Courtship Rituals

Courtship Rituals (Full Version)

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crouchingtigress -> Courtship Rituals (1/14/2007 10:12:38 AM)
courtship rituals are in every species in the animal kingdom and in every human culture...we all know the typical courtship behaviors in vanilla world but i wanted to explore what is different in the d/s world. we can all agree that master slave relationship is very different from a non power delegated dynamic, and if possible i dont want to spend much time on the difference between subs and slaves, for the purpose of this i would like you to talk about what ever you are and how you personally court a slave or sub or dom or how you have been courted as a dom slave or sub...and if you are a switch jump on in... would you say there are any rituals that you personally enjoy in courting? how is the mindset different? or just any thoughts you have...

mstrjx -> RE: Courtship Rituals (1/14/2007 10:19:51 AM)
The hardest part would be getting a dialog going. If I get that far I know what I have to work with, and I know just what to do. It's just the elusive first step. Jeff

crouchingtigress -> RE: Courtship Rituals (1/14/2007 10:23:43 AM)
*quote:* and I know just what to do. that sentence totally intriques me Jeff can you tell me more ?

mstrjx -> RE: Courtship Rituals (1/14/2007 10:39:12 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress *quote:* and I know just what to do. that sentence totally intriques me Jeff can you tell me more ? The part of 'being yourself' that everyone seems to advocate means to me: Being charming, funny Being easy to trust Being someone that you click with or not. If you do........ there is a momentum. Like an avalanche. In theory, I don't have difficulty 'going slow, taking it easy'. Except it never happens that way, and it never seems like it needs to. When it gets to that point, it is always my choice to move forward or not. My difficulty is just getting to that point. I don't necessarily make things easy for myself, so the only 'going slow' is in the initial contact. Since I can predict the outcome once it gets to a certain point, I'm trying to make certain up front it will be worth it. Jeff

Celeste43 -> RE: Courtship Rituals (1/14/2007 10:42:28 AM)
Some people believe that the sub should petition the dom/me for his/her time. For myself I needed him to aggressively pursue me, and not give up at the first miscommunication. I needed to know that I was indeed wanted and seen as a prize worth winning.

SlaveAkasha -> RE: Courtship Rituals (1/14/2007 10:47:41 AM)
For me, it meant someone actually taking the time to get to know me. When Master contacted me, he had been reading my journal here for a few months and related to some things I had written. That he would take that time in getting to know about me meant a lot. It showed me that he was interested in me not only as a slave, but as a person. If he hadn't written that, I don't know that I would have written back. I wasn't really looking very hard for someone at the time, he just happened to come along and do something that got my attention. I don't think that one should beg for the others attention..be they sub, or Dom.. both people are just as valuable to the relationship, I have never understood that part of it. All I ever asked for in the whole thing was someone getting to know me, being open and honest, and putting me as important in their lives as they wanted to be in mine. Kasha

MzMia -> RE: Courtship Rituals (1/14/2007 10:50:13 AM)
Hello Crouching Tigress[:D] For Me, the courtship is a back and forth process. Once the inital contact is made {by myself or the submissive} the dance begins. I being the Dominant partner, take a subtle lead....I am not demanding but I make small requests. If the requests {normally a letter of introduction/answering questions I have prepared in advance} are not completed in a sincere/timely/interested manner, the dance does not continue. So courtship for me, is a subtle back and forth process in which we get to know each other, with ME setting the dynamics and the perimeters.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Courtship Rituals (1/14/2007 11:36:05 AM)
For me, being taken out to dinner, a very nice dinner. That's my big one. The process isn't different for me at all- we're both spending time together to see what's there, get to know eachother and where life will take us. There's some mild risk taking and oodles of manners.

juliaoceania -> RE: Courtship Rituals (1/14/2007 11:56:43 AM)
The one way it differs for me, significantly even, is I am more open about my sexuality for compatibility than I am with vanilla men. In other ways it is a lot like other relationships in the "getting to know you" aspects.

classykindasassy -> RE: Courtship Rituals (1/14/2007 1:04:28 PM)
Like LA, I love dinners. The other thing I don't take for granted after my divorce, is sleeping together. I so much appreciate the contact - reaching over and touching or kissing, or even just feeling a body part next to me, or hearing his breathing.

