Asking for what you need (Full Version)

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barefootgal -> Asking for what you need (1/15/2007 6:13:24 AM)

My husband of 4 years and I are new to BDSM play and still "feeling our way" around. I am becoming more comfortable with my submissive side -- which is stronger than I had imagined -- and he is embracing the dominant part of his nature.

One of the things he has always appreciated about me is my willingness (read: eagerness) to initiate sex. He says he always knows when I'm horny! Is there an appropriate way for a sub to do this, or is it topping from the bottom? Which, by the way is a great term and I am striving to not do.

Thanks in advance for your advice/assistance/general commentary.



sweetnurseBBW -> RE: Asking for what you need (1/15/2007 6:32:25 AM)

you can certainly ask for what you need but it is his decision to agree and allow it. Just ask respectively and appropiately.



mnottertail -> RE: Asking for what you need (1/15/2007 6:34:27 AM)

One of the things he has always appreciated about me is my willingness (read: eagerness) to initiate sex. He says he always knows when I'm horny! Is there an appropriate way for a sub to do this, or is it topping from the bottom? Which, by the way is a great term and I am striving to not do.


If he appreciates it, I would have to assume you are going about it in an acceptable way. If you enjoy it, that don't hurt niether now does it.

Ron




onestandingstill -> RE: Asking for what you need (1/15/2007 6:36:41 AM)

IMO if your Sir/Dom/Somme/Maam is asked this question only they can give you the correct answer.
We can all speak for what works for us, but that has absolutley no bearing on your relationship.
You are to submit to him if you indeed are his sub, not us or your own preferences.
suzanne



sub4hire -> RE: Asking for what you need (1/15/2007 6:39:05 AM)

It really doesn't matter what we think.  Once you start allowing us cloud your feelings your relationship is going to take a hit.
As long as it is working and the two of you are happy.  Then don't worry about anything.




mymasterssub69 -> RE: Asking for what you need (1/15/2007 6:58:39 AM)

Daddy loves it when i initate the need for hot sex because sometimes He's in the mood for the same too.

i merely ask respectfully what i'm craving from Him. sometimes i beg for it too depends how bad i really need it.



barefootgal -> RE: Asking for what you need (1/15/2007 6:58:45 AM)

Thanks for your responses so far. When I chose the word "appropriate" I had a hunch I was picking the wrong one. Of course, as some of you have pointed out, what is appropriate -- or right -- for us may be very different for others. I am just looking for suggestions as to what has worked for other people with more experience. Since we are both newbies, it gives us a starting place, rather than having to reinvent the wheel.

sweetnurseBBW, thank you especially. I think that is exactly the information I needed.



onestandingstill -> RE: Asking for what you need (1/15/2007 7:09:03 AM)

ooopppppssss, wrong thread.



mbes -> RE: Asking for what you need (1/15/2007 7:10:21 AM)

Topping from the bottom isn't so much about what you indicate you want, as it is about your reaction to the answer.
There are a thousand and one ways (at least!) for a woman to indicate that she wants to have sex, and since your husband has always liked that about you, I wouldn't see any reason to assume that has changed unless he says it's changed.
Just remember that you can "want" all you like, so long as you accept "not right now" gracefully.
~~the above is solely the opinion and experience of the poster~~



onestandingstill -> RE: Asking for what you need (1/15/2007 7:24:24 AM)

I think if he likes you being frisky you could set a signal between you. One of mine is to change into something sexy, or be frisky by like showing him my pussy suddenly and unexpectedly, or lightly running my fingernails over his penis while he's dressed.
These subtle signals tell him, you're turned on and draw his attention without you begging or topping.
I'd also say if he does indeed like you to just start things go for it.
It's not disrespectful unless he thinks so.
Many people make the mistake of wanting to adhere to some universal good girl, or good Dom standards.
There are none that apply to you, except those your Dom wants of you.
Lets put this in other terms.
If everyone else in the room is not allowed to talk and your Dom wants you to, that's what you should be doing. If he's not worried about keeping up with the Joneses you should not concern yourself with exterior reactions. The responsibility of and choice of that is his to make.
You are a reflection of him.
suzanne



michaels4evr -> RE: Asking for what you need (1/15/2007 8:25:54 AM)

i tend to give a sexy smile and say "wanna do it Daddy?"



toservez -> RE: Asking for what you need (1/15/2007 8:43:28 AM)

The general answer is whatever works in your relationship.

Specifically though I have had this type of conversation forever both online and in person with dominants. Almost all I have talked to have pondered or have been frustrated by their submissive not initiating anything in the sexual or kink area. I am guessing that most of the dominants will chime in and say they like when their submissive asks or shows their wanting something in this area.

