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Inexperienced - 1/14/2007 7:14:25 AM

wingedangel

Posts: 11
Joined: 8/14/2006
Status: offline

A question for the men (women are welcome to respond, of course, but I am particularly interested in the opinions and thoughts of the men here...

I have a date tomorrow night with a Dom I have been seeing for about a month now, and, though I am excited and happy to be seeing him and I really, really, really like him, I am dreading it all the same. We have been getting closer and more intimate, but until now, it has been sweet kisses, closed lips, him playing with me while we scene, but never really a situation where I could reciprocate. He has talked about taking things to the next level sexually tomorrow, and I do want to, but I am so embarrassed and nervous. I am not a virgin or anything, but I have only had a two very vanilla sex partners, but sex with them was, let's just say, two minutes from the time we started to getting dressed again. There was no foreplay, no nothing, just stick it in and done. Now, I have a partner who is very interested in giving me pleasure in this area, and who will allow me to pleasure him in return, but I don't know how! Here I am, 30 years old, and no clue how to even start!

So, men, there you are, an experienced and sensitive lover, with a adoring but sexually inexperienced submissive, who is nervous and embarrassed but eager and willing to learn how to please you. What would you be thinking? Would you be turned off? Would you think she was pathetic? Would you get frustrated and be wishing you were with someone who knew exactly how to drive you wild? Anyone have any tips to share?

Post #: 1

RE: Inexperienced - 1/14/2007 7:18:05 AM

daddysliloneds

Posts: 1351
Joined: 6/28/2006
Status: offline

hell honey, you're something guys dream of having so don't sell yourself short! he's going to love, love, love your innocence, naivety, eagerness and willingness to please and learn!

(in reply to wingedangel)

Post #: 2

RE: Inexperienced - 1/14/2007 7:21:19 AM

subdued4service

Posts: 3
Joined: 12/13/2006
Status: offline

I'd be honest with him, tell him. Communication is where its at sista. If you are embarrased send him an email explaining your lack of experience. Hey, maybe its a turn on for him, ya know, having someone who isn't all that "worldly." He is a Dom afterall and this allows him to train you to what he likes best.

< Message edited by subdued4service -- 1/14/2007 7:45:11 AM >

(in reply to wingedangel)

Post #: 3

RE: Inexperienced - 1/14/2007 7:38:00 AM

mstrjx

Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: wingedangel

So, men, there you are, an experienced and sensitive lover.

I think the crux is right here.

Being one of those myself, your 'new'ness wouldn't bother me in the least. If things are going well, in whatever activity, all will be quite good. But if something goes amiss (on your part) that might not have given more experience, it is an opportunity for me to step in, console you, and teach you. As was already pointed out, it gives the Dom an opportunity to be a Dom.

But that's me. What will be telling is, if something goes somewhat awry, how will HE react. If he behaves badly, doesn't that say a lot about his sensivities, not only sexually, but with you and perhaps women in general?

It's easy for me, or anyone here, to tell you to relax, have fun, let him lead but make sure you're safe. But your feelings might be pushing you in different directions.

I think he's quite the lucky guy, and for both of your sake I hope he doesn't blow it.

Jeff

_____________________________

Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

(in reply to wingedangel)

Post #: 4

RE: Inexperienced - 1/14/2007 8:39:17 AM

SimplyMichael

Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline

To steal a line from LA, "it doesn't have to be perfect, just honest"

Step outside your own head for a moment, the man wants you, he wants to do this, that means he wants you PERIOD. What most men find hard is being with a woman who have had fantastic lovers, being with a woman who has had crappy lovers is fun because you get to feel like a fantastic lover. Trust me girl, you are in like flint.

If you are still nervous, think about this, you want to be his, he wants you to be his. This way he gets to train you from scratch and you are offering yourself up to him as a blank slate. Again, us knuckle draggers love that.