losttreasure -> RE: Courtship Rituals (1/14/2007 1:33:08 PM)
No rituals. [;)] Though how we met and our current limitations in interacting at this time are certainly different from any other courtship I've experienced, there isn't too much difference. We talk, we laugh, we share... we learn about each other. I suppose the acknowledgement of desired roles and a more direct expression of long-term relationship goals, in addition to sharing an openness about sexual kinks would be the most notable deviations. But those things were all part of determining compatibility. In the end, I'm just me and he is who he is. I'm submissive and he is dominant... but our interactions as such aren't ritualized and don't play an active role in our courtship.

toservez -> RE: Courtship Rituals (1/14/2007 1:44:07 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress we can all agree that master slave relationship is very different from a non power delegated dynamic, and if possible i dont want to spend much time on the difference between subs and slaves, for the purpose of this i would like you to talk about what ever you are and how you personally court a slave or sub or dom or how you have been courted as a dom slave or sub...and if you are a switch jump on in... Well first off I disagree very much in the statement that they are very different from regular relationships. To me they are exactly the same, people are looking for people they are attracted to both physically and mentally, have common values and goals, compatibility and establishing trust on multiple levels. I have done this real time and online and the real only difference I have seen is the type of questions and information being processed. In the D/s or M/s life I have found people from both gender and roles are more open and encouraged to talk about really big things in life including sex instead of more casual, hint at and longer steps in the dance. A good courtship in this life has a more direct and faster communication of the big issues that go to compatibility. Even with this though I think it might only make it a half a step faster and not some giant difference.

Devilslilsister -> RE: Courtship Rituals (1/14/2007 1:48:29 PM)
Ah.. i dunno. To me its just spending time together. With one of my X's we would stay out and get into loads of things, skinny dipping in pools, drinking with our group of friends, climing on the roofs and drinking with friends, 3 somes... aye and once found it hilarious when i picked up this assholes patio furniture (which was in a common area of the apartment building) and tossed it over a 20 foot drop. mmmmmmm but every night we'd sit out and watch the sunrise. What made him more so endearing was he was the first person to ever back me up on his own accord. When my boss at work made an aggressive move to fondle me, my x went to have a talk. He was my champion. Master does "courtship" things with me i suppose. Takes me out to dinner, brings flowers and gifts. In the begining it was much different thought. More like my X. Except... Master didnt seem to enjoy my craziness. i think he did alittle bit, because how can one not find it slightly amusing? I think he enjoyed most was the fight i almost got in with a girl because she happened to have told me a guy she was dating had a small penis and the guy said the girl was his sister. (imagine the fun i had with that) Generally for me, i used to spend my time around those who enjoyed getting up things. So regular "courtship" was never done. We had loads of fun! i think Master's courtship with me was keeping me nearby to figure out who i was.

SimplyMichael -> RE: Courtship Rituals (1/14/2007 1:49:21 PM)
I usually just wait till the right moment and then slide my hand up their neck into their hair and force them to their knees. I agree with Jeff, it is hard to get them to that moment but once there, it goes fast. The few times I have seen a woman in the scene I desired, what I have most often done is turn a cold shoulder, I don't talk to them, I don't hit on them, I don't saddle up to conversations they are in and I tend to exit ones they enter. Not to the point of rudeness but to exhibit a certain casual indifference. Since the ones that catch my eye tend to be ones that catch everyones eyes, they wonder who the stranger is. Cheesy, pathetic even, but it does seem to work. They ask others "who is that" and they do the work of planting the seeds of interest for me. It makes me stand out. I realize that isn't the same as courting but I have found that pursuing women, vanilla or kinky doesn't work for me. I made a florist rich enough they recognized my voice on the phone before I realized sending tulips didn't work. I don't know how many fine dinners I have shared or meals I have cooked and ended up sleeping alone afterwards. "On your knees slut" just seems to work better for me, or at least the slight cock of the head, the raised eyebrow, and the drop of an octave in my voice as I make some slightly challenging comment seems to work in ways that traditional means of seduction never did. Kinda sad really.