Of course as a submissive you must be prepared to take no for an answer and keep a proper attitude.



behindmirrors -> RE: Asking for what you need (1/15/2007 8:48:05 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: barefootgal

My husband of 4 years and I are new to BDSM play and still "feeling our way" around. I am becoming more comfortable with my submissive side -- which is stronger than I had imagined -- and he is embracing the dominant part of his nature.

One of the things he has always appreciated about me is my willingness (read: eagerness) to initiate sex. He says he always knows when I'm horny! Is there an appropriate way for a sub to do this, or is it topping from the bottom? Which, by the way is a great term and I am striving to not do.

Thanks in advance for your advice/assistance/general commentary.



Well, the same thing is appreciated from me in our relationship- and, in fact, he punishes me when I do not initiate sex when I want it.
Be nice and polite about it, don't interrupt something important he's doing, ask for his permission to tease him, turn him on and make him want to fuck you silly, etc. Talk to him about how HE would like you to handle it- you'd be amazed the sorts of things those fellows can come up with.

behindmirrors.



SimplyMichael -> RE: Asking for what you need (1/15/2007 8:48:27 AM)

Don't get hung up on words and labels.  If someone wants sex I always say no, but then tease them, torment them, then bend them over and tease them a bit more.  Use you for my pleasure but not let you cum.  Then, when you least expect it ravish you until you beg me to stop.

Do yourselves a favor, buy a copy of Dossie Easton's two books about topping and bottoming.  Reading those will answer so many of your questions you will be amazed that so much can be packed into two tiny books.



FelinePersuasion -> RE: Asking for what you need (1/15/2007 10:13:10 AM)

For me, if we're in bed together and I get an urge I just get down to the buisness of playing with and sucking on his penis, and making apreciative noises while I suck, and he gets the idea I want something hehe. He askes me does baby have plans? and I say yes.



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Asking for what you need (1/15/2007 10:45:58 AM)

Asking for what you need/want is called honest communication.

Amazing how many claim to need it and then balk at it the first time you have to actually apply it. 



MasterFireMaam -> RE: Asking for what you need (1/15/2007 11:49:37 AM)

He's the Dominant. Ask him what he wants. He might enjoy a code or you simply kneeling in a particular way to say that you're ready for him. It's his choice to exercise the opportunity.

Master Fire



Amaros -> RE: Asking for what you need (1/15/2007 12:21:54 PM)

Something you two need to work out, there aren't any rules - you run the risk of alienating him if you place too many demands, most guys have limits as to how often they can perform.

If it was me, I'd say start gyrating your hips, writhe around a bit - if I'm not there in five minutes, start without me.

There are all sort of things you can do, even if he's otherwise indisposed, begging, orgasm denial, etc., that allow him to recharge his batteries, while heightening the sensation for you. Take it as it comes.



Sirandlittle1 -> RE: Asking for what you need (1/15/2007 12:46:35 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: barefootgal

Thanks for your responses so far. When I chose the word "appropriate" I had a hunch I was picking the wrong one. Of course, as some of you have pointed out, what is appropriate -- or right -- for us may be very different for others. I am just looking for suggestions as to what has worked for other people with more experience. Since we are both newbies, it gives us a starting place, rather than having to reinvent the wheel.

sweetnurseBBW, thank you especially. I think that is exactly the information I needed.



Hello barefootgal,
having read your second post to your thread, i would like to give you some of the ideas of 'asking' for sex that work for me and us.
We have a ritual of placing two particular glasses of red on a podium, i mean coffee table lol that's in the lounge. That's the first que, that little one wants something. Then, just like any vanilla couple, i flirt my ass off, usually in a playful manner, as i know that gets me brownie points with him.
Asking might fail, begging that is genuine, ie, i am in real need, so it comes across authentic, also works.
I like the ritual, as it sets the whole request evening off on the right foot, which occasionally, my spoken word can cock up!

Topping from the bottom is a delusion in my opinion. Spouted by single people. Who debate at great length on such matters. Ignore such threads. They are fruitless, and a complete waste of time.

I wish you both success, fun and love
littleone



darksdesire -> RE: Asking for what you need (1/15/2007 2:09:06 PM)

My Master likes it when i offer myself to him.  I might put myself in a seductive position and say "Master, would you like to use your slut?"   It's kind of fun to do that, because it plays into the power dynamic so well - there is no sense of pressure, and it's an offering he can accept or reject quickly and easily. 



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