroundsea -- 1/14/2007 9:41:13 AM >

(in reply to mstrjx)

Profile

Post #: 9

RE: novice needs advice - 1/14/2007 7:25:00 PM

AAkasha

Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: BossyShoeBitch

I met a submissive, wants me to own him. Is it up to me to pursue him? We are both vanilla by day and I feel caught in the stupid vanilla trap of "should I call him or wait for him to call?" I need guidance..
Anyone out there want to be my mentor?

My advice is to embrace and enjoy the process of being the huntress. Not only will it blow his mind, but it will give you confidence and equip you with seduction skills that will be valuable in future relationships. That's right, as part of being the huntress, you get to make sure he knows there are many more prey out there for the taking. Keep him on his toes.

Be clear about what you want. Give direct commands often. Smirk at his discomfort. Enjoy it!

Akasha

_____________________________

Akasha's Web - All original Femdom content since 1995
Don't email me here, email me at [email protected]

(in reply to BossyShoeBitch)

Profile

Post #: 10

RE: novice needs advice - 1/14/2007 10:20:56 PM

LadyFeline

Posts: 13
Joined: 4/18/2006
Status: offline

If the sub truely wants to be owned by you, he should attempt to impress you, aka, he should call. If you persue him, it gives him the power in the interaction, allows him to essentially call the shots.
Wait for him to call, regardless of how "vanilla" by day you are.

< Message edited by LadyFeline -- 1/14/2007 10:21:36 PM >

(in reply to BossyShoeBitch)

Profile

Post #: 11

RE: novice needs advice - 1/14/2007 10:47:07 PM

subfever

Posts: 2895
Joined: 5/22/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AAkasha

My advice is to embrace and enjoy the process of being the huntress. Not only will it blow his mind, but it will give you confidence and equip you with seduction skills that will be valuable in future relationships. That's right, as part of being the huntress, you get to make sure he knows there are many more prey out there for the taking. Keep him on his toes.

Be clear about what you want. Give direct commands often. Smirk at his discomfort. Enjoy it!

Akasha

Gotta admit, that approach would work well for me.

(in reply to AAkasha)

Profile

Post #: 12

RE: novice needs advice - 1/15/2007 12:19:27 AM

BlkTallFullfig

Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline

Im with Ron(ne), and for myself give him the number and best times to reach me... If he doesn't reach me within a few days to get more directions on how frequently I want to be reached, he gets crossed off the list.
As others have stated, each man responds differently, so do what feels best to you. If you enjoy hunting, do it and see if he responds well to it.
Good luck, M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to BossyShoeBitch)

Profile

Post #: 13

RE: novice needs advice - 1/15/2007 6:05:49 AM

mnottertail

Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Ron(ne)
I will be available from 7-7:30.

quote:

ORIGINAL: TexasMaam
Ron(nie) -
What a nifty response.
Call Me. I'll be free from 7:00 to 7:30....
heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh heh ; )
TM

Dear Tex'm
LOLOLOLOLOLOL, I gotta get back to my posts more often. I thought the idea of ProDommes had been discussed ad nauseam on this forum, and thus passed into history...

Your Ron(nie)

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30

(in reply to TexasMaam)

Profile

Post #: 14