junecleaver -> RE: Courtship Rituals (1/14/2007 2:17:29 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael I usually just wait till the right moment and then slide my hand up their neck into their hair and force them to their knees. I agree with Jeff, it is hard to get them to that moment but once there, it goes fast. The few times I have seen a woman in the scene I desired, what I have most often done is turn a cold shoulder, I don't talk to them, I don't hit on them, I don't saddle up to conversations they are in and I tend to exit ones they enter. Not to the point of rudeness but to exhibit a certain casual indifference. Since the ones that catch my eye tend to be ones that catch everyones eyes, they wonder who the stranger is. Cheesy, pathetic even, but it does seem to work. They ask others "who is that" and they do the work of planting the seeds of interest for me. It makes me stand out. I realize that isn't the same as courting but I have found that pursuing women, vanilla or kinky doesn't work for me. I made a florist rich enough they recognized my voice on the phone before I realized sending tulips didn't work. I don't know how many fine dinners I have shared or meals I have cooked and ended up sleeping alone afterwards. "On your knees slut" just seems to work better for me, or at least the slight cock of the head, the raised eyebrow, and the drop of an octave in my voice as I make some slightly challenging comment seems to work in ways that traditional means of seduction never did. Kinda sad really. Is it sad that this works on me? Except it generally doesn't lead to the best relationships. The older I get the less power this method has, thankfully lol Someone who is willing to get to know me and let me bore them to death with the mundane details of my life is in the end going to mean more to me than the guy who was indifferent. The only common factor I can think of is that I am -always- the one being persued. I don't hit on guys. I rarely call them, never first. If I'm worth having, I'm worth going after, you know?

dawntreader -> RE: Courtship Rituals (1/14/2007 2:33:20 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael I usually just wait till the right moment and then slide my hand up their neck into their hair and force them to their knees. Nice !

slavegirljoy -> RE: Courtship Rituals (1/14/2007 3:02:52 PM)
i have never been "courted" in anyway within any of the Ds/Ms relationships i have been in. It has always been just a matter of talking first on the phone to find out enough about each other to know if we could get along and to determine whether our interests, objectives and ethics were compatible and then agree to meet in a public place to make sure we were both who and what we had said and then become Dominant/submissive or Master/slave to each other. The one exception to this was my very first Ds relationship, which started just by me being asked out on a regular date and by the end of the date the BDSM had started and that was that. There was no courtship, He just took me to a movie, cooked me a nice dinner and then took control of me. slave joy Owned property of Master David

TxBlkMistress -> RE: Courtship Rituals (1/14/2007 3:35:50 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: SlaveAkasha For me, it meant someone actually taking the time to get to know me. When Master contacted me, he had been reading my journal here for a few months and related to some things I had written. That he would take that time in getting to know about me meant a lot. It showed me that he was interested in me not only as a slave, but as a person. I don't think that one should beg for the others attention..be they sub, or Dom.. both people are just as valuable to the relationship, I have never understood that part of it. All I ever asked for in the whole thing was someone getting to know me, being open and honest, and putting me as important in their lives as they wanted to be in mine. Kasha couldn't have said it better myself

BlkTallFullfig -> RE: Courtship Rituals (1/14/2007 10:19:03 PM)
What works for me is attentiveness/eagerness beforehand, than nice dinner cooked or nice restaurant for starters. If we have anything to go on, it should proceed well thereafter. M

MistressMelissa -> RE: Courtship Rituals (1/14/2007 10:41:03 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress would you say there are any rituals that you personally enjoy in courting? how is the mindset different? or just any thoughts you have... Ds (any power based relationship) is different in many ways from a traditional romantic relationship, at least for me. First off my girl Phoenix who has served me for the last 4 years, was given to me by her last master. I knew her for a couple of months before that time. When he gave her to me I told her she was welcome to live in my house, but it was my house and my rules. Two weeks later she begged my collar and that was that. There was no dating. Right now I seek to add two slaves to the house. As part of the power dynamic I feel it's important that they come to me of their own free will. It must be their choice. I want them to clearly understand it was their choice to seek me out and that they are in my house because it was what they wanted. That I didn't miss lead them in any way, shape or form. Since I'm looking for an owner/property relationship, I feel that to court them would send the wrong message. I don't seek a romantic relationship with these two slaves, so why would I want to miss lead them by courting them. They want to be owned and I need two slaves. It's that simple. Acting indifferent does draw little ones to me. There has been a lot of the "who's that" which often ends in them asking me to play with them. Nothing gets a little ones attention faster than a handful of hair and giving them "that look" in their eye. Normally there's a very submissive reaction and then the night gets interesting. In real life, people want to talk to me. I get invitations all the time. On line, I seldom get the time of day. I think too many people hide behind their monitors. It's easy to dream, much harder to live. After a couple of years on CM I wish they'd bring back the slave auction. Would be a lot less stress if you could just buy a "slave". Maybe I should just open a home for unwanted slaves. I mean it work pretty good the first time...Well it's late and I probably should turn in. Thank you for an interesting question. I realize I'm probably the exception to the rule, but it works for me....

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