As someone who enjoys great sex, here are some tips. google "kegel" and start doing it and find some sex books and learn to deep throat. I like to make my women gag when I throat fuck them but most men like to deep throat.

However, the most important thing I can tell you is be open with him and too him.

< Message edited by SimplyMichael -- 1/14/2007 8:40:39 AM >

(in reply to mstrjx)

Post #: 5

RE: Inexperienced - 1/14/2007 8:52:36 AM

wolffeathers

Posts: 315
Joined: 8/6/2005
From: Clearwater
Status: offline

Here's a question. Does this Dom know that you've had two really bad partners before? Or, at this point, does he think whatever the fuck he wants, because it hasn't come up?

As has been said, taking a girl that has had crap for partners is fun. My ex had a one inch boyfriend that did nothing for her. My slaves ex was a gay man (so, sex wasn't all that good for the bina). When I'm told by these girls, no matter that I know of the people they've been with, that I'm great in bed, the best they've had, and I can tell their being honest, it makes me feel like a million dollars. And I think that's the longest sentence I've written on these forums.

_____________________________

It's my way or the highway. Just happens that the highway is on my way.

~Master Wolf

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Post #: 6

RE: Inexperienced - 1/14/2007 8:55:26 AM

TopinPa

Posts: 111
Joined: 6/11/2006
Status: offline

Yeah I have to say being honest about your sexual experience, or lack thereof would be the best way to handle this.
And yes, you do sound like a dream come true to most any man.
Speaking for myself, it's always a good thing when the man/top has more experience than the woman and him being able to lead the way in a sexual encounter

(in reply to SimplyMichael)

Post #: 7

RE: Inexperienced - 1/14/2007 9:00:17 AM

KnightofMists

Posts: 7149
Joined: 7/29/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: wingedangel

Anyone have any tips to share?

Stop thinking and surrender to your desires and his... Don't think about what to do.. just allow yourself to respond to his pleasures. Listen to his desire like you listen to yours... yes and don't think about it.. just do it.

Oh did I tell you to stop thinking ... just feel it .. let the desires be expressed openly... if the thought comes "oh my god" then say "oh my god" let the thoughts in your mind flow right into actions of desire.

_____________________________

Knight of Mists

An Optimal relationship is achieved when the individuals do what is best for themselves and their relationship.

(in reply to wingedangel)

Post #: 8

RE: Inexperienced - 1/14/2007 9:16:04 AM

OedipusRexIt

Posts: 634
Joined: 11/15/2005
Status: offline

If you've been honest with him about your experience level, then he's interested in you despite/because of your inexperience.

Just tell him honestly what you're feeling and let him use this opportunity to demonstrate his strong, nurturing Dominant tendencies.

Or not... He may fall short. Life is full of risks.

_____________________________

"My name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die..."

(in reply to KnightofMists)

Post #: 9

RE: Inexperienced - 1/14/2007 11:55:13 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Aww I love when my lines get stolen and used well :)

I will add that you also need to let him know your expectations. I don't know this guy, but please tell him of your past and explain to him that you want this time to be special and slow- you want him to teach you things and you want him to take his time with every moment. Be specific.

You obviously can't and won't cover everything...but there are plenty of doms out there who are completely sucky lover or sex partners, even if they are great people with good intentions. He needs to be honest about his level of experience as well- fucking 8 people doesn't mean anything. Having a healthy long term sexually explorative relationship is completely different than fucking a hole- as you have discovered yourself.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to OedipusRexIt)

Post #: 10

RE: Inexperienced - 1/14/2007 12:32:54 PM

wingedangel

Posts: 11
Joined: 8/14/2006
Status: offline

Thanks everyone. I'm feeling a little more confident, at least until tomorrow night.

He knows of my past, and has been wonderful about everything. Each time we have scened up to this point, he has been very focused on giving me pleasure and allowing me to experience all sorts of new things. I had my first ever orgasm with him. This will be my first opportunity to touch and explore him and I just want to give him some of the pleasure he has given me. I have been honest and upfront that my past sexual partners were not interested in the touchy-feely stuff. I guess I am just worried he will think 'I know she said she didn't know a lot, but I didn't know she meant this little!'

I definitely agree I need to stop thinking so much and just let what I feel happen naturally. It is what I do in scenes, and so far, no complaints from him there.

Again, thanks for all the encouragement!

(in reply to LuckyAlbatross)

Post #: 11

RE: Inexperienced - 1/14/2007 2:06:45 PM

SimplyMichael

Posts: 7229
Joined: 1/7/2007
Status: offline

Angel,

As someone who has been with more than my fair share of women, most were not all that good in bed. Again, he knows your history and is still there, if his sites were set on ONLY being with a woman who was a skilled lover he would already have left, he hasn't and that should speak volumes to you.

(in reply to wingedangel)

Post #: 12

RE: Inexperienced - 1/14/2007 7:27:30 PM

emdoub

Posts: 223
Joined: 10/22/2006
From: Minnenipples, Minnesnowta
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: wingedangel
So, men, there you are, an experienced and sensitive lover, with a adoring but sexually inexperienced submissive, who is nervous and embarrassed but eager and willing to learn how to please you. What would you be thinking?

Relax, lass - first times are usually clumsy and humorous, regardless of how much experience both of 'em have. If you've been honest about your history, he won't be expecting monumental skill - and at this point, "eager and willing to learn" is pretty much the best possible anyway.

Nobody knows how to drive me wild unless I've told them - everyone is an individual, and the <bleep> that George loves may well leave Jimmy cold.

However, when I remember my 20s, when every woman already knew, just from growing tits, how to be a spectacular sex partner (usually by being able to spread her legs wide), and none would suffer the insult of having a guy suggest technique, the "eager and willing to learn" thing sounds downright wonderful.

I hope it goes really well for both of you - sounds like you're about due for something good.

Midnight Writer

_____________________________

Benevolent Dictator of TIES - Tremendously Intense Erotic Situations. If you're local to Mpls-St.Paul, MN, you may want to check us out. The web site is at http://www.ties-bdsm.org and the Munches are monthly.

(in reply to wingedangel)

Post #: 13

RE: Inexperienced - 1/14/2007 11:54:59 PM

Solinear

Posts: 283
Joined: 1/8/2007
Status: offline

Fortunately it's not tomorrow night yet :)

I'd say to read a crapload. You don't have much time, but it *is* a holiday (hopefully). Here are the keys:

1) Talk to him. (can't emphasize this enough)

2) Relax. Physically and emotionally. If something starts to hurt, tightening up your muscles will only make it hurt more, whether it's intercourse of some type or something else.

3) Don't be afraid to 'do something wrong'... the best way to learn things is to do it wrong and keep practicing until we get it right, no matter what it is. He should, ideally, be keeping this in mind and helping you in little ways and making sure that he doesn't make you feel like you did something wrong, just maybe telling you how he would like it more (because of course he liked it in the first place ;) ).

4) Don't stop communicating, even after you're hip deep in the situation.

(in reply to emdoub)

Post #: 14

RE: Inexperienced - 1/15/2007 3:34:00 AM

Demonwolf

Posts: 14
Joined: 11/15/2004
Status: offline

I agree with what most people said, for me communication is the key to success. By telling you should also help build the bridge of trust, because you are telling your inexperience’s fear in this relationship.

_____________________________

Kinky is using a chicken feather. Perverted is when you use the whole chicken.Edge Play is when you do piercings with the bones.

(in reply to wingedangel)

Post #: 15

RE: Inexperienced - 1/15/2007 6:34:41 AM

LeatherBentOne

Posts: 469
Joined: 9/27/2005
Status: offline

I see nothing more arousing than a shy, nervous and naive submissive. Oh, did I mentioned red-faced?

(in reply to Demonwolf)

Post #: 16